What If?
by SqueeDate
Summary: Tegan and Sara Quincest fic. What happens when Tegan gets her wish and finds herself in an alternate reality where Sara is her wife, and not her sister? Will be a LONG fic, updated often. Rated M for future chapters.
1. Cover Up

**Warnings: **Chapter contains references to a homosexual incestual relationship. If you don't like it, don't read it.

**Rating:** T

**Summary:**. What happens when she gets her wish and Tegan finds herself in an alternate reality where Sara is her girlfriend, and not her sister? Will be a LONG fic, updated often.

**A/N:** Let me know if you like it and want me to continue. This is one of maybe 2 or 3 setup chapters before we get into the meat and potatoes of this story. Buckle up! I'm not the best at proofreading my own work, so bear with me on that note. If anyone wants to be a Beta for this fic, let me know!

**Disclaimer:** COMPLETELY FICTIONAL!

**Chapter 1 – Cover Up**

**Sara's POV**

Warm, clean sheets engulf my body as I let it fall to the bed. There is not a word to describe how completely exhausted I am. Emotionally, mentally, and physically exhausted. Touring will do that to you. I can't help but sigh at how amazing it feels to be back in **MY **bed. My big, comfy, queen bed that smells like my laundry detergent, dryer sheets, and perfume- it smells like me, I smell like me again. Not like a bunch of overgrown, overworked under showered, under laundered, and cramped homo sapiens. Just as I start to doze off I hear her open the door, a snicker, then someone jump on the bed.

"Saaaaara!" she screeches as she continues to jump, causing my much smaller body to be catapulted a few inches in the air every time she lands. I groan, but know that my form of an answer won't satiate her, only entice her to further annoy me. To my surprise, she dismounts from the bed and I start to relax. The peace is short lived and I can feel her breathing against my face. She must be kneeling next to the bed. I let out a throaty growl and open my eyes to come face to face with her. Tegan stares back at me, giving me a raised eyebrow.

"Did you just purr?" my twin sister asked. I scowled, then responded "It was a growl."

Tegan gave a huff.

"Yeah, okay! You're SO ferocious. Come on, let's get something to eat. I'm starving"

"Tegan, I JUST laid down."

"Okay, fine, stay in bed but I'm gonna call mom and tell her you're starving me."

I was going to attempt a growl again, but settled for rolling my eyes.

"When's your flight home?"

"Not until Friday. You get a WHOLE WEEK with me."

This time I whimpered. I don't' think I can handle another week with my twin. We'd just gotten back from a month long tour- cramped in a bus, eating road food, alcohol, no privacy. Honestly, I just wanted to sleep for days; cook myself a big, lavish meal; then soak in a bubble bath with a glass of wine…ALONE. I felt hands on my shirt, pulling me up and I knew that I must have been day dreaming.

"Come on Sara, let's go. Stop being such a lazy cow!"

"Fine, geeez! But when we get back I'm sleeping. You're a big girl, you can entertain yourself."

I bite my lip when I see her take that as a double entendre. I blush a bright scarlet, look to the ground, and swallow hard, but try to recover

" I…I…I may not have cable, but ummm….you could read?"

Tegan just stares at me like I've grown a third arm, and I turn away trying to move on.

"I have to freshen up, can we leave in 10?"

Tegan shrugs and walks out of my room. I let out a sigh of relief as the door closes. What was that?

**Tegan P.O.V**

I close my eyes as I close the door behind me. I walk over t the couch and sit down, grabbing a magazine from the organized display of them on the coffee table. I absent-mindedly flipped through it, replaying the events in my head.

Did that just happen? Did she just really say that then…blush. Maybe she blushed out of embarrassment of mentioning it by accident, and not because she… Oh god when she as half sleeping. Sometimes it's so hard to act normal. Better to annoy her like crazy than have her figure it out. After that though, I'll have to be super careful: no word, no move unchecked. This façade is exhausting. How do I spend the max amount of time I can with her without giving myself away?

Why did I have to have that dream? I guess wet dreams are always a toss-up: you either end up having them about people you like, or about random people that you can't help but like afterwards…even if they're your twin sister. It's so odd for me. She looks so much like me, and it's SARA! The same Sara who I used to dance on acid with at raves in the 90s. The same Sara who I couldn't stand touching half the time before that dream.

How did I never notice those hips before, and the smile; she's so smart, it's so damn sexy. Really Tegan, your own sister: sexy? I can't help but swallow against my dry throat at the idea. The way she felt in the dream, when I pinned her against the wall and kissed her. The way my hand felt on her lower back, pressing her to me. I can't shake it. Hopefully it'll pass. It always does. You do this to yourself every time: you have a dream about some girl you don't even like, then boom you think you're madly in love with her but really, it's just you remembering the dream. Remember Tegs, none of the girls have lived up to their dream selves anyways. It's just a phase.

"Ready to go?" the familiar voice rings out.

I'm ripped form my thoughts to look up and meet her eyes. She looks tired, but even through the hollowness and bags under her eyes, my breath catches and I have to bite my lip to keep from saying anything. She put on the shirt. She's wear THE SHIRT. Oh. My. God. How the hell am I going to get through this dinner without thinking things you shouldn't about your sister?

"Nice shirt, goof. Trying to pick up a Jersey Shore wannabe?" I ask, trying to sound as disgusted as possible with her choice of top.

The shirt was a light blue button up with a grey collar and gray accent on the inside of the sleeves. When Sara rolled them up (like she usually did) just passed her wrists, it framed her body well. I know it made no sense, but it was the first show that popped into my mind.

She looks down and scowls at me.

"I don't think you remember Jersey Shore's storyline that well. I'm pretty sure if I was trying to pick up a Snookie wannabe, I'd have to insert myself into an orange peel, tattoo "balla" across my chest, and I probably wouldn't be wearing a shirt at all." She paused and waited for me to move "Aren't you supposed to be starving or something? Because I'm giving up a perfectly good nap for your stomach right now."

As if on cue, my stomach growled and I gave a half-faced grimace as Sara pulled on her shoes. I grabbed my wallet from the end table and followed, tying up my converse and standing up straight, my eyes roaming to her gorgeous, round bum as she was bent over, putting on her boots. I gulped.

I want so badly to get behind that and just….mmmm.

I shook my head and took a deep breath, hitting her shoulder harder than intended to mask my staring.

"Ow!" She looked at me oddly "What's your problem?"

"Sorry, that was harder than I thought it would be."

Sara turned to me, grit her teeth and hit me back, hard! I winced as I felt her fist bruise the tender flesh of my arm.

"Hey!" I protested

"Now, we're even."

"Bitch!"

Sara chuckled and headed out the door, peeking her head in as I rubbed my arm.

"Coming with me?" she asked.

I wish!


	2. Reading Comprehension

**Warnings:**Chapter contains references to a homosexual incestual relationship. If you don't like it, don't read it.

**Rating:** T (later chapter will be M)

**Summary:**. What happens when she gets her wish and Tegan finds herself in an alternate reality where Sara is her girlfriend, and not her sister? Will be a LONG fic, updated often.

**A/N:** Yay for quick updates. Had a bit of time this morning, and really want to get to the good stuff. One more chapter until things flip. Keep the reviews coming. Let me know what you like, what you don't like. Still looking for that Beta. Keep in mind, if you Beta you get the chapters before everyone else and get input before it's posted!

**Disclaimer:** COMPLETELY FICTIONAL!

**Chapter 2- Reading Comprehension**

**Sara's POV**

I gently slid myself into a chair at the restaurant. Normally, I would settle for a burger and shake joint, but after being on tour for so long I kind of wanted to eat real food.

"This is dumb. Let's go to the Golden Griddle and get all day breakfast!" Tegan grumbled from across the table, with folded arms and a pout.

"You can go anywhere you want to, but I'm staying right here." I barked, picking up the menu and taking a look.

Tegan scowls, but stays. She's been acting more testy than usual lately. I can't help but wonder if something happened with Lindsey. Usually after a tour, she can't wait to get home and away from me, but this time, she's practically holding on for dear life. I don't mind spending time with her, save for the fact that she seems to be enjoying pushing my buttons as of late. I shot her a glance, and saw her chewing her nails, mulling over the menu choices. I already knew what was going to happen: Tegan would send the waiter away three times, saying she didn't know what she wanted, then call him over and ask him a million questions. In the end, she'd just order chicken fingers, fries, and a coke. I laugh in my head as I return my attention to the menu.

**Tegan POV**

I'm trying to concentrate on the menu, but I can feel Sara's eyes on me. I can see her steal a look out of my peripheral vision. It makes me giddy. I try to concentrate on the menu, scanning the choices. My eyes land on the chicken fingers meal. I hear the slightest laugh and know what enticed it. She thinks I'm going to go with the chicken. Maybe I should show her that I'm not 15 anymore. What do stuffy old people order? I debate ordering off the senior's menu, and settle for something I think is grown up sounding. I look up, closing my menu, only to meet Sara's eyes. I chanced it by staring right into them. My heart skipped a few beats, my throat went dry. Where was the waiter with that water?

"You ready to order?" those perfect lips enunciated each syllable so clearly. It was like honey rolling off her tongue every time she talked. I nodded, trying to ignore the shiver crawling up my spine. Sara called over the waiter and I had a look around the room. There were a few families, some friends out for drinks, but there were a lot of couples. People on dates. I looked over at Sara ordering and cocked my head sideways. I wonder what it would be like to go on a date with her? We'd been out together too many times to count, but it usually ended up with us making fun of each other, and discreetly catapulting food in the other's direction. Then an idea popped into my mind. What if I can be on a date with Sara, without her knowing?

The daredevil in me thought it was a great idea. I could just put on my big girl pants and act like I was on a date; but the voice in my head that I've learned in recent years is my reason, said it was too risky. I smiled. Fuck it! The waiter was staring at me, and I became aware that Sara was waving her hand in front of my face.

"Tegan? Earth to Tegan. Hello?" She waved her hand vigorously. I snapped out of it with a jolt.

"Sorry, daydreaming. I must be more tired than I thought." I looked up at the waiter and smiled. "Could I have the duck in truffle sauce with a side of house salad? And…" I could see the look of surprise on Sara's face as the waiter scribbled my order down. I scanned the menu, and landed on a selection "the bottle of '62 merlot please. With two glasses."

"Excellent selection miss. We have a cheese spread that goes wonderfully with that merlot." He said with a smile.

"That sounds wonderful." I reply, seeing Sara's jaw still on the floor. Either she's caught on, or thinks I'm losing it. I think she's leaning towards the latter. I hope she is. In this exact moment, I don't care though. It's taken so much out of me always pretending. If she starts really catching on, I'll claim it's just a case of tour brain. She turns to the waiter, snapping out of it.

"I changed my mind, could I have the chicken fingers and fries please?" The waiter nodded and walked away. I was just trying to figure out why Sara ordered that when I know she doesn't like chicken fingers. I don't have much time to think about it, when she tugs on my sleeve, keeping her voice low but using an angry whisper, almost like a stage yell.

"Tegan? What the fuck? That's like an $80 bottle of wine." She bellows.

"I'm treating myself" And you. "We had a great tour." I shrugged and watch her expression.

**Sara's POV**

I try and let it go, but something feels different between us. Tegan's been so weird lately. I take a sip of my water that we waiter brought over before taking our orders, and look across the table. Her entire demeanour's changed. I just can't quite put my thumb on it, when my phone vibrates. I pick it up and look at it. Great, Stacy.

_Are you back yet? When do I get to see you?_

I type back: _I'm in Montreal, I won't be back in New York for a few weeks. _

I put my phone away. I always do this: I find a great girl, fall completely in like with her, and once the honeymoon phase is over, I just get uninterested and feel suffocated. Emy was the only one who that was different with. That's probably because she knew when to give me space, until she started bugging me about getting married. I'm just not the marrying type. I started to feel trapped, and unable to breathe and it was just too much, then she just kept pushing it. I kind of just want to spend all my time alone with a book right now. I deal with a lot of people ALL THE TIME on tour. The only other long term relationship I can account for is mine with Tegan.

I look across the table at her. It's amazing we have a relationship outside music. I don't know how we still put up with each other. Sometimes I want to rip her head off, but most of the time I like knowing that she's with me. I can depend on her, and I know she's not going anywhere. Everything's more fun with a partner in crime. As much as I wanted to be alone this week, I must admit that if it was anyone else I'd kick them out, but spending time with Tegan isn't so bad; when she's not driving me up a wall. Today she's been particularly weird. She went from tough, teasing Tegan, to the soft, gentle Tegan. I make a mental note to talk to her about that tomorrow as I let out a yawn.

"We'll get some wine in you and you'll feel much better" She flashes me that smile.

"Actually alcohol's a depressant and will put me to sleep." I inform her

"Well then I'll just have to carry you home than." She pipes in. Does she have a twinkle in her eye. I'm expecting her to act embarrassed or try to explain the blatant nature of the comment, but it doesn't happen. What the fuck?

"Umm…okay Tegan." Now I see her face fall as she looks at her shoes. She acts like I rejected her. Like a pre-pubescent boy who finally had the courage to ask the girl he likes to dance, and she said no because he was gross, then giggled with her friends. I reconsider Tegan's behaviour and start formulating a theory.

Tegan's wringing her hands together, keeping her eyes in her lap. Before I can comment on anything, the waiter comes with the wine and pour two glasses, placing the bottle, then the cheese spread down on the table. I thank him, and he smiles, heading back into the kitchen. I see Tegan take her wine and take a big gulp. I take a sip.

"How's Lindsey?" I ask, inquiring about her girlfriend. She look up when she answers, but I can tell Tegan's gone to that place of self deprecation. I can see it in her eyes. She's not really here.

"Alright. She's with Kaki for the rest of the month. Stacy?"

"She wants me to go down to New York, but I don't know Tee. I'm kind of, over the whole thing." I watch as Tegan slowly comes back out of her shell after that comment. I know what's coming.

"Sara, don't do this again. Stacy's great and she really likes you."

"I know, I just, maybe I was meant to be alone."

"You deserve to be loved Sara."

I watched as Tegan's throat bobbed as she swallowed.

"I know, but I hit this point where I just get bored and want to be home with a book instead of spending any time with the person at all. So far the only person I can stand being around for any amount of time is you." I speak in a lower voice than the rest of my end of the dialogue. Do I see Tegan perk up? That sparkle in her eyes is back, the perpetual grin that pulls the corners of her mouth slightly upwards is back. Usually comments like I just made are met with a slug on the shoulder and her calling me a name, not Tegan's full attention and happy body language. Should I push further?

"Damn, I forgot to pick up the extra comforter form the dry cleaners before we left. Umm, you can still stay on the couch if you want but I think it's gonna get cold tonight."

"I'll be fine on the couch."

"Tegan, just come stay in my bed tonight."

"You sure?"

I nod. Is that a smile? That should have been followed with a "Damn right I'm staying in your bed." Sara's mind raced. Could it be? She caught Tegan's eyes, and noticed that Tegan was almost…dreamily staring into her own, taking a bite of a piece of cheese. Sara couldn't help but smile at her the special smile that was reserved for only the times she experienced pure joy. Tegan was trying to flirt.

"So, what do you want to do tomorrow?" I asked, suddenly wide awake.

"I thought you were sleeping all day tomorrow." She raised an eyebrow and sipped her wine.

"Maybe we should rent a couple movies on the way home. I could move the TV into my bedroom like mum used to do when we were sick as kids. We could order in all day and just hangout." I knew I was contradicting myself, but the possibility of this new dimension of our relationship had me giddy.

The waiter came back with our food and presented it to us. He placed the chicken fingers and fries in front of me.

"Chicken fingers and fries for you, and…" He put another plate in front of Tegan with a neat pile of meat on it, and a salad. "And braised duck in orange sauce for you. Enjoy your meal."

"Thanks" I chimed in. The waiter nodded and walked away. I looked over at Tegan who had just put a forkful of duck into her mouth. Her face scrunched as it hit her tongue and she froze. I giggled.

"You alright there champ?" I took another sip of wine as I watched her hastily swallow the duck.

"It's…different." She looked at her plate with dread and coughed. I laughed and shook my head.

"Here." I swapped our plates, still laughing.

"Sara, it's fine, it's just...different" Her eyes screamed a thank you, but I knew she'd never voice it. Good old stubborn Tegan.

"Too bad, because now I want duck. You're stuck with plain old chicken fingers." I took a bite and was delighted at the taste. Boy I was glad she didn't like it. That was a gamble. I watched as Tegan happily crunched her chicken fingers.

"Thanks Sara."

Guess I was wrong…again. I like this side of Tegan. I really like this side of Tegan. I never thought I'd get to see her like this. I never ever thought in a million light years she'd see me like this. After all, how long had I suppressed the feelings? And I did it so well. But Tegan, Tegan can't lie. She sucks at it. And I've always been able to read her like a book.

Well Teegs, you're in luck. Reading comprehension is my forte.


	3. Fighter

**Warnings:**Chapter contains a homosexual incestual relationship. If you don't like it, don't read it.

**Rating:** M

**Summary:**. What happens when she gets her wish and Tegan finds herself in an alternate reality where Sara is her girlfriend, and not her sister? Will be a LONG fic, updated often.

**A/N:** This will be the last chapter sans-Beta. Thank you breakyourownheart for offering your services. This is also the last chapter of set-up so expect a story shift in chapter 4. Thanks for all the reviews. I'm trying to update daily right now, but will be going on a spiritual retreat with my prayer group for a little bit mid-august and won't be able to update. Eventually I'll try to regulate updates to once or twice a week on specific days. Anyways, keep reviewing, (I love me some love) and enjoy.

**Disclaimer:** COMPLETELY FICTIONAL!

**Chapter 3- Fighter**

**Tegan's POV**

I felt Sara's shoulder brush mine as I inhaled another breath of the thick, humid August air. The sun was still out and the temperature was still high. I smiled over at her, happy to have a stomach full of chicken fingers and to be carrying a bag full of rented movies for tomorrow. Sara had done a complete 180 after my mock dinner date with her. Maybe it was the duck, or the wine. Yeah, it was probably the wine.

"That hit the spot" I said. "You still tired?"

She shook her head and looked passed me towards one of the shops that lined the sidewalk to my right.

"Can we stop for coffee?" She asked.

I checked my watch. "Sara, it's like 8pm."

"I want dessert coffee."

"Dessert coffee?"

"Yeah, like a caramel, chocolate truffle Frappuccino: dessert coffee."

I shrugged and pushed the door to the coffee shop open. I held the door open for Sara who shot me a dazzling smile.

"You're such a gentleman."

"I try." I replied with my own gummy smile.

Sara brushed passed me, her shoulder grazing my chest, inadvertently grazing a nipple. It sent shudders through my whole body. My heart rate automatically picked up. I tried to catch an expression on her face, to see if she noticed but she walked right over to the line, turned around, and beckoned me to follow her. I followed the request and took up a place behind her in line. I turned to the display beside me, needing a distraction while I tried to gather my thoughts for a minute. I picked up the reusable travel mug and studied it intently. I could feel the heat of Sara's back on the shoulder closest to her. I could hear her breathing, even amidst the hustle and bustle of the busy coffee shop. I closed my eyes and took some deep breaths, trying to steady my mind, but all I could smell was Sara. Her laundry detergent, mixed with the smell of her dryer sheets and her perfume. Underneath it all, was that smell that was distinctly Sara and always had been. Had I really noticed how she smelt before? I must have, because just the smell of her stirs up so many memories.

My mind clouds over, as I can still feel the butterflies from just standing next to Sara. And that nipple brush. Fuck! If that's what it feels like when her shoulder accidentally grazes one nipple, imagine her whole hand on one of my breasts, massaging, circling. I swallow hard and feel my body flush and tingle. Imagine her inside of me. I think I might faint just from the thought. My eyes flutter dreamily, and I sway slightly. I feel a hand on my shoulder and it pulls me from the daydream but does nothing to help my arousal.

"Tegan, are you okay?"

It's Sara, steadying me. I look up and meet her eyes. She looks really worried. I do my best to snap out of it. I really don't like when she gets that look. I don't want her to worry. I smile and nod.

"I'm fine, just tired. Think I might get an extra shot in mine."

**Sara's POV**

I make sure to keep a firm hold on Tegan's shoulder. I can tell from her face that she's been overanalyzing that nipple brush. I smile inwardly. She really has no idea. I saw the opportunity and pounced. If I can do this to her with just that…I wonder how loud I could make her scream.

I really am concerned because she scared the crap out of me when I saw her on the verge of passing out, but she seems to have come down from it. I wonder what changed this for her? It's been so long since I've allowed myself to think like this. It feels so freeing to be able to think these, knowing she's thinking the same things. Times like these I'm glad that I've taken the time to get to know myself, and turn inwardly. It's helped me be able to read people really well. Add that to the fact that I've spent my whole life by her side, and I can tell every thought that crosses her mind solely on her face. Tegan hasn't spent that kind of time with herself yet. Not that it would really help. I'm very good at masking my emotions. I've had to be good at it. It was a survival instinct. I would have been eaten alive if when I started feeling like this about her, it showed on my face. Eaten. Alive. This world is full of vultures waiting for their next picking. It's funny how you can have an entire monologue inside your head in seconds. Something that would take a half an hour to speak, you can think to yourself in moments. Because it's just been that since I steadied my twin: seconds. My mind returns to the conversation we were having.

"I think you need a good night's sleep more than another shot."

"You're probably right, but I'd rather get a second shot, and go to sleep a little later than passing out on the walk home."

"Good idea. See, you're sometimes smart." I tease.

"Not as smart as you" she compliments.

Flirty Tegan is awesome! All I can do is smile coyly and blush as she turns back to the display. The line starts to move and it's about time. I watch as the customer who just ordered is handed four trays of drinks. I hate when people do that.

The way I saw it, I could do two things with the new Tegan situation: 1) Take her home and ravish her, while risking revealing myself or 2) to play with it. Drive her nuts until she can't help but admit it first, all the while not letting her know what I'm feeling. I'm thinking the latter. Here's the thing: even if she did feel the same way, there's no guarantee she won't flip out anyways.

People are weird like that. Sometimes they forget about what they want because they've been trained that they need to flip out during certain situations, even if they feel the same way. Like if you like it up the bum. You may like it, but refuse to admit it out loud, and if someone does it, it feels good, but you feel like you have to protest because well…it's just not "acceptable".

I think I might like it up the bum, I've never tried it. It was always one of those things that I never trusted someone enough to do, but as I glance back at Tegan, carefully examining the menu board now, I'm welcomed with the memories of her always helping me up when I fell, and holding me up higher, and pulling me out of the shadows. I'm reminded of the nights spent shaking together in our beds as kids because of the thunder outside; I'm reminded of my first asthma attack, and how she never took her hand off my back, rubbing small circles whispering how it would be okay; I'm reminded of my breakup with Emy, and how vulnerable and fragile I was, but she was right there by my side, whatever I needed. I've never had to feel afraid with her.

I feel two hands grip my shoulders firmly from behind and welcome the tug out of my thoughts. I can't help but smile. As quickly as the hands appeared, they've gone. I turn slightly back to face her, as she's still scanning the menu. I cover my mouth as a cough escapes my lips. I take a deep breath in.

"Know what you're getting?" I ask.

She scrunches her nose and bites her bottom lip.

"I'm thinking about a Mocha mint."

"Extra espresso shot?"

"You've got it sister"

I smile and walk up to the counter, taking my turn. After I order I turn back to Tegan.

"And a large Mocha mint Frappuccino with an extra shot of espresso."

If Tegan wanted to act like she was on a date with me fine, but I was going to play too. I watched as she raised an eyebrow. I gave her a smile and raised both of mine back. She ordered, I payed, then she turned to me.

"So you won't let me buy you dinner, but you'll buy me coffee?"

Oh this was going to be fun. I was going to drive her wild until her knees just buckled and she fell into a pool at my feet. And boy did I know how to rope Tegan. I had years of conversations with my twin about what draws her in. Giving a little then taking it away and making her work and question the whole thing was Tegan's quicksand. Keep her guessing, never let her know where you stand.

"Geez Tegan, it's just coffee. You know most people would just say: thank you."

"Thank you."

She was full of surprises tonight. We were handed our coffees and we each took a sip. I coughed again, rougher this time.

"Fuck, I hope I'm not getting sick."

'If you get sick, then I'm for sure going to get sick, so no getting sick!"

I coughed just as she finished the sentence. Tegan shook her head, sipping her drink as we stepped outside into the burning heat.

"It's so humid out here. Makes it hard to breathe." I say

Tegan pouts "Aww, do you need your puffer?"

I chuckle and give her a playful shove as she starts to laugh.

"Mongrel."

"I try."

Just then my phone rings. I reach into my pocket and answer it without checking the caller ID. It's Stacy. I freeze and hold up a finger to Tegan, telling her to wait one minute before mouthing Stacy's name. She nods and sits on the bench as I round the corner.

**Tegan's POV**

I sighed, looking out into the early evening. Sara was right, it was hard breathing in this heat. The air felt heavy. I can't wait to get back to Sara's air conditioned apartment. I wonder if she's breaking up with Stacy. The selfish part of me wants that to be exactly what she's doing. But there's the side of me that wants her to just be happy. For a while there I thought the flirting was retuned, but I think it was just me projecting. There's no way Sara returns these feelings. If I can't make her happy, than I'm glad she has Stacy. Besides, I have Lindsey and despite all these feelings, I do love her. I haven't said anything to Sara or Lindsey herself yet, but I think that she might be cheating on me with Kaki. Well, I know. I kind of walked in on them. They didn't see me though, and I'd rather be with Lindsey than not be with Lindsey. She's the only thing stopping me from being stupid and trying to be with Sara. Well, and Sara herself.

I take a long suck from the straw of my drink. Good choice Tegan, this mocha mint is legit. I spot a rock by my feet and give it a kick. Maybe when she falls asleep I can spoon her. I know Sara hates prolonged cuddling, especially with her weird thing about sharing a bed. I'm surprised she offered to share hers with me. That was weird. But if I do it when she's asleep, I can make it seem like an accident. Do I dare?

Sara came back around the corner, putting her phone back in her pocket. I stood up, ready to keep walking.

"How's Stacy?"

Then she did something Sara never does. She didn't say anything and walked right into my arms, burying her face in my neck and hugging me tightly. It took a few moments for me to process what was happening. Sara was hugging me. And it wasn't a "Lets please the fans" kind of hug either. It wasn't for jokes. She wanted my comfort. I finally comprehended what was happening and hugged her back, dropping my cheek to the top of her head. Oh man, she was so close. Pressed completely to me and I can feel her breath on my neck, right over my pulse point. Almost like she was doing this on purpose.

**Sara's POV**

I smiled in the embrace, trying my best not to laugh and succeeding. Tegan's reaction was priceless. Absolutely priceless. Then she kind of…wrapped me up. I always knew she was bigger than me, but I didn't realize just how much. Now, I'm used to feeling small but I felt so tiny in her arms. While I was busy thinking about how small I was in Tegan's arms, my body had an idea of its own and set fire, my heart squeezing in my chest, cramping from the overwhelming emotion. I took a hard swallow and let myself let go of her. She lingered just a moment longer before backing off, keeping her hands on my shoulders and looking me in the eyes. She didn't expect to see me smiling. It made her chuckle, which made me chuckle back.

"You alright, Sare?"

"Yeah. I just umm…I just broke up with Stacy."

"And this is a good thing?"

"I feel so much lighter." I sighed in relief then let a big smile grace my face. "Lets get home. It's too hot."

Tegan nodded and we started to walk, side by side. Shoulders, elbows, hands, brushing past each other. We were in front of my building when I noticed that the cramp in my chest hadn't gone away, and that the coughing had gotten worse. I didn't think too much of it and kept walking, but once we reached my floor, I started to wheeze, unable to get enough air. Tegan stopped as I bent over, trying to breathe.

"Sara? Sara are you having an attack?" I could tell she was panicked.

I nodded and handed her the keys. She fumbled with them, then opened the door, running in. I tried to take slow, deep breaths, but couldn't help the squeezing feeling in my chest. I watched as Tegan frantically opened the closet (where my carry-on from the plane was hastily stashed), dropped the bag of movies on the ground in the closet, dug through the bag and pulled out my puffer. She slammed the closet door, crushing the bag as she ran to me, shaking the medicated inhaler. I was just starting to get lightheaded as I felt the plastic between my lips, and a strong hand, steady on the back of my head. In this moment of pure panic, she was exactly what I needed. She calmed me. I couldn't be afraid with her this near, I just couldn't.

"Easy, I've got you." She stated warmly, standing slight behind and to the left of me.

The next inhale was laced with the medicated aerosol. I breathed it in eagerly and held it, closing my eyes as I felt the tightness start to subside.

"That's it. It's alright Sasa. I'm right here."

I breathed it out and took another puff. My breathing was regulating, and I closed my eyes. I felt her body relax when she realized I was okay. I was so tired. She put the inhaler in her pocket, and then wrapped the hand that was holding it around me, pulling me just inside the apartment, out of the hallway. She shut the door, and wrapped me up again, her back sliding down the door to sit on the floor, bringing me with her. All I could do was rest my head on her chest and close my eyes as I felt her arms surround me, one hand rubbing up and down the length of my back. I sighed.

"Better?"

I nodded.

"Do you need to go to the hospital?" Tegan asked, concerned.

I shook my head and felt Tegan run her hand through my hair.

**Tegan's POV**

I nuzzled the top of her head. I've been there for her asthma attacks before, but I've never been alone with her during one. Usually mum or the band were around. And Sara usually carried her inhaler in her pocket. That scared the shit out of me. My heart hit the floor; I didn't have time to think. I just ran, and acted. I still don't quite know how we ended up on the floor, or how she ended up curled up with her head on my chest, but I was so intensely in the moment. The adrenaline still pumping. I wasn't reasoning, I was still just acting. I kissed her forehead and sighed, wrapping her up just a little tighter. I closed my eyes hard and a couple tears fell without my consent, and tried to snuff them back. She felt the sniffle go through my chest and backed out of the embrace just enough to look up at me. She looked at me with an expression I have yet to know an emotion for.

"Are you crying?"

I bit my lip, and turned sideways, trying to hide the tears as I let go of her to roughly wipe away the droplets from my cheek with my forearm.

"Tegan, wh…."

"Sara, I'm in love with you!" I proclaimed loudly, cutting her off. I froze.

Sara just gave a small smile and the faintest chuckle. "I love you too."

Do I explain or take the out I thought Sara was offering me? I wish I could read her. Well, I was already being brave and reckless, might as well continue.

"No, Sara, like I love you, love you."

She smiled wider and…cuddled back into me? "I know."

What? She knew? How could she…?

"I've been messing with you all night. You're too easy Tegan."

"You have?"

"Well, once I figured out that you decided we were on a date- which I never consented to by the way so thanks for the notice Tegs- I thought I'd have some fun." I felt her take a deep breath "I thought if I was the one to come out with it, you'd run away with your tail between your legs."

"I don't have a tail!" I exclaimed

"It's a figure of speech."

"Wait, what do you mean if you came out with it first?"

"If I was the one to tell you how I felt before I let you warm up to it."

"Hold up. You have feelings for me? When did that start?"

"Janet's 13th birthday party. When you spun the bottle and it landed on Randy Sims."

"My first kiss?"

"I was so jealous!"

"You've been in love with me since we were 13? Why didn't you say something?"

"Are you kidding me? And miss out on our career together? Miss making music, not to mention mum. I mean it's one thing to be having this conversation at 30, in my apartment. It's another to have it at 13 in my room in mum's house."

"Holy shit, Sara! Mum! What are we going to tell her?"

Sara gulped. "We're not, because nothing's going to happen. We can't be together Tegan. Besides, you've got Lindsey."

"Lindsey's cheating on me with Kaki."

"What?" Sara asked, disbelievingly.

"She's cheating on me. Four months ago, Kaki was staying with us while she was touring through LA. They thought I was in the shower, but I forgot my new shampoo in the bedroom. I went to grab it, and just as I cracked the door open, I saw them on our bed."

"You're telling me you opened that creaky old bathroom door, and they didn't hear you?"

I clear my throat. "They weren't exactly being quiet. I just shut the door and used the old shampoo."

"So Lindsey doesn't know you know?"

"That's right." I answered

"But Lindsey's on tour with Kaki right now…" she trailed off coming to the realization. I thought I'd be nice and explain it so she didn't' have to ask.

"I'm fine with it Sara, I'd just rather have her like this than not at all."

Sara looked at me, worried. She rubbed my arm, now sitting cross-legged across from me.

"Tegan, trust me I get being able to be non-monogamous, but it's just…it's just not the you I know. Are you sure you're okay with this?"

I swallowed hard and felt the emotion I'd been supressing for months well up and I had no control over the waterworks that followed as I shook my head. And I did with Sara, what I can do with only her. I opened up completely and freely.

"I cried for an hour in the shower. Sara, I've been trying so hard to be okay with this. But now, I've got you. Sara, I just want you." I reached over and took her hand in mine, lacing our fingers. We both closed our eyes and took in shaky breaths at the flickers of electricity that shot through us. "I just want you."

"I've waited so long for you to say that." Sara dropped my hand, reached over and pulled my head towards her, tucking it under her chin and holding me close as I adjusted my position to let her hold me. I wrapped my arms around her waist and brought my knees to my chest, sobbing into her. It was her turn to run her hand through my hair and down my back as she left soft kisses on top of my head.

"You can't let her get away with that Tegan, not when it hurts you like this. You need to talk to her about it." Sara swallowed hard. "We can never be together Tegan. As much as I want to, we just can't. We can hug, and cuddle, and hold hands, and kiss foreheads and cheeks and shoulders, and hands, but we can't be together."

I felt the anger well up and I pulled away from her angrily, raising my voice. "Why the hell not?"

"Because we're sisters!" she yelled back.

"So?"

"So I want to have a house with someone and babies. And I've fought so hard to be able to be open and honest about my relationships and introduce them as my girlfriend. I'll never have that with you."

I sighed. She was right. I knew she was right. But I also knew that I'd never let her go so easily. I may be a crier, but I'm also a fighter.


	4. Is This a Dream?

**Warnings:**Chapter contains a homosexual incestual relationship and sexual content between two women. If you don't like it, don't read it.

**Rating:** M

**Summary:**. What happens when she gets her wish and Tegan finds herself in an alternate reality where Sara is her girlfriend, and not her sister? Will be a LONG fic, updated often.

**A/N:** I know this is technically 50 mins late cause I said I'd try to update daily, but I hope the content and length make up for the tardiness. So happy to finally have the storyline starting. Thanks to everyone who reviewed. This one hasn't been Beta-ed because I know some of you were waiting eagerly for it. Well, enjoy. Keep the reviews coming, and PM if you so wish.

**Disclaimer:** COMPLETELY FICTIONAL!

**Chapter 4- Is This a Dream?**

**Sara's POV**

I felt the frustration coming off Tegan in waves. I knew it so well. I've lived with that frustration for decades. I hate to say that it was a comfortable feeling for me, but it was. I closed my eyes and took in a breath that caused butterflies in my stomach. I reached out and brushed a stray strand of hair behind her ear.

"I know it sucks, but there's nothing we can do about it." I said.

I leaned in and kissed her forehead, closing my eyes as my lips pressed tightly to that warm flesh. I took in a shaky breath and lingered, before slowly pulling away, looking into Tegan's eyes, searching them for some kind of understand. I found none, just heaps of frustration. She looked like she was going to punch a hole in the wall. I kissed her cheek, hoping to calm her. I felt her drop her head into my neck. I lowered my head to kiss her neck, right below her hairline.

"I'll always love you Tegan. Nothing will ever change that. Nothing _has_ ever changed that."

She nodded against my neck in silent understanding. I took one more deep breath and ran my hands down her arms, taking both her hands in mine. I had to get her mind off of this.

"How about we curl up in bed and watch those movies?" I proposed.

She nodded, sniffling, tears still falling. I leaned in, framing her cheeks with my hands and gently brushing away each tear with my thumbs. I can't take this. She's so upset. I can't stand seeing her like this. It makes me want to open up her chest, slide in, and just fix whatever's wrong. I can feel her shaking. She needs to sleep, I know this. I slide back down to take her hands and start to stand up, gently tugging her up with me. I wrap my arms around her in a tight hug.

"I hate it when you're like this. I just want to fix it."

She nods. She hasn't said anything since the yelling match. I let go of her for a moment, and walk over to the bag of movies, picking it up and nodding my head towards the bedroom. She follows, dragging her feet.

**Tegan's POV**

I can't take this. Today's been an emotional roller coaster. I just want to kiss her and never stop. I just want to feel her slide inside of me, claiming me as her own. I want to be taken by her. My mind is still trying to find a way for us to be together. I feel my eyes flutter closed as I walk with her, towards her room like a zombie. I can't stop crying. I'm so tired. At least I'll get to curl up to her. That sounded like the best idea ever. Just the thought of falling asleep, snuggled into her did more for me than actually snuggling with anyone else did. Sara led me to the bed, where just hours earlier I was jumping, trying to annoy her. How quickly things change. I let myself let go of her, and fall face first on the bed. Sara sighs, rubbing my back before walking over and putting the bag of movies on her long dresser, which was homed on the wall opposite to the headboard.

"I'm going to grab the TV."

I groaned, and heard her leave. I lifted my head and huffed, before taking off my shoes and socks. I stood and peeled off my shorts, then unsnapped my bra, slid it off, and added it to my pile of clothes, before slipping under the covers, putting my head on the pillow and closing my eyes. Just as I started to doze, my phone rang from the pocket of my shorts. I whimpered, but reached lazily over the edge of the bed, and pulled it out.

Lindsey.

I answered, my head never leaving the pillow.

"Hey Linds."

"Hey. Oh man, you sound beat. How was the flight?"

"Fine. Sara and I are just gonna watch a movie. What you up to?"

"Tegan, we have to talk. I…I"

"You've been cheating on me with Kaki."

"What? How did you…"

I cut her off "I walked in on you two when she was staying with us."

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"I thought I could deal."

"Tegan, I am so sorry. I never meant to hurt you."

I closed my eyes and took a shallow breath, nodding even though I knew she couldn't see me. "I know."

"Tegan, we have to break up. I mean, I'm breaking up with you."

My mind screamed one thing: no! If I couldn't be with Sara, I wanted to be with Lindsey.

"No! Lindsey, it's okay. I'll get over it. I can't lose you. I don't care who you're sleeping with."

"Tegan, I can't. I'm in love with Kaki. I'm sorry, but it has to be this way."

"I'm so fucking tired of everyone saying that! FUCK!"

I hung up and closed my eyes tightly, more angry than upset. I grit my teeth, when Sara popped her head back in the room, TV in hand. She was struggling, but got it onto the dresser with one big lug. She took a deep breath then looked at me.

"Who was that?"

"Lindsey. She broke up with me."

Sara froze, and then her face dropped.

"Tegs, I'm so sorry."

I shrugged and felt the sting of tears.

"I'll be fine."

I crossed my arms as Sara turned back around, fumbling with the bag of movies.

"Well, I've got the cure for all of this. A little escapism." She mumbled, then pulled out the stack, turning back to me and leaning back on the dresser.

"What do you want to start with?" she asked.

Sara opened the first movie case.

"What the…?" she exclaimed.

She held up the disc, in pieces.

"What the fuck happened?"

"Oh shit, I musta closed the closet door on them when I was getting your puffer."

Sara opened the others, holding pieces up. For some reason I found this whole thing hilarious and burst out laughing. It was needed after such a depressing day. I laughed so hard, no sound came out. Then Sara caught the bug, and started laughing too. She tossed the pieces of the discs over her shoulder, and kicked off her shoes, coming over and crawling into bed with me. She wrapped her arms around my neck as we laughed together. I pulled her in close, wrapping mine around her waist and leaning my forehead against hers. My laughs soon turned into cries as I broke down in her arms. She stopped laughing and pulled me in close.

"Oh Tegan, I'm so sorry. Today's been really shitty for you."

I nod and just keep desperately taking in her smell, her feel, her heat. Those long, lazy strokes up and down my back eased the tension. I was so warm. It was so warm with her under the covers. It felt so good.

"I don't have anyone. I'm not like you Sara, I can't just be alone." I choked out. "I don't have Lindsey, I can't have you. I fucking hate this. It's killing me. I just want to move to Siberia and spend my life snuggling with you. I don't want anything else. Not our career, nothing. I just want you so badly. I wish we weren't sisters. You have no idea how badly I wish we weren't, so we could be together."

"Be careful what you wish for Tegan."

She ran her hand through my longer, hair that was the exact same colour as hers and looked right into my eyes with her own.

"You will always have me." She took my hand and placed it over her chest. I could feel her heartbeat kiss my palm through the alabaster flesh. "No matter where we are, no matter who I'm with, or who you're with, no one will have me so completely. You hear me? You've got me Tegan."

I nod as she pulls me in close again.

"You know why I stayed with Emy so long?"

I shook my head. I had always thought it was because they were madly in love. What I wrong? Sara nuzzled her cheek against mine and whispered in my ear.

"I had such a hard time saying goodbye to someone that reminded me so much of you. That's the reason I started seeing her in the first place. She kind of looks like you, y'know? And when she was gone, I was so broken. I thought that I had said goodbye to the closest thing I'd ever have to you. I never in a million years dreamed that we could be like we are right now. I know it's not enough for you Tee, but it's more than I ever thought I'd get. So much more."

Things started making sense now. Now that I think about it, Emy does kind of look like me. Suddenly I understood the parts of Sara I could never comprehend. This was the final piece of the puzzle.

"I never read anything online about us, because I was afraid. The fans, they pay so close attention to us. Every time I wrote a song about you, I'd spend months trying to change it so it was a vague as possible, so no one could ever figure out my secret. But they've caught on Tee. The first time I read something, I stopped. I stumbled upon this Tumblr account that takes every statement, every picture, every lyrics that points to our relationship and posts it on the internet. It scared me shitless, and I hope mom hasn't found it."

I gulped. Will it ever happen? Will we ever be together? I really couldn't do this anymore, I leaned in and my lips found hers. Neither one of us moved as the electricity shot through us like poison in our veins. When we both couldn't back away, I glided my lips over Sara's. They felt like cashmere on a cold night. She kissed me back gently and I wound my arms around her. Our lips danced, gliding and dragging over each other. It was magic. I saw stars, I saw the room spin, I saw perfection. When I see kisses in movies, I always imagine that kissing should feel like they make me feel when they happen in movies. Then when I actually kiss someone, it just never lives up. Just like in dreams. Thinking back to the fateful wet dream that started all of this, I can't help but compare the two. But this, this sensation, this feeling, I felt like I was outside my body. I was numb from head to toe. This was so much more than the movie kisses and the wet dream. I let myself dive into it, and I wanted more. I deepened the kiss from a soft, gentle, gliding to the crashing of waves against Sara's lips. I gently got on top of her, straddling her.

**Sara's POV**

As much as my brain screamed to stop, my heart wouldn't let me. Even after losing every battle to date, my heart has finally won the war. If this is what it's like to be with Tegan, I can't say no. I can't push it away and supress it anymore. I've had a taste, and now I'm craving every bite. As she mounts me, I feel her hands glide under my shirt to rub my tummy. She deepens the kiss as she floods all my senses. I moan into her mouth as her hands contact the skin of my midriff. I run both my hands into her hair, taking a firm grip at the roots, and gently tugging it. I feel her body shiver. I lick her lips, asking for entry. It's granted without hesitation and I let my tongue explore hers. My body is lifting itself to meet hers. I am so in love with her. My entire form is pins and needles, on fire, lit up, ready to go. But something stops me. I can feel her sway from her position, then she starts to shake. I pull back from the kiss, and she tries to continue it, put I gently press my palms to her shoulders and push away.

"Stop, Tegan, you're shaking."

"I am?"

I nod and take hold of her wrist, gently pulling her back down to the bed. She curls her head on my chest. I kiss her forehead, hugging her tightly, hoping to stop the shaking.

"You really need to sleep."

She sighs and nods. I give her forehead another kiss before letting go of her and sitting up. I undo my jeans and shimmy out of them. I toss them on the floor, adding them to Tegan's pile of clothes before unclasping my bra, and sliding it off from under my shirt. That joined my jeans in the pile, as I felt a warm hand slip under the back of my shirt and gently rub the newly exposed skin of my mid-back. It felt like home. She was calling me home. I smiled and laid back down, letting her slip the hand out from under my shirt so I could lay on my back. She curled onto my chest and I wrapped her up in my arms. She hugged me tightly, resting her head on my chest, between my breast and collarbone. I felt her let out a happy sigh.

"Sara, I'm going to be with you, one way or another."

I smiled and let out a soft chuckle that she felt more than heard. "I know you are. You've always been the stubborn one. We'll figure this out."

Tegan switched positions so she could look up at me.

"You mean…?"

"What has mum always told us about making big decisions?"

Tegan did her best impression of mum, which is much better than mine. "Never make a big life decision without having slept on it."

I chuckled and ran a hand through Tegan's now greasy hair. I gently scratched her scalp and felt her sigh happily as she laid her head back down on top of my chest.

"We'll find a way… tomorrow. Sleep now. I love you Tegan Quin." I kissed the top of her head.

She turned back up to face me. "I love you too Sasa. Goodnight." Tegan kissed my lips gently, a perfect kiss goodnight. She put her head back down for a final time. I could still feel the kiss linger on my lips.

I could feel her heartbeat on my side. Trying to commit every move, every beat, every breath to memory, I focused on her form that was very quickly drifting off to sleep. I kept massaging her scalp, knowing how she loved the feeling. I missed doing this. I used to do it when we were kids. She has mum do it. I sigh, trying to sort out our whole situation in my mind. Maybe we could move away, to somewhere that was accepting of our relationship. Would I ever be a musician again? Did I care? I would pull used chewing gum off the bottoms of public park benches if it meant I could be with her. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

Before that kiss, I was sure I could keep supressing the feelings; that I wanted her, but could be fine on my own. But after that will-breaking kiss…I'm not so sure anymore. I feel so solid with her in my arms like this. I feel her breathing slow as she falls into a deeper sleep. Her arms feel so soft under the light rubbing of my hand, and I snake one under her shirt and up her back, letting it caress the warm skin.

Looking down at Tegan she looks so peaceful, and despite my wanting to stay up, I was still weak, and tired. I let my eyes close, tightened my hold around her, one hand still under her shirt, plastered against her skin. I snuggled down and yawned, letting myself slowly drift off.

I woke up, in a strange bed, in a strange room.

"What the fuck?" as confused as I was, I quickly opened my eyes to see what was happening. But as the fog cleared, I could _feel _what was happening more than I could see it. Someone was on top of me, riding me hard.

"OH FUCK!" I moaned, as my cunt throbbed. Whoever it was, was really good at this. I rolled my head back and hissed at the intensity. My stomach was in my throat, every muscle clenched, my skin was crawling in goosebumps, and glistening with sweat. My heart exploded inside of my chest. Wait, did I have a…?

I opened my eyes again, and looked down. My vision came into focus. Nope, the appendage was bright blue. I'd had strap-on sex before, but this felt so different, and there were no straps. I could swear something was inside of me…hitting my sweet spot. I had been the only one able to find it so far. Holy shit am I glad that changed. The blue dildo was deep inside the person riding my knees to a buckle. Who the fuck was riding me? My eyes roamed up to a taut stomach, also glistening with sweat. My hands moved to the woman's hips, and traveled up her sides with my eyes. I couldn't help my hips bucking, trying to contribute to the mix. Her moans increased. That was driving me wild, sending shocks to my eager core. My eyes kept traveling up. She had the most gorgeous rack on her. My hands covered both breasts, and gently squeezed, massaging them.

"Fuck, Sara! Don't stop. Fuck me!"

TEGAN? My eyes traveled the rest of the way up, and locked on her face. I didn't have time to respond, as she rode me harder. I could feel the pull against my G-spot every time she took me fully into her, and again as she pulled off. I felt my walls start to close tightly. I looked down to our connecting point, watching as I slipped in and out of her, before I couldn't help my head rolling back.

I looked back up, this time into her face. It was contorted in pure pleasure. Her eyes were shut, her head thrown back and she was moaning so loudly. I watched as she bit her bottom lip, labaret and all. I whimpered from the intensity. My clit throbbed, my walls pulsated, this was tortured amazingness. I slowly sat up, and guided my hands up her back. She moaned, as I pushed into her deeper from this different angle. When I was seated, I had her in my lap. She was still riding me. I kissed her fiercely. I lost all bodily sensation, as I was sent to the moon. She whimpered against my lips, and I held her tighter. She wrapped her legs around my lower back, pulling me in as deep as she could. I held her up, hugging her tightly. Our naked, sweaty bodies were firmly pressed against each other. I felt her hard nipples against mine, and our bodies slid against each other, slick with moisture. I ran my lips across hers, as I felt her legs tighten, her heels digging into my back. I broke the kiss to shudder. I gently pulsated inside of her, just barely moving. She dropped her head to my shoulder, as I felt her body shake.

"Oh my god. Sara, I'm gonna come. Keep doing that. Don't stop. Right there"

She squeezed her face tightly and I kissed her neck, keeping the motion up. Her hands tightened behind my neck and she was inhaling sharply, nearly gasping with each breath. I felt every muscle in her body stiffen. Her walls were squeezed tightly, making each mini thrust meet with more resistance, causing whatever was hitting my G-spot to hit it harder. I kissed her pulse point and reveled in the feeling of her heartbeat kissing me back through the vein and skin. My breathing became more ragged. Tegan let go, her orgasm ripping through her. She screamed and dug her nails into my back. I felt each quiver from her inside of me, and I stopped moving, tensing, as my release hit me. I whimpered and shook. I could still feel Tegan's orgasm. It was driving me wild. I could feel her love. How could anything feel so damn good? Everything tingled, my mind clouded, I was lightheaded and seeing spots. My body felt like it was melting into honey. I'd been going off for a solid minute, when I felt the pulses coming from Tegan slow to a stop. I felt tears on my neck as gentle, peck kisses covered the back of my hairline to my jaw, down to my collar bone. I shook one last time, my mouth agape, and finally the last wave crashed. Tears rolled down my face as I collapsed in Tegan's arms. My body was completely, pleasantly numb. I felt drunk, my limbs heavy. She cradled me against her and kept kissing me. I cried into the crook of her neck, and hooked my arms under her armpit, bringing them up hug her with my hands on her shoulder blades. I sniffled as she rubbed my back. She whispered in my ear.

"You okay?"

"I nodded and quickly loosened my grip to meet her face to face with a hard kiss. I ran my nails along her scalp as my fingers tangled in her hair. I kissed her with everything I had. Unfortunately, I was still out of breath so I had to let our lips disconnect to catch it. I smiled, and let out a small chuckle as her thumb brushed away one of my tears. I returned the favour, and she whispered to me again.

"Was I worth the wait?" she asked.

I chuckled and nodded, then leaned in to peck her lips.

"Every second"

"There's a lot of seconds in 19 years." She chuckled.

**Tegan's POV**

I've never come at the same time as someone. That was so invigorating. Sara cried. SARA cried. I let myself rest against her, as I try to recover. Sara's still catching her breath. How the hell had this all happened? Was I dreaming? I didn't think so. I never get to come in my dreams. I always wake up just before. I don't break the hug as I ask her.

"Is this a dream?"

"I don't know."

She's drawing lazy circles on my back. It feels nice, but I wish she would… . As if reading my mind, Sara's fingers slipped back into my hair an gently massaged my scalp. I love this. It's nice when mum does it, but it's totally different when Sara does it. Her fingers are slender, and I can feel her guitar callouses.

"I think I'd be awake right now if it was." I mention, then exhale into a lip roll.

"Yea, it doesn't really seem…dream-y."

I can still feel her inside of me, I feel so full. I smile, wrap my arms around her neck, and kiss her cheek.

"I love the feeling of you inside of me" I whisper.

I feel her blush and let out a shy smile. It makes me smile wider. She's so cute when she's shy.

"No one's ever made love to me like that Sare. Ever."

She sighed "I know what you mean. That's the first time I've…umm, come with someone else."

"WHAT? You mean?"

She nodded and I kissed her shoulder gently.

"I'm glad I was your first."

"So am I. that was so intense Tegan. You, you're…wow."

I chuckle at the compliment and pull away, dropping a kiss on her nose.

"And you, love get that anytime you want it."

"Anytime?"

I laugh, remembering it's Sara we're talking about and she had the sex drive of a 14 year old boy.

"If you make love like that, you can wake me up at 2am if you want. Trust me, minding will be the furthest thing from my mind." I mention.

She laughs and sighs happily.

"Where are we anyways?" She asks.

We both look around the room. The bed we were in was made of what looked like solid oak. It was a grown up bed. Something you'd find in a parent's bedroom. It was really high, and the mattress seemed comfortable, not that I had much of a chance to try it out.

"Hey Sara, how comfortable is the mattress?"

She narrowed her eyes at me "Vixen"

I smiled, and continued to look around the room. We were currently tangled in crisp, clean sheets. They were really soft. There was a light comforter on the bed, a deep purple colour. There were end tables on either side of the bed. One had a computer on it, an iPod alarm clock with what looked like and iPod in it, a watch, and a couple guitar picks. I looked over to the other and saw a huge stack of books, a pair of reading glasses, a box of Kleenex, and a puffer. I saw the puffer had a label on it and reached over, forgetting about my connection to Sara. She audibly winced and I quickly grabbed the puffer, and shot back to my upright position, wincing at her face.

"Sorry. Are you okay?"

She nodded and took a deep breath, shaking it off. I read the name on the puffer.

"Well, wherever we are, at least you remembered your puffer."

I handed the tiny console over to Sara and let her read it. My eyes traveled to take in the rest of the room. There was a large window, with the curtains drawn, but sunlight shown around the edges. My attention went back to read the alarm clock. 10:00am. It was morning? I looked back around and saw two closets, two dressers, and an open bathroom door. Bathroom. My bladder let itself be known. I put both my hands on her chest lovingly.

"Sare, I've got to pee."

She nodded and put the inhaler down. I was going to pull off of her, but she beat me to the punch, holding me close and flipping me onto my back. She captured my lips and kissed me gently. I kissed her back, letting myself get lost in the sensation of her lips against mine. She slowly inched out, until the entire length was in the open, my juices glistening on it. She broke the kiss and I smiled up at her.

"Thanks."

She gave me a peck "No problem."

She rolled off of me, onto her back, the blue dildo somehow inside of her, yet standing at attention. I gave her a kiss on the cheek and hopped off the bed, walking over and into the bathroom. I flicked the light on, and went over to sit on the toilet. I looked around the room as my bladder emptied. Two sinks. One was neat, showcasing a toothbrush, toothpaste, floss, a contact case, deodorant and some hair product. The other was clean, but disheveled, holding various makeup, hair products, like 3 toothbrushes, a couple flavours of tooth brush, and a straightener. I looked just like when Sara and I used to share a bathroom in mum's house. And whoever was the messy one uses the same stuff I do. Who lives here? They must love baths because there's a big, deep Jacuzzi tub in here. There's also a shower with a glass door.

**Sara's POV**

I let myself melt into the bed. It's possibly the most comfortable piece of furniture I've ever been on. I sigh happily. I hear a phone ringing, and look over to where it was coming from. It was the iPod on the other side of the bed. It must be an iPhone. I crawl over and pick it up. Should I answer? Who's phone is this? Maybe It'll answer some of my questions. I answer it.

"Hello?"

"Sara! It's so good to hear your voice."

"Mum! You have no idea how happy I am to hear YOUR voice!"

Mum chuckled on the other line.

"Always good to hear. Is Tegan around?"

"Yeah, she's just in the bathroom."

"Okay. Do you two have plans for today?"

I don't even remember where I am or how I got here, how could I have plans?

"No, I don't think so." I reply

"Good, I'm bringing you two lunch. I'll be at your place in 20 minutes."

"Mum, I don't know…"

"Sorry sweetie, I have to go. See you soon. Give Tegan a kiss for me."

"But mum…"

Too late, she'd hung up. I put the phone back on the alarm clock. Give Tegan a kiss? Why would mum ask me to do that? Did she know? How did she find out when we'd only JUST found out ourselves last night? Tegan's phone? Tegan had a Blackberry, not an iPhone. This was confusing. A tug on the dildo brought me back from me questions. I looked down and Tegan had her hand wrapped around the base of the thing, and was gliding it out. I let out a moan as I felt my walls try to suck it back in. One of Tegan's hands massaged the inside of one of my thighs, as she gently sucked and kissed the other one. My hips raised off the bed. The dildo popped out, and I moaned loudly. That felt so good. Tegan held it still, but kissed her way up my body, gliding lips and tongue over my stomach, between my breasts, up my neck, and landed a soft, quick kiss on my face before straddling my stomach. I could feel her wetness against my skin. My eyes fluttered shut.

"What is this thing? This place is so weird." She said.

I looked up and got my first look at the toy outside of both of our bodies. It was a rounded L-Shape. The end that was inside of me was stout and bulbous, while the bottom of the L was phallic, with a defined head. It looked really odd. Not that I cared. It felt really good. I never thought I'd be able to fuck a woman, and actually feel what I did with it. I could feel all the changes in Tegan's physiology. Tegan examined it, turning it in her hand.

"It's called a Feeldoe" she informed me.

"How do you know that?"

"It says so here"

She showed me the tiny lettering, textured into the silicone. I remembered the phone call.

"Oh, mum called. She said she was bringing us lunch, and would be at my place in an hour."

"An hour? How did she get to Montreal so quickly?"

"I don't know, but I think she knows about us Tegan. She told me to kiss you for her."

I watched as Tegan's eyes bugged out.

"Shit. Well, we might have dodged a bullet, because I have no idea where we are, or how to get back to your place."

"Maybe we should have a look around, see if we can find out who lives here? Maybe they're out in the living room."

"Tegan, did we have sex at someone else's house? That's so trashy."

I shrugged.

"You didn't mind five minutes ago."

She stuck her tongue out at me "Haha, you're so funny."

I put the toy down on the end table. It was dry now. I took Sara's hand and pulled her up, off the bed.

"We should get dressed and explore."

I searched the floor for our clothes, but it was bare. There was just a rug over hard wood.

"Sara, where are our clothes?"

I watched as Sara looked around and shrugged. She walked over to the dresser and opened it, I folloed, peering over her shoulder. There were panties and bras in the one drawer, a couple pairs of boyshorts. They looked a lot like what Tegan liked to wear. She closed it and the next drawer was full of Band Tees.

"I think I'd get along with this person. I don't think they'll mind."

I reached around Sara and grabbed a pair of the boyshorts, not caring to wear a bra. I slipped them on as Sara walked over to the other dresser, opening it. I saw her pull on a pair of PJ bottoms, and a long sleeve waffle knit out of the corner of my eye as I found a pair of sweat pants, and a Paramore T-Shirt.

"These people have good taste, eh?" Sara called over to me, walking closer.

I nodded and finished getting dressed. I kissed her cheek and patted her side.

"C'mon, lets go see who's home."

I took her hand and lead her out of the room. I tiptoed on the cool surface of the hardwood. The bedroom they had been in was at the end of the hall. There were a few other doors in the hallway. We walked down the hallway to an open concept room. To our left was a large kitchen. It was dark red with black marble countertops and dark oak cabinets. There was an island that matched the counters in the middle and a large dining table to the right. Between the eating area and the cabinets there was a sliding door. I walked over to it, peering out. It looked familiar. I knew where we were.

"Sara, we're in BC."

"BC?"

"Look at the mountains. And it's raining, where else could we be."

"How did we get to BC?"

I shrugged and kept looking around. Directly in front of me was what looked like an entrance. The front door was simple, and there were windows on either side. I turned around and walked to my right. This was the living room. It was warm and inviting. A fireplace was on the wall facing me, a TV on the mantle. There was a big U shaped, brown leather couch and a coffee table. But what caught my attention were the picture on the walls. I let go of Sara's hand and walked over. They were picture of us! And they were everywhere. Sara and I at a carnival, a wedding, me kissing her cheek at her 25th birthday. Wait, the cake only said "Sara". Happy birthday "Sara". We've never had our own birthday cakes. I never kissed her on her cheek at her birthday party, OUR birthday party.

"This is giving me the wiggins. These people are obsessed with us."

Sara froze.

"Tegan, what if we were kidnapped by rabid fans?"

I swallowed hard but kept exploring. I found a shelf with a record player, and a bunch of vinyl. All of our vinyl releases were amidst them. I gulped.

"Maybe we were drugged and brought to this house. They forced us to sleep together so they could tape it. Maybe we're being watched right now." Sara guessed, grabbing my arm and looking around for cameras. I hate to admit it, but I was starting to think she was right. I eased away from her and walked back into the kitchen.

"Either way I'm hungry. Want something?"

"How can you eat at a time like this?"

I opened the fridge and pulled out the carton of eggs and a few other ingredients.

"Do you want something or not?"

I looked over at her as she nodded. She went to explore the cupboards as I started on the eggs, finding a pan and firing up the stove. Sara of course had found coffee.

"At least the people who kidnaped us know their coffee."

"Well, we know they're not trying to kill you."

She chuckled and stuck her tongue out at me as I chopped the vegetables.

"These marble counter tops are great. Remind me to get these at my place."

Sara was in a daze, staring at the French press. I chuckled, she really would die without coffee. She had just poured herself a cup when the phone in the room rang again. She turned to me.

"Oh, that iPhone in the bedroom is yours by the way."

I dropped the knife and ran into the bedroom. I threw myself over the bed and grabbed it, answering it.

"Hello?"

"Tegan! It's Lindsey."

Tegan's jaw tensed at the name.

"What do you want?"

"Easy venom, Emy and I just want to confirm for tonight."

"What's tonight"

"Emy, I told you they'd forget! Not such a bad Idea I called know, huh?"

"Lindsey, what's tonight?"

"Dinner. We planned it last week. Double date."

"Double date? With who?"

"Me, you, Emy, and Sara." She replied

"I thought you broke up with me."

Lindsey laughed "Like I'd ever try to date you! Sara would kill me. Anyways, see you tonight."

She hung up.

"Lindsey? Lindsey?"

Damnit. I opened the contacts on my phone and flipped through. I found Sara's Cell number. Why was it a 604 number? Sara lived in Montreal. I kept scrolling and found "Home" I dialed it and heard a landline ring inside the house. Why was the number to this place labeled "Home"? I hung up, then called Sara's cell. I heard it ringing a few rooms over. I got up, and walked out. I was in the hallways and followed it to the door of the first room on my right. I knocked, in case anyone was in there. No answer. I cracked the door open and slowly opened it. The room was lavish. The walls were lined in bookshelves. When I say lined, I mean I couldn't see an inch of bare wall. There was no open space for a single book. It was packed. There was a large, mahogany desk in the far corner of the room with a big leather chair. A Macbook sat on top of the desk with a bottle of fine scotch and a few glasses. There was also a sitting area with a couch there were a couple amps, a few keyboards, and at least 10 guitars, all different.

It looked like a midlife crisis room. A mix of a musician, and a middle aged man's paradise. Sara would love this room. It was so her. The ringing phone was atop the coffee table in front of the couch. I walked up and grabbed it. It was an iphone too.

I looked at the screen.

It read: _1 missed call: Tegan_

There was a picture of Sara and I kissing, with smiles on our face. Why the hell did Sara have this in her phone?

I walked out of the room. This was all so strange. I kept walking, right back into the kitchen where Sara was now putting the eggs and bacon on plates. She was still facing the stove, and was doing the cute thing she does when she's cooking. She's propped one foot up on the adjoining leg's knee. I slither up behind her silently and wrap my arms around her waist, resting my chin on her shoulder. She smiles and covers my hands with her own.

"Who called? I think they called the house too." She asked

"Umm, no that was me. It was in my phone as "Home" but Lindsey called, to confirm our double date tonight?"

"You're going on a date with Lindsey? What the fuck Tegan?"

She started to try and get out of my embrace, but I held tight.

"No, she said that we're not dating. That you'd kill her if she tried. Her words, not mine."

Sara turned off the stove and turned around in my arms.

"What?"

"I don't get it. It's like everyone knows, and no one cares. Oh, and I found your phone. You need to see the room I found it in, it's your paradise. "

I handed it to her the phone and she shook her head.

"That's not my phone."

"I called "Sara" in my phone and this kept ringing. Besides…"

I pushed the house button, and the picture popped up with the notification. She gasped.

"How? What?"

Just then, the doorbell rang. I swallowed hard and looked at Sara. We slowly walked over to the door and Sara looked through the peep hole.

"it's mum" She said.

"But she said she was going to be at your place."

Sara shrugged as I looked through the peep hole myself and saw with my own eye. It was my mum, and she had bags of food. I checked the time on my phone. 10:50am. It was an hour later.

That could only mean one thing.

"Sara, I think this is your house."


	5. Fairy Godmother

**Warnings:**Chapter contains a homosexual incestual relationship and sexual content between two women. If you don't like it, don't read it.

**Rating:** M

**Summary:**. What happens when she gets her wish and Tegan finds herself in an alternate reality where Sara is her girlfriend, and not her sister? Will be a LONG fic, updated often.

**A/N: **Sorry for taking so long to update, but I wanted to get this beta-ed before I put it up. Unfortunately my beta seems to be quite busy and I know a lot of you have been waiting patiently. Enjoy.

Also, I have drawn up a 3D floorplan of Tegan and Sara's hearth and home (haha, get it? Like head and heart.) It's more like a digital model, but it might help you follow along. If you are interested in seeing that, PM me and I'll send along the link via e-mail.

The song is "I Was Married" by Tegan and Sara in case you didn't know.

**Disclaimer:** COMPLETELY FICTIONAL!

**Chapter 5 – Fairy Godmother**

**Sara's POV**

This was MY place? But no, I live in an apartment and this is a house. Tegan took me by my shoulders.

"Sara, I don't know what's going on. Maybe we're in the future or some kind of alternate universe. Just try and act normal. Whatever you do, don't tell mum!"

I noded, my mouth still agape. Tegan turned to the door and opened it, smiling.

"Mum!"

Tegan threw her arms around our mother's neck. I walked over and took the bags from her, carrying them to the island, and dropping them on the surface. My legs carried me back over to where Tegan and Mum were in the entrance. Mum was taking off her shoes when she turned and gave me a big hug.

"Sara! Thank you for the help." She hugged me back, giving my back a pat.

"No problem mum." I let go and backed away.

Mum walked into the kitchen and had a look around. She saw the two plates of eggs and bacon and turned back to us.

"I thought I told you I was bringing lunch?"

"Tegan was hungry." I replied, going over and swiping a strip of bacon off a plate and crunching on it.

Mum smiled at me. "You always take such good care of my baby girl."

HER baby girl? Wasn't I her baby girl too?

"Yeah, I uhh…try?" I replied as I saw Tegan grab the plate and shovel it into her mouth.

Mum started unpacking the bags, putting all kinds of food on the table. She turned to me.

"You know Sara, you guys have been married almost 14 years now, it's about time you have someone else to take care of. Something, smaller perhaps? Like a baby? I know it's tough not having your parents around, but you two aren't getting any younger."

My parents? I didn't know what to do. I freaked out.

"Umm, getting right on that. Yeah, umm, babies. Yeah. Excuse me."

I walked out of the room, down the hallway. I felt the room spin. She wasn't my mum? I had different parents? I passed out before I opened the bedroom door.

**Tegan's POV**

Woah! What? Mum was my mum. ONLY my mum. Sara wasn't my sister? I shot a glance at Sara who was pale as a ghost and excused herself. Mum looked over at me oddly as Sara disappeared into the hallway.

"Is she okay, Tegan?"

"Yeah, I bet she just has to pee or…"

A loud thud came from the hallway. I bolted out of the kitchen, down the hallway, to find her out cold in front of the bedroom door.

"Sara!"

I ran to her, sliding into a sitting position on the floor and picking up her head, placing it in my lap. Her skin was sweaty but cold. Her eyes were closed and her body limp. Was she dead? Oh god, was she dead? No, not when I just got her! I felt around her chest and almost cried of joy when I felt her breathing. I ran a hand through her hair as mum kneeled next to me.

"What happened?" Mum asked me

"I don't' know, I think she fainted."

Mum put the back of her hand to Sara's head.

"It feels like she's got a fever. I'll get the thermometer."

Mum got up and walked away. I gently tapped Sara's cheeks, trying to wake her up.

"Sara, come on, wake up."

Sara's eyes shot open and I sighed in relief, but I saw her turn green. She moved quicker than I've ever seen her move. She ran into the en-suite bathroom. I followed, seeing her perched over the toilet, vomiting roughly, her body convulsing into the porcelain.

**Sara's POV**

I've never felt so bad before in my life. I tried to ease the contents of my stomach out, but my body rejected my attempts to calm it. My head pounded, and I had chills running through my whole body. What was wrong with me? I felt Tegan's hand rubbing my back, and through the vomiting and tears, it calmed me. I felt the veins in my neck stand out as I did my best to clear the next little bit. My throat was on fire. Finally it stopped. I breathed heavily, hanging over the bowl. I rested my sweaty forehead on my forearm and cried, trying to catch my breath. Tegan's hand massaged up to my shoulders and neck, gently rubbing.

"You okay SaSa?"

I nodded, my forehead rubbing against my arm. I heard Mum walk in and whimpered as Tegan quickly let go of me. I soon became aware of the cold tile under my knees. I took a deep breath, and slowly sat up wiping my mouth. Tegan handed me a glass of water and a small cup of mouthwash. I eagerly took both, sipping the water before using the mouthwash, spitting it into the toilet and flushing. I turned my body and leaned against the wall, putting my head in my hands. Mum squatted in front of me and put a hand on my shoulder. I looked up. She put her hand on my forehead again and nodded.

"You've for sure got a fever. Lets see how high it is."

She put the thermometer in my ear and pressed the button. I looked up at Tegan, still not knowing what to do. She was staring blankly at me, arms crossed, chewing on the inside of her lip. The thermometer beeped and she pulled it out.

"101.3 You, my dear need to be in bed. "

"I'm fine, I feel much better." I lied and tried to get up, but mum's hand on my shoulder kept me firmly in place.

"Tegan, come on over her and help her up."

Tegan obeyed, coming over and crouching next to me. She wrapped an arm around my waist and slowly pulled me up.

"Come on, I've gotchya."

I was thankful for Tegan's help because my legs felt like jelly, and my head lolled against her shoulder. She walked me, half dragging me into the room and laid me on what looked like my side of the bed. I whimpered and she pulled the covers up to my chin. I hate to admit it, but this felt much better. My whole body ached. Mum walked over and sat on the edge of the bed. She had a bowl of water and a cool wash cloth that she handed to Tegan. Tegan sat next to me in bed, wrung out the cloth and pressed it to my forehead. It felt so good my eyes fluttered closed, rolling back into my head. I was too weak to think and placed my hand over Tegan's thigh, needing to be in contact with her.

"I'm gonna go call Emy, okay?"

"Why?"Tegan asked, wringing out the cloth again.

"She might be able to give Sara something to break the fever, or at least sleep it off."

"Like a painting?"

Mum looked at Tegan oddly, then laughed. This confused Tegan even more.

"Yes, it has now become protocol for doctors to give out paintings."

I begged Tegan not to admit she didn't know Emy was a doctor. Wasn't she the one who warned me about going along with it.

"Emy's a doctor?"

Damnit, Tegan! Still, I rubbed the outside of her thigh through the sweatpants. She gently lifted my head off the pillow and into her lap, one hand still pressing the cloth to my forehead, the other snaking around my shoulders. She was getting bold in front of mum. I waited for mum to say something, but she didn't. What the fuck was going on? How far in the future did we go to where we've been married for 14 years, have this gorgeous house, Emy's a doctor, and mum doesn't protest when my ear is brushing against my sister's crotch. Or was she my sister? What if she wasn't my sister?

"Well she sure isn't a lawyer. I don't think a relationship could handle two lawyers. Lindsey would lose her one-up in arguments."

"Lindsey's a lawyer?"

My mind screamed: TEGAN SHUT THE FUCK UP! I didn't really have the energy to yell, or even speak up, so I squeezed her leg and looked up. She stooped down and I whispered to her.

"If you don't shut up, you're gonna end up in a white, padded room."

"Sorry." She whispered back.

When she sat up, mum pressed the back of her hand to Tegan's forehead

"Are you sick too? You're acting really strangely."

"I'm fine, just umm joking around with ya. Yeah, gotcha. You thought I was going crazy for a second, didn't you?" Tegan winked.

Mum gave her a strange look, then chuckled, shaking her head. Tegan pressed her water cooled hand to the back of my neck. I felt some relief spread through me, and I sighed.

"Mum, go call Emy. I think Sara's getting warmer. " Tegan said, worriedly.

My eyes closed and I heard mum walk out. Tegan leaned down and kissed my forehead. I tightened my grip on her leg, my eyes opening up to her as I let her see my terror.

"Tegs, I'm really scared. What's wrong with me? Where are we?"

"Shh, it's gonna be okay baby." She stroked my hair, gently massaging my neck as I let the pet name sooth me. Everything I'd waited so long to feel, to hear, is happening. It strikes my heart, like an arrow. In a moment where my physical self was chaotic, my mind was completely calm.

"Emy's gonna get here. You know how diligent she is in everything. She'll know what to do. It's Emy, Sara."

I nod and bury my face between her legs. Had my body not been screaming in pain, I'm sure I would find this very erotic. Right now, I just wanted to get as close to Tegan as I could so she could ease the pain in my body. I shook like a naked mole rat in a snow storm. Tegan rubbed my arms.

"I'm so cold and I hurt everywhere."

Tegan gulped, feeling the back of my neck again.

"Sara, you're really burning up. Fuck. What can I do?"

I shook my head, and started to cry, getting scared again. I curled into the foetal position on Tegan's lap. She leaned down and kissed my head, resting her cheek on the side of it, and gently rocked us.

"It'll be okay."

I felt her press the cold cloth to the back of my neck again, in some attempt to ease my pain. I felt her cheek leave my head. I heard mum's voice and shoved my face deeper into Tegan, not wanting her to see my tears.

"Emy's Focus is in the shop, and Lindsey took the Camry to work. I'm gonna go pick her up."

Mum's voice got closer, and I felt a hand touch my arm.

"She said to keep an eye on her temp, and if it hit 105, call 9-1-1. She said she doesn't want to take "that chance", whatever that means."

I felt Tegan nod, and shift, then Mum's hand on my back.

"It's okay Sara, we're gonna take care of you. Just like when you were a kid." She told me softly, then kissed the top of my head. She took care of me when I was a kid? I thought she wasn't…? Puzzling took too much effort. I squeezed Tegan's midsection tighter. I felt her hand leave my back.

"Tegan, if you end up bringing her in, call Emy and let her know, she'll get to the hospital."

"Alright mum, thanks." Tegan responded. The vibrations from her voice echoed through her torso and into me.

"Take good care of her."

"You know I will."

"Okay, I'll be back soon."

I heard the door shut and Tegan run fingers through my hair. She spoke softly to me.

"Hey love. How you doin?"

I slowly unstuck myself from her. She got a good look at me and chuckled.

"That good eh?"

I was too weak to joke back and sat up, climbing into her lap and wrapping my arms around her neck. She hugged my back tightly. Her skin was so cool. I slowly lifted her shirt off her body and stuck myself back to her.

**Tegan's POV**

I let my shirt come off, and felt Sara's burning flesh on mine. I bit my lip to stop from making any more comments about how hot she was. I could tell she was terrified, and weak, and hurting. I tugged at the hem of her shirt and pulled it over her head. It clung to her from the mixture of sweat and drippings from the cloth. I threw it aside and pulled her back to me, hearing her sigh as her heated skin hit my cool flesh. I took hold of her head and tucked it next to mine, moving the hair off my cheek so she could cool hers on mine. Her chin was locked on my shoulder, and her entire front was glued to me. I massaged down her back, feeling the knots and tension there. She was shivering again. I felt so helpless. How did I make this stop for her? I heard her whimper and my heart broke. I wish I could ease her mind about where we were; about who we were.

Suddenly, we were both wearing tank tops, and there was a POOF of blue smoke in the doorway. Sara lifted her head from its resting place, her bangs drenched. She lazily looked around, and my eyes followed hers.

"Well, it was a compromise." Spoke a familiar voice.

Then my eyes found her, Kaki King was standing in the doorway.

"What the hell?" I barked at her.

I gently laid Sara down on the bed, before getting up and walking over to Kaki.

"How did you get in here?"

"No: thank you Kaki for giving us shirts before you came in?"

"Yeah, just like I'd thank you for taking Lindsey!"

Kaki looked towards the bed.

"You sure you don't' want to thank me for that?"

"What are you doing here?"

Kaki sighed, dropped her posture, and rolled her eyes.

"I'm a fairy godmother."

What? She was a…? I roared with laughter and she chewed a nail on her fretting hand, waiting for me to stop, clearly expecting it. After a minute or so I stopped.

"Okay, no, really, what are you doing here?"

"Aren't you wondering what _you're _doing here?"

My face dropped now. She knew. What did she know?

"Oh, I know. I did it. Still wanna laugh?"

I gulped and shook my head. She motioned for me to go back to Sara.

"She needs you right now."

I nodded and crawled back up, sitting up, resting my back against the headboard. Sara sat next to me, leaning her head on my shoulder. I wrapped an arm around her as we both watched Kaki snap her fingers and a chair appear out of thin air. She sat down.

"So, lets see, where do I start? How about the beginning?" she paused, and took a deep breath "There are an infinite number of alternate realities. Even the lamest physicist knows this. 99.9999% of the time, everything happens as it was meant to. The two of you were the 0.0001%. You were born into the wrong reality. Long story short: something happens in the future of this reality that is crucial, and it all depends on you two being here. Blah Blah Blah, someone didn't want it to happen, and they switched you with the other Tegan and Sara before you were born. This was supposed to be your reality. Questions?"

"But we were here. Not US, US, but the other US, right? This reality already had a Tegan and a Sara" I said.

"Yes, but they were you two. Well, they were. It's complicated. They weren't sisters, but they were meant to be."

"Well, how did we get here?"

"Remember the wish you made last night?"

I gulped and nodded. I did this?

"Well, it wasn't only you."

Could she read my mind?

"Yes, I can. The thing with wishes, is that they usually fall on deaf ears, unless the you from another reality make a similar wish at the exact same time. The universe takes notice. In this case, as you made the wish that you weren't Sara's sister, so you could be together, the Tegan here made a wish that there was a way that her and the Sara here could just be best friends and didn't have to be together anymore." She paused. "They were never meant to be together."

"They were meant to be twins. Best friends, but never in love." I chimed in, starting to understand.

Kaki nodded. "I knew the simultaneous wish was coming up for the other Tegan. Her and Sara were having big time relationship problems. So I just gave you a little push."

"THAT'S why you slept with Lindsey and got her to break up with me!"

"That WAS the turning point for you, wasn't it? Finding Lindsey with someone else gave you the okay to start thinking about other people. Namely, Sara, and no I didn't plant the dream. I didn't have to. Then, once you realized your love for Sara, or rather let yourself feel it, Lindsey breaking up with you gave you the okay."

I felt Sara run her fingers over the back of my hand, and I opened my palm and let her entwine our fingers together. I mulled it all over, then my eyes lit up "It started everything. After Lindsey broke up with me, it was okay to kiss Sara. And after I kissed Sara, there was no going back."

Kaki nodded.

"You're smarter than you lead on."

"So this is the universe righting itself?" I asked

Kaki nodded. It was like she was a bobblehead with all this nodding. She shot me a glance and I chuckled, knowing she had "heard" that thought.

"What about this thing that has to happen here?"

"Oh, you'll find out in time. I can't take all the fun out of this for you two."

"But we don't remember anything. I don't even know who my parents are" Sara whispered hoarsely, speaking for the first time in the conversation.

"You'll start to remember it all, for now just explore the house. It holds a lot of memories and clues. Everyone from your reality is here. They're the same souls, remember that. Emy is just as loyal and trustworthy as good old Emy. I have to go now. Sorry it took so long getting here to explain it all, I kind of had to go to your old reality first seeing as how that could have gone really badly had I not told them right away. You should have seen the looks of relief on their faces."

I couldn't imagine not wanting to be with Sara. Other Tegan was weird. Kaki snapped the chair away and walked over to us. She hugged me, then put a hand on Sara's shoulder.

"Drink lots of fluids. Tegan, take care of her."

I nodded as Kaki slowly backed away.

"I'll see you two around, okay? Take care of yourselves. You're more important thank you think."

I smile at her and then she's gone. I turn to Sara.

"At least we know now."

Sara nods.

**Sara's POV**

I'm glad Tegan asked a lot of questions and understood what was going on because I couldn't focus on the conversation in my state. I'm glad we had some kind of explanation. I felt Tegan reach for something, then the thermometer enter my ear. I sighed and nuzzled her neck with my cheek. She rubbed up and down my arm.

"104. I hope mum gets here soon with Emy." Tegan whispers.

I nod. I hope Emy can do something for this, although all this snuggling with Tegan felt amazing. And I love her taking care of me. I always knew being with Tegan would be extraordinary, but I never knew that she'd be everything I've ever wanted. She knew what to do to take care of me. She just knew. She knew where to touch, and how to touch. She knew what to say, in what tone, at what volume. She knew what smile to give me. She knew when to tease me. All this is expected, after having grown up as twins. But this morning, she knew how to make love to me. I can assure you that we've never done that before, I think I'd remember. Her instincts just did and said the right things at the right times. I heard her chewing her nails and I opened my eyes, not even realizing that they had drifted closed.

"This is our house" I whispered "This is our bed. Ours."

She looked around, then the arm that wasn't holding me reached over to an end table. She took my hand in hers, then looked me in the eyes.

"Will you marry me?"

"Tegan we've been married for 14 years apparently."

"The other Tegan and Sara. But YOU, will YOU marry me?"

I felt the aches and the pain subside as giddiness overcame me. We could be married. I could be married to Tegan. Legally. I could introduce her to the world as my wife. She could be my wife. I gave her a weak, soft kiss nodding against her lips, before I pulled away. I ran a sweaty hand through her hair, forehead, to the nape of her neck and searched her eyes.

"I wouldn't have it any other way. I never want anyone else."

I felt something being slipped on my finger. She reached over to the other nightstand and put something on her own finger, before taking my hand again. I felt my hand pull towards hers. Not a metaphorical pull either. The ring finger of my left hand was physically being drawn to its partner on Tegan's. It was the pull of one magnet to another. The rings were magnetic. I examine the rings more intently. Tegan's had a few encrusted diamonds, while mine was a plain gold band, slim and rounded. We were married. I looked up and met her eyes again as she dropped the sweetest, softest kiss on my lips, then whispered inches away from them.

"MY wife."

I smiled and kissed her back, before another wave of nausea hit me.

"Ughhhh" I grumbled.

Tegan's eyes bugged out and she laid me down on the bed, running into the bathroom and grabbing the plastic garbage can. She rushed it back over to me, putting it in my lap. I gratefully accepted the receptacle, hugging it as she slid behind me, so I could sit between her legs. She snaked both hands up my shirt to rub my back. I could feel the cold metal of her ring on my back, and even through the nausea I smiled. I felt the stirrings, and started dry heaving. Tegan rubbed my lower back. More upchuck exited my mouth and I whimpered at the return of the burn, along with the cramping in my stomach. I vomited for a while, until it subsided. I leaned back, resting my back against Tegan's chest, letting my head fall onto her shoulder.

"Does your tummy hurt baby?"

I nodded and whimpered, but soon felt cool, calloused hands rubbing my stomach softly, just barely touching the skin. I felt my body respond immediately. It was as if Tegan were commanding my organs to stop causing me pain. I moaned and turned my face towards her, kissing her cheek.

"Thank you. I love you so much Tegan."

I saw her smile. The kind that caused her cheeks to wrinkle upwards. It was her special smile. I always loved doing something to get Tegan's special smile. She kissed my shoulder, never stopping the rubbing of my tummy.

"I love you too, my wife."

She always knew what to say.

This is how Mum and Emy found us. Even when they walked in, Tegan didn't stop, which I was grateful for. I felt like if she stopped I'm vomit again. Emy walked over, taking in my condition.

"Oh God, Sara!"

I had gotten a peak of myself in the mirror over my dresser, which I could see from the bed. My eyes were sunken in, and I looked like I had just gone swimming with my clothes on, I was so drenched. She put her bag down and knelt next to the bed, peering into the vomit filled garbage bag.

"When did this start?" she asked while removing the garbage bin from my lap.

"Maybe an hour or so ago. We were in the kitchen, and she walked out. She passed out in the hallway, then woke up and the nausea started, along with the fever." Tegan answered, never stopping her ministrations on my stomach.

I'm glad she didn't stop, because, I was focusing everything I had right now on those hands rubbing my belly, as I tried not to get sick again. Emy pulled out her stethoscope and slipped it under the shoulder of my tank top, listening intently. I felt Tegan kiss my head again. Boy does she do that a lot. Not that I mind…at all.

Emy listens to my lungs, takes my blood pressure, and my temperature. She turns back to Mum.

"Hey Sonia, could you give us a few minutes?"

Mum nodded and walked out, closing the door behind her.

Emy turned back to us.

"It looks like you caught a nasty flu bug. Your body should be able to fight it, but this fever's got me worried. Have you taken a test lately?"

I could barely whisper, but I managed a tiny one "What test?"

"A pregnancy test. We did the last round of insemination about six weeks ago. You're seriously telling me you haven't taken a test?"

Insemination? I felt Tegan tense and freeze under me. Her hands stopped and my eyes fluttered as I got nauseous again, swaying forward, away from Tegan's comfortable body. Thankfully she recovered quickly and pulled be back in, going back to rubbing my tummy. The nausea slowly subsided. I shook my head at Emy.

"Well, have you had a period?" she asked

"I…I don't know."

She sighed. "I can't give you anything but Tylenol unless I'm sure you're not pregnant, or we go to the hospital where you can be monitored. But the Tylenol won't do much. And if you ARE pregnant, and that fever gets any higher, well let's just say that I'm worried."

I gulped and felt Tegan press me to her just a little bit more. Could I be pregnant? But how? My body was still mine from the last reality, and I sure as shit wasn't pregnant there. I heard Emy sigh. I remembered that sigh as her "AHA" moment sigh.

"I could get Sonia to run me to the office and put a rush on a blood and urine test. I think I have…"

She opened her bag and fumbled around. She pulled out a sterile cup, and the supplies she'd need to take blood. I felt Tegan tense again. She hates needles. I whisper in her ear.

"Close your eyes. You don't have to watch."

She obeyed, and I faced Emy.

"I'm gonna collect the urine sample first, just in case you get woozy."

I nodded and started to get up, Tegan followed, supporting me. A few minutes later, I handed Emy the sample in the Ziploc she gave me. Tegan had gone back to her previous position, and I rejoined her. Emy came over and put a tourniquet on my arm. She started the process.

"You two are acting really weird." She caught a glimpse of our fingers. "Well, it's been a while since I've seen those."

Did we not usually wear our wedding rings? Was that a little bit of jealousy in her voice. I saw her give Tegan a look. Holy shit, did Emy and other Tegan have a thing? It sure as hell looked like it. I feel the needle prick, but am starting to drift.

"Sara, just hang in there for little longer. Then you can sleep all you want."

I nod, and force myself to keep my eyes open. The needle slides out of my skin, and Emy places a cotton ball on the spot where it once was. I feel my head spin a but and am glad she thought to do it in that order.

"Sara? Sara, lay down. Stay with me." Emy called out.

Even in my half daze, I felt Tegan move from behind me, letting me lay back onto the pillow. My eyes fluttered closed, then back open. I just wanted to sleep. The room spun around me. It felt like the biggest trip of my life. I saw Tegan and Emy's faces contort above me. Tegan's voice echoed inside my head as she spoke.

"Sare, come on. Please. You're scaring me."

I fought my way back, tried to clear my head. Slowly the fog cleared and the room righted itself.

"I'm gonna bring you some pedialyte and you need to drink the whole litre by the time I come back, understood?"

I nodded. Emy turned to Tegan.

"Keep her awake for another half hour, then let her sleep all she wants. I should be back by 3."

"Alright, you're the boss."

Emy nodded, no smile and got up, walking out, only to walk right back in and put the litre of drink on my night stand, then walked out, closing the door. I started to feel nauseous again, and before I had to think about puking, Tegan's hands were on me, doing the only thing that could stop it. She let one hand move to the nightstand and quickly uncapped the drink, bringing it to my lips. I lifted two heavy, shaking hands to hold it and take a slow, tentative drink, not sure how it would sit with me.

"Are you feeling any better?"

"Only when you rub my tummy."

"Then I'll just have to rub your tummy until it stops hurting."

I smiled as Tegan sighed.

"Well, so much for a restful post-tour."

There's silence as I take another drink, and we both try to find the entry point into the conversation we know needs to happen. Tegan is staring down at my midsection intently, watching as her hands massage over the taut skin. We stayed in silence until she spoke, barely a whisper.

"My baby might be in there."

I looked over at her face and saw the pure adoration and joy. I smiled and ran a hand through her hair, letting my nails graze her scalp on their way to her neck. I wasn't sure how she was going to react. This is a pleasant surprise. She was lying perpendicular to me, on her tummy, reaching out with the one hand to rub circles on the part of my body that had her transfixed.

"I don't have to be Aunt Tegan. I can be mom." She looked up at me, with tears in her eyes. "We can be moms to our own children Sara."

I smiled and nodded, taking another sip. I'm glad Tegan's so eager for kids, but we'd only just gotten together. As much as I would love to have kids with her, it was just too much too soon. I wanted some time with just Tegan and Sara, the married couple. But it looked like I might not have a choice. If I am pregnant, I'm going to be so fucking happy, don't get me wrong. But if I had the choice, I'd choose to wait.

"Yeah, we can."

"Why does it seem like I'm the only one excited about this?"

"Because I just got you. I want time for just us. Lots of it." I take a moment to breathe "Tegan, if we are having a baby I'll be over the moon happy. All I want from life is to have a family with you. "I took another sip, and breathed "It feels like someone else made this decision for me, and I feel gross." I let the tears fall, unable to hold back anymore "And I'm sweaty and gross and nauseous, and clammy."

Tegan let out the breath she was holding and crawled back up to me, cradling my head against her chest.

"It's okay Sare, you're allowed to cry. Let it out."

I did. I let her rock me like a child as I let out the frustration, the anxiety, the ickyness.

"And for the record you're far from gross. If you weren't so sick we'd be fucking right now; sweat, puke, clamminess and all. But I know you feel like shit, so I'm gonna hold you and rub your tummy, and rock you if it means it makes you feel even the slightest bit better. But only if you listen to Emy and drink that stuff."

I give a weak smile and sip from the bottle. Tgean grabbed the thermometer again, putting it in my ear. When it beeped she didn't say the number out loud. That meant my fever was increasing, but still under 105. I drank from the bottle again, only having a few more sips left before it was done. Tegan looked over at the clock.

"Five more minutes and you can sleep."

She kissed my temple and I sighed in relief. I took the last two sips and handed Tegan the bottle, surprised it stayed down. She put it back on the nightstand and lowered us into the pillow. She lifted her shirt, to expose her tummy, then lifted mine, pressing cool skin to hot. Then she wrapped me up completely in herself, kissing my eyelids and nose.

"I'd take them off, but I kind of want to be clothed when Emy comes in."

"You don't have to stay with me."

"Nice try, babe, but I'm not going anywhere." Her eyes went to my hairline and she raked her fingers through my wet bangs. "Besides, a nap sounds nice."

Liar. She won't nap. She's gonna check my temperature every 5 seconds once I fall asleep. She gonna make sure I'm still breathing every 2 seconds, and that my heart beats every second. And I wouldn't have it any other way. She kisses my forehead.

"Go to sleep love, it's alright. I've got you."

Yes Tegan, you do. I let my eyes close and it isn't long before I am dead to the world.

As soon as I fall asleep, I wish I hadn't. A long exhausting Fever dream starts.

**Tegan's POV**

I hoped with everything I had that Sara's fever stopped at where it was right now. I really didn't want to have to bring her into the ER. Too much for one 24-hour period.

A baby.

I couldn't get my mind off of it. I know Sara wasn't too impressed with the idea right now, but even the possibility of it happening one day. Being allowed that possibility. I sighed happily and rubbed her back. I loved the way her long, slender back felt through the shirt. But what I loved even more..I slipped my hand under the shirt. Ah, Sara skin. She snuggled closer in sleep. For someone who said she didn't like to cuddle, she sure liked to cuddle. But things had always been different between her and I than between her and everyone else. I still can't believe that she kept this a secret all those years. She was right to though, I would have flipped out. Actually, she did everything perfectly. She made all the right choices. She let me come to her. She was patient.

We're married. I twirl the ring around my finger. It was exactly how I always pictured my wedding ring. It was perfect. A memory flashed before my eyes. Sara proposing to me. She was down on one knee, on a beach, in a Canadian tuxedo. She was 18. I remember, because that's the year she got the Smashing Pumpkins pin she had on her jacket. She lost it at a Springsteen concert not long after our 19th birthday. It was this ring in the box.

She said "I picked it out myself."

The memory faded. The ring took on a whole new meaning now. I started making connections. A certain song came to mind. The rings, the beach. I was starting to see what the petite form had been up against all these years. I'm sure I could take each of her songs and link them all back to me. I made a mental note to do that one day, then pick her brain about it. But this one song was stark in my memory.

_I married in the sun…into my heart confusion grows against; the muscles fought so long to control against the pull of one magnet to another._

…

_They seem so very tough, they seem so very scared of us. I look into the mirror, for evil that just does not exist_. _I don't see what they see. Try to control the pull of one magnet to another. _

Had she planned out that proposal in our reality? How many times had she played it in her head? Enough to write a song about it. All those songs of hers I loved. All those beautiful words and melodies, for me. Just waiting for me to see it too.

I looked over at her and sighed, shaking my head.

You are so good at hiding your emotions. I had no idea. I can never give you all the love you deserve for the years of torment, but I sure as hell am gonna give you as much as I possibly can. And I thought I'd had unrequited loves. Oh Sara! Sara's phone rang. I reluctantly, but quickly let go of her to answer it.

"Hello?" I whispered.

"Sara, darling, oh I was so worried. Emy called and told me you were sick. I couldn't get out of work, but I'm on my way over to take care of you right now. Please don't hate me."

"Lindsey?"

"Oh, Tegan." She chuckled. CHUCKLED. "Sorry, I thought you were Sara. Can you put her on?"

"She's asleep. Why would you come take care of her? I'm here." I spat back at her.

"You're really angry today, aren't you? Geez, Tegan, it's not so weird for me to want to take care of my girlfriend when she's sick. Emy does it for you. "

"Why would Emy…?" I just realized something. Sara and I weren't together here. We were just still married.

"What about Emy? Does she know you do this?"

"Of course, Tegan what's wrong with you? Have you been absent the past few years?"

"Refresh my memory."

Lindsey sighed and spoke "Emy and I are happily married, but open."

'And so are Sara and I? So we're swingers?"

"Not exactly. Come on Tegan, do you really not remember?"

"I took a bump to the head" I made up, hoping she bought it.

"You should get Emy to check that out."

"I will when she comes back. Just, tell me about Sara and I."

"What about you guys? I'm actually surprised she slept there last night. Did she have angry sex with you again?"

"Why would she do that?"

"C'mon Tegan, you're not fooling anyone. Everyone knows you two are miserable together. Sonia thinks it's a phase and everything's peachy but we all know you just stay together for your career, for the fans. A divorce would go public, and no one wants that."

Well, other Tegan and Sara hit the jackpot. Everyone wins. They can date Emy and Lindsey without the fake marriage.

"Oh, right, I remember now. Umm, actually we've mended things. You could say we're different people even. I love her Lindsey, and she loves me. You can ask her yourself. Just let her get better."

I heard Lindsey sigh "Whatever you say Tegan, I'll have to hear it from the horse's mouth. Kiss her for me."

Lindsey hung up and I put the phone down, checking the time. Another ten minutes until Emy came back. I wrapped Sara up again and just watched her sleep.


	6. We're What?

**Warnings:**Chapter contains a homosexual incestual relationship and sexual content between two women. If you don't like it, don't read it.

**Rating:** M

**Summary:**. What happens when she gets her wish and Tegan finds herself in an alternate reality where Sara is her girlfriend, and not her sister? Will be a LONG fic, updated often.

**A/N: **This is to make up for the delay in posts. Enjoy. In case you don't know, the song is "Living Room" by Tegan and Sara.

**Disclaimer:** COMPLETELY FICTIONAL!

**Chapter 6- **

**Tegan's POV**

I was in a light doze when I heard the front door open and close. I felt the heat coming of Sara's that was tightly pressed to mine, against my chest and between my arms. This was the most comfortable cuddle session ever. Even with the hot sweatiness. Sara was out cold, sleeping so deeply her mouth was hanging open and she was drooling. She hadn't moved since I pulled her in to me. I sighed as I heard the footsteps come closer, then the door slowly open. Emy popped her face in. I looked up and nodded. She tiptoed in and over to my side of the bed, kneeling to whisper to me. I craned my neck, refusing to let go of Sara.

"How'd it go?" She asked me.

"Her fever hit 104.6, and has stayed there."

Emy nodded. "I stopped by the pharmacy and prescribed her some extra strength ibuprofen and acetaminophen." She took out both bottles and put them on the night stand.

"I thought she couldn't take anything stronger than Tylenol."

"She's not pregnant Tegan. Either way, acetaminophen is Tylenol, but that stuff is prescription grade. Have her take one every 6 hours, alternating between the two. No more than two of each in one day. Get her into a tepid bath, make sure she's drinking and sleeping a lot. Make sure she eats. If she still can't keep anything down by tomorrow morning, let me know."

I nodded, Sara would be happy. I was kind of disappointed. I was really hoping she was pregnant. Emy must have seen the look on my face.

"We can start another round as soon as she's ovulating again, okay?"

I gulped and nodded, tuning to face Emy. She sighed and ran a hand through my hair.

"How are you doing babe? Can I get you anything?"

I totally forgot that Emy and I were supposed to be together. It felt really weird. I shook my head and she leaned in to kiss me. I turned my cheek, and she let out a frustrated groan.

"Emy, she's sick. I'm okay."

Emy bit her bottom lip and nodded.

"Are you gonna stay here tonight or come to dinner? I can send Lindsey over to take care of her. I know you're all of a sudden on the Sara kick, but you could use the break."

"Emy, it's not a kick. I'm in love with her."

"Tegan, you've never been in love with her. Fuck, you only married her to please the fans. I haven't even seen you two touch each other since your wedding day."

"That's changed, okay? I can't be with you Emy. I really appreciate you taking your day to help her, but I can't be with you."

"Tegan, I love you two. Of course I'm gonna take care of her." She paused "Are you really breaking up with me?"

I nodded "Sorry Emy. And I'm pretty sure Sara's gonna end it with Lindsey."

I didn't expect Emy to sigh of relief.

"Thank God. Do you know how long I've put off ending this? Something always happened, you always needed me and I just couldn't. Lindsey and I couldn't stand see you two miserable. Wait, are we still friends?"

"Of course! I don't know why, but I'm just so head over heels with Sara right now. Something happened this morning. I just woke up in love with her."

I know it didn't sound convincing but it's all I had. Thankfully Emy took it.

"After 14 years, there it is. Well, congratulations. Are you two still going to try for the baby then?"

"Why wouldn't we?"

"Well, now you don't have to create a reason to stay together. You actually have one."

My heart sank. How could we do something like that?

"You mean we…?"

Emy gave me an odd look.

"Maybe you should sleep too. You've been weird all morning."

I nodded and laid my head back down, closing my eyes. Emy kissed my forehead.

"I'll call in a few hours to check in. And Tegan?"

I looked up at her.

"Thanks."

"Any time" I said, then she walked out of the room and I sighed, closing my eyes against Sara's hair.

I heard the door creak open and looked up to see mum walk in with a tray full of food. She had a giant smile plastered on her face.

"Mum, hey". I smiled sleepily

She put the tray down on the now very crowded nightstand and sat on the bed.

"How are you, baby?"

I sighed and yawned.

"Tired."

"I bet. I brought in some food in case you two were hungry and I went downstairs and started on some laundry. I've got some soup started on the stove for Sara. But you need something a bit more substantial."

"Thanks mum."

She put a hand to my forehead, and in leaning in, her other hand landed on the sheets, close to me.

"Tegan, did you wet the bed?"

"What? No." I looked down and suddenly became aware of the wetness of my body on the sheets. I reluctantly untangled from Sara and pulled back the covers. Her body was outlined on the sheets by a shopping wet pool of sweat. How long had the sheets been drenched? Mom already started going to work on stripping the bed. As much as I didn't want to disturb Sara, I wanted to try and make her as comfy as possible, so I hooked an arm around her shoulders and under her knees, using everything I had to lift her up in her sleep so mum could get the sheets from under her. She really was dead asleep. She was usually such a light sleeper, but even being lifted into the air and moved around she was still drooling away. I gently put her back down on the bare mattress as mum went to one of the closets, taking out two new pillows. She put clean pillow cases on them and tossed them to me one by one. I lifted Sara's head and swapped her wet one for a dry, clean one. Mum tossed me over a new, clean fitted sheet and helped me maneuver it onto the bed. I went back and painstakingly lifted Sara again. She brought over a fresh top sheet and comforter,

"I'm gonna go put this stuff in the wash, if you want to bring me down her dirty clothes. I'm gonna spend the night in the spare room tonight."

"Thanks mum, but it's okay. I've got it. I'm 32, I don't need my mum to take care of my wife. But thank you for the offer and for all you've done today."

She sighed, thinking about arguing.

"Fine. I guess you're right. But if you need anything, call me."

"I will mum."

She walked over and kissed Sara on the forehead, then we both walked out, towards the entrance. She grabbed her purse and slipped on her shoes.

"The soup should be done in an hour. Just give it a couple stirs before then."

I nodded.

"Remember to sort the darks from the lights."

"Okay mum."

"And check pockets."

I nodded again. She bit her lip, having a hard time leaving.

"Make sure she…"

"Drinks lots of fluids and sleeps it off. I know. Thanks for everything mum, I'll call if I need you."

She smiled and cupped my cheek.

"You know I'd do anything for you two. I'm so happy you've reconnected. I've never seen you so in love."

I smiled and blushed.

"Thanks mum. I'm happy."

She smiled wide and gave me a hug.

"I love you Tegan."

"Love you too mum."

She opened the door, and walked out. I stepped out, onto the porch, crossed my arms, and watching her get in her car. She drove off and I waved. I had a look around at the scenery. I dunno where we were in BC, but it was gorgeous. There were a few houses, but this place was far from suburbia. It looked like the middle of the woods. I spotted a mailbox at the end of our driveway and walked over to it, opening it and finding a stack of mail. I tucked it under my arm and walked back into the house, closing and locking the door behind me.

I dropped the stack on the island, stirring the pot of soup, then returning back to it. I read the address.

Mrs. Sara Quin  
407 Quin Dr. North Vancouver, BC

We lived in North Van? How the hell did we afford THIS place in the first place, but this place in North Vancouver I'm sure was expensive. And wait, is the whole street named after us? Is this our street? What the hell?

I sighed. Well, I've always wanted to live in North Van. It's like in this reality, I had everything I've ever wanted. I knew this was where I was meant to be. This is what my life was supposed to be. I abandoned the mail and decided to bring down that bedding, and get some of those drugs into Sara. I grabbed another bottle of pedialyte out of the fridge. It was the last one. I made a mental note to go to the store and get some groceries. As I closed the fridge door, I saw the list in Sara's neat handwriting. She's always been one for lists. I grab the pen and add "Pedialyte" to it. Mum always gave us this when we were sick. Especially when we were vomiting. It had a lot less sugar than the sports drinks, and was full of electrolytes. Lindsey tried getting me to switch to coconut water, but it tasted like snot.

My feet carried me down the hallway. I cracked the bedroom door open and walked over to the bed. I sat down and looked at Sara's sleeping form. She might feel like she's dying, but it's just the flu. We don't' have to worry about the fever harming a baby anymore. She was gonna be okay. We were gonna be okay. We were gonna be more than okay. Could I really have that life I'd always fantasized about in my mind? I smiled widely. I leaned down and gently kissed Sara's forehead, rubbing her back.

"Wake up, handsome." I brushed some of the hair out of her face. "I've got some good drugs for you."

She gave a weak smile and slowly opened her eyes. I smiled wide down at her.

"Mum left. Emy dropped some drugs off for you."

She looked up at me, anxious. "Am I…?"

I shook my head, handing her the bottle, and swiping the pills off the night stand, shaking one out and handing it to her. She took it and drank more from the bottle.

"How's your stomach?"

She thought for a moment "Better. Still a little queasy, but I don't feel like I'm gonna puke again" She took another long drink.

"Did you know we live in North Van? AND we have our own street. Quin Dr."

Her eyes bugged out "really?"

I nodded. She put the bottle back down on the end table and I reached out to take hold of the hem of her tank top. I pulled the sopping wet garment over her head. She squirmed out of the PJ bottoms, down to just her boxers. I took them and threw both the shirt and pants into the laundry pile. I saw her eyes close and she inhaled in relief.

"Give me your boxers too. I'm sure they're drenched."

She blushed and I got the double entendre.

"Come on, Sara. You're sick, get your mind out of the gutter."

She chuckled softly and slipped off the undergarment. I tossed them aside and walked over to her dresser, opening the top drawer and taking out a new pair. I brought them over to her and she put them on. My bum found the bed, and I leaned in, kissing her softly and pulling the dry comforter up to her chin.

"Are you hungry?"

She shook her head.

"Okay, go back to sleep love. I'm gonna do laundry and figure out as much as I can." I grabbed my phone and put it in the pocket of my sweatpants. "If you need me, just holler. If you can't. just call or text me."

She nodded. I got up to leave.

"Tegan?"

I turned back around.

"Hold me until I fall asleep?"

I smiled and walked back over, pulling my tank top off, and adding to the growing pile of laundry on the floor. I eagerly slipped into bed next to her, my body gliding up hers: skin on skin. I felt her moan at the sensation and I couldn't help a throbbing in my clit. Sick, sweaty, could throw up on me at any second and I still wanted her. She kissed me with soft, plump lips as my face met hers. I closed my eyes and moaned into the kiss as she wrapped hands around my neck, traveling them upwards to tangle in my hair. She broke the kiss to hide her face in my neck.

"I like it when you ask for what you need." I whispered, kissing her neck.

I felt her smile against my shoulder and I rubbed her back.

"Sing to me, then?"

I nodded, and started to gently sing:

"_My windows look into your living room,__  
Where I spend the afternoon on top of you.__  
I wonder what it is__  
that I did to make you move in__  
across away from me._

I hope I never figure out who broke your heart._  
and if I DO,__  
if I DO.___

I'd spend all night losing sleep._  
I'd spend the night__  
and I'd lose my mind.__  
and I'd spend the night__  
and I'd lose my mind"_

As soon as I had finished the first chorus, I knew she was asleep. I lingered for a few minutes, then gently extracted myself from under her. I grabbed the pile of laundry, headed into the living room, and found the stairs just beyond the wall of pictures. I took them down, into the basement. I stood in a large, mostly empty room. There were French doors in front of me, that opened into what I figured was the laundry room. But the rest of the room was pretty empty. There were a couple couches on the wall to my left, and a small kitchenette against the left wall, outside the laundry room. There was a hallway to my left as well, lined with doors, but no door at the end. It looked a lot like upstairs. Almost identical. I decided to put the laundry in, then explore the basement. I nudged open the laundry room door and dropped my load. Looking around I found the small room adorned with a few laundry baskets and some luggage. The laundry in the washing machine was done, so I moved it to the dryer, cleaned the lint trap, and added a dryer sheet. They were the same dryer sheets Sara used. I inhaled deeply and smiled. I also noticed that we had Sara's choice of detergent. I turned on the dryer and loaded the washer, taking off my sweatpants, making sure to put my phone ontop of the machine. I stripped naked and put the clothes in the washing machine before turning it on.

I walked over to the laundry baskets and found which one was mine, pulling on some PJ shorts and a fitted T-shirt. I needed a shower before I actually got dressed. I took my phone and walked back out into the large, empty room. I wonder what we used this big, empty room for. It didn't look like much. I kept walking down the hallway and opened the first door on my right, finding a spare room. It was simple, with dark purple carpet, a queen sized bed, dresser, closet, and two end tables. I saw another door and walked through, turning the light in the room off. A bathroom. There was a double sink and toilet to my right, and a shower/tub combo on the far wall, with another adjoining door. I kept walking through, into another spare room, not much different from the first. The only other door was on the left wall. I opened it and was at the end of the hallway. Well, the layout was practical.

I looked across the hall and found another door. I felt like Alice in Wonderland, just opening doors over and over, not knowing where they lead. I opened the door to find a large room. Hardwood floor, with a Persian rug under the drum kit. The room was full of instruments and mic rigs. In front of me, there was another room within this one, and the rest of the wall was a big window. I saw a control room on the other side. Monitors and speakers at a long desk. I looked behind me at another door, and opened it. I walked into a medium sized storage room. The walls were line with cased guitars, drums, keyboards, mics, all kinds of road cases, and amps. I walked over and opened one of the cases. A vintage '65 Fender duo sonic. I marveled at its beauty and ran my hand over the fretboard. This was mine? If I pulled this out on the first try, I wonder how many other gems were in here. I remembered my time in all those studios over the years, always admiring the collection of instruments. Now I had my own. I put the guitar back in the case, closed the light, and the door. If this is a studio like I think it is, that little room must be the vocal booth. I walked into it and sure as shit, there was a boom pole hanging from the ceiling with a mic. The walls were padded in eggshell memory foam. I walked out the other door and found myself back in the hallway. Further down the wall, I found another set of French doors and entered them, finding myself in the control room. I looked over the mixing board, monitors, and screens. We had a recording studio in our basement. Not a measly home studio, but a full out, top notch recording studio. Is that how we made our money?

Something catches my eye. They're plaques on the walls. I walk over and see the album art for So Jealous, The Con, and Sainthood. They all went double platinum. DOUBLE PLATINUM? I see there are more framed items decorating the walls. Covers of magazines with eye catchers like "Dynamic Duo do it again." and "If they're music's this hot, imagine their bedroom. We take you inside Tegan and Sara." I gulped. We were famous. And not like, people knew who we were. People cared. Accroding to the framed Billboard clippings we hit number one a lot. Alligator was apparently up there for 10 weeks straight. It was everything I wanted my career to be. Everything I thought we deserved. It had finally happened. I smiled and turned back around, seeing shelves framing a sectional couch. They displayed all kinds of trophies. Everything from Sara's karate trophies, to Junos, and a good handful of Grammys. We'd won Grammys. I felt my soul light up. I looked into the recording room and smiled. I wonder what else was upstairs, now that I'd thoroughly explored the basement. It was going to make working so much easier, having everything right here. I wonder if we have people come stay with us often? I bet those spare rooms were for artists to crash in while they were recording. The kitchenette too. I walked back into the hallway, making sure to turn off the lights as I padded back up the stairs. I really loved this house.

I went over and gave the soup another stir when my phone rang. I panicked, thinking it was Sara and was already moving to the bedroom when I saw the name on the phone.

_Dallas Calling. _

I smiled and answered.

"Dallas!"

"Hey little sister."

I was Dallas' little sister?

"Mom called and said Sara was sick. She's making me check up on you two. Said you kicked her out."

"Um, yea. Sara's alright, she's got the flu. Emy's already been by. She's sleeping right now."

"Good. You know, mom said something about the two of you making up. What's going on?"

I sat on the couch and put my feet on the coffee table, biting a nail while I talked to him.

"I dunno Dal, I just woke up this morning and" I sighed, like a lovesick little girl. "I couldn't contain it. I'm so in love with her."

"Well it's about time you fell in love. I was beginning to think you'd be miserable for the rest of your life. "

I'm so happy I got the other Tegan out of this situation.

"It feels great."

"I'm happy for you. Well, call me when Sara gets better and we'll lay down the track we've been working on."

"Alright Dallas. Thanks for calling."

"Anythign for you little sis. Love you."

"Love you too."

He hung up the phone. Dallas was my brother? This reality was awesome. I sighed, closing my eyes for a moment before I remembered that I had things to do. I walked over and stirred the soup, then checked all the cabinets and the fridge to see what we had and what we needed. I put the list on the island and headed towards the bedroom, creeping in quietly. I started the shower and stepped in. There were jets that hit your body from every angle. EVERY angle. I gulped and sidestepped that one, not really in the mood. I got clean, then went into the bedroom to get dressed. I opened the closet and found a pair of jean shorts, then looked to the ground seeing a mess of high tops. I started to pick through them when I came across a safe. I looked at the lock and thought for a moment. What was the combination? I had the same combination and password for everything, but did the other Tegan? I put in the first number, then the second, and heard a click after the third. I smiled wide. I opened the door and had a peek inside. There was some jewelry, some pictures that I made a mental note to go through with Sara later, an envelope with Canadian cash, one with American, and a couple bank books. I took the bank books, not caring to count the cash in the envelopes. I grabbed the one that my name was printed on the front. I opened it up and froze, my stomach dropping with my jaw.

I had how much money in my personal chequing account? That was way too many numbers.

_7 986 946.82_

I closed it and quickly opened my savings

_20 936 927.98_

I was rich. The next one was labeled T+S Quin

_105 736 937.45_

We had a hundred million dollars in our joint account. The was one last book T+S Quin Savings

_104 392 085.63_

Holy shit. Ours kids were going to Harvard…on the moon, and will use diamond pencils to write on gold paper. I dug through the safe a big more, and my hands hit some cassettes. I smiled when I saw the colours. All our original demos. God, I hadn't heard these in forever. I put everything back into the safe and locked it, putting the shoes around it again.

From the house and what was downstairs I knew we were well off, but I didn't think it would be by that much. Shouldn't we be living in a mansion? No, not us. We're not the mansion type. I looked around and smiled. In true Tegan and Sara fashion, we got what we needed, made sure it was well made, practical, and something we could grow into. I remembered there were doors to rooms I still hadn't explored. I remembered Sara's Study and wondered if I had my own. I finished getting dressed and walked into the hallway. There was a door to my left I hadn't opened. I walked through and found myself in a spare bedroom. Was this spare room number 3? Why did we have so many bedrooms? I'm sure we had guests, but we like our privacy. Why would we put one so close to our room?

I smiled as I came to the realization. For the kids. We really did build a house we could grow into. I bet that big, empty space downstairs is meant to be a playroom when the time comes. We can work and keep an eye on the kids at the same time. It was something I'd always asked myself. How was I going to work and still be present in my children's lives? Well, we'd found the solution. Work from home. Sure we'd probably still have to tour, but at the point we're at, we won't have to do it for 250 days out of the year. We'd gotten to the point where as long as we were putting music out, people would buy it, just because it had our name on it. We were no longer starving artists.

I had a moment of panic, as I realized that all the demos I'd been working on were back home. Had I really lost all that work? Damnit. I felt a wave of anger and hurt wash over me. Those songs are so important to me. I wonder what Tegan here was working on. I walked through another door, into a bathroom. The layout was almost a clone of the basement. On this level, the sink and toilet were on the opposite wall they were downstairs and the shower/tub combo was in here as well. I walked into the next door and found another spare room. Just like downstairs. I exited into the hallway by the only other door in the room not explored. There were two more doors across the hall that I had yet to check out. I walked into the one nearest Sara's study and found a small bathroom. Just a sink and toilet. It had 3 doors: one to the hallway, one to Sara's study, and one to the last room explored. I opened it and walked through. I smiled wide. This HAD to be my room. The carpet had cartoon skulls, there was a red sectional with a coffee table in the corner to my right, a red desk with chair in front of me, surround sound speakers, and like Sara's was littered in instruments. I bet I write here. I saw there were papers, a few tuners, picks, capos, a mic, headphones, and a black box on the coffee table. I sat down and looked through the papers. My heart jumped as I recognized the writings as my own. The songs I was so sad to have left behind were here. I looked at the black box and saw it was a mobile recorder. I put the headphones on and turned it on. Pressing play. I still had my babies. All my demos I'd been working on were on here. I sighed in relief and felt a weight lift off my shoulders. I turned it off and put the headphones down. Thank god!

I looked at my watch and walked back out into the kitchen to turn the stove off, give the soup one last stir, and put the lid on. I made my way back to our bedroom and opened the door. I slid up Sara's sleeping form, feeling back for waking her, but I didn't want her to wake up to an empty house with no idea where I went. I kissed her lips gently, then each eyelid, and each cheek. I felt her moan, stir, and wrap her arms around me.

"Keep sleeping, I have to run out and get groceries. My cell's on. Do you want anything?"

"When you get home, I want you to take a bath with me in that big tub." Her eyes were still closed, and she was so adorable half asleep, asking me to get naked with her. I dropped my head to give her a quick peck on the lips, then got back to my feet.

"Your wish is my command. I won't be long."

She just grumbled, and fell back asleep. I walked over to my dresser, grabbing my keys, wallet, and sun glasses.

I snatched the list on the way out.

The sunlight hit my eyes and I squinted, putting on my sun glasses. I walked into the driveway and spotted a garage. It had 3 garage doors, and was detached from the house. I walked over and went in through a side door. It was pitch black. My hand went to the wall, searching for a light, and found a garage door opener instead. It was odd knowing this was my home, but that I didn't know where anything was. I hit the garage door button, and a low humming hit my ears, as the light came in. I looked around. More road cases, a workbench, some patio furniture. I looked around the garage. We had a blue Prius, a Green Ram pick up truck, and a black Dodge Sprinter van with a big sticker on the back that said "I eat vegetable oil". It must be one of those bio diesel vans. I didn't have to think about which car was mine. I walked over to the truck and hopped in, looking to the ceiling and closing the door I had opened, then opening the one in front of my truck. I smiled as I looked around. It had a GPS, thank god! I found a Whole Foods, Shoppers, HMV, and a Chapters, as it routed me through the best route. I smiled, and turned on the stereo. My AFI CD came on and I smiled. I should call Hunter, see if he wants to jam in my basement. The idea made me giddy. Jamming in my basement. Out here in the mountains, I could play as loud as I wanted. No more whispering in my room as not to bug the neighbours. This was my street. I pulled out, into the street and drove past the houses. It looked like no one was home, in any of the 3 on the street. Where was everyone? I slowed down and tried seeing if maybe folks were in their backyard. That's when I saw it: a lake. We lived in a valley, on a lake! A Canadian dream. I made a mental note to buy a boat.

A boat, like it was a coffee for the way home. Sara's gonna love this. A million fantasies ran through my mind: our kids playing hockey on the frozen lake in the winter, fishing, teaching them to swim, bonfires, barbecues, birthdays. I looked back at the road with an ear to ear smile.

**Sara's POV**

I woke up, coughing. I cuddled the blankets around me a little tighter, and felt for Tegan. It'd only been a day since I'd been able to fall asleep in her arms, but it already felt like I'd been doing it forever; like I expected to wake up in her arms all the time. Sighing, I remembered her waking me up to tell me she was heading out. Is it pathetic that I missed her already? I finally had enough strength to think. I'd been pretty pathetic today. A big, whimpering baby, clinging off her. The thing was, it was Tegan. I knew she wouldn't mind. Anyone else, I'd be worried about looking pathetic in front of. Bg sigh of relief for not being pregnant. I wasn't ready to go down to a cup of coffee a day. That would take training. Like the Olympics or something. Sara's Coffee-Weaning-Lympics. A proud and noble competition with oneself. My back spasms, and stiffens. I've been in this bed too long. I roll over to Tegan's side and lay on my stomach spread eagle. If it were anyone else, I'd be glad to have an empty bed. I always was, but Tegan I wanted to stay, but I guess I also wanted to eat.

As I woke up, I started to become aware of my fever again, and how hot I was. I looked towards Tegan's now littered nightstand and spotted the thermometer. I took my temperature. 103. It was starting to come down. I tossed the thermometer back onto the nightstand and slowly sat up. I took a moment to assess how I felt. My stomach was still topsy-turvy, but I felt a little stronger. I swung my legs out of bed, and slowly stood. I waited for a minute, to see if I'd be dizzy, but I was okay. I grabbed the pedialyte and headed out of the room, into the hallway. I loved walking around the house in just boxers. Tegan said there was a room here that looked like it was mine. I slowly padded across the hardwood floor and pushed open the door to my left. Nope, spare room. I tried the one across the hall and the musty smell of used books streamlined my sense of smell. I smiled and walked in, feeling at home. She was right. This WAS my paradise. I walked over to the desk and sat down in it. The big leather chair was nice and cool. I sighed and looked at the neatly stacked papers on the desk, then taking in all the books. I'd dreamt of a room like this. I bet they were all organized via the Dewey decimal system. I opened the Macbook and pulled up my e-mail. Nothing too interesting. I spent a little while, running through the files and my iTunes. It was a carbon copy of my computer. It was my computer. I eyed the fine scotch and huffed, smiling. Other Sara was the bomb diggity. My feet gently raised me out of the chair, and carried me shakily to the couch. I looked around and grabbed an acoustic guitar. I started playing old stuff I'd written, and just kind of jamming. It felt good. It always felt good to play. It was so familiar. The strings vibrating against the top of the guitar, rested against me. I could feel the sound as much as I heard it. I started experimenting, then saw the tabletop recorder across the coffee table. Convenient. I must write here a lot. I couldn't see why I wouldn't. I love it in here. I plugged the guitar in, and found a mic stand with a mic. I plugged that in too, then hit record. I started experimenting again, and started playing something I really liked.

It had a rockier edge than I usually write. Almost Tegan-esque. I waited a bit longer, until my mind begged for the words to come out. They did just that. I just opened my mouth, unfiltered, uncensored, and sang over the guitar riff.

_Said I've been waiting in our bed_

_You're at the store, that's what you said_

_I've waited for years in this bed_

_For that to be what you said_

_I've waited for years_

_I've waited for years_

_I've waited a lifetime_

_This comforter around my chin _

_Is no match for skin on skin_

_In this fevered state I'm in_

_This pillow under my head _

_Is no match for the words you finally said_

_No match for you_

_I've waited for years_

_I've waited for years_

_I've waited a lifetime_

I finished the riff and took a deep breath. It felt good to get that out. I hit the stop button.

"You never cease to amaze me."

I looked over to the doorframe and saw Tegan leaning against it, arms crossed. How long had she been there?

"I was just…"

"Getting it all out, I know." she said, smiling.

Tegan walked over to me, resting a hand on the back of the couch to lean in and kiss me. I grabbed the collar of her shirt and kissed her back. She slowly pulled away.

"Come on, mom made us chicken noodle for dinner."

She took my hand from her collar and held it, lifting me to my feet and leading me into the kitchen. She sat me at the island, where a cold pedialyte was waiting with a small white pill next to it. I took it, drinking down the cold liquid. I soon became aware that I was half naked. Tegan didn't seem to notice. It was an odd feeling. Being a woman, when you're half naked, people tend to notice. We've been so socialized to see it as either sexual or grotesque. It didn't seem like either to Tegan. It made me feel very comfortable, and confident. I noticed I was starting to forget about how she would have reacted three days ago, as my sister. I thought I'd be more upset about losing her as a sister, but I wasn't. The thing was, we grew up together. I'd always have those memories. So even if we weren't blood here, she'd always be the twin I grew up with. It was like it was our little secret. I really liked it. I was still pretty upset about mum though. I sighed, as Tegan put a bowl of soup in front of me with crackers, then slid onto the stool next to me. She started to eat. Had she eaten at all today? I don't remember her eating, but then again I was half out of it all morning.

"Oh man this is good. I was so hungry."

I guess not. I took a tentative spoonful and was glad when it slid down easily, with no resistance. We ate in relative silence. Tegan finished three bowls, while I was still picking at my first. She got up, bringing her bowl to the dishwasher and putting it in, then turning to me.

"I'm gonna go draw us a bath."

I nodded and she walked out, disappearing down the hallway. I finished my soup and took a moment to let my stomach settle. I breathed through the nagging urge to upchuck my dinner. I left my dishes where they were. I'd burnt-out writing that song. I still don't know if it sounded as good as it felt. I drug my feet into the bedroom, taking off my boxers, and leaving them on the floor before continuing into the bathroom. Tegan was lighting the last of a candle and turned around when she heard me walk in. I looked around. It was entirely lit by candle light. There were rose petals in the tub, and on the floor. So many rose petals. She had some Enya playing through what appeared to be surround sound in the bathroom.

"How was your soup? You feeling okay?"

"Tegan, what is all this?"

"Oh" She spoke, biting her bottom lip, whilst playing with her labaret. Was she nervous? "too much? I'm sorry, I shouldn't have…"

I put my hand up to stop her and shook my head.

"Don't. it's…it's perfect. Why does it feel like I'm losing my virginity?"

I saw her throat move as she swallowed.

"Well, it's technically our wedding night."

My face softens and I take a step towards her, reaching out for a hug. She smiles now, hugging me back.

"It's perfect."

I felt her exhale on my neck and hug me tighter.

"I hate that you're so sick."

I chuckle and she takes me by the waist and guides me to the bath. The water is perfect, and cools me, but doesn't send chills through my body. I eagerly lower myself into it. The water is fragrant. She must have put some kind of additive to it. I can smell eucalyptus and mint. I close my eyes and inhale deeply. She knew me too well, and the mint added a cooling effect to my skin. The water came up to my shoulders. This was a deep tub. I closed my eyes and let my body relax in it. The achiness that I'd become accustomed to subsided and I felt a lightness. I moaned loudly. I felt the water level rise to my chin as Tegan slipped in. I felt a tug on my arm, and moved over to where she was sitting, letting her pull my weightless body into her lap, facing her, very similar to the position she had been just this morning. Had it been just this morning? It felt like ages ago. I wrapped my legs around her waist, as she'd done to me, and played with the tiny, wet hairs on the nape of her neck, just gazing into her eyes. She stared back, looking into mine. We sat like this for a solid half an hour, before she finally spoke, breaking the silence with a whisper.

"I'm so in love with you." I saw the tear. "I'm so in love with you it hurts."

I felt my heart break for her honesty and vulnerability. I kissed the tear on her cheek and threw my arms around her neck, hugging her.

"I never want you to hurt. Ever."

"Sara, I'm so sorry for putting through all those years of just waiting for me. How did I not see this before? I'm so angry with myself."

"Hey, hey. Baby it's okay. None of that matters. None of it."

She chuckled "You said Nunavut"

I smiled at our inside joke, but her smile faded as she was reminded of the subject at hand. I brought a dripping hand up to the side of her face and curled her long, scraggly hair being her ear.

"Look around Tegan. We have this gorgeous home, this wonderful family, and the opportunity to spend a life time experiencing this, right here. We have a lifetime to be together. Do you honestly think that I'm thinking about being 13 and tortured in love?"

She shrugged, staring blankly away from me.

"Tegan, look at me."

She did

"You have nothing to be angry at yourself for. You were worth it all. All I care about now is us."

She sighed and nodded, but I knew there was something else eating at her.

"And don't go thinking that you have to make up for "all those years" or something stupid like that. I want you here with me, not thinking about some elaborate plan to make it up to me. Just be here with me, be present. Baby, if you just love me that's enough. Big gestures like this are nice, but I care more about the tummy rubs, and falling asleep in your arms than anything."

I watched as she smiled and came back to me. I smiled back.

"Okay?" I asked.

"Okay."

"Can you wash my back for me know? I feel disgusting." I grimaced, feeling slimy.

She chuckled and nodded. She reached on the floor behind the tub and pulled up a wash cloth, and the body wash. I kissed her shoulder, and turned around, facing away from her. As she lathered, the most wonderful smell hit my nose. I turned around and saw the bottle. Talk about big gestures.

"Tegan! That stuff's expensive."

"Not for us. I thought I'd treat you."

"It's 50 bucks a bottle!" I exclaied

"Trust me, we can afford it"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"We, my dear, are millionaires. Possibly billionaires." She stated plainly, beginning to gently drag the wet, soapy washcloth across my back.

"We are? Cool."

Tegan chuckled lowly, then gently turned me back around. She met my eyes with hers, starting with the wash cloth at my neck, gently scrubbing it's entire circumference, then running it over my collarbone, down my left shoulder, down my arm. Her eyes never left mine, knowing my body as well as she did her own. We spoke with our eyes. We spoke a lifetime of words in the five minutes it took her to reach my breasts. She skipped those and continued onto my tummy, rubbing it lovingly with the washcloth, and then starting on my legs. I whimpered. She came so close to my now burning heat. She avoided that too, washing down each leg, getting between each toe. She had washed my entire body, head to toe, save for the places I wanted her to touch most. Surely she wasn't shy about that, was she? I felt a hand on my forehead, but it wasn't there to check my temperature. It was there to keep the water out of my eyes as she ran a showerhead attachment over my hair to get it wet, then massage a luxurious shampoo into my hair.

"This is the life."

"What you were playing earlier sounded good."

"You think so?"

Tegan nodded.

"Do you want to do another album?" she asked me.

I smiled widely and nodded

"You kidding me? I can finally write freely. It won't take a fucking month to write a song because I won't have to worry about being so vague so no one will find out."

"You mentioned that before, but is that what took you so long all the time?"

I nodded. It really was. I could write a son g top to bottom in an afternoon, but making sure it was free of any kind of tie to Tegan took forever. It was careful rewording. Making sure the song kept the emotion, but had no content that could be traced back to her- which was tough to do when she was almost all I wrote about.

"But now I have my muse."

"Do you think we'll get boring now that we've gotten all happy and stuff?" Tegan asked.

"No, I just think our music will be happier."

She put her hand on my forehead again and rinses away the shampoo, this time lathering in conditioner. I started to feel the soup burning up my throat and swallowed again, discreetly. Tegan rubbed up and down my arms and kissed my cheek. I felt my stomach rise again, and this time I couldn't hold it down, I stumbled out of the tub, hair full of conditioner, soaking wet, and opened the top of the toilet, losing my dinner. I heard Tegan sigh.

"I'm coming baby."

I shivered as my wet skin cooled in the open air. I vomited forcefully, my eyes stinging in tears as I heard Tegan stand up, out of the water. Soon, someon had wrapped a large towel around me and was rubbing my back.

"It's okay Sare, you're okay. I've got you"

I finished, and retreated into the comfort of her arms, shivering. She hugged me for a few minutes, then stood with my still held close to her and made her way over to the shower. She turned it on, and let it warm up.

"Lets get the conditioner out of your hair so we can get you back to bed."

I nodded, unable to stop shaking. She checked the temperature of the stream of water against her hand, then stepped both of us in. I was hit by streams of water from every angle, warming up instantly. Tegan slowly let go of me to run her hands through my hair and rinse out all the conditioner, then gently running soaped up hand over the parts of my body she avoided. I think she left those last as foreplay, but I wasn't in the mood. Luckily, she knew me well enough to tell that, and simply washed me. I leaned against the glass as she finished and exited the shower. She dried herself off, letting the warm water roll over my body. When she was dry, she turned to me with a fresh towel in her wide open arms. I turned off the shower and stepped into it. She wrapped me up in it like a child, rubbing the material covering my body to dry me off, then using another towel to dry my short hair. She kissed my cheek and took my hand, I felt so taken care of. It sucked that I was so sick tonight. I kind of just wanted to toss her on the bed and ravish her, but my weak, trembling limbs knew that wasn't a possibility.

I followed her over to the bed and sat on the edge. She brought me over clean boxers and slipped them onto my frame.

"Thanks" I whispered.

She smiled up at me and her eyes shone.

"You never need to thank me for taking care of you."

Tegan grabbed a brush off my dresser, and gentlyr an it through my now only slightly damp hair, then kissed my forehead.

"Lay back, love. I'll join you in a minute"

I followed her directions and let my head fall on the pillow. How could I be so tired? I'd slept nearly all day. I watched as Tegan's figure entered the bathroom again. I closed my eyes and breathed deeply. The achiness was back. It was annoying. I let out a big stream of whimpers, causing Tegan to re-emerge. She had cleaned my garbage can puke bucket, and brought out the bottle of mouthwash. She put the can on the ground next to the bed, and the mouthwash on my nightstand, before quickly taking my face in her hands.

"You okay? What happened?"

"Tegan, I hurt everywhere"

Her face softened.

"Just hang on another 2 minutes and I'll come give you a nice massage."

I nodded. That sounded perfect. Tegan hands everywhere. I hated being so whiney, but I felt like I could with her. She re-emerged from the bathroom again, wearing a pair of panties, her hair brushed, then she got into bed next the me. I turned to face her and wrap my arms around her. She smiled and immediately went to gently knead the tightness in my neck and shoulders, while kissing my nose. I moaned at the sensation. Her hands traveled down my back, until not a knot was in sight. I still don't know at what point I fell asleep.

**Tegan's POV**

I felt as Sara slowly drifted to sleep again. I hated how much pain she was in, but was glad I could alleviate some of it. Not how I'd idealy like to spend my wedding night, but we've got all our lives to explore each other. I'm just happy She's asleep, and no longer in pain. I let my hand continue to circle her back, letting the sensation of having Sara stuck to me, skin on skin roll over my body. I was tired. It was only 10, but I was exhausted. I yawned, and grabbed the remote control to turn off the light. The room went dark and I settled into my position with Sara. This is the most comfortable I've ever been. I kiss her forehead lightly.

"I love you, SaSa. Please feel better soon. Hate seeing you like this. Goodnight."

Then I closed my eyes, yawned, and let sleep overcome me.


	7. Are you Happy Now?

**Warnings:**Chapter contains a homosexual incestual relationship and sexual content between two women. If you don't like it, don't read it.

**Rating:** M

**Summary:**. What happens when she gets her wish and Tegan finds herself in an alternate reality where Sara is her girlfriend, and not her sister? Will be a LONG fic, updated often.

**A/N: **HEADS UP! This may or may not be my last chapter before a one month hiatus. I'm going to Maine for a Yoga/Isolation Retreat. Enjoy this chapter, and I'll update again in September (if this IS the last chapter before then). Let's say September 1st. Enjoy and review.

**Disclaimer:** COMPLETELY FICTIONAL!

**Chapter 7- Are You Happy Now?**

**Sara's POV**

My eyes scanned the restaurant. It was a busy Saturday night. There was an air of excitement and relaxation as people settled into a nice meal before a long night. I turned back to the table, and the conversation that was happening.

"..then she missed the step and almost flew down the stairs. It was hilarious" stated Dallas, finishing his story.

Everyone was laughing and I smiled, looking around at my friends. Raising the glass to my lips, I took another sip of wine, letting it slide down my throat and warm my stomach. Ted turned to me.

"So, Sara, how goes the baby making?" he asked.

I sighed, taking a longer drink this time. He raised both his eyebrows.

"That good, eh?" Dallas chimed in

I finished my glass and took a breath, all eyes on me. "We're postponing it. We're taking some us time, since the…reconnection."

"Yeah, everyone's been telling me about that. It's fucking weird to think of you and Tegan in love. You never even touch each other" mentioned Ted.

I pour myself another glass and huff.

"All I can say is good luck getting us out of each other's bunks this tour."

I took another long drink. It'd been a few days since the flu had left my system and I was happy to be living a normal life. A week in the state I was in felt like death. This was the first night I was away from Tegan, and I missed her already. I just wanted to hold her hand under the table. Instead, I settled for playing with the ring on my finger, twirling it around with my thumb, watching the gold shimmer in the light. I smiled wide.

"So you're doing another album?" asked Emy.

I nodded "Yeah. We've been working on a couple songs the past few weeks."

"Well, it helps when you've got a studio in the basement" said Dallas, taking a swig of his beer.

"That it does. We're having fun. I think we're going to try writing together again. Maybe do a duet."

Ted nearly spit out his gin and tonic. "A duet?"

I laughed and nodded "Yeah."

"Wow, you two really went like all out Grease love. Freaky. So do you like, have sex?"

I blushed a deep red.

"That's my sister, man!" exclaimed Dallas.

"Dallas, you do not want to stay in the spare room closest to ours when you spend the night, then." I smiled coyly and bit my bottom lip.

Dallas covered his ears and they went about another conversation. Underneath the table I pulled out my phone and texted Tegan.

_Can we be at home in our bed yet? I miss you._

I sighed and closed my phone, downing another glass of wine, my head already starting to buzz. I pour my next glass and go to jump into the conversation at the table, but before I have a chance to, my phone starts vibrating. My mouth can't help but turn upwards as I look back down at my lap.

_Sara, don't be anti-social. Have fun with your friends. We'll meet up later. I miss you, love. _

I keep drinking, everyone at the table had stopped talking and were looking at me.

"What?" I asked.

"Are you texting her?" Dallas questioned.

I turned bright red.

"Oh, look at that blush" Emy chuckled, taking a drink.

"This is too weird. It's like you're a whole new person. It's freaking me out" Ted added.

"She makes me so happy. I thought I had her on a pedestal, but it turns out that real Tegan is way better than ideal Tegan. Way better! At…" I bite my lip and chuckle "at everything."

I see everyone at the table roll their eyes.

"Ugh, it's like I've fallen head first into a romantic comedy" grumbled Emy. "Well, when you guys do want to start trying again, let me know. You're fresh out of spunk, so Tegan'll have to come in and make a deposit a few weeks before so the lab can have it ready."

I choked on the wine, coughing. Tegan? A deposit of spunk? I coughed as Emy patted my back.

"You alright there Sare?" she asked.

I nodded, still coughing. Okay Sara, act like you know what she's talking about and figure it out later with Tegan. Not that Tegan's speculations were ever right, or even close to it. Luckily Emy followed up with a comment that sort of answered Sara's confusion.

"The lab guys were impressed last time. Said she must be like crazy fertile. Those ova practically converted themselves into sperm. I'm actually really surprised none of them took."

What world where we in that ovum could be converted into sperm? Wait, that meant… Tegan could be the father. I silently thanked the universe for the gift it had given me in returning me to this reality, with Tegan. It was like here, everything I'd ever wanted was possible. Wait, but Tegan and I are identical twins, right? That wouldn't go over well in baby making. Inbreeding isn't really a prime way to conceive a child. Just as soon as the excitement had crept in, it was replaced with disappointment.

"Can we not talk about it?" I downed my glass of wine.

Emy stopped laughing. "Sorry, Sara."

I shrugged. I was starting to feel the lightheaded sensation of drunkenness and turned to see our waiter coming with our food. I welcomed the distraction.

**Tegan's POV**

My phone buzzed and I looked down to see the text message from Sara. I smiled to myself, and replied before looking back up at Hunter, Lindsey, and Leah. They all smiled at me. I blushed and put my phone back in my pocket, taking a bite of the fish I'd ordered for dinner.

"So I'm guessing that's going well?" asked Hunter

I smiled and simply nodded, sipping my jack and coke. "Really well."

"You seem really happy. Dallas has been telling me all week how happy he was that you were finally happy. Probably the happiest he's ever seen you." Leah replied.

I liked her. I hadn't really spent any time with her in the other reality, but here, where she was my sister-in-law, we were family. She was very chipper.

"I feel like a whole new person." I said.

"You seem like it" claimed Lindsey "You're all, smiley and stuff. Maybe you'll actually write a love song for once and put this tortured soul stuff to rest."

"I've written love songs" I protested.

Everyone laughed, and I looked around, offended.

"Okay, Tegan name one love song you've written." Hunter stated plainly.

"I….I…"

He raised an eyebrow and I gave up, exhaling and trading the argument for another drink. Everyone had a chuckle at my expense. I gently forked the last piece of my fish and sighed, wiping my face with my napkin, and stretching. Despite my earlier comment via text message, I really did miss Sara. But after a week in bed together, it was time to get out and see our friends. I knew we were still in the honeymoon phase, but was really dreading our first fight as a couple. Sure I'd fought with Sara all the time, more times than I can count. This was different. Fighting with your wife and fighting with your sister are two completely different entities. But so was fighting with your business partner and we'd eventually learned how to throw down fairly. Don't get me wrong, there's no doubt in my mind that we'll get through it, I'm just dreading the idea.

**Sara's POV**

We'd finished dinner just as the waiter brought over the bill. I snatched it up before anyone could think of taking a look. I pulled out my wallet.

"Sara, you don't have to do that" griped Ted.

"Well, I want to" I countered

"We can split it" suggested Emy.

I shook my head and paid in cash, folding the bills into the black folder, leaving a more than generous tip.

"I've got this one. My treat" I said.

There was a chorus of thank yous. I tucked the wallet back into the back pocket of my jeans, undoing the top button of my button up.

"So, what's next?" I asked

"Well I for one, want to dance my face off" said Emy.

"Gay bar?" I suggested

Ted chuckled, we always dragged him to gay bars. Dallas shrugged and Emy just nodded.

"Lets just crawl Davie" suggested Dallas.

We all nodded and stood up. We headed to the door and I started walking to the bus stop. Dallas grabbed my arm, stopping me.

"What are you doing?" he asked

"Taking the bus" I blinked back, confused.

"Do you WANT to die tonight? Sara, you'll get mobbed" he reminded me

"Oh, right, I'm famous. Sorry, I forgot"

I saw Emy huff at me. I shrugged

"I sometimes forget, okay?" I explained.

Ted hailed us a cab, and we all climbed in, Emy sat in the front passenger seat and engaged in small talk with the driver. I was smooshed between Ted and Dallas in the backseat. It was a tight ride down to Davie Street from where we'd had dinner. I started to see the familiar rainbow flag hanging from the telephone poles. Rainbow flags always make me smile, I don't know why. Seeing one is almost like a welcome mat, flying proudly in the sky. It let me know that I was indeed welcome here. The bad driver stopped and Emy paid him before I had the chance to. We all eagerly crawled out. My lungs filled with cool, Vancouver night air. I really don't like being cramped in areas for too long. Probably goes back to being cramped in the womb with Tegan. All my womb theories really make sense now that I'd learnt I was supposed to have had a whole womb to myself.

We started walking down Davie, taking a peek in here and there when I'd started to notice the whispers and glances. A few more steps and I had a group of young people step forward and ask for an autograph and a picture. I shrugged and happily obliged, much to the protests of my friends.

"You shouldn't have done that" whispered Emy

"They're just fans, Emy" I replied.

She raised her eyebrows at me.

"Don't give me that look, it's fine."

"Um, Sara…" I heard the warning in Dallas' voice as he automatically moved closer to me.

I looked up to see what he was warning me about. Apparently word had gotten around that Sara Quin of Tegan and Sara was outside, because I started to see flocks of people leaving the bars and walking towards me. I panicked. I'd never had this. Sometimes when I was out, I got recognized by a few people for autographs and pictures, but this…it was like I was the gay, female Justin Bieber. I did the only thing I could think of, I ran. I ran as fast as I could in the other direction.

As I was running, my lungs burning, I heard the others following, calling my name, and the roar of the crowd just behind them. I ran until my lungs burned, and I felt my airway close up. Puffer. I needed my puffer. I was about to stop when I saw another group of people running towards me from the direction I was running towards. I stopped and looked around. To my left was the street, but to my right was a club. I ran in, hoping to be able to be obscured by the darkness and the crowd. I ran right into the bathroom, having to shove through people. I'd finally gotten to the stall and locked the door. I pulled out my puffer and shook it, taking two hits, and instantly felt better. There was a knock on the door and a familiar voice.

"Sara?" Emy asked.

"I'm okay" I replied

"Do you have your puffer?"

I opened the door and held it up. I heard her sigh in relief. Right, Emy's a doctor. I keep forgetting.

"I hate to say but, I told you so" she stated and patted my shoulder, smiling. "I think you picked a good spot though, it seems crowded and dark enough. Dallas got us the VIP booth. C'mon."

Emy wrapped her arm around my shoulders and led me out, into the club. As we were walking to the VIP booth, I had a look around. She was right, I couldn't see anyone's face in here. It was all glow sticks and blacklight. It reminded me of the raves Tegan and I used to go to as kids. Tegan. Just as soon as I'd thought the name, I felt a pair of hands snake around to my collarbone and my tummy, pulling me gently back towards the body behind me. I had a momentary internal freak out, until my body made the connection. My nose picked up their smell and my smile grew wider. I know these hands, I know this body, I know this smell, and I certainly know that voice.

"Fancy meeting you here" her breath tickled my ear, sending my head spinning.

I felt the wetness between my legs start to flow and I gulped, my synapses firing just a bit faster in her presence, especially as she started kissing down my neck. My previous drunken state had subsided due to the nature of the past 15 minutes, but now that I'd relaxed back into those arms, I felt it return. I watched as Emy sat down, just now noticing I wasn't behind her. She looked around frantically, until finally finding me wrapped up in Tegan. She rolled her eyes and shook her head.

I turned to face Tegan and took no time to kiss her, my lips meeting hers dead centre. Lips bruised as we kissed hard. I got her bottom lip between my two and gave it a hard suck, taking a firm hold on her back. Tegan let her hands rest on either side of my face, returning the lip suck, and adding in a bite. I smiled and licked each of her lips, feeling her shiver. There we were, making out on the dance floor like two teenagers. I broke off the kiss, breathlessly. I laughed really loudly, and she laughed back.

"Are you drunk?" she asked

I nodded, laughing and flinging my arms around her neck. She chuckled and rubbed my back.

"I drank a lot of wine" I informed her.

"Oh, you're wine drunk. I guess you don't want a scotch then."

"You know I always want a scotch" I reminded her.

She laughed and kissed my cheek. "Go on up, I'll get you a drink."

I kissed her and whispered in her ear, returning the favour "Thanks, hot stuff."

I gave her bum a smack and she laughed. "Wow, you're really drunk, eh?"

I held up my thumb and index finger close together, then kissed her quickly before turning and making my way to the booth. I stumbled up the stairs, and plopped down next to Ted.

"I see she found you. Great minds must think alike" said Leah, from her spot next to her husband. She leaned into Dallas and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"They've always had an uncanny tendency to think parallel to each other" said Emy, who was seated next to her wife.

"Yeah, it's weird. It'd like you two are twins sometimes" piped in Lindsey, taking Emy's hand.

I shrugged "Well it's a good thing we're not" I added to the conversation. Them thinking about Tegan and I as twins was the last thing I wanted. That was our little secret. Just then, Tegan slid a scotch on ice in front of me, and inserted herself next to me in the booth. She took a long drink of her jack and coke before kissing my cheek, and slipping her arm around my waist. I rested mine around her shoulders, letting her lay her head down against my chin.

"What'd I miss?" she asked.

"Oh, we were just talking about how sometimes you two are on the same wave length" commented Ted, holding Hunter's hand over the table.

Tegan laughed "Yeah, it's weird sometimes. But you know where it's great?" she left a pause for effect "The bedroom. Sometimes you just need a shift to the left, and this one over here does it without me even having to ask."

I blushed bright red as everyone laughed. "Tegan" I warned.

"What?" she asked, no idea what she'd done to deserve my tone.

"It's more than that though, like when you guys accidentally wear the same thing, or order the same meal. It really is sometimes like you guys are twins. Well, mind twins because you really don't look alike."

"WE DON'T?" we both exclaimed at the same time. It was the first time we'd heard that.

Dallas laughed a full out belly laugh before replying "No way. I mean, you've got the same hair colour, but you two look nothing alike."

"You will have super cute kids though. Probably crazy talented too" added Hunter.

I smiled and looked at Tegan, the memory of my earlier thoughts returning and pulling me from my drunken high. Now I just wanted to drink to forget about what we'd be missing out on. I downed my scotch and instantly felt the burn all the way down, Tegan caught on and followed suit. She waved the waitress over and ordered a round of doubles for the table.

"I'm paying for cabs. No 'scuses! Drink!" said Tegan, then she turned to the waitress. "Actually, bring bottles please? Scotch for this one, and tequila for all my friends!" she demanded politely.

Everyone nodded and the waitress walked away. Even in her drunken haze, Tegan could tell my mood had declined quickly. She turned to me as the table continued a conversation, wrapping her arms around my neck so that we were almost in our own little world. I could smell the alcohol on her breath as she spoke to me.

"What's up?" she asked

I shrugged.

"Come on Sasa, don' 'ive me that, I know some-s-s-omething's wrong." She drunkenly slurred.

"We'll talk later. Lets have fun tonight" I replied.

She answered with a strong hand up my thigh. I couldn't help but smile and let out a breathy moan as she reached so close to the spot that was aching for her. She smiled and rolled a wet tongue in my ear, making me quiver in excitement. I gulped and gently dug my nails into the back of her neck. I was putty under her skillful hands. She smiled, knowing she had me right where she wanted. Tegan kissed me full on, slipping her hands now, just barely under my shirt to meet the skin of my lower back. My skin tingled and my heart pounded. The waitress pulled us out of our tryst by putting a tray of shot glasses on the table, then two bottles. She smiled at us and winked. I took the bottle of scotch and poured myself another. Tegan poured everyone shots, then held one up.

"To our healthy and happy marriages! Cheers!" she exclaimed

We all clinked glasses, and they did their tequila, sucking on limes, while I down another glass of scotch, pouring yet another. At this point I was drunk beyond drunk, hiccupping. Tegan did a second shot and turned to me, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand.

"Wanna dance?"

I nodded and stood up, taking her hand. I stumbled down the stairs. Whoever thought of putting stairs in a club was dumb. I wanted to fight that person. I actually just really wanted to fight someone. I lead Tegan to the dance floor, where I turned around to face her, putting a leg between her two and wrapping my arms around her waist. Hers encircled my neck and we laughed. We moved our hips together, as I let my hipbone grind into her crotch, eliciting a moan from that gorgeous mouth. I watched as she bit her labaret and tilt her head back to meet me. I smiled and she attacked my lips again, while we bounced to the beat. I broke the kiss and turned, moving my bum into her front. She had a fascination with it, and as she wrapped her arms around my stomach, I looked at her over my shoulder, bringing a hand up to wrap around her head as I ground into her front. I'd never done this with anyone. I hoped she felt special, but from the look on her face I could tell she did. I knew I was turning her on, so I rolled my hips, pulling away from her, just to brush against her again in the rotation. Her hands rubbed up and down my stomach, trying to refrain from going up and taking hold of my breasts. I turned back around and tangled my hands in her hair, smiling wide, once again letting my drunken state take over. She smiled back, taking my waist and rubbing up and down my sides as we moved. I kissed her quickly, but she held me there and returned a heated kiss.

"You're teasing me so bad right now" she huskily mentioned

"Oh, am I?" I asked

"Just wait 'til we got 'ome and ya find out jus how much. The things I'm unna to do to you."

I felt my underwear dampen, just imagining.

"Well then you better pace the rest of drinking because you're already slurring, and trust me baby you're gonna get it just as good tonight."

She smiled at me and nibbled down my neck, causing me to throw my head back, this time grinding her hipbone into me, hitting my clit directly. All the hairs on my body stood on end. The DJ switched the song, and BodyWork came on. It felt so indulgently sexual to be dirty dancing like this to our own song. Tegan laughed and I smiled, as she pulled away.

"I love this song!" she exclaimed, causing me to laugh hard.

"Me too" I responded.

I leaned in and kissed just in front of her ear and whispered "I have to pee. I'll be right back."

She nodded and kissed my cheek, letting me go and dancing on her own as I made my way out of the crowd, into the bathroom again. I pushed open the stall door and sat down to empty my throbbing bladder. Alcohol will do that to you. Sitting down, where it was a bit quieter, the full effect of the liquor spun my head. I really had crossed my limit by like four drinks. Ah well, damage done. Might as well enjoy it. I finished up and flushed, then washed my hands. When I made my way back through the crowd, I saw Tegan drunkenly yeling at a woman. I walked over.

"Don't touch me!" Tegan yelled.

The woman moved to touch her again, and Tegan swatted her hands away "Come on, Tegan. Just one dance" she pleaded.

"No! Thank you, but no" said Tegan. The woman went to grab Tegan's arm again, but my karate kicked in and I snatched it before it came in contact with my wife's body. I twisted her arm behind her back, getting up behind her and whispering in her ear. Tegan's eyes were wide in shock. I wanted so badly to punch this bitch for disrespecting Tegan. I shook angrily.

"She said no. That means no. So I suggest to apologize to my wife before I rip this arm off. Got it?"

I saw the woman's throat bob, as she nodded "I'm…I'm sorry. Sara, please don't hurt me" I gave her a shove away from us and she scampered off.

I turned back to Tegan, who was still incredibly shocked, standing there with her mouth wide open.

"You alright?" I asked

She nodded "Thanks. That was…guess that karate paid off."

I shrugged my shoulders, acting like I was loosening up "I still got some moves"

She dodged the joke, moving in, looking around, and letting her hand rub against me through my jeans. I felt a lighting bolt jump from my center to my chest. I quivered, my knees shaking. She steadied me and leaned into my ear .

"That was so sexy." Tegan rubbed just a little harder and I breathed deeply into her ear, nuzzling her face. "What do you say I get us a cab?" she asked, shifting to face me. I kissed her passionately, with full, soft lips. Nothing like the kisses we've shared so far tonight this was a kiss letting her know how much I wanted her. I wanted to feel her moving inside of me, hitting the sweet spots only she could find. I inhaled through my mouth and whimpered as she let go of my crotch. She broke the kiss, leaving me on fire. We walked up to the booth and paid for the liquor. Tegan made sure everyone had cash for a cab ride home and we said our goodbye.

We crashed through the front door, a tangle of bodies. I shut and locked it, my lips never leaving Tegan's. She pinned me to the door, hands holding mine up above my head as she pressed her body into mine. The wood of the door rattled at the movements. She unbuttoned my shirt, sliding her hands in to meet my skin. I let out a throaty, animalistic moan as I tugged at the bottom of her shirt, pulling it over her head, then quickly unclasping her bra, flinging it across the room. Those gorgeous mounds fell out and were immediately being covered with my palms. Tegan's head shot back, as the flat of my palms found hard nipples and stimulated them. She took a handful of my collar in each hand and tugged, pulling me to the left, into the kitchen. We stumbled over chairs as we made our way to the sliding door. I pressed her against the glass, fumbling with her belt. She breathed heavy, breaking the kiss. I backed up, trying to focus on the mechanism as she put her arm over her eyes. I gave up and moved back in, kissing her and holding her back while I slid the door opened. We stepped out as I shut the screen door behind us.

We stumbled down the stairs, as Tegan finally took my shirt off, tossing it aside to land in the grass. We were both heading towards to dock. I finally got her buckle undone. She kicked off her shoes, and pulled them off. Her arms were around me again, burning a trail of heat and passion across my back as she undid my bra clasp. I felt the night air hit my nipples and I shivered as they instantly hardened. Tegan lowered her face to take one into her mouth. My body jumped and I held her head, moaning. Looping my index finger under her chin, I pulled her back up to kiss her as I slid off my own jeans and shoes. We'd just gotten onto the dock when we broke away, individually taking off our underwear and socks, then I jumped in. The water rushed around me. The cold liquid, flushing my body after such a heated night caused my blood to rush, and my excitement to rise. I felt my clit throb for attention. I surfaced, just as Tegan jumped in. She bobbed up right in front of me and I swam to her. We giggled like kids, and she splashed me. I returned the favour. Then we stopped, catching each other's eyes again.

Tegan attacked me like a bear: arms flinging around me, mouth pressing tightly to mine. Okay, so not quite like a bear. I moved a hand to feel her wetness. Luckily I could stand on the sandy bottom of the lake, and I held us up. She ground into the touch, begging for more. My thumb found her clit and she gasped, biting my shoulder.

"Oh fuck, baby. You're so wet" I exclaimed.

I felt her nod against my shoulder and her body jerk up as I started to draw light circles over the tiny bundle. Her muscles stiffened.

"Shit! Sara!" Tegan screamed.

I let go of her clit and heard her whimper from the loss of contact, but quickly replaced it by gently rolling one of her labia in my fingers. Her hands tugged my hair, then let go and ran up and down my neck. I was throbbing, aching to be touched. Her moans causing my body to respond. I had to take her, I wanted her to take me. I gently pressed a finger to her opening and felt her muscles spasm slightly at the anticipation. She cried out

"Please baby, Oh my God please."

She kissed my face desperately, giving me pack after peck until I finally plunged into her, feeling her tightness wrap around my finger. She gasped at the feeling and everything in her body squeezed. She felt so exquisitely warm and tight. I gently started to pump just the one index finger in and out.

"More! Please Sara, I need more!"

I obliged and added a finger. I could feel her stomach shake, and her grip tighten like a vice. She was moaning loudly now. I moved my face to meet hers and she kissed me hard, with such a need. I curled my fingers up, and that was it. She couldn't last. I felt her stiffen, whimper, then felt her entire body contract around my fingers. She screamed and threw her head back, letting me drink up her moonlit chest and dripping locks of dark brown hair. She was perfect. She was so perfect. I saw the tears glisten down her face as her cunt gripped me so tightly. I kept up the motion, hitting her sweet spot time and time again. She was a screaming, shaking mess, held up only by the firm hand I had on her back and the weightlessness the water created. I leaned forward, closing the gap, and taking a nipple between my teeth. When I didn't think it was possible, her orgasm heightened even more. I was sure she was cutting off the circulation to my fingers. I didn't give a shit, this was the sexiest thing I'd ever seen. I felt her move her legs up around my lower back, digging her heels into my lower back, forcing my fingers deeper. She was an animal, writhing under me, against me, onto me.

"FUCK!" I yelled out, so turned on by her actions.

"Oh my God, Sara!"

"I've got you, I've got you, just keep going love, it's okay." I assured her.

She dropped her head to my shoulder again, hugging me close, and I curled up just a bit harder.

"Stop, please. I can't…" She whimpered breathlessly

I immediately stopped moving, staying inside her and kissing up her jaw. I felt her body relax, and her unclench my fingers. She tried to catch her breath as I gently slid out of her. I kept kissing up her jawline, to her cheek, and stealing a soft peck on her lips. Had I hurt her? I was being pretty rough. My excitement had died down at the prospect that I had. I'd never been stopped before. She was still hanging off of me though.

"Baby, are you okay?" I asked

She nodded.

"Did I hurt you?" I asked

She chuckled and shook her head. "Fuck no. Sorry, it was just too intense"

I smiled widely, my ego inflating. I slipped on the bottom of the lake, sending both of us tumbling back into the water. We laughed. I pounced onto Tegan, trying to hold her underwater. She was much stronger though, and tossed me off easily, only to swim towards me. I was standing up to my waist in the water, just staring in awe into the night scene. The mountains converged in the middle. They were lined with trees and capped with snow. The lake was crystal clear. You could see almost straight to the bottom. I cupped a handful and took a drink of the cool water. It tasted so crisp and clean. I looked down and saw a few fish scurrying about. I couldn't believe that this wasn't vacation, that we actually lived here.

Arms snaked around my waist and I leaned back into my wife's warm body, glad for the support, because my head was still reeling.

"Did you think I was done with you?" Tegan whispered in my ear.

I smiled as she kissed down my neck, to my shoulders, playfully biting.

"Of course not" I replied, a little breathless.

My mouth hung open with no sound when a hand slid down my belly, and softly pressed against my clit. My body started to double over in the shock, but Tegan's hand steadied me, and I consciously came back up to rest my head on her shoulder. I felt the supporting hand move to cup one of my breasts, its partner now working circles on my clit. My hands move behind me, gliding over her hips to take hold of two firm bum cheeks under the water. I tense my arms as the ripples of pleasure travel up my body from where her finger was circling my most sensitive area. I bit my bottom lip as her tongue found the spot just below my ear, intensifying the experience.

"Mmmmm….Tegan"

"Does that feel good baby?" she asked cockily.

I nodded and rolled my hips back, grinding my bum into her. I heard her moan and felt her nipples harden against my back. I felt her sink into the water, and groaned in frustration as she moved away from my clit.

"Don't stop" I complained.

"Just trust me on this one" she replied, taking my waist again and turning me around to face her. I did, and she kissed me softly, slowly walking us into deeper water. She pulled away again.

"Float on your back."

"What?" I asked.

"Float on your back." She echoed.

I shrugged and did as she requested, floating on my back in the water. She was chin deep, standing up, so she moved forward, wrapping an arm around my lower back. Tegan kisse my ankle, making her way up my leg. It wasn't until she was breathing against my wetness that I figured it out. My heart skipped a beat. This was something neither one of us had experienced together yet.

"Sara, you smell so damn good."

I moaned, and fought with everything I had to not buck my hips into her face. My clit was pounding. I'm sure she could see my heartbeat in it. Then I felt her lick up my slit and I almost came. It took every ounce of self-control not to. I reached down and tangled my hands in her hair, feeling myself start to sink, until Tegan added another hand for support. My hips couldn't help but buck now, as I felt her tongue wrap around my clit. I gasped, feeling my core tighten.

"Ffffuck!" I screamed.

Everything was drawn in and tensed. Every muscle was flexed, even my brow was knit. I squeezed my eyes shut and grit my teeth. The moment Tegan sucked my clit into her hot, wet mouth, my world exploded into a rainbow and I relaxed everything, my head sinking below the surface. Tegan quickly replaced her tongue with her hand, fingers gently tugging at my bud as she dropped my legs, and pulled me back up. I panicked, coughing up water that I had aspirated, but still trembling as my orgasm ripped through me, each wave, feeling like heated molasses running through my blood.

"You okay?" Tegan asked as I kept coughing up water.

I grabbed tightly to her neck, but she was too freaked out and stopped- much to my dismay. She patted my back.

"Sara, keep coughing. Cough it all up" she instructed.

I did and once it was all gone I let out a long groan of frustration. I hopped up, wrapping my legs around her waist in the water and squeezing my still aching cunt on her stomach.

"Maybe that wasn't such a good idea. Sorry, love. I thought you were gonna drown" Tegan apologized.

"In that moment I wouldn't have cared. That was…exquisite" I replied

Tegan responded with a soft kiss to my lips. I audibly sighed and let my lips release hers.

"I'll make it up to you, promise" she said.

Her words weren't slurred anymore and I could tell she was starting to sober up. Me, I was still very much intoxicated. Tegan held me firmly as I pressed my cheek to her wet skin. I felt her shiver as the water evaporated off her skin, into the night air. Climbing down, I left my hands on her chest.

"Let's go inside. You've got some lovin' to make up to me" I said.

Tegan nodded and took my hand. We waded back to the dock. I put my palms firmly on the surface and tried to push myself up to no avail. Tegan gave me a boost and I got a leg up to roll onto the deck. I laughed in my drunken stupor at my lack of strength. Tegan pulled herself up easily and chuckled, coming and offering me a hand up that I gladly took.

"You really did drink a lot, eh?" she asked

I nodded, intertwining our fingers. She walked me back into the house, closing and locking the patio door. Tegan let go of my hand as she waltzed over to the cupboards. I could feel myself starting to sober up. All I wanted to do was lay in our big, comfy bed. My feet shuffled down the hallway, into our bedroom. I face planted onto the bed, letting out a groan. Then, I felt something warm and hard poke my lower back, I jumped in surprise. Tegan's hand ran over a shoulder, down my back as she chuckled. I rolled over.

"Been a while since we've brought this thing for a whirl. As I recall I have yet to have a turn with it" she said with sultry in her voice.

I nodded, opening my arms up to her, and spreading my legs. I could feel the warmed silicone against my clit and I shuddered in anticipation. Tegan smiled wide. Oh she'd get a kick out of this. She aimed the tip at my opening, just gently brushing it. I moaned and bucked my hips. Then she looked up at me.

"You ready?"

"Give it to me. I want to feel you move inside of me" I told her.

Tegan moaned hungrily and I hissed as she pressed the tip slightly into me. She stopped, looking down at me

"Sara, have you never…with a…?" she asked

I gulped and shook my head. I was aching to have her enter me. To show her how amazing it felt to meet the tightness of me; to be inside of me. I wanted her to feel my body's responses to her actions. I wanted her to feel my orgasm inside of her, just like I had hers.

"Babe, we don't have to, I can…"

"No" I grabbed her arm and looked in her eyes. "I want this"

"You're not drunk anymore, are you?"

It was more of a statement in question form. I shook my head. She leaned down and kissed me softly, yet passionately. I rubbed her shoulders, then up her neck, pulling her face in closer. I wrapped my legs around her waist, my cunt drooling on her stomach. She bit my lip and moaned into my mouth. She knew how badly I wanted her. I slowly unlocked my legs and opened back up for her again. Tegan never stopped kissing me as she positioned herself back at my entry point. I felt her press in a little deeper, very slowly, very gently, just barely inside. I tried to breathe through it, but I'd be lying if I said it didn't hurt.

Tegan broke the kiss, moving to watch my face.

"If you want me to stop Sara, just say the word and I'll do whatever you say. You're in control here" she reassured me

I nodded. There was no pressure here. After a few moments, the pain subsided and I moaned. Tegan took the cue and pressed just a little deeper, dropping kisses on my jawline. I wound my fingers in her hair like I always did, and massaged her scalp. We were going to make love. We'd fucked earlier, but we were going to make love right now. I looked down and saw that she'd already slipped three quarters of the way inside of me. The sight of her inside of me turned me on so much. I gently dug my nails into her scalp, as I felt myself give way for more of her, I moaned. This felt incredible. I could feel her slight weight on top of me, and when she turned to face me she kissed me softly. It felt good to be face to face. She broke the kiss. I smiled up at her, playing with her hair.

"You okay?" she asked

I nodded, then sat up to whisper in her ear

"I want you to make love to me Tegan. I want to be taken as yours."

"I love you" was her only response. It wasn't her typical I love you. She spoke this one with her eyes, her hand gently brushing my bangs back, off my face, and with tears in her eyes. She leaned in and kissed me gently, pushing the rest of the way inside. Pain ripped through me, causing me to grimace, squint my eyes shut, and whimper against her lips. She stayed there, letting me take her in and get used to her. I felt a hand move down to rub my tummy, something she'd learnt was the ultimate way to comfort me. My tension eased.

"That's my girl" she praised, kissing my cheek.

I took a deep breath, calming down.

"I'm gonna move just a little, okay? Tell me if you want me to stop" she told me.

I nodded, but as she moved a noise I didn't expect to come out did, a guttural moan. She looked at me shocked and pushed back in. I gasped at the overwhelmingly new sensation. When she was all the way in, she hit a spot back there I didn't even know I had. I ran my hands down her back, giving her bum a squeeze, then travelling back up, taking hold of her shoulders and pressing my lips into hers. She started to slowly pullout, hitting my g-spot as she did, then push back in and hit that new spot.

"Oh baby, just like that" I encouraged.

She kept the slow, even, steady pace. It was so weird. I could feel the tissue of my insides cling to her on the way out, and be pushed against on the way in. The friction felt fantastic. I felt Tegan push all the way in and stay there. I remembered what I did to her that morning, and it looked like she had the same idea. Her arms snaked around me, pulling me up, into her lap. She kissed me passionately as I hugged her tightly, breaking the kiss to let a deep moan roll through my body as I started to stretch from her being pushed so deeply into me. This new position meant a new angle.

"Feel good babe?" She asked.

"Fuck yes" I responded, kissing her again.

Little tiny ripples started up as I felt Tegan just pulsate her hips, focusing on the spot deep inside me. I felt myself building up. I kissed her harder, squeezed tighter, and moaned louder. She raked her nails down my back, sending shivers through my body. I felt myself tighten and she gasped. That's right. THIS is how it feels to be inside a woman Tegan. I leaned right into her ear and let a low, vibrato moan ring through her ears. I felt her pulse quicken and she broke out in a sweat.

"Do you like being inside of me? Feel my walls squeezing you tightly?" I whispered in her ear.

She nodded, her face scrunching up. She was close, but so was I. I could tell she was trying to remain gentle, and not flip me over and fuck me silly. Any other time I would have told her to do it, but I wasn't ready yet. Besides, I was getting close too. I arched my back, as I started to teeter on the edge. My heels dug into her back, and I felt her push me deeper. I screamed at the sensation. She stopped immediately, taking it as a sign of distress. I grabbed her back, shaking my head.

"No, no. Good scream. Fuck! Please don't stop. I'm so fucking close Teg."

I tucked some hair behind her ear. She still wasn't convinced. So I leaned in and kissed her nose.

"I want you here with me. Lets come together again. I want to feel you. Please baby, please. I need this."

She nodded and kept our eyes locked. I kissed her, holding her cheeks tightly.

"Thank you" I said, and bucked my hips, finding her eyes again.

I place my hands on the back of her neck, and placed my forehead on hers. We rocked, each movement hitting all the right spots. I moaned deeply, as I watched her face contort. I could feel my body climbing to the top of the mountain, building up inch my inch. I could tell Tegan was meeting with resistance inside of me by the way she rocked just a little more eagerly. We were breathing the same hot air. I could feel her exhale as I inhaled, and vice versa.

"Do you feel me, love? Feel me tight-" I gasped as I teetered on the edge "en around you?"

She nodded and I scrunched my face up, squeezing Tegan tightly.

"Oh, baby I'm right there. Fuck. Oh my God how can I be staying right there?" I asked rhetorically.

I was seriously right on the edge, right at the moment between Hey-this-feels-good and holy-shit-I'm-coming. That last moment of pure, agonizing pleasure. My toes curled, my abs tightened, I squeezed Tegan so tightly I thought I might crack a rib. Then I exploded into a million pieces, my whole body convulsing and shaking as the spasms took over. Tegan held me steady as she let go as well, thrusting into me a little more eagerly. She laid me down on the bed and got ontop of me, moving her hips to bring herself in and out of me slightly. I scratched blood trails down her back in my orgasm frenzy.

"HOLY FUCK! OH FUCK! OH FUCK! I'M COMING! TEGAN! TEGAN! TEGAN!"

I called her name again and again and again, screaming it into the night. She finished way before me and kissed my collarbone, up my neck. I finally started to stop thrashing and come down from the orgasm. I laid limp, save for an arm limply resting on Tegan's shoulder. I couldn't feel my body. My eyes were closed and my head was spinning. Tegan kissed me everywhere.

"You okay?" she asked.

I shook my head "I think I might be dead. Everything's numb."

She smiled and kissed me softly.

"You are so amazing" she told me, grazing my cheek with the backs of her knuckles. I smiled and attempted to raise my arms. Didn't work out so well.

"Come here."

She started to pull out

"Don't. Stay inside me" I demanded

She did, slowly pushing back in to another moan from me, but then turning us on our sides, facing each other. She leaned in, linking our foreheads and gently rubbing a thumb over the dip in my back. It felt so perfect. I started to regain feeling in my body, and I felt a few tears shed from my eyes. Tegan quickly brushed them away.

'Did I hurt you?" She asked

I shook my head and cupped her hand on my face.

"Happy tears, love. You are so incredible. I feel… I feel so loved and so connected to you. I never thought I could love anyone like this. I didn't even know this was possible. I want to give you everything you've always wanted right now."

She looked up at me with a look in her eyes.

"You do?" she asked

When I nodded, she bit her lip.

"I want to start trying to conceive again."

I gulped and emotionally backed off.

"Tegan…"

"You said that you want to give me everything I've always wanted. I've always wanted a child, but was never in the place to have one. But we're financially secure, we're married, we've got this house. What's wrong? I know you want to be just "us" but we've been just us for 32 years now."

I shook my head, angry that she didn't understand, angry that she was trying to manipulate me like this, angry that she was pushing the subject. Why was she pushing the subject when just twenty minutes ago she was making sure I was going at my own pace? Why now is there pressure when there wasn't before? And why did I feel like I wanted to give in?

"Tegan, I don't want to have a child! Ever! So stop pushing me" I yelled.

I pulled off of her, and got to my feet. Walking over to my dresser and yanking open a door, I saw her pull out the toy and get to her own feet.

"You what? We talked about this!" she grumbled at me

"Well I changed my mind!" I yelled back, pulling on a pair of boxers. I was just realizing that pulling off like that wasn't a good idea. I was sore.

"Changed your mind? So that's it then, you just went ahead and made the decision that we're not having kids?" she asked, flinging her arms in the air.

"Guess not" I shrugged, pulling on a t-shirt.

"You're so fucking selfish, sometimes. God, what the fuck Sara? Why the fuck don't you want to have a kid?"

"I just don't, okay?" I responded

"No, that's not an answer. Why don't you want to have a kid?" she asked again

"This is what I mean. You don't get what you want, so you pressure people into it. It's not fair."

"Why Sara?"

"Because if I can't have your kid, I don't want to have one."

It came out of my mouth before I even had time to think about it.

"But you CAN have my kid. Hunter was telling me that the other Tegan and Sara were…"

"Using Tegan's eggs to make sperm, I know" I interjected

"So then what's the big fucking deal?"

"We're identical twins! Fuck, sometimes you're so fucking stupid. We have the same fucking DNA; hello inbreeding!"

I could tell that Tegan hadn't thought of that. She was hit with the same brick I was earlier in the restaurant. She spaced out, withdrawing into herself. She had a look of horror on her face. In another situation, I'd have comforted her, but I was too heated. I couldn't handle it.

"Happy now? I'm sleeping in the spare room tonight. Good fucking night."

I stormed out, slamming the door.


	8. This is Love

**Warnings:**Chapter contains a homosexual incestual relationship and sexual content between two women. If you don't like it, don't read it.

**Rating:** M

**Summary:**. What happens when she gets her wish and Tegan finds herself in an alternate reality where Sara is her girlfriend, and not her sister? Will be a LONG fic, updated often.

**A/N: **Yay for internet in small town cafes! Hopefully I'll get another one up this week. If not, then I will post in a few weeks. Enjoy and review.

**Disclaimer:** COMPLETELY FICTIONAL!

**Chapter 8- This is Love**

**Tegan's POV**

I was pulled from my thoughts by the sound of the door slamming shut. The tears didn't even sting my eyes as they flowed freely. I thought…I thought that everything would be perfect. We could have a kid. US not Sara with someone's sperm. Sara with me. I could biologically have a child with her. There could be a little one running around looking just like the mix of the two of us. They'd have Sara's smarts and my nose. I never thought about the fact that Sara and I have the same DNA.

Sara wanted the same thing: OUR child. I bet she's disgusted at the thought of having sperm injected into her. Quite frankly I'm disgusted. It'd be different if it were mine. Who would we use? Dallas?

Why had I pushed her? I knew she wanted to wait. It was like I didn't have control and someone else was yelling at her, trying to pressure her. I feel like shit. My stomach's in knots. I'm disgusted with what I've done. How could I?

I walked over to the bed, curling up on Sara's side. I let the tears fall. All of this was coupled with the sudden realization that I'd never have kids. Sara's right, I don't want to have someone else's kids, I want to have hers. I let the emotion empty from my body, as I shake and cry into Sara's pillow. I just want her to hold me right now. I need to talk to her. I need to apologize.

I got to my feet and shuffled out the door, tears still streaming down my face. I opened the door to the spare room where I found her, passed out. I went to close the door and leave her to sleep, when I saw her head pick up and turn my way.

"Tegan?" she asked

"S…sorry. I'll…I-i-I'll let you sleep."

She sat up, fully attentive now as I tried to shy away into the hallway.

"What happened? Are you alright?" she asked

I shook my head. "Sara, I'm so sorry" I hiccupped, sniffling "I didn't mean to push, I just…I…I"

I saw her face soften as she opened her arms.

"C'mere" she said

I walked over and dropped into her arms on the bed, burying my face into her shirt. I cried into her hard. I felt slender, calloused hands move through my hair.

"It's okay Tegan. I should have talked to you about it instead of just arguing. You're right though, you really shouldn't have pushed me."

I nodded "I'm so sorry, I don't know why I did that."

"It's okay, love" she said with a smile "all's forgiven."

I felt a weight lift and squeezed her tighter. She laid down, on her back, bringing me with her. I felt the softness of her breast under my head and snuggled in, sniffling as the tears slowly stopped. She kissed my head and rubbed down my arm.

"We need to sleep, baby. Just sleep" she told me.

I nodded and closed my eyes, holding to her tightly. She whispered to me

"We'll figure it all out together. We always do. Things way beyond us are keeping an eye out for us Tegan. It'll all be okay. Sleep now, love."

I slowly drifted off to sleep.

I woke up the next morning to an empty bed and the smell of coffee. Yawning, I slowly sat up, feeling my head pound. Ughh, hangover. I looked around, finding myself in the spare room. I took a moment to recall last night and sighed, swinging my legs out of bed and standing up slowly. My feet carried me down the hallway, and into the kitchen. There was a fresh pot of coffee, a pedialyte, and an asprin on the counter. Popping the pill in my mouth, I took a long drink of pedialyte and poured myself a cup of coffee, adding a lot of sugar and milk. I only drank coffee when I was hungover. I saw that the patio door was open to the screen. I walked out, my mug in hand. Looking around, I found Sara curled up on a couch on the deck with a book. She had a coffee curled into her chest, cupped by a hand. I walked over and sat down next to her. I looked around the backyard. The sun was up, just barely over the mountains and shown brilliantly on the water. The boat bobbed as the water rippled beneath it. But taking a more thorough look around, I saw articles of clothing strewn across the lawn. I smiled, remembering why when Sara sneaked an arm around my shoulders. I leaned into her, resting my head on her chest and letting her pull me in. She had put down her book on the table in front of us, and held her coffee in her free hand.

"Good morning" she told me

"Morning" I replied. "It looks like there was a hurricane back here that only rained clothes."

I felt her chuckle and kiss the top of my head.

"Tegan, about last night…"

"Can we just let it go? It's okay. We don't need to have kids."

"Yes we do." She stated, sounding almost outraged "I was in a mood, and after such a special moment where you were so gentle and kind, and patient, you pushing it on me was just…too much. The juxtaposition was what really made it seem worse than it was. I want to have children with you Tegan, and I know that you need to have kids. You won't be happy not having kids."

She really did know me too well. I gulped and took a drink of coffee.

"I love you, but sometimes I need space. When I get angry like that, I'm going to storm out because if I don't, I'm gonna say something that's really going to hurt you. I don't want to hurt you. What you did last night was perfect. Let me cool off, then we'll talk. This whole having lived with each other for 32 years really helps ."

I nodded and chuckled, feeling a little better. I wanted to ask when she wanted to start trying again, but didn't want to push it. But of course, it was Sara and she read my mind.

"When we figure out how we can have kids together- how I can carry YOUR child and not have some random person's semen injected into me…." She grimaced "-then we'll try again, okay?"

I nodded, but had a few curious questions "What about our career?"

"It can wait. This is more important. We can take a year or two off to start a family. Music'll be there when we come back. I want this Tegan. The moment I learnt that I could carry your child- that we could have a child together- I wanted to start trying. But I don't want to cause a child the problems that would occur if we inbred. There has to be a way."

She kissed my head, and brushed my hair back. A smile crept onto my face.

"You're going to be gorgeous pregnant" I tell her.

She smiled wide "Ya think?"

I nod "You're gonna get tummy rubs and bubble baths all the time."

She gave me a squeeze and I sat up from her. I could tell from the smile on her face and the way she looked dreamily out into the morning that she was just as excited about the prospect of having a kid as I was. My head started to throb, and I put it in my hands, groaning as a sharp pain shot through me. Memories flashed before my eyes. Then it all focused and it was like I was watching a movie.

Sara and I were sitting at the couch in the studio downstairs, on opposite ends. I was watching from the door.

"Do you really think that'll fix it? If we have a kid?" asked Sara

"Yea, I do. Look, we can stay in separate rooms, but we need a legacy. It's what the fans want, and if we don't want to get dropped by the label, then this is what we need to do" I replied.

If I had, had time to think I would, but it was all a flash.

"I could have a C-section so it wouldn't interfere with touring or the new album and we could hire a nanny to take care of it" Sara planned

I felt the shock rip through me.

"Sounds good. So, we're in agreement?" I asked

"Sure" Sara replied.

Then we shook on it like the business deal that it was. I shot back to present time, where I was doubled over, holding my head with Sara rubbing my back, softly whispering my name.

"Tegan? You okay?"

I hugged her tightly, so happy that I had her, my Sara and not the other one. How could we…how could they so easily do something like that? Bring a child into the world to stay famous?

"What happened?" she asked, running a hand through my hair

"I got one of the others' memories." I paused, biting my lip "They were gonna have a kid to stay on the label."

Sara sighed. "I know" she took a breath "I've had that one before. Kind of part of the reason I wanted to wait."

"You should have told me"

"Tegan, this being open about everything thing is new to me. Give me some time" Sara asked of me

I nodded. I slowly got to my feet and shook my head. A hand firmly rubbed my neck, trying to ease my discomfort.

"We're not them. I'm not going to schedule a C-section, or hire a nanny. This will be our child, Tegan. I want to give birth at home, when my body decides it's time, with you right next to me. This child is going to be so special Tegan. The last thing you should be worrying about is what the other two were planning. They're not us."

"At home?" I asked

"It's something I've always wanted. We'll talk to Emy about it when it's time. Okay?"

I sighed and nodded, turning around to give her a hug.

"You always know how to ease my mind" I told her, slipping my hands under her shirt to rub her back.

"What do you say we head into the city today? I think we owe Kaki a visit. We've got a lot of questions. And the Canucks are playing tonight. Wanna go?" Sara asked me

My face lit up. I loved hockey games. She really did know how to cheer me up.

"I'll take that as a yes." She said, smiling and giving me a wet kiss. I kissed her back. Her lips felt so nice against mine.

"I'm glad we made up last night" I said, breaking the kiss "I probably wouldn't have slept."

"You'd spend all night losing sleep?" she joked

I huffed, grinning and giving her a shove "You're so funny"

"I know. Everyone knows I'm the funny one and you're the crier" she said

"Come on you, I'll make you breakfast" I offered

I saw her start to walk into the house, noticing a slight lag and the fact that she was walking differently. I thought back to what might have caused this. Then I gulped, thinking about what Sara did last night for the first time. I caught up to her and put a hand on her back.

"Are you sure I didn't hurt you last night?" I asked

She shook her head. "I was the idiot who ripped myself off of you. I'm just sore this morning is all." She must have seen the look on my face, because she cupped one of my cheeks lovingly and reassured me "Tegan, I'm okay. Trust me, it was worth it." She leaned in and gently kissed me again before walking into the house.

An hour later we were knocking on Kaki's door. She opened it fairly quickly, smiling.

"It's about time. I've been waiting for you two. Come on in" she invited, moving sideways so we could step in.

Her apartment was a decent sized one bedroom. She had them all around the world. She walked over and sat in an armchair, facing a couch. I felt like we were walking into therapy. I sat down, Sara following. She shifted a little uncomfortably and I saw Kaki grin. I shot the fairy a warning glance, and the grin was wiped from her face. That's right. Don't mess with Sara.

"So, what's up?"

"We umm…we…" Sara tried to explain.

"Do we have the same DNA?" I asked blatantly, too impatient to wait for Sara to beat around the bush.

"No" she said.

I felt my heart spring to life, but Sara was a little more grounded and followed up while I did a happy dance inside my head.

"But we've got the same bodies, right?"

Kaki nodded "But you aren't biologically sisters. No need to worry about that. Go ahead, make babies. I can help with that if you want. Give you a little something extra Tegan?"

Did she mean a..? She did. My eyes bugged out "NO! Thanks but no."

I saw Sara let out a sigh of relief.

"How are we in the same bodies, but have different DNA?" Sara asked

"The temporal shift caused a slight re-arranging of your DNA for…obvious purposes. You have the same body, but the other Tegan and Sara's DNA. Same thing for them. They, might I add are happy as clams in your old lives. Tegan's engaged to Lindsey, and Sara's dating Dallas."

I roared laughing at the last fact. Sara looked petrified.

"Thank god they got out of here when they did. You two seem to have settled in quite nicely. How are you doing?"

I spoke now, with a giddiness "Amazing. This place is fantastic."

"Feel like everything is how it should be?" Kaki asked

Sara and I nodded, exchanging big smiles. She'd shaken off the fact that the other her was dating a man, and was now at the same level of excitement as I was. Sara doesn't really get giddy like I do, but she was right now. She had that face like she just wanted to jump into my lap and kiss me right now.

"Good. Well, I hate to kick you guys out, but I have to hop a plane to L.A. Are you guys good? Do you need anything else?" She asked

"No Kaki, thanks so much." Sara smiled at her

"Go forth and multiply. Let me know when the baby shower is. I'll get the tyke some strings."

I knew my eyes were shining as Sara and I stood and left.

I jumped into her arms the moment Kaki closed the door behind us. She kissed my cheek and laughed.

"Tegan! We can!"

"Yes! We can!"

We laughed and hugged a while longer.

"Lets go call Emy" Sara suggested

"Really? Now? Don't you want to wait?" I asked

She shook her head and I felt butterflies in my stomach. We were gonna do this. Sara was going to get pregnant, we were going to have a kid. She was going to have my kid. I took her hand and we practically ran downstairs. We climbed into the car and put Emy on speaker.

"Hey Tegan, what's up?" answered Emy.

"I'm here too" I chimed in.

"Hi Sara. Am I on speaker?" she asked

"Yes!" We replied in unison. "Emy, are you in the office today?" I asked, taking Sara's hand and lifting it to my lips.

"Yeah, what's up? Is everything okay?" Emy started to sound worried.

"I want to come in and umm, make a deposit." I told her. Sara nearly squealed with glee.

"I thought you wanted to wait?" She asked

"We changed our minds" Sara informed her

"Well I've got some time right now. Are you in the city?"

"We're on our way Emy. Be there in five." I said.

"Okay, see you soon."

"Bye Emy." Sara and I said.

We hung up and both squealed like children. I leaned over and kissed her excitedly, then started the car, pulling my seatbelt on.

Things were happening so fast. Ten minutes later, I was in a gown, on an examination table, with a blanket draped over me. Sara was holding my hand, sitting in an adjacent chair perpendicular to me. She was resting her chin on a closed fist.

"We should stop at Shoppers on the way home to pick up some ovulation tests" she mentioned.

I nodded "Might as well grab some pregnancy tests while we're at it too" I threw in.

"Are you nervous?" Sara asked me

I nodded and sighed. "I really don't like needles."

"I know" Sara patted my shoulder, then stood up to kiss my forehead. "I'm gonna be right here."

Emy walked in. She was carrying a tray of supplies.

"Alright. We ready?" She asked, putting the tray down on the counter and pulling on a pair of gloves.

I nodded, gulping, and feeling Sara's hand grip mine tighter. Emy turned on the ultrasound machine, and put a condom over the probe.

"Just like last time. I'll put the probe in, find the follicle, then insert the needle and extract the egg. Want sedation again?"

I nodded violently with wide eyes. Emy chuckled and uncapped a small needle. She used the hand that was gripping Sara's. I shut my eyes and squeezed Sara's hand as she administered the drug. I felt the flightiness instantly, and relaxed. Am I glad I took the sedation because the next thing Emy pulled out was the big needle, and boy was it big. I felt a draft as she lifted the gown, and gently inserted the ultrasound probe into me. It was odd to be exposed to Emy like this. I guess here, it was nothing she hadn't seen before, but back in our old reality she was Sara's ex. Sara didn't seem bothered by it. She was focused on keeping me comfortable and calm, running her fingers through my hair, her eyes glued to the ultrasound screen. I couldn't help but think that a few months from now these tables could be turned and our baby could be on that screen. I smiled.

Emy's voice was all wonky, and I wasn't sure what she said but I nodded anyways. Sara kissed me and I winced, feeling the needle slip into my flesh. Sara held my shoulders and looked into my eyes. Her face was drifting in and out of focus. I felt the needle leave my body, as I saw her lips move, yelling something. I couldn't make out what she was saying. It was like I was underwater. I saw Emy bob into view and laughed, reaching out to her face. Then everything went black.

**Sara's POV**

I watched as the needle pierced Tegan's skin, then backed off from the kiss. The expression on her face was odd. It was like she wasn't there. I grabbed her shoulders, trying to rouse her out of it. When I didn't get a response, I panicked. Something was wrong.

"Tegan? Tegan? Tegan!" I yelled at intervals, waiting for a response after each and not getting one.

She just smiled.

"Emy, something's wrong" I told her, pulling her from her concentration.

Emy looked up at Tegan, eyes going wide.

"Shit, she's having a reaction to the sedative."

Emy took one more moment to look at the ultrasound machine, and pulled up the plunger of the needle, then gently pulled it out. She took care of it while I turned my attention back to Tegan, whose eyes were rolling around. Emy called for an ambulance, then ran back over. Tegan reached out for her face.

"She was fine the last time. I gave her the same dose" Emy claimed

"Does she look okay to you?" I asked.

That's when Tegan started to seizure. Her eyes rolled back, body thrashing. Emy moved to the side of the examination table to make sure she didn't fall off.

"Sara, put the stir-ups down so she doesn't hit her legs." Emy instructed

I obliged and quickly moved towards them, my heart racing, adrenaline pumping. Emy was calm. Tegan started to hit her head against the wall, and Emy gently cushioned the blows by placing her hand on the back of Tegan's head, careful not to restrain her. Then her body stopped. Tegan slowly opened her eyes.

"Sare?"

I ran to her side and ran a hand through her sweaty hair

"I'm right here, love. It's okay."

Emy walked over and gently pushed me out of the way. She took out a pen light and shown it into each of Tegan's eyes when the EMTs came in. Emy turned to them and gave them the details. They got Tegan on a stretcher. Emy started barking orders, on our way out the door. We got to the ambulance and Emy turned to me.

"I'm gonna ride with her. We're going to Met. I have rights there so I'll be able to admit her as my patient. Meet us there?" Emy asked

I nodded and ran to the car, starting it up and getting ready to follow

**Tegan's POV**

I saw Sara run away and I whimpered. The EMTs were all around me. One put an oxygen mask over me. All I could hear was Emy's voice, calm and collected giving instructions. She kept one of my hands covered in hers. I had no idea what was going on.

I woke up in a hospital bed, my throat dry. My eyes fluttered open and I saw Sara, asleep in the chair next to my bed. My body slowly came into my awareness, and a pounding in my head that caused me to hiss.

The sound woke Sara up, who saw me awake, and smiled, getting up from the chair and coming to sit on the edge of the bed, facing me. She tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, then pulled her cardigan a little tighter around herself.

"Hey. How do you feel?" she asked.

"Like shit" my voice was super raspy and crackly.

Sara picked up the cup of water and put the straw to my lips. I sucked softly, eagerly taking the lukewarm water into my system.

"You had a reaction to the sedative. I've been assured everything's fine though. You hit your head pretty hard."

"Feels like it" I mumble

Sara leans in and drops a soft kiss on my forehead. My eyes close automatically and I feel my head spin from the tenderness.

"I love you" I tell her softly.

"I love you too, gorgeous" she replies.

The next kiss lands on my lips, and is soft, gentle, and caring. It doesn't last long, but it doesn't have to. It's said all it needs to. She slowly backed away, taking my hand, and running her thumb over the back of it.

"We're all set for the next time I ovulate. I have no idea when that'll be, since I'm sure my period got messed up with the whole reality-shift. We've been here for two weeks, so I should be ovulating soon."

"Just take a test everyday" I said.

"That's another idea."

I sighed, turning my hand around in Sara's, and running my fingers down her palm. Shivers crept up my arm, and spread through my body. It's funny how even just holding her hand does so much to my body. This simple gesture is enough to fill me up, fill my senses with Sara. I closed my eyes.

"I always want to be able to close my eyes and feel you, smell you, taste you on the air, hear you breathing, and open my eyes…" I opened my eyes "to see you smiling, just like that. Nothing makes me feel more alive." I tell her.

Every word of it was true, and I saw her melt at the words.

**Sara's POV**

Tegan loved to tease me. This, I knew. But sometimes she said the most beautiful things. It's what I'd been feeling all along, but couldn't give words to. She flooded me, filling every crevice, every nook.

"God, I'm so in love with you it hurts sometimes" I tell her

"Then love me less, I don't want you to hurt…ever" she responded "Can we just be home in our bed now?"

I smiled, knowing what she meant. She wanted to curl up with me. Well, we could do that here. No need to wait. I turned, and kicked off my shoes. My feet rose onto the bed, my back moved back to meet the mattress. I opened my arm, and Tegan lifted her head, repositioning herself in the crook of my arm. I wrapped the appendage around her, as she took my hand. She kissed each knuckle, then turned back to me.

"Thanks, I know you hate cuddling." She said

I laughed.

"Baby, you're the exception."

I kissed the top of her head, as she ran a hand over my chest.

"You're so handsome."

Seriously, she always knew the right thing to say.

"I wish I could have seen you in your tux on our wedding day. I know we have pictures, but it's not the same"

I blushed a deep shade of red just as Emy walked in.

"Tegan! I'm so sorry" she squaled and ran over. "I don't know what happened. I gave you the same drug, in the same dose as I did last time."

"Emy, Emy, it's okay." Tegan reassured her.

She let out a sigh of relief and handed us a pile of forms.

"What are these?" I asked, taking them.

"Discharge papers. You can go home. Everything's fine. The drug's out of your system."

I saw Tegan sigh in relief. She hated hospitals. Emy handed her a gym bag.

"Your stuff's in there." Said Emy

"Thanks" Tegan responded

"I should get back to work. An emergency delivery just came in. Sorry again." Emy urged.

"Thanks Emy" I said.

Emy walked out, shutting the door and the nurse came in, unhooking Tegan from all the machine. The moment the door closed, Tegan was on her feet, trying to reach behind her back to untie the gown. I laughed and moved my fingers down her neck, taking hold of one of the strings and tugging. The gown fell to the floor. I reached into the gym bag and pulled out her underwear, handing them to her. This went on, one article of clothing at a time, until she was dressed. I heard her give a happy sigh and I stood next to her, pulling my shoes back on.

"Lets get out of here" she said

I looked at my watch.

"If we leave now, we can get home for the second period of the Canucks game." I told her

Tegan nodded and took my hand. We walked out of the hospital, both eager to get home.

We walked in the door and Tegan dropped the bag at the couch, dropping into it with a tired sigh. I slipped off my shoes, and headed into our bedroom. On my way passed, I stopped to give the top of her head a kiss and her shoulder a rub.

"Pizza for dinner?" I asked

"That sounds perfect" she responded.

I nodded, giving her one last kiss before continuing into the bedroom. I dropped my keys and wallet on my dresser, and leaned against it, processing all that had happened today. My eyes closed and I just let myself feel all the emotions. We were going to have a baby. I was going to have Tegan's baby. A part of Tegan will be living and growing inside of me. I smiled and put a hand on my stomach, instinctively. With one last smile I stripped off my t-shirt, unbuttoned my jeans, and slipped them off. Stumbling over to the bed, I fumbled my socks off, and stood in just my boxers. It felt so nice to be topless. I grabbed a tank and tossed it over a shoulder, walking back out into the living room. I sunk onto the couch with Tegan and snagged the phone from the coffee table. I leaned back, into the crook of her arm as she cuddled me close, my fingers dialing the number of the pizza place. I felt a multitude of kisses on my hairline as I placed the order, and as soon as I hung up, I turned and met one with a full on kiss. I felt my stomach jump, as I slowly climbed into her lap, wrapping my arms around her neck. Tegan glided soft, wet lips against mine as my head reeled. She had me. She had me so completely. I ground my hips into her and let out a soft moan as my clit came into contact with her belt buckle.

Tegan smiled and ran her hands down my bare back, making me shiver and cling closer to her. The kiss deepened, as I crushed my lips against hers. I hungrily rolled her top lip between mine, all the while rolling my hips into her. I felt so out of control, it was primal. I felt her hands slide down to cradle my ass through my boxers, my arms tightening around her neck. Then, I felt the passion die down, and was replaced by an overwhelming feeling of love. I let up, softening the kiss. Tegan responded immediately. Was she feeling it too? Her hands moved up to my lower back, as my lips kissed a trail down her neck, letting my head rest against her shoulder, burying my face in her neck.

There I was, half naked, straddling her lap, dripping wet, my arms wound tightly around her neck, and Tegan was cuddling me. This was the only person this had ever happened with. Why? Why wasn't this sexy time? Why am I okay with just cuddling after such an intense rush of wanting her? I thought for a moment. Maybe with Tegan, love wasn't about sex. Maybe, just maybe sex was about love. Now more than ever, I knew that my body was only sexualized to her when I wanted it to be. There was nothing explicit about my naked form. It was like exposing an ankle to her, until I wanted her to see me as a sexual being.

I closed my eyes and let that resonate.

"You're so handsome" she uttered, after a few minutes of silence.

I smiled and hugged her tighter, feeling her hands glide up my back. This is the love we've been singing about all along. This was the real deal.


	9. Perfect

**Warnings:**Chapter contains a homosexual incestual relationship and sexual content between two women. If you don't like it, don't read it.

**Rating:** M

**Summary:**. What happens when she gets her wish and Tegan finds herself in an alternate reality where Sara is her girlfriend, and not her sister? Will be a LONG fic, updated often.

**A/N: **Sorry for the long delay. I went right from Tennis camp to College and it's been pretty busy. Thanks for all the reviews. Hope this chapter makes up for my being away so long. Enjoy and review. Hopefully it won't be so long before the next one! Than you all for being so patient!

**Disclaimer:** COMPLETELY FICTIONAL!

**Chapter 9- Perfect**

**Tegan's POV**

I let the chord ring out, my eyes glued to my wife who was sitting behind the glass.

"What do you think?" I asked

I saw it: that smile. She didn't have to say it, because I already knew she was swooning over the new song from that gigantic grin on her face. Either way, her voice came through loud and clear over the studio headphones I had on

"I love it. It's so different from what you usually write." She blushed and bit her bottom lip.

She knew the song was for her. The first that I'd ever written for her.

"I want to add a few cool drum rolls and a kind of dark bass line. Maybe a little on the keyboard" I added, casually starting to take my guitar off.

"No" she replied very sternly.

It made me stop, freeze mid-motion, and cock my head sideways like a puppy. I wasn't used to hearing that from her, especially when it came to my songs. Usually she'd give constructive criticism, such was Sara's way. It was never a straight out: no. But this was.

"What?" I asked

"No. I like it when it's just you. Simple, beautiful, you and a guitar" she followed up.

I gulped and said the only thing I could after being so taken aback.

"Okay."

I put my guitar on the stand, and walked out of the studio, into the hallway, promptly entering the control room via the French doors at the end of the hallway. She was in one of the office chairs, sitting on one leg, while the other was pulled to her chest when she swiveled around to see me.

Walking in, I dropped a kiss on her forehead as she shut her eyes and just accepted it, giving my back a pat.

"Ready to be done here?" I asked

She nodded and I scooped her into my arms, helping her to her feet in a big hug. I felt my whole body relax. Stress didn't live here anymore. A feather light kiss was dropped on my cheek as I let out a sigh and let her escape my embrace. Sara grabbed both my hands and gave me a dazzling smile.

"I have a surprise for you" she told me.

"Oh really?" I asked, raising an eyebrow "Is this one of your homemade gifts?"

She nodded and I rolled my eyes while smiling. I'd seen her give multiple people homemade gifts over the course of the years and had always found it cheap and dumb, until there was the prospect of getting my own. My heart lit on fire as she nodded. I hadn't gotten a homemade Sara gift in a long time. She leaned up and gave me a quick kiss.

"Let me go get it" she said, standing up.

I nodded and backed off, letting her get up, and out of the chair. I took her seat when she did, and watched as she walked out the door. Letting out a sigh, I turned to the mixing board and started playing what I'd just recorded. My first love song. I smiled as I heard the guitar intro come to a close and my voice utter the first words of the verse. It wasn't perfect yet. I could hear the shakiness in my voice from being so nervous that Sara was listening. Two hands wrapped around my neck, as I felt her weight against my shoulders and a kiss on the side of my neck. She was holding something out for me to see. I got a good look at the object. I recognized it instantly as an ovulation test. Every cell in my body vibrated with excitement, as my mind processed that it was positive. I heard the laugh as I let out a high pitched squeak, spinning around immediately.

"You're ovulating!" I exclaimed

Sara nodded, and took a seat in my lap, kissing me softly. I let my heart soar in connection with her. I could feel her practically bouncing in my lap. If a month ago you would have told me that I'd be here, with Sara, excited about having a baby together I'd have probably punched you. Yet, here we are. I slowly break the kiss and revel in the feeling as Sara leans her forehead against mine. Leaning forward, I drop a light kiss on her nose. She lets out a happy sigh as she closes her eyes.

"We should go see Emy" I say.

She nods and drops her head to my shoulder, snuggling into me. I've come to treasure these moments. It was such a comfortable feeling having her cuddle close. I put a hand under her shirt, on her stomach, and just let it heat her skin. She nuzzled my neck, letting out a low moan.

"I love it when you do that" she whispered.

I smiled wide and kissed her cheek, sliding my hand around her side, to her back. I gave her cheek one last kiss before reaching over to the desk, and swiping my phone. Settling back in, I dialed Emy's number as Sara drew lazy patterns on my collarbone with her index finger.

**Sara's POV  
**

The car ride to Emy's office felt like it took an eternity. I really should have been nervous, but all I could think about was Tegan and how exciting it was that little tiny half hers would be inside of me. The idea made me giddy. Anyone else, I would be so grossed out. I held her hand the entire ride. I was finally on the table, my feet in the stirrups, holding her hand again. I took a deep breath and squeezed hard. She looked at me and gave a soft smile.

"At least you don't have a giant needle to deal with" she joked.

I smiled and opened my arms, indicating my wanting a hug. She happily obliged and moved forward, wrapping her arms around me.

"I am so excited" I whispered.

She chuckled, and gave me one last squeeze before letting go.

"You know that the chances of it taking the first time are few and far between, right?" she asked

I shrugged "I don't really care" I ran a hand along her cheek, my eyes glued to hers "having any part of you inside of me makes my heart swell."

I watched as her face turned to show her heart melting. She always was a sucker for romantic words.

"I love you" she said plainly.

"I love you too, baby" I replied, and leaned forward giving her a quick kiss.

Emy knocked.

"Come in!" I exclaimed.

Emy did and Tegan rose to give her a hug.

"Hey guys. Finally the day, eh?" she asked

Tegan smiled wide and nodded.

"Look at THAT smile! Lets get started" she said, walking over to me. She placed a hand on my gown-covered knee. "How's it goin?"

"So good. I've been waiting for today for a while" I told her.

Emy smiled, and sat down in the rolley chair, putting two jars down on the tray. She draped a blanket over my lower half, and looked up.

"Ready?" she asked

I looked over at Tegan who took my hand. I nodded, then felt the butterflies creep up, and the nervousness I should have been feeling all along hit me. I had a moment of panic, feeling my breathing increase and my heart beat skip a few beats. Emy had her back to us, as she got ready. Luckily Tegan caught on and locked her eyes on mine, a warm hand moving to move against my tummy. I let out a sigh as calm almost instantly flooded over me. She smiled.

"Everytime. You okay?" she asked as she gently rubbed my midsection.

My eyes closed and I nodded, taking her free hand and lacing our fingers together. She slowly lifted my hand to her lips and gave the back of my hand a warm, wet kiss. I closed my eyes and just felt her presence next to me. I kept them closed, as I heard Emy speak.

"We'll do the first round in the office, but since Tegan's so fucking fertile, there's enough if you two perhaps…wanted to take some home?"

I felt Tegan's hand tighten around mine. I looked up at her and nodded. I saw her smile expand.

"Fuck yes!" Tegan replied to Emy, causing Emy to chuckle.

"Alright then. Sara, are you ready? This may be a bit uncomfortable" Emy told me.

I felt Tegan run her thumb over the back of my hand and nodded, closing my eyes and taking a deep breath. I felt the cold of the metal as the backs of my heels hit the stir-ups. Tegan must have felt my body tense, because her free hand was on my stomach again. I took a deep breath and felt the warmth of her hand melt away the anxiety.

"Here we go" said Emy.

I didn't feel anything for the first bit. I let out a small whimper when I felt something resist inside of me.

"Just at your cervix, try and relax" Emy told me.

I nodded and looked up at Tegan, searching for her eyes. I didn't have to look far because she was watching me intently. She moved the hand from my stomach and gently ran it through my hair.

"I'm right here SaSa, right here" she comforted me.

I nodded and felt the discomfort ease as I figured Emy must have gotten passed my cervix. I almost sighed of relief. Tegan kissed the top of my head and I let my eyes close.

"There we go. All done. I'm going to pull the catheter out and just stay in that position for a while. I'll come get you when it's time." She looked at Tegan "You, don't aggravate the sample!"

Tegan acted shocked and Emy just laughed and walked out. I reached up Tegan's arm, pulling her close to me. I was met with a smile as she took a seat in the chair next to the examination table, and rested a hand on my thigh, still holding my hand. I closed my eyes and put a hand on my tummy. Little half Tegans were in there right now. She was inside of me. I felt the tears come. Tegan was quickly on her feet and I wrapped my arms tightly around her neck. She rubbed my back gently.

"Hey, hey baby, what's wrong?" she asked

"Nothing, absolutely nothing" I replied.

"Then why the tears?"

"I'm just so happy" I told her, earning a small kiss on the side of my neck.

"Are you sore?" she asked

I shook my head.

"No, T, really I'm fine" I assured her.

I felt her sigh and kiss my cheek. She whispered in my ear.

"I can't wait to go home and make love to you. This is great, but I really want to be the one to get you pregnant. I want to release inside of you as you come all around me. I want to feel your walls sucking me in."

I felt my whole body shudder and I couldn't help but kiss her. She held my head gently, running her fingertips over the tiny hairs on the nape of my neck as we glided our lips and grazed our tongues. She gently broke the kiss and kissed the tip of my nose. My eyes closed as I panted. I bit my bottom lip and let the heat rise inside my core. I heard her chuckle and rub my tummy.

"That really got you wound up, eh?" she asked

I nodded and opened my eyes to see her smiling back at me. I pulled her face closer and kissed her again. When I broke the kiss, I playfully pushed her away.

"Don't get too ahead of yourself, Romeo. We've still got to go grocery shopping" I reminded her.

She groaned and I chuckled, rubbing up her wrist, to her forearm. Emy walked in and handed Tegan a small jar with a blue top.

"There you are. You guys are all set. Invite me to the baby shower?" Emy asked with a smile, patting my leg.

"Of course. Thanks Emy" I laughed.

Emy nodded and left the room. I swung my legs out of the stirrups and hopped to my feet. Tegan handed me my underwear and pants. I slowly slipped them on. I turned around as she gently untied the back of the gown from around my neck, running both hands down my now exposed back. I couldn't help but lean backwards into her. I let myself fall backwards into that warmth as she wrapped me up in her arms. I let out a happy little sigh and felt warm lips press to my neck. We stayed like this for a few heartbeats, then I pulled away to get dressed.

We left Emy's office all smiles and holding hands, and walked across the street to the grocery store. It tended to be okay in here. Most people left us alone, which is why we kept coming back. As always, everyone turned to look as we walked in. I smiled and waved awkwardly, blushing red as we moved passed the first few displays, and grabbed a cart. I felt Tegan's hand securely on my lower back as I pushed the cart. I turned to her.

"Did you bring the list?" I asked

"We don't need a list, it's fine" she responded

"Tegan! You need to bring the list! Watch, now we're gonna get to the eggs and we'll look at each other and be like 'Did we need eggs?' and we'll totally not need eggs, but neither one of us will remember so we'll buy eggs. Then when we get home, we have 2 dozen eggs." I explained my frustration "We need the list".

"Okay, fine. Next time I'll bring the fucking list." She replied, then sighed.

I looked around at all the people watching us and felt embarrassed. I had a moment of panic, and reminded myself to breathe. I was effectively freaking out inside. Tegan must have noticed because she wrapped an arm around me and turned my head to face her. I looked into those eyes.

"Hey, Sara. Stay with me. I'm sorry. It's okay. Just keep breathing." she whispered softly.

I nodded and paid attention to the warm hand on my side, rubbing my skin through my shirt gently. I felt it all calm, then said the first thing that came to mind:

"I just said the word eggs like 18 times."

Tegan chuckled and nodded, rubbing my back "Yeah, ya did!"

I looked around, and the people who'd been staring were now going about their day. I let out one last breath and grabbed a box of strawberries, putting them in the cart and moving on. I saw Tegan's smile out of the corner of my eye before she went off to grab some vegetables. I took a moment to close my eyes and take a breath. I shook it off with a laugh and looked to the apples.

**Tegan's POV**

I put the last of the groceries in the fridge and looked over to Sara, who was washing a pan from breakfast. Making my way over, I wrapped my arms around her waist and stepped into her. She stopped and leaned back into me. I smiled wide and shut my eyes, letting that familiar warmth overcome me. My arms tingled and I kissed the side of her face. I could feel her smile as I laid my cheek against hers.

I felt my heart pour out. How could holding someone like this feel so perfect? I was sure the butterflies would fade. After all we've been in this world for a solid month now, living together. But they just got stronger. Sara did things to me with just a touch of the hand that people couldn't do while fucking me. I felt…alive and ecstatic. I felt like I was in a perpetual fall down a warmed waterfall, with no bottom. It was like the sun was in my arms. Have you ever woken up next to sunlight? Not just to sunlight on you form the window, but it plastered all along you. It's…words do not exist. It's like nothing you've ever felt before.

Sara turned around in my arms and tucked me into her chest, holding me close right there in the kitchen. She rubbed up and down my back as she kissed the top of my head. We just held each other.

"I love you" she told me.

I smiled wide and hugged her tighter "I love you so much" I replied.

She let out a happy, little sigh and I gently pulled away to give her a soft, gentle kiss on the lips. Putting a hand on her tummy, I looked over at her.

"What does it feel like?" I asked

"What does what feels like, babe?" she asked right back

"Having…sperm inside of you. Can you feel it?"

Sara laughed at me.

"Can you feel it? Tegan that's preposterous. They're microscopic. I'll tell you though, that the idea that a part of you is inside of me right now is…" she paused and smiled happily, dropping her head to my shoulder and pulling me in for another hug. "it makes me feel warm and tingly everywhere. I've never been this happy. I've been content, but this Teegs, since I've been with you, it's like pure joy. I don't know how I could have ever considered myself happy before this. You're everything, babe."

I felt the tears roll down my face as I swallowed hard and held onto her.

"I think that's the most romantic thing anyone's ever said to me" I told her.

She kissed my neck a few times and held the back of my head, letting me cry into her.

"Happy tears?" she asked

I nodded and felt a few more kisses, then calloused fingertips run up the nape of my neck, into the thick of my hair. I slowly pulled back to kiss her, sniffling through my tears. I found her lips and devoured them. I felt my heart throb against my chest, and swell towards her. She ran a hand over top of the skin, and pushed off my unbuttoned flannel shirt. I clung to her again, running my hands up her shirt, and taking it off, then she quickly took off my t-shirt. We crashed back together in a sweet collision of bodies, all warmed flesh. She pressed her moist, wet lips to my neck as her fingers unbuttoned my jeans. I threw my head back as I let the fire spread through my body. She plunged her hand eagerly down my underwear, and brushed against my clit as I gasped sharply, digging my fingertips into her shoulders. She pulled away.

"Is this okay? Do you want me to stop?" she asked.

I shook my head "Fuck no. Please Sara, I want you so badly." I relied, shaking.

She smiled and kissed me. I wrapped my arms around her neck, and let her unzip my jeans, so I could kick them off. I let her take me down to the floor and lay me down gently. She pressed herself on top of me as my hands moved up her back to unclasp her bra. I snapped it off and she tossed it aside. I broke the kiss and lowered my head to take one of her nipples into my mouth. She moaned loudly and I flicked my tongue over the nub, using my hand to stimulate its twin. Sara dove back under my boyshorts, and rubbed up my length. I abandoned her breast automatically and bit my bottom lip, my eyes instinctively closing. When I opened them, I saw her smiling down at me before she looped her thumb under the waistband and got rid of them completely. She kissed me softly, then stood up, leaving me laying on the floor.

I watched as Sara unbuttoned her jeans, and slid them off with her underwear. I stared in awe at the art of her body. The way her muscles moved just under her skin and her bones followed. As she kicked the last leg off, she kneeled back on the floor, straddling one of my legs. I sat up to meet her and felt my bra come undone by one skillful hand. My nipples instantly hardened at the chill in the air and from the prior stimulation. I caught her eyes and pleaded with mine.

"That look. I love when you give me that look" she said, smiling at me.

Sara leaned back into me and caught my top lip between hers, laying me back down gently. I felt her hand contact my wet, heated core again and I couldn't hold in the gasp. I threw my head back and arched my back. Sara's tongue was rolling in and out of the dip my collarbone created. I felt shockwaves shake me from the inside out, and her fingers aimed lower, teasing my entry. I gripped her shoulder hard and whimpered.

"Please, Sara." I pleaded.

She nodded and slowly entered me. My mouth hung open as I felt each delicious millimetre of her fingers push into me. It was so sweet. My legs bent at the knee, and I felt lips kiss my cheek. I held her tighter to me, until she filled me up. Sara moved around, kissing to the crinkle in my forehead.

"You okay?" she asked

"Oh fuck yes. This feels so fucking good" I replied.

I was rewarded with her curling her fingers inside of me. My body jumped and I felt my core melt. I was hers. Completely hers. She must have sensed that I was extra sensitive right now, because she moved slowly and gently. I wrapped my legs around her, and she gave up on holding herself up on her arms, collapsing onto me. I moaned at her slight weight. I was cut off by a set of lips softly against mine. She curled her fingers again and it made me shiver. She kept the kiss soft, and I couldn't help but dig my nails into her back as I felt myself tightening up.

"You feel so amazing Tegan. I think I might die" Sara whispered to me.

"You?" I panted

She smiled and kissed the side of my face, adding a little weight behind the next gentle thrust. My toes curled and I let go of her back, slapping my hands against the tile of the kitchen floor. My eyes shut tightly as my body tensed. One more thrust, and my hip bucked wildly as lights flashed in front of my eyes. I floated above my body, but could feel my eyes roll back and my voice yell out.

"Fuck! Oh fuck, Sara!"

Sara just kept the slow, gentle pace and kissed all over my face. Everything in my body relaxed and the orgasm that had ripped through me eased up. I was limb and numb, on the kitchen floor. Sara rolled off of me, pulling me with her. I was a rag doll. My eyes were closed, my body was pleasantly numb, and I was half asleep. My ear was pressed to her chest, and I could hear the clear beat of her heart. I couldn't help but drift off to sleep. It wasn't for long, because a few moments later Sara's lips on my forehead woke me up.

"Tegan, I know you're tired, but lets nap in our bed. C'mon babe."

I felt her start to move and I followed with a half effort. The tile was hard and cold. I wrapped my arm around Sara's shoulder and she wrapped hers around my waist, letting me lean onto her. She directed us to our bed and let me collapse on the bed before getting in on her side. The bed felt so good. It was soft and warm, and smelt like Sara. I curled up to her immediately as her hands ran through my hair and down my arm.

"Feel good?" she aksed

I gave a sleep smile, nodded, and answered groggily

"So fucking good. That was…amazing."

"That was really hot!" she said.

I have a half chuckled and she kissed my forehead again, pulling that warm comforter around us.

"I love you, Tegan."

I mumbled an 'I love you' and drifted to sleep, listening to the dynamics of her heartbeat and breathing. This was perfect. I get to do this whenever I want. I love life.


	10. Slack Tide

**Warnings:**Chapter contains a homosexual incestual relationship and sexual content between two women. If you don't like it, don't read it.

**Rating:** M

**Summary:**. What happens when she gets her wish and Tegan finds herself in an alternate reality where Sara is her girlfriend, and not her sister? Will be a LONG fic, updated often.

**A/N: **Trying to get you guys updates ASAP. This is really just more fluff, but it's fun to write. Promise more storyline is on it's way next update. Get ready for a wild ride. Thanks for all the reviews. I read each one and they keep me writing. Keep 'em coming! As always, ENJOY!

**Disclaimer:** COMPLETELY FICTIONAL!

**Chapter 10 – Slack Tide**

**Sara's POV**

I slowly opened my eyes and a smile automatically spread over my face. She was pressed to me, rubbing small circles on my back, those big, brown eyes staring softly back at me. I turned onto my side to face her and we just smiled at each other for a long moment before I leaned in and gave her a quick good morning kiss. I felt her smile wider as our lips pressed together, then I tucked myself against her.

"Sleep well?" she asked

I nodded and closed my eyes against her, just enjoying the moment. My eyes shot open as I realized something.

"What day is it?" I asked

"Wednesday" Tegan replied.

I felt an anxiety spread through me, mixed with joy as I sprung up from the bed, and ran towards the kitchen. I checked the calendar. Yeah, it was Wednesday and THAT meant…

"Sara?" Tegan yelled out.

She came running into the kitchen looking worried as I opened the freezer and stared in.

"Tegan, it's day 3" I told her.

Tegan calmly came over and caught glimpse at what I was staring at. A perfect little jar, filled with frozen, white mucus. I swallowed hard and stared at it, frozen. My mind reeled and anxiety picked up.

"Sara?" she asked, worriedly

When I didn't answer, she put a hand on my lower back and ducked her head down to get between my eyes and the frozen container.

"Sara, breathe. I'm right here babe."

It snapped me out of it and I met her eyes, nodding and closing the freezer. I walked over to the island and sat down in one of the barstools, taking the pamphlet about the sperm and starting to read the instructions.

**Tegan's POV**

I sighed and walked over to the coffeemaker. I made sure to brew Sara her Decaf. She's been off the coffee. That first week was rough. Talk about grumpy and whiny. But that was over now. I opened the fridge door and grabbed the eggs, the milk, and the syrup then went to work on some French toast.

"What are your plans for today?" I asked

"Well, I WAS gonna get some writing done then do some reading" she answered

"What do you say we ditch and take the boat out?" I asked, a million romantic images rushing through my mind.

I saw her smile and think about it.

"I really want to, but I also really need to write." She said

"C'mon, it'll be fun" I tried to coerce her.

"Compromise: I'll write until 2, then we can spend the night on the boat." She countered.

I smiled wide.

"You, darling have yourself a deal!" I told her, flipping the French toast on a plate, and pouring Sara a cup of coffee. I put her breakfast on the island and leaned over, kissing her temple.

"Thanks, love" she told me

"My absolute pleasure" I told her, then bowed.

"Sometimes you're a dork. I love it" she teased.

"So do I" I told her, giggling, and plating my own breakfast. I leaned on the counter across from her and smiled before forking a piece of French toast and putting it in my mouth.

**Sara's POV**

Oh, that look! That's my look. It makes me feel all giddy. This boat trip sounds super romantic, and if I know Tegan, she's probably running over a million romantic plans in that head right this second. I reached over the table to ruffle her disheveled hair and make her smile. I giggle in response and take a sip of my coffee, but she leans over and meets my lips.

"How did I ever live so long without wanting to do that every day?" she asked.

"Trust me, be glad you didn't. But now, you can do it all you want" I replied, with a cheeky smile.

I was met with another kiss that made me giggle against her lips.

It was later in the day. I'd spent all morning trying to not think about this afternoon… to no avail. Not much work got done, but at least I tried. I sat on the boat, eating a sandwich and sipping on a glass of water. Waiting for Tegan was the story of my life. At least it was a gorgeous day. The sun was high and there was a nice breeze. It was the beginning of fall, and the smell of the salt water is making me feel dreamy. I took a bite out of my sandwich and closed my eyes, sighing happily. There was the noise of something hitting the floor by my feet, and my eyes opened and immediately looked down at it. It was a duffle bag. I looked up to see Tegan boarding the boat, a big smile on her face. She had another bag slung over her shoulder.

"Tegan, what are you bringing? We're only going overnight. It's not like we'll be wearing clothes most of the time anyways" I told her, snagging another bite of my sandwich.

"It's just stuff. Thought I'd come prepared" she said, grabbing both duffels and putting them in the cabin of the boat.

I took the last bite of my sandwich and a drink from my water, then stood up. I opened the cooler and pulled out another sandwich and bottle of water. When she came out of the cabin, I handed her, her lunch and kissed her on the cheek.

"Thanks, love. I'm starving" she thanked me, eagerly opening the Ziploc bag. "Didn't have time to grab lunch. Did you get much work done?"

"Not really. Where did you go anyways?" I asked

"Just to run a few errands, grab some stuff for the trip" she told me, blushing a deep red as she took a bite.

I gave her a look, knowing she was up to something, but I dropped it in favour of untying the boat from the dock. She took a seat as I then took the wheel. I gave her a smile and a wink, as I turned the ignition and fired up the vessel.

We cruised for a while, smiling at each other periodically. She looked divine in the glow of the sunlight with the cool salt water wind whipping through her hair. Once we were far enough out, I slowed the boat and killed the engine. I slowly turned and looked back at my wife. She was curled up snuggled into blankets, asleep on the seat. The sun shone gently down on her and I smiled wide. This beauty was all mine. Every inch of her was mine. I got her in ways no one else did. Nothing made me happier, to know that she felt the same. I walked over and knelt in front of her, running a hand through her hair and swallowing hard at the look of serenity on her face. She was divine.

Tegan slowly opened her eyes.

**Tegan's POV**

I opened my eyes, (unaware that I'd fallen asleep) to that look. That look that was all mine. The smile that I knew only I could put on her face. Sara's eyes shined when she looked at me. I groaned at the sun in my eyes and she put a hand to my forehead to shield me from it.

"I think I fell asleep" I told her.

"Ya think?" she joked "It's probably for the best. I don't see much sleep happening tonight."

I chuckled and leaned forward to rest my forehead on hers. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

"That still catches my breath" Sara whispered.

I smiled and leaned in, kissing her gently. I sat up and pulled her into my lap. She happily obliged and wrapped her arms around my neck. I gave her another quick peck, then let my hands take hold of her perfect ass, running my palms over it as I let out a low, feral growl. This made her chuckle. I playfully kissed her cheek, and hugged her tightly, hooking my chin over her shoulder and rubbing up and down her back.

"I love you" I told her.

"I love you too, babe" she responded in a whisper.

Sara kissed my neck and slipped her hands under my shirt before tickling my ear with her breath.

"Do you want to make love to me?" She asked.

I nodded enthusiastically and took my shirt off, letting the cool air raised goose bumps that were quickly chased away by Sara's warmth against me.

"Do you want to make love to me?" I asked back.

I got that smile and a nod in return. I smiled wide and gently eased her off of me, sitting her on the bench seat. I gave her a quick kiss.

"Give me a minute?" I asked.

"Tegan…" she whimpered.

"Just a minute, okay? I promise it'll be worth it."

She sighed and nodded, playing with my discarded shirt. I turned and quickly stumbled into the cabin.

A few minutes later, I looked over the cabin and smiled. Turning back to the door, I slowly opened it to find Sara biting her nails and tapping her foot: clearly impatient.

"You really know how to…" she trailed off, catching sight of the room. Her jaw dropped and I smiled as she took in the sight: 50 lit candles, rose petals, champagne on ice on one of the end tables, and the small jar next to it. I shrugged back at her.

"Tegan! What the fuck?" She said, letting out a baffled chuckle.

"I love you?" I tried to gage the situation.

She flung herself into my arms and I staggered back as she kissed me, trying to keep my balance, but ending up on my back on the bed. I laughed as she eagerly snapped off my bra, then let go of my lips to sit up and take off her shirt, tossing it aside. She quickly undid her own bra. I stared in amazement. It was like she couldn't get our clothes off fast enough. My hands went to her bare back and I felt every nerve in my body jolt to life as she pressed her bare torso to mine. Skin on skin.

Those lips traced mine in an intense kiss that made my head whirl. I moaned in complete surrender to her and concentrated on the gentle gliding of velvet on velvet. When her palms found my breasts, my eyes rolled back in my head. Lightning bolts shot down to my crotch and I felt myself dampen. Sara unlatched from my lips and started to kiss down my body. Her tongue rolled down my neck, into the dip of my collarbone, down to take in each nipple and kiss down each breast, dip into my belly button and trace the waistband of my jeans. I couldn't help but thrust my hips as my clit pulsated, begging for attention. I ran my hands through her hair, taking hold as she unbuttoned my jeans and took them off, along with my underwear. I took a deep breath and let it out shakily as her hand found my wet slit. I trembled as she came into contact with my clit and pulled her up to me.

"I need you up here with me" I told her, looking lovingly into her eyes.

She nodded and kissed me gently, running her index over my clit. I broke the kiss to bury my face in her neck and inhale her scent. It made me shake and take hold of her shoulders. She wrapped her other arm around me, holding me tightly as she started to gently graze the bundle of nerves in a circular motion. I dug the fleshy tips of my fingers into her shoulders, as she whispered in my ear.

"You're so beautiful. Tegan, you're everything I've ever wanted. You're all I'll ever need. I'm here, you can let yourself go. I'm right here. I've got you."

I felt her pressure increase and I wrapped my legs tightly around her lower back, rolling her on top of me. My back arched as she hit the sweet spot and I let out a loud moan. I felt her lips suck on my pulse point and I squinted my eyes closed as my entire body responded. My heart shot into overtime and my breathing turned to gasps.

"Sara!' I moaned loudly.

Sara responded by meeting my lips, eyes open. I kept mine open to look into hers as she kissed me gently, her index and middle finger still working on my clit. The moans were coming louder as I felt my body start to tighten, getting ready for the release. I felt the weight on me back off and I opened my eyes to see Sara sitting up. It looked like she was admiring my body. Before I could pursue that thought, I was hit with a brick of an orgasm. I lost all control, shaking and trembling, and she quickly rejoined me, warming every inch of me. I held tightly to her as my mind clouded. All I could smell was Sara. I panted heavily as my body shook in her strong embrace. I started to slowly come down from the high and opened my eyes to find hers, staring intently into mine. She was smiling so brightly, propping herself up on one elbow. I giggled and cupped her cheek.

"Do you want more?" she asked, turning her head to kiss my palm.

"I can never have enough of you" I replied, as she leaned in to kiss my forehead.

She rolled on top of me, when I felt something warm and plastic on my tummy. I looked to the side table to see the jar of my sperm , but the feeldoe was gone. A smile crept over my lips as I turned back to meet Sara. I pulled her down by the back of her neck and kissed her hard, spreading my legs to let her in.

She kissed me back as she placed the tip at my entry. I moaned loudly and spoke against her lips.

"Oh my god. Sara, you're gonna kill me. Don't tease" I whimpered.

She smiled and gently pushed the first inch in. I moaned, and felt myself accommodate her. I wrapped her up in my arms and kissed her with a fiery passion. She slid in, inch by delicious inch. My chest convulsed in a heavy breathing pattern as the shockwaves traveled up my body. I felt Sara start to move inside of me agonizingly slowly. I needed to take control. I flipped us, slamming the rest of her deep inside of me. I moaned and gasped, hearing the same sounds come from my wife. I braced myself with my hands on her chest and felt the heavy breathing. I took a minute, and composed myself, feeling a hand run through my hair and tuck a strand behind my ear. I slowly pulled myself up and dropped my jaw at the sweetness. I leaned back, giving Sara a view of my whole body.

**Sara's POV**

I felt the toy press against my g-spot as Tegan took the rest inside of her. I couldn't help but gasp, then felt hands on my chest. I looked up at Tegan, who looked to still be getting used to having me inside of her. I tucked an errant strand of her hair behind her ear, letting her know that I was still here. Then she leaned back, and I was awestruck at the way her body looked in the candle light: shadows flickering across her tight torso, breasts standing at attention, with a slight curve, the red of the toy buried deep inside of her, slowly exiting, glistening in her juices. The pull off caused more pressure inside of me and I had such a hard time not flipping us and just taking her. No, I let her control the pace. And she quickly did just that. From this new position, she started to move on the member. I watched as her muscles played under her skin for as long as I could before having to close my eyes and focus on drawing out this orgasm. Tegan'd already come, but I was still pent up from the emotional release of her orgasm. Making love to her always got me hot. And her coming was the sexiest thing I've ever seen. I feel the blood rush to my center as she starts to move faster. It's the pull and drag, then the push, driving me nutty. I take hold of her hips, those sexy hips and just follow her lead.

She leans forward now, bending down to kiss me as she keeps moving on me. The Feeldoe keeps hitting my g-spot in exactly the right spot. My eyes roll back in my head and I start to thrust into her, bucking my hips. I feel Tegan stop moving and moan with each thrust. I can feel myself building up to my climax. I force myself to stop, wanting to draw it out. Hands trace my cheeks, and I open my eyes to meet hers. We lock eyes, and she knows what I want. She smiles and flips us, letting me take control. I kiss her deeply as I thrust my hips freely now to move in and out of her. She's so tight and wet around me, her grip is causing a harder thrust against my gspot. Legs wrap around my lower back, pulling me deeper in. I squeeze everything in my body tightly as I keep going, moving fast and harder in and out of her. I can hear her moans and her screams of my name and they only add to the eroticism of the current situation. I thrust in to her one more time, when I stopped as my body twitched and the orgasm took away my muscle tone, causing me to fall into a heap on top of her. Everything went numb and my head elevated, but I felt myself being laid on my back. She was gonna finish soon. I slowly came back to reality and watched as Tegan rode me to a gallop. Could I be back on the edge of ANOTHER orgasm? Only with Tegan. She was glistening in sweat, once again giving me a gorgeous view of her body. I held her hips and started to thrust again.

"Fuck me! Sara Fuck!" She panted loudly.

I looked down to see her smothering me in her juices, running down her thighs. Holy fucking sexy! Tegan was riding me, drooling all over me, giving me the best visuals of my life. I looked up at her face, unbelievingly and couldn't hold back my second orgasm. I clenched my jaw as I let it the sensations take me over again. I collapsed just before I felt Tegan stop, shiver, and fall on top of me, shaking form her own release. She gripped my shoulder tightly. I knew I'd have bruises in the morning, but really didn't care. I pulled her hair from her face and rubbed down her back, holding her as she exhaled sharply. All I could do was smile at her weight on top of me. I kissed her forehead. She moaned happily and opened her eyes.

"Hi gorgeous. Wild ride?" I joked.

She chuckled and kissed my chest "The wildest" she replied "I feel like jell-o."

"I bet you taste just as good"

"Sara, I'm exhausted"

"I was joking, love." I replied with a kiss to her temple.

I closed my eyes and sighed happily, feeling so satiated. I felt Tegan drop another kiss on my chest and start to draw lazy circles on it.

"Tired?" she asked

I nodded "you got a nap today, I didn't"

"Sleep then, love. I'll make us some dinner and we'll eat on the deck when you get up."

I whimpered, hugging her tighter, squeezing one of her shoulders to me, then grazing her back with my hands gently.

"I want you here with me. I don't sleep as well when I'm not in your arms"

And that was the truth. For some reason, cuddle sleep with Tegan always had me waking up rejuvenated. I felt her smile as she kissed me again.

"Okay, Sara. Double nap time" she kissed me one last time, then turned her head to lay her cheek on my chest. I leaned forward with the last of my strength and kissed the top of her head.

"I love you" I whispered

"I love you too" she replied.

Then I let myself drift ot sleep with a smile on my face.


	11. Terrible Storm

**Warnings:**Chapter contains a homosexual incestual relationship and sexual content between two women. If you don't like it, don't read it.

**Rating:** M

**Summary:**. What happens when she gets her wish and Tegan finds herself in an alternate reality where Sara is her girlfriend, and not her sister? Will be a LONG fic, updated often.

**A/N: **DUN DUN DUNNNNN here we go! No triggers that I know of in this chapter, but head up: there will be in the next few. Thanks for reading! Reviews are always appreciated!

**Disclaimer:** COMPLETELY FICTIONAL!

**Chapter 11 – Terrible Storm**

**Tegan's POV**

I felt Sara slip into unconsciousness. I wasn't even tired. I just held her for about an hour, kissing her forehead, listening to her breathing and feeling her heartbeat kiss my skin. I could revel in the feeling of her pressed against me forever, but my bladder was protesting. I slowly slipped away from her, and went to relieve my need. When I came back, she was curled up in the blankets. I walked over and left a light kiss between her shoulder blades, and she moaned in her sleep. I smiled and walked into the inner cabin that held the kitchen, going to work on some dinner. She'll be hungry when she wakes up.

As I'm putting the lobster in the pot, I can't help but direct my thoughts to that jar still on the end table. It made me nervous, but in an excited way. I let my mind drift away from the present reality, to thoughts of feeling my child move inside of Sara, to how Sara would look as she carried. She already glows, I can only imagine that she'd be as bright as the sun, pregnant. I smiled and started on the butter sauce and replayed the last few hours in my mind. I've been with a fair amount of people, and had thought that I'd experienced the best of the best; that I'd done all there was to do and felt all the sensations. How untrue that all was. It doesn't matter what my previous experiences are, because nothing prepared me for this. Nothing compares. Nothing else is even in the same league. Sara's the NHL All-Star game: game 7 of the final round of the Cup. Everyone else was the first Timbits practice, barely able to stand on skates. I'm so Canadian. I'm so in love with her. I looked down at the ring on my left hand and sighed happily, checking the food and walking out, onto the deck. The sun had already set. It was so dark out here, so far away from the world that the stars were vibrant. I smiled, looking up as I lit more candles on the deck, and turned on the Christmas lights that adorned the stern of the boat. I went to work, pulling out the table and chairs from the storage compartment. I laid out a nice table cloth and set the table, careful to fold the napkins perfectly, drizzle rose petals over it, light the candles, and add a single, red rose to the centerpiece. I stepped back and admired my work, then headed back to the kitchen. Sara stood there, in only boxers and a white t-shirt, munching on a carrot and peeking into the pot of lobsters.

"Hey! Get outta there!" I scolded.

She blushed. "Lobster? Tegan, you really went all out."

It was my turn to blush as I shoved her aside and stirred the butter sauce, checking the steamed vegetables and quinoa salad. I felt the familiar sensation of Sara's arms around m mid-section and lips on my neck and stopped to smile and sigh. I leaned back into her warmth.

"You know, sandwiches are just fine by me" she whispered while taking my earlobe into her mouth.

"I know, but I wanted to make tonight super special"

"Oh, love that was no complaint, trust me! It's just, you're working so hard" she told me, starting to rub my shoulders.

I smiled "You're worth it. I want to make sure tonight's a night to remember. Even if it doesn't take from tonight, it's the first time we've tried to conceive. This is just my way of showing you how much I love you, and how much I'm going to love this baby."

I put the top back on the pot and turned around in her arms, facing her and wrapping my hands around her neck. She took my waist, rubbing up and down my sides as I leaned in for a loving tender kiss. I loved feeling her smile against my lips, and the taste hers held after she'd just woken up. Dare I say that Sara had the best morning breath!

We made out in the tiny kitchen until the timer went off and I hastily had to break it. I turned to the stove, quickly.

"I'll meet you on the deck in a few minutes?" I tossed back at her and felt a kiss on my shoulder, then heard the door to the deck open and close. I smiled, plating the food, making sure everything was perfect. Then I opened the fridge and smiled at two perfect little chocolate lava caked, unwrapping the plastic wrap from them and popping them into the oven.

I walked out of the kitchen, a plate in each hand, and walked out onto the back deck. She was sitting at the table, sipping her glass of sparkling grape juice. I placed the plates down and sat down. And there we sat, at this romantic candlelight dinner in our underwear. We must have been thinking the same thing because we looked up at each other at the same time and laughed. Then, Sara took a bite of her lobster and it looked like she was gonna have another orgasm. I smiled and started on my vegetables.

"Holy fuck Teegs! This is really good" she exclaimed.

"Thanks, I've been working on perfecting it. Thank you food network" I said, smiling and continuing to eat my dinner. "So, are you ready for tonight?"

I got a big smile in return and felt Sara's foot hook behind my calf under the table. "You have no idea."

I smiled back and took another bite. We ate until we were stuffed, then I pulled the cushions from the benches onto the deck, adding pillows and blankets. Sara happily sprawled on it. I took a minute to run in and grab dessert. While I was pulling the cakes out of the oven, she walked passed me and into the bedroom, only to walk back out a minute later. I smiled, wondering what she was doing. I shrugged it off and grabbed dessert, heading back out. She was sitting back on the pillowed deck. I handed her, her lava cake and she dove into it, moaning happily at the first bite. She offered me the second and I gladly accepted it, sucking the fork clean. She leaned in and kissed me afterwards, licking the chocolate off my lips. I couldn't help but giggle. I looked at my cake and decided that I'd rather just play with Sara instead of eating it. I pushed it aside and laid my head in her lap as she ate. I gently lifted her shirt, exposing her tummy and started giving it soft kisses, loving the feel of the warm, soft skin under my lips. I looked up to see Sara just enjoying the sensation of my lips on her skin, in one of her favourite areas as she enjoyed the cake. I wrapped an arm around her lower back and rubbed circles there. I sighed happily, looking up into her eyes. She smiled, put the plate down, and took off her shirt. Then she laid down, wish a happy little groan. I moved my way up to lay my head in the crook of her arm. She wound the arm around me and kissed my forehead. We both laid there and looked up at the stars.

After a few minutes, Sara shifted to look at me. She stared me right in the eyes. She didn't say a word, just reached behind her with her free hand and grabbed something. She held it up: the feeldoe. Only there was a tube coming out of the back of it, just below the bulb. Could it be?

"This is why I read the instructions" she beamed in pride.

"Oh, you!" I called out, tackling her with a kiss.

She laughed as I bowled us over and she stripped me of my shirt. I felt my heart hit the deck as an overwhelming feeling came over me, our lips brushing again. Her hands ran through my hair as we were skin on skin once again. It was like a mist was rising and dancing around us. I felt cool drops on my back, and realized it was lightly raining. I writhed against her in absolute bliss, laughing and smiling. Her hand caressed my now wet back, as I was her personal umbrella. She fit perfectly beneath me. Sara rid me of my boyshort underwear, running her hands over my bare ass. I smiled wider and laughed, kissing her neck. It was so sexy and so fun. I felt her body wrack with chuckles as she lowered her aim and stroked down my wet slit. I moaned and thrust my hips into her crotch, causing her in turn to moan. Reaching up, I pinned her wrists above her head. Those delicate wrists, safe beneath my palms. I slowly kissed down her body and stretched the elastic band of her boxers to slide them down and toss them aside. Her hands went to my head instantly as I inhaled her sweet scent. My dessert. I took a tentative lick up her length and she quivered. She tasted so good. I felt her knees rest on my shoulders, and her calves on my back as the rain continued to fall, covering us in a light sheet of water. Sara's back arched as my tongue darted out again to drag over her clit.

I couldn't help but watch as her breasts started to glisten and her hair dampen to a darker shade. Where did all the years go? Look at this gorgeous woman. I remember that awkward, scraggly teen. Now, look at her. Look at us. She snaps me back, like she always does by taking my hand and placing it over one of her breasts. I love her breasts. I happily give it a gentle massage, running my thumb over her nipple as she squirms beneath me and I suck in her clit. Her hips buck, and feel her pool out from just below my ministrations. I want to keep going, but she's pulling me up to her and I can't help but follow what she wants. I let her pull me up and lay a gentle hand on my chest, pushing my upright. She steadies me with a hand on my back as she reaches out and starts to tease my clit. I moan and my body threatens to fall back, but she's holding me steady. I feel her fingers leave, but they're quickly replaced by a pressure at my entry. I open my eyes to meet hers. She's pleading. She needs this. She wants this badly. I lean forwards, wrapping my arms around Sara's neck, and leaning my weight on her shoulders as I take in shaky breaths, letting her ease the bulb into me. Then, it pops into place and I let out a moan, almost collapsing into her. She catches me and pulls me back down on top of her.

I take a moment and prop myself on my elbow to stare into those gorgeous brown eyes. I see the tears welling up. I can feel it. I know what she's feeling. I'm feeling it too. This perfect moment: the stars overhead, the light rain falling on my back, dripping onto her form the tips of my hair, the silver moon, the owls humming their approval, and Sara- perfect Sara beneath me, hands all over me, needing to feel me move inside of her, to leave something of mine with her, to create with her. We've created together since we put our handprints in the clay for mum at 6 months old. We've written songs and albums and painted stick figures and abstract shapes. We've co-written essays for school, and created plays and skits for the family. We've created this friendship and this perfect love. But now, comes the ultimate creation: life. We were going to create life together.

We don't need words. Novels are pouring out of her eyes to me. She tells me how she's feeling with the warmth of her hand on my bare back, and I can read each move of every muscle in her body. I lean down and kiss her passionately, moving the tip into her with a slight pressure. I feel her body lift and respond, trying to move closer to me. Her lips are aggressive on mine, attempting to pull all the love she can from me and replace it with her own. I feel the resistance inside her body and am careful to proceed slowly, but maintain steady pressure until I'm completely inside her. It's exquisite and I feel my insides twitch, as my mind roars with the idea. She grips the back of my neck hard, breaking the kiss and trading it to press us chest to chest, heart to heart, and let out a small moan right next to my ear. Her hands tangle in the hair at the nape of my neck, and I feel warm wetness on my shoulder that I know isn't rain. I kiss her shoulder as I press a little deeper and am rewarded with a thrust of her hips. Sara grips at my shoulders and I kiss her neck, pulling out a little, just to move back in. I can feel her tightness gripping me and I grit my teeth from the sensations.

I flashback to that first time: waking up with her riding me. Look how far we've come in such a short time. My hips start to move faster, my g-spot getting hit perfectly every time. Sara's grip on me is vicelike. I drop my head to her shoulder, and let my body be completely overtaken by her. I take all of her in: the way she smells like oak and honeysuckle, the warmth of her touch, the feeling of home. The rain cools my heated body, and I can feel it start to chill me. Have you ever had the sensation of being on fire and under the ice at the same time? It's riveting. I love her so completely and I can feel her love for me. I never have to wonder about it. It's always there for the taking, offered up freely. I feel the tears start to fall from my own eyes as the tenderness turns to pure passion. I move faster, pumping in and out of her. Sara moans incessantly, her entire body writhing and shaking with my thrusts. I can feel the weight of her breasts bouncing beneath me. I take hold of her hips and sit up, kneeling now, tilting her pelvis up. I know from this angle I can hit that spot deep inside of her, and I must because she lets out a scream as her body starts to spasm. I can feel her clenching around me hard. I moan and don't dare stop as she takes hold of my side and squeezes, bucking her hips wildly. I'm panting as I continue to thrust in and out of her, watching as I do so. Watching as she sucks me in and grips me tightly as I exit. I can feel the electricity through my body: a fire roaring from the inside out. I'm taking her right now. I am taking her as my own.

"Don't..ssss-top…keep g-g-oing!" She pleads.

I nod and do my best to move faster, thrust into her harder, as I massage a breast. She covers her face with a forearm, and I can see her biting the inside of it. I'm getting tired, and feel my body telling me to slow down just as Sara sits up, reaching for me. I slow the pace, and wrap my arms around her back, letting her crawl onto my lap. She gets into position, sitting on my lap, facing me with a little huff and dropping her head to my shoulder. I hug her tightly, but keep pulsing inside of her. My body is begging me for this release. She reaches for something, and must grab it because she rests back in place. I feel her teeth in my shoulder, muffling her whimpers and moans and I cradle the back of her head with a hand before she starts to bounce on me. My eyes roll back and my abdomen contracts, this position adding more pressure to my g-spot. I feel her shake, and know she's close to another release. I hiss and growl as I teeter on the edge, her body holding me in this sweet torture. I kiss her shoulder and feel my toes curl. Her muscles tighten along with mine: perfectly in sync. She hands me something, and I immediately know what it is: a pump. When I squeeze the bulb, I fill her up. By breath shakes and then it hits me, a mind blowing orgasm. I squeeze the pump, then go completely limp and so does Sara. We fall into each other as the waves crash down, held upright by the balance of our weight against each other.

I finish first, gaining some strength and holding her as she continues to shake and moan. I wrap her up completely in my arms and she rests against my chest, her body shivering, and convulsing with the intensity. I hold her steady. I'm still panting, my chest heaving, trying to catch my breath. The moans coming from my partner quickly turn into sobs as she buries her face into my chest, and paws at my chest. I hold her tightly and kiss her hair.

"I'm right here love, you're with me" I remind her and she nods.

She starts to hiccup as she looks up to kiss my jaw, and I lean down to meet her lips in what can only be described as the best kiss of my life. It calms her, and she lets out a happy sigh as the tears keep falling. She breaks the kiss and snuggles into my chest, her forehead resting against my neck. I close my eyes and enjoy the feeling, until I feel her shiver from a different sensation. She's cold.

I lay her down so gently and kiss her face as I slowly pull out of her. I take the appendage out of myself and lay it on the deck. I'll clean it later. I look at Sara who looks exhausted and is shaking like a leaf. I wrap her up in my arms and help her to her feet.

"Lets get inside and get dried off and in that warm bed. Then be prepared for a warm up snuggle session, mister!" I tell her in a playful tone.

She looks at me looking like a drenched rat with big, puppy dog eyes, swollen from crying and says plainly "I love you".

I soften "I love you too". Then wrap her into me again and guide her into the cabin. I see her eyes starting to close and I quickly go to the bathroom for a towel, then wrap her in it. I kiss her cheek and rub her arms. I walk over to my small dresser and grab her a hoodie and pair of sweat pants. I slowly dress her, until she's dry and bundled up, then help her under the comforter before getting myself dry. I pull on some clean underwear and join her. Sara instantly curls up to me and stops shaking.

"So much better" she smiles happily.

I kiss her temple and let her wrap me up into her. Her breath tickles my ear.

"I can feel you running out of me" she whispers.

I smile and kiss her neck gently.

"That was the best orgasm of my life. I didn't think it would ever stop" she whispered again.

"You were so sexy" I whispered back.

"I'm afraid to fall asleep. I'm afraid that this is just all too good and it's gonna go away" Sara mumbled to me.

I sighed and snuggled closer.

"It would take a hurricane to rip me from you. I never want to leave you. No matter what, I'll always love you. You'll always be the heart my song sings" I tell her.

"You always know what to say to make me feel better" she tells me.

I get hugged tighter and am falling softly into the warm surrender of sleep within this perfect spot when there's a loud bang outside. The boat begins to sway. I don't think, just hop out of bed. I'm on my feet when there's a loud crash. I look to Sara who looks terrified from the bed. By the third crash, I'm running outside. I start to stagger back. I don't believe what I'm seeing. I hear Sara gasp, I can see the waves crashing, but something's wrong. It does feel right. My eyes lock on the chain that I know is locked to the anchor that's wedged into the bottom reef. Rain is pounding all around me.

"TEGAN! NO!" Sara screams from behind me as my body moves quickly.

I bolt for the chain, and start tugging it up. My mind was thinking one thing: If I don't get this anchor up, and let the boat free float, the storm is going to overtake us. I keep pulling in the chain, faster and faster.

"SARA! I'VE GOT TO GET THIS ANCHOR UP AND WE NEED TO GET TO SHORE! START THE ENGINE!" I yell back, barely able to see her nod through my half slotted eyes and the pounding rain.

I turn my full attention back to the task at hand, and finally feel the anchor's full weight. I stumble back as I pull it up and on board. Just as soon as I sighed in relief, and felt the weight of the situation lift, the boat is rocked and all I feel is water surrounding me. My lungs fill as I gasp, then there's just darkness.

**Sara's POV**

I had just started the engine when the boat rocked again. I turned back just to catch her feet leaving into a wave.

"TEGAN!" I called out, in a whimpering voice.

I ran in what felt like slow motion, needing to get to her. When I got to the safety rails, my eyes searched the waters. I frantically darted my attention back and fourth between the span of dark blue as I punched through the glass encasing that held the life preserver. I felt the anxiety welling up in me. Tegan! Then, I caught a glimpse of white. She wasn't moving. I made sure the dingy was tied tightly to the boat, then jumped in.

I swam to her, grabbing hold and hoisting her limp body under one arm as I hastily used every inch of my strength to pull us via the rope, back towards the boat. I got halfway when another waves crashed over me. I inhaled some water as I went under, careful to keep a strong hold on my wife and the rope. My shoulders screamed as the ligaments were pulled between the two. I refused to let go. Then, we bobbed to the surface. I coughed, feeling my throat burn. I was going to have an asthma attack. Luckily I coughed some of the water up, and just kept pulling us, until we were at the safety rail. I took as deep of a breath as I could, and ducked under water, using everything I had to catapult Tegan up. I used her buoyancy in the water to my advantage and was finally able to get her over the safety rail.

My lungs burned and my body ached. My mind was foggy and I was feeling light headed. I coughed like crazy, and another waves crashed over me. I reached out frantically and felt relief wash over me as my hands closed over the silk of the rope. When I came back to the surface, coughing, I reached up, took hold and used everything I had to hoist myself up. It was the first time I've ever done a chin up and hopefully the last. I let my body fall over top of the rail and onto the deck. I don't take a moment, like I should but I dart for the inner cabin, feeling the burn in my chest and grab my puffer. I take two quick hits, then run out, holding in the breath form the puffer still and drag Tegan into the chamber. Wait, why is she wearing clothes? She was only wearing underwear when she went overboard. But I don't have time to dwell. I quickly close the door to the deck, and run to the bow of the ship to start it up. I radio in on the CB as I quickly start to head in the direction of the closest shore.

"Mayday, mayday. This is SS Quin, heading to the Capilano Outpost. We need a medic. Do you copy? Over"

"Copy. SS Quin, this is The CO. Get out of that storm. Doppler says it's a pocket. Should be clear in under 2 kms. Medics will be here when you arrive. Over."

I gun the engine, carefully navigating the waves. It's a bumpy, scary as hell ride. We get a kilometer out, and I'm itching to get the rest of the way. It's at this point, I notice the burning in my arm and see the blood. Must have cut myself when I punched through the glass. I try to ignore it as I focus back on the scene in front of me. All my thoughts are on Tegan though. We finally hit the outside of the pocket storm, but I don't slow down. I keep the throttle at max, heading towards the familiar CO. I ease up when I see the lights from the ambulance, and steer my way in. They're on board before I can even dock. They all flock to me and start flashing lights in my eyes and checking out my arm.

"My wife, in the cabin. She fell over board! She was knocked out." I inform them.

Half the brigade leave me and dart into the inner cabin. I'm shivering now, the dampness of my clothes coming to my attention. I felt an emptiness start to sink in: an emptiness I've never known before. It could only mean one thing: Tegan was dead. I stared blankly out, into the vast blue ocean, where this all happened, in complete shock. The voices around me blurred, and all I could hear was my own breathing, coming fast. That ocean took her from me.

Just as soon as I had the thought, they came out with her on a stretcher. Her eyes were open, and she looked at me oddly.

"Tegan!" I exclaimed

I should have felt relieved, but I didn't. Why wasn't I relieved? Why was the heaviness of emptiness still in my chest? Our eyes locked.

That isn't my Tegan.


	12. Cold Blood Bare Hands

**Warnings: TRIGGERS IN THIS CHAPTER!****TRIGGER WARNING! TRIGGER WARNING! TRIGGER WARNING! CONTAINS SCENES OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, RAPE, AND MURDER. **Chapter contains a homosexual incestual relationship and sexual content between two women. If you don't like it, don't read it.

**Rating:** M

**Summary:**. What happens when she gets her wish and Tegan finds herself in an alternate reality where Sara is her girlfriend, and not her sister? Will be a LONG fic, updated often.

**A/N: ****TRIGGER WARNING! CONTAINS SCENES OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, RAPE, AND MURDER. **Sorry it's take so long. I am busy with my first round of University Midterms. We didn't have midterms at my high school so it's been interesting. Hope you like it! As always, read and I love reviews!

**Disclaimer:** COMPLETELY FICTIONAL!

In case you missed it: **TRIGGER WARNING! CONTAINS SCENES OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, RAPE, AND MURDER. **

**Chapter 12 – Cold Blood. Bare Hands. **

**Tegan's POV**

I slowly opened my eyes. This isn't our room. This is…panic set in. The boat? The storm? SARA! I hopped out of bed, and looked around, the panic taking over as I started to hyperventilate, recognizing my surroundings. I turned in a circle, taking it all in, stumbling over my own feet. It couldn't be. I felt my chest tighten and all I could do was scream out.

"SARA?" I felt the room spin, although I wasn't anymore, and I had to sit down, feeling lightheaded.

Footsteps came running into the room. Lindsey.

"Tegan? Are you okay? What happened?" she asked, putting a worried hand on my shoulder.

I put my head in my hands. "Where's Sara?" I asked.

"Still on her honeymoon. Honey, what's wrong?" Lindsey asked

I felt the tears slip down as she slipped her hands through my hair. I flinched at the tender gesture, a flinch she didn't even notice. Here I was, back in the old world. I couldn't feel Sara here. It scared me. She felt…gone. Lindsey kept trying to comfort me, but I just felt the heaviness set in. I may never see Sara again. I may never see that smile, hear that laugh, feel her against me. I may never feel what it feels like to stand next to her again. I felt the world start crashing in, and I quickly got to my feet, darting for the bathroom. Before Lindsey could react, I locked the door. She tried opening it.

"Tegan, open this door. Come on, talk to me. What happened?" she asked.

I could barely pay attention to her as I curled myself into a ball on the floor and wept. Sara. I needed Sara. I need Sara so badly. I just need a hug. I just need to hear her voice. Maybe if I…I got up and ran to the door, swinging it open, causing Lindsey to fall into the bathroom as I ran out.

"Tegan!" she exclaimed, outraged.

I didn't care. All I want is to hear Sara's voice. I ran into the bedroom, and grabbed my old blackberry off the sidetable, then dialed Sara. Maybe I'd get lucky and my Sara was with me.

"Tegan! What do you want. You're such an ass. I'm on my fucking honeymoon." It was Sara, but it wasn't.

I couldn't say anything, I hung up. I hung up and hurled my phone at the wall, then crumbled into a mess on the floor. I let the impact of the situation hit me. I have to get back.

**Sara's POV**

I sat by imposter Tegan's bedside, waiting for her to wake up. I kept nodding in and out of sleep, having a hard time staying asleep with the nightmares. I keep seeing Tegan falling into the wave. Keep seeing just her feet as they disappear. Her face when she looked back and told me to start the engine. Those last moments of our love making. It felt like she'd been gone a lifetime. I miss her so much. This other Tegan opened her eyes. I made no attempt to move closer to her. She looked at me, confused.

"Sara?" she wondered.

"Not yours. You're back in the old world" I told her.

Her eyes went as wide as dinner plates as she looked around frantically.

"Lindsey?" she asked me

"Married to Emy" I told her.

"YOU did this! You fucking bitch!" She tried to lunge at me, but I backed off.

"What the fuck?"

"You fucking bitch! I can't be with Lindsey here! I have to be with you!" she spat at me.

"You most certainly don't. Don't fucking touch me. I didn't do anything." I spat back, backing off.

"Oh really? Well if it wasn't you, then it was your fucking bitch of a wife" she yelled at me.

"I don't have to take this." I stood up, and started to walk out the door when I heard the beeping. I looked back to see Tegan seizing on the bed. The doctors flooded in, pushing me back. Despite what just happened, despite what she had said, and how angry I was, all I could see was Tegan. The same body as my Tegan, in pain. I had to be by her side. I couldn't just walk out. And that was the beginning of everything.

**Two Months Later: Sara's POV**

I woke up to an empty bed, and my shoulders screaming. I winced and let out a whimper. They had never fully healed. I could hear her dancing around in the kitchen, and took the opportunity to do a once over of my body. My wrists were still tied to the bed. I didn't need to look at them, I could smell the infection from the perpetual cuts to them. My head hurt. I closed my eyes and was hit with flashbacks. I quickly opened them, shaking. I looked down my body, seeing the cuts and bruises. I was freezing cold.

I'd stopped crying about it a month ago. This was my life now. I had no out, no choices. My eyes locked on my stomach, and the slightest little bump. How much longer could I go without her finding out? What would she do? I don't want to think about that. This was my last tie to my love. My last lifeline.

I tried to fight her, until I learned that it only made it worse. And I couldn't…leave. It would mean leaving my Tegan behind. I tried to re-adjust to take some strain off my shoulders, but they protested and I bit my bottom lip to keep from making too much noise. My bones ached. I heard footsteps coming towards the bedroom and quickly acted like I was still asleep.

The door creaked open. I tried not to breathe too quickly as I heard each step fall heavy on the hardwood floor. Her weight caused the bed to creak. She smelt like stale cigarettes and vomit. I felt my stomach churn, then my arms be pulled up. I heard a pop in my shoulder and screamed.

"That's right. Wake the fuck up!" She yelled at me.

I clenched my jaw, convulsing with the pain, trying not to let the tears fall.

"You better not fucking cry, or I'll really give you something to cry about" she spat at me with venom. "Open your mouth."

I gulped, but knew better than to not listen. I opened my jaw, trying so hard to suppress the scream. I didn't have a moment, before she shoved some grain cereal into it. I choked but slowly swallowed it, my stomach having been empty for a few days now. I didn't know how hungry I was until she gave me that spoonful.

"That's all you get. You're getting fat on me. Maybe I should get you out for some exercise. A swim maybe" she contemplated.

"No, you can get fat and ugly, and no one will care."

She slapped my face, hard enough to leave an angry red hand print, and to make my eyes spin. I couldn't control it, I turned and vomited. At this point I can't tell if it's from the concussion she gave me last night, or morning sickness. All I know was that she sure as hell didn't like that. She growled at me, angrily.

"I go through the pain of making you breakfast and you just vomit it up? You're gonna pay for this" she yells, landing a heavy fist into my jaw.

Tegan unties the rope from the bed and yanks me up, dragging my body off the bed. I'm still seeing stars as I feel myself being pulled over the edge of the bed. The rug burns my bare back, adding to the sting from where she whipped me last night. I really am a mess.

She blames me for the fact that she can't be with Lindsey or Emy here. She was ripped from Lindsey in the other reality, and here she can't be with either of them. Apparently this was my fault. Now, she had to stay with me because she was under contract. Really, we weren't much different; she just handles her frustration differently than I do. She had no control of the situation, so she took control of me. She takes her anger out on me. She's a lot bigger than me, a lot bigger than my Tegan was; I was weak with emotional depression. She tore me down physically and I haven't been able to recover. She hasn't let me. She locks me away from the world. Emy's been by, but she can't bear to look at her. Emy and Lindsey think she's crazy. They're right. As she drags me down the stairs, my head bangs on each step despite my attempts to hold it up. I feel the familiar opening of the cut on the back from this happening daily. I know where she's bringing me: the laundry room. I can't tell exactly when the last time I wore clothes was.

She pulls me in, and ties the rope to the support bean in the middle of the room. I retreat, leaving the situation in my mind. I've found it's the only way to deal. I can't stand paying attention to the cold concrete beneath me.

I lay there with a blank expression, completely gone as she violates my body. It's always violent. It's always brutal. It always creates scars. I always bleed. Maybe that's why she hasn't realised that I haven't had an actual period yet. I know because I'm still pregnant, but I'm always bleeding. I return to counting the dots on the ceiling, I'm at 975 036 832 when she stops. She leaves the room, leaving me there to bleed out. She doesn't like dealing with the blood. She leaves right afterwards and comes back an hour later to hose me and the floor down.

I don't even blink. This is my life. Some nights I don't think I'll make it until morning.

I wasn't expecting it, but she came back in the room. No, this wasn't right. She's never come right back. What's happening? Despite my instincts, I came back into full consciousness. That's when I saw it: the knife. A knife. She was holding a butcher's knife. Why? Why the knife? I felt the overwhelming fear rise and I shook my head.

"Do you really think I'm that dumb? You stupid bitch, for the past two days all you've done is look at that disgusting stomach. No way am I going through that. The idea of having a child with you disgusts me." She lashes her tongue at me.

"No, no. It's…you don't have to." I pause, and the tears fall "Please! Please no!"

Before I can plead, I feel the knife going in. I scream in agony and try to fight her off of me. All I can hear is her laughing. I fight against the chains, tugging them incessantly, trying to get my hands to the wound, but I'm already weak. I'm already hurt. I see the room spin, and pass out.

**Tegan's POV**

I paced Kaki's living room.

"Let's do it." I nod, and respond to her plan. "Let's do it now."

"This may not…" she stipulates.

I get right up in her face with gritted teeth.

"LETS DO IT! I DON'T CARE IF IT DOESN'T WORK. I need to do SOMETHING. I need to try EVERYTHING. I need to get back there and out of this fucking world. I need to get back to her." I reply.

"Okay, okay Tegan" she tries to calm me, starting to gather the supplies.

I'd woken up back in my apartment in Vancouver, next to Lindsey. Apparently her and the other Tegan had made up. Sara. I missed her so much. It hurts so much not having her here. I just want to talk to her, to my Sara. I'd kill just to hear her voice. But there was no calling her here. I'd called the other Sara a few times and it just wasn't the same. Kaki and I have been trying to get me back since the moment I woke up.

We'd figured out that after the big bad (some called him "The Great") had switched us, he closed all portals to the other worlds. Even Kaki couldn't get to my Sara. I bet she thinks I'm dead. I wonder if the other Tegan even survived.

Kaki came back in, and I took my spot in the middle of the room.

"Now, I had to blackmail the Queen for this, so it's all I've got. Trust me, she's not happy. Ready?"

I nodded. She nodded back at me, and I closed my eyes, picturing Sara's face, our home, our bed. Kaki tucked the stone in my pocket, then blew the fairy dust over me. It tingled, and I sneezed. I felt a big woosh, then the distinct smell of home. I was back. I was back. I was back. I was back. Sara. Oh my god.

I couldn't believe it. A smile spread over my lips and I opened my eyes to see the boat. I was right where I'd fallen overboard, only now the boat was docked in our back yard.

"SARA!" I yelled, running through it. I couldn't find her anywhere. I jumped onto the dock, and ran across the yard, towards the sliding glass door. I looked inside and saw the other Tegan coming up the stairs, cleaning a knife. What was she doing with a knife downstairs? I tried opening the sliding door, but it was locked. I almost knocked, but something told me to stay incognito.

I stalked around the outside of the house, looking for an open window. I found one in Sara's study. I took out the screen and jumped up and through it. Note to self: better security on windows. I coughed from the dust. Dust? Sara never let this room get dusty. She never let any room get dusty. I slowly walked through the study, and into the hallway, making sure to not let the door creak. That's when I saw it: the blood trail. It led from the bedroom down the hallway. My eyes followed it to the stairs. I felt my adrenaline rush, and I tiptoed down the hallway, until I could see the other Tegan. She was perched over the sink with her back to me, taking a breather. My hand went to my pocket, where the stone still sat.

To my luck, my other worldly twin walked out into the back yard, closing the door. I took my chance and darted as fast I could to the stairs. I saw the blood continue down and my heart raced as I was careful not to slip. Where was it going?

Laundry room. I burst in, and fell to my knees. There, in a pool of blood, was Sara. My Sara. My perfect, sweet, loving Sara in a scene from a horror movie. I ripped off my shirt and dove for her, holding my shirt now over the gaping wound.

"Fuck. Sara." I panicked.

Luckily, I had the sense to take one hand off the pressure and grab my phone. I dialed 911.

"I need an ambulance NOW! My wife's been stabbed. She's…she's….there's so much blood." I nodded as the operator spoke to me over the phone. She stayed on the line with me, as I returned pressure to Sara's stomach.

Then, I heard the door open.

"WHAT THE FUCK? WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?"

I gritted my teeth and felt the panic subside and be replaced with anger. I wrapped the sweater tightly around Sara so it kept the pressure without my hands, then slowly stood with my back to the assailant.

"I ASKED YOU A FUCKING QUESTION." She yelled.

I balled my fists and turned to her. I saw the look of shock on her face just before my fist connected. She was so taken aback, I got an in and kneed her in the crotch.

"YOU did this!" I screamed out my anger.

I just kept throwing punches and elbows and kicks, and she couldn't get a hit in. Until, she was bruised and bloodied on the floor. I felt the bubbling of anger. I heard the sirens, and took her by the throat. I squeezed and watched the panic in her eyes. I wanted to kill her. I wanted to take everything away from her. I wanted to hurt her. I saw her eyes pleading back at me, begging for me to stop as she tried to choke in breaths.

I'm going to kill her.

I feel her esophagus cave in, and she passes out. I let her go, but catch her by the head. She's dangling as I hold one hand under her chin, and another on her forehead. I looked back at Sara, and twisted, breaking her fucking neck in one smooth move. There were a few pops and cracks, then I tossed her aside. I felt a sense of satisfaction wash over me. I heard the sirens, and reached into my pocket. I pulled out the stone and put it in her hand. Her body vanished. I wiped my mouth with the back of my wrist, then ran back to Sara. I pressed both hands tightly to her.

"Hang in there Sara. I'm here. I'm back. She won't hurt you anymore. I love you. God, I love you." I cried to her.

I heard the EMTs break in the front door.

"DOWN HERE! DOWNSTAIRS!" I yelled at them.

My hearing went wonky. Like a delay pedal was just pressed. I felt them brush by me, as I stood up and backed away. I back pedaled until my back was against the wall. Had I just killed someone? My back slid down, until I was sitting on the ground. I looked at my hands, covered in my wife's blood from the tips of my fingers to my elbows. I'd wrung her throat, then snapped her neck. With these hands. These hands that had created all of that music. These hands that had so carefully held my wife. These hands were now tainted. Cold blood with my bare hands. I'll never be the same.


	13. I Didn't Do It! I Swear!

**Warnings: TRIGGERS IN THIS CHAPTER!****TRIGGER WARNING! TRIGGER WARNING! TRIGGER WARNING! CONTAINS SCENES OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, RAPE, AND MURDER. **Chapter contains a homosexual incestual relationship and sexual content between two women. If you don't like it, don't read it.

**Rating:** M

**Summary:**. What happens when she gets her wish and Tegan finds herself in an alternate reality where Sara is her girlfriend, and not her sister? Will be a LONG fic, updated often.

**A/N: **I get that some of you aren't happy with the direction this is going, but this is the story. I didn't write explicitly about the unravelling of it, because it's the fallout that's important to the story. This is going to change the dynamic of the relationship and is necessary to later plots and twists. Hopefully you can accept this. I'm leaving the trigger warnings up right now. There's no new violence, rape, or murder, but I understand how sometimes just the mention of the feelings and such associated with them being mentioned can trigger individuals. I'm not trying to mentally harm anyone here.

That being said, here's the next chapter. Read, Enjoy, Review.

**Disclaimer:** COMPLETELY FICTIONAL!

In case you missed it: **TRIGGER WARNING! CONTAINS SCENES OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, RAPE, AND MURDER. **

**Chapter 13 – I Didn't Do It! I Swear!**

**Sara's POV**

It was bright. I knew this before I opened my eyes. Over the past few months, I've perfected the art of looking through the tiniest slits so it looked like I was still sleeping. Only when I did this, I was in a hospital. My eyes flew open and I looked around, my memory flooding back. I closed my eyes again as my world spun, nausea taking over. I felt the vomit coming up and expected to feel the wetness in my lap, but somehow, someone had gotten a receptacle under me. I violently lost the contents of my empty stomach, then bit my bottom lip from whimpering as it receded. That's when I felt it. The presence. Her presence. The warmth surrounded me and my heart swelled. I looked up and met those eyes. A million nightmares flashed through my mind and I swallowed hard, my heart rate picking up from fear, instead of love: triggers being sent off left, right, and center. She anticipated this, and backed off, retreating back into the far corner. I felt the warmth go with her, but so did the panic. I took a moment, closed my eyes, and focused on steadying my breathing.

She wasn't going to hurt me. This was my wife, not the monster from before. This was MY Tegan. I could feel it. Somehow she'd…switched back. What about the other Tegan? What if she came after us? She could…she could hurt my wife. I looked down at my stomach and bit my bottom lip, my body shaking as I felt the pain overcome me and the tears start to form. I needed Tegan right now. I shut my eyes tightly. And opened my arms towards her. She was in them so fast I think she ran. I kept my eyes tightly shut and focused on the feeling of home surrounding me. It wasn't long until I'd settled into her body. I inhaled her scent. Her wonderful, Tegan smell. I finally let myself go and I sobbed hysterically. She held me tightly to her chest, getting on the bed and cocooning me into her. I let myself melt, and just be surrounded. I felt safe. I felt so safe. It felt amazing to feel safe. A weight lifted, and I nuzzled deeper into her chest.

"I've got you, Sasa" She whispered into my ear in a husky voice.

"Never leave me again" I choked out, between sobs.

I was answered with a hug. Then it hit me: she didn't know. Was I even still…had I lost her? I couldn't…didn't have words. My hand searched blindly for hers, and when I felt it, I grabbed it and guided it to my stomach, right atop the tiny bump. I felt her take in a shaky breath and I felt hot tears on my scalp.

"She's still with us, Sare. She's a fighter" Tegan managed to whimper into my hair "Just like you. My two survivors."

I hugged Tegan's middle tighter and we sat and cried, until I fell asleep. I fell into the deepest sleep I had in a while, finally feeling safe.

**Tegan's POV**

I felt her quickly drift off. How long had it been since she'd had actual, restful sleep? When the doctor told me that the baby was still with us, my heart hit the wall. Sara was pregnant. Sara had endured God knows what, pregnant. I kissed the top of her head, saying a silent thank you for the fact that she was here, and I was here and that were both okay. Only, we weren't.

I could feel the nagging of the situation in the back of my mind, but it wasn't allowed to come out right now. Right now I needed to be here for her. I could deal with my shit later. But the blood, the look in my cohort's eyes. The feel of bones caving and snapping. The violence. It stayed with me. I shook it off, and let the feeling sit with me as I held her. Not now, Tegan. Not now.

Fuck, why couldn't I have found a way back sooner? I dropped my lips to her head again. She smelt different on the surface, but if I focused, I could inhale the sweet enchantment of Sara's natural smell. Since I was a kid, I've been smelling her. It was home. She was my home. She always had been. I gently rubbed up and down her arm, letting our skin mingle and get reacquainted.

"I love you so much" I whispered to her as she slept. "I can't imagine life without you. I've never had to. These two months were too much time apart. I want to fall asleep with you every night and wake up to you every morning for the rest of our lives."

The doctor appeared in the doorframe and I reluctantly, gently eased out from under Sara, letting her rest on the pillow, and bringing the blanket up to her chin.

Once my feet carried me outside, I wiped the tears from my face with the back of my sleeve. That's when I saw the police officers. Two of them, standing in the hallway. I gulped as they stepped forward.

"What is this?" I asked

"We have some questions for you, Mrs. Quin" the one officer said "now you can come willingly, or we can cuff you and walk you out of the hospital".

I gulped again, sandpaper coating my throat. I looked back at Sara. She shouldn't be alone. She needed someone. I turned back to the officers.

"I'm going to co-operate, I have nothing to hide, but let me make a few calls to get some family here for my wife. She shouldn't be alone right now. She needs support" I told them, coolly, wiping away a few more tears that leaked.

The officer who had spoken to me nodded and stepped back as I pulled out my cell phone. I dialed mum's number.

"Tegan! Haven't heard from you in a while. How are things baby girl?" she asked, bubbly.

I swallowed hard and the tears came.

"Mum, can you come to the hospital?" I asked, phlegm bubbling in my throat.

"What happened?" She asked, as I heard her grab her keys.

"Sara. Sara's hurt badly. I have to go to the police station, and someone should be with her"

"Oh god! Is she okay? What happened?" she asked.

"Mum, I can't really talk right now. She's alright, just please get here" I told her.

"I'm on my way. I love you baby girl. Take care of yourself. I'll make sure Sara's taken care of" she told me calmly.

I nodded, eventhough she couldn't see me "Thanks mum. I'll see you soon" I told her then hung up.

I dialed Emy's number, not surprised when she didn't pick up. I left a message.

"You probably hate me, and that's understandable, but Sara needs you right now. She's in the hospital and I know she'd feel more comfortable if you were around. Please Emy, for her. Anyways, I won't be around for a few hours…possibly more so you don't have to worry about running into me."

I hung up and looked at the officers.

"Alright then. Lets go" I said stalwartly.

Inside, my stomach churned. I was going to pay for her mistakes. I had to find a way around this. There was no way I was going to let her take more time from me from Sara. My feet carried me with them outside, as my mind raced.

**Sara's POV**

I woke up to a gasp. I opened my eyes to see mum in the doorway. I felt around for Tegan, and felt my stomach churn when I didn't feel her.

"Sara! What happened?" mum asked.

I groaned and opened my eyes.

"Where's Tegan?" I asked

"She had to go, but she called me to stay with you. I brought some banana bread."

I gulped and looked around. Tegan's not here. What if the other Tegan's back? No, she wouldn't have called mum to sit with me. I closed my eyes and focused. When I didn't feel the emptiness, I sighed happily and let myself relax as mum offered me a piece of banana break, I happily took it.

"Thanks" I said.

I munched on it, my stomach still uneasy.

"What happened?" she repeated.

I didn't know how to answer that. _A Tegan from another dimension was stuck here and blamed me. For the passed 2 months she's been sexually, physically, and emotionally abusing me. She tried to kill me and the baby…oh yeah, I'm pregnant by the way. Then somehow I woke up and the real Tegan was back. _No. But I couldn't lie. I bit my bottom lip and acted like I was still chewing, as my mind worked overtime to try and come up with something.

"Someone broke in. They assaulted me, and all I remember is waking up here to Tegan" I told her.

"Well, the police will find out who did this. Tegan's helping them right now" she told me.

"Tegan's at the police station?" I asked

Mum nodded. I panicked. Which Tegan did they have? As hard as I knew it would be for me to see Tegan everyday and my mind not to jump to the passed 2 months, but to not have her around would be worse. She needed to be home with me. What if they found out that Tegan did this? We can't tell them it was the wrong Tegan Quin. Where IS the other Tegan? Does my Tegan know? I make a mental note to ask her when she comes back. What is she going to tell the police?

That's when Emy flew into the room.

"Sara!" she exclaimed "Oh god, what did she do to you?"

I gulped. Emy knew about the abuse. She'd been by. Tegan tried making out with her, but she refused. She'd caught a glimpse of the bruises, and pulled me aside to ask about them. I told her I'd fallen down the stairs. Cliché, I know. What was I going to say? I really didn't want to be Teganless. As horrible as it was, at least I still got to see her face every day.

Emy grabbed my chart. I watched as her eyes froze over the line I knew she had no idea about. I bit my bottom lip.

"Emy" I tried to plead.

She looked up at me, horrified "Sara."

Her eyes gleamed as I saw the tears. "Emy, I can explain…" I tired to plead but the tears fell from her eyes.

"What's going on?" mum chimed in.

Emy took a deep breath and looked at me. I shook my head slightly. Emy closed her eyes and turned to mum.

"Can you give us a minute?" She asked mum

"No! Sara, what's going on?" she asked

"Mum, please. I promise I'll tell you later. Right now, I need to talk to Emy about it" I said, trying not to look her in the eye.

Mum looked pissed, and angrily snatched her purse and stomped out of the room. This was something Tegan and I had to tell her together. This should be happy news. She'd be thrilled. I didn't want her to have to hear about it in the light I'm sure Emy is going to shine on it. Emy looked at me, looking hurt.

"I wanted to tell you" I told her.

"Wanted? Sara, I'm your OB! You should have been in the moment you suspected!"

"I…I couldn't" I dropped my eyes further down, feeling so ashamed and helpless.

"Because of her! You can't let her get away with this!" Emy said sternly.

"Emy, it's not like that. You don't understand. She's different now." I explained

"Sara, no she's not. Stop making excuses for her or thinking she's going to change. She abused you! She tried to kill you!"

"Emy, I'm being serious. She's not the same anymore. She's a different person. That wasn't my Tegan. Please, believe me."

"Do you know how you sound right now, Sara? You need help."

I wanted to tell her the truth, but that would just get me a one way ticket to the 4th floor of this hospital, so I stayed silent.

"Do you want me to do a rape kit?" she asked, sighing.

I shook my head.

"Will you let me examine you? Make sure everything's okay? I know Dr. Hart already did, but well…"

"Yes! Please! I'd feel better if you did too." I told her.

She nodded, and started on the head to toe. I saw her start to distance herself as she prodded the bruises on my neck, the deep, infected cuts on my wrists, the welts all over my body, then the patched up knife wound on my stomach.

"I want to get a more thorough ultrasound done. Make sure they stitched up your uterus properly, and that the amniotic sac's still okay."

I nodded as she continued. I closed my eyes and bit my cheek as she traveled lower. She sensed my discomfort and stopped, just nodding.

"I want to keep a close eye on you, Sare. I know you say you think she's different now, but… It's my job to make sure you and this baby are healthy. I'm going to recommend therapy sessions, and will be making weekly home calls to keep an eye on things. Remember Sara, it's not just you anymore. You've got a little one you need to care for."

I nodded, a few tears slipping.

"You're lucky you weren't further along. She could have hit something vital." Emy paused. " You know I'm here for you, right? I just want what's best for you. You say the word and I'll testify against her."

"No. God now, Emy. I love her. She didn't do this." I reminded her.

Emy shook her head, frustrated. "Well the police will decide that".

**Tegan's POV**

I was in a room with just a table and a few chairs. I had Lindsey next to me, and was looking two police officers in the eye. I had refused to speak without a lawyer present. Lindsey's the only lawyer I knew. It'd been an hour of questions so far, and they weren't letting up.

"So where were you again, when this so called "intruder" was in your home, violating your wife?" The one officer asked.

"I told you, I was outside, on the boat. Are we done yet? Can I please go see my wife?" I asked, tired of the questions.

"You seem very eager to get back. Do you not want her to tell the doctors something?" The officer asked

"She can say whatever she likes! I'm worried because she was just assaulted by some freak and is pregnant and scared and needs emotional support right now!" I started to stand up, and Lindsey's hand on my lower back reminded me who I was speaking to and what situation I was in. I felt my heart race, and I wanted to hit someone. I'm usually not this hot headed, but nobody messes with Sara, and nobody keeps me from her.

There was a knock on the door and the officer walked over. The person who'd knocked whispered something and the officer nodded, then looked at me.

"Mrs. Quin, you're free to go. We'll be in touch." He said, with a smirk on his face.

I looked at Lindsey who was getting up, and gathering her things. She nodded at me, and I slowly stood back up and made for the door.


	14. Just your Smell

**Warnings: TRIGGERS IN THIS CHAPTER!****TRIGGER WARNING! TRIGGER WARNING! TRIGGER WARNING! CONTAINS SCENES OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, RAPE, AND MURDER. **Chapter contains a homosexual incestual relationship and sexual content between two women. If you don't like it, don't read it.

**Rating:** M

**Summary:**. What happens when she gets her wish and Tegan finds herself in an alternate reality where Sara is her girlfriend, and not her sister? Will be a LONG fic, updated often.

**A/N: **Hello procrastination! Here's a quick update. Hope you enjoy. Read, review, enjoy!

**Disclaimer:** COMPLETELY FICTIONAL!

In case you missed it: **TRIGGER WARNING! CONTAINS SCENES OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, RAPE, AND MURDER. **

**Chapter 14 – Just your Smell**

**Tegan's POV**

I rushed back into the hospital, pushing passed the front glass doors, and shuffling quickly through the lobby. I stopped dead in my tracks when I locked eyes with Emy. I gulped. I waited for her to lash her tongue at me, but she didn't. She just gave me a death stare and walked out. I took a moment to shake it off. Hey, that meant that she'd checked Sara out. I let some relief wash over me. I didn't really trust anyone else with any of our health but Emy. I guess that's why she's our doctor.

I opened the door to Sara's room, and saw the flinch when she saw me. She shut her eyes tightly and I waited until I could read the distress dissipate. I felt a pang in my chest for this. Part of me wanted to run to the plastics department and ask for a new face.

"Mum! Hey" I walked over to mum, sitting next to the bed.

"Tegan. What's going on?" Mum asked, pissed.

Uh oh. I gave her a hug, then walked over to the bed, unsure what Sara wanted.

"Sare? Where do you want me?" I asked.

I saw her contemplate it, then open her arms. I sighed in relief as I got into the bed, letting her back curl into me, and tucking her head under my chin so she couldn't see me. My hand went to her tummy, where I slowly rubbed over the tiny bump.

"Mum, we have some really great news" Sara said with a smile in her voice, although I could tell it was forced.

"Well, tell me then" Mum said.

I kissed Sara's head, just reveling in the warmth that overcomes me when she's near. I love you Sara. I love you more than you'll ever know.

"Mum, we're pregnant" Sara said again.

I watched as Mum froze, tears forming in her eyes.

"You're…you're… oh wow" she stammered.

A huge smile plastered on her face and she wiped a few tears away. I kissed Sara's head again and gave her a small squeeze. Mum got up, came over, and joined the hug. She kissed each fo our foreheads.

"Well it's about time. How far along? Wait, who's carrying?"

I chuckled.

"Sara, mum. No babies coming out of me" I told her with a chuckle

"I'm about 8 weeks" I could tell the words felt foreign to her, but she took my hand.

"Is the baby alright? I mean with what happened" Mum asked, worried.

I nodded "Baby's fine mum"

"That's why Emy was here. That's what we had to talk about when I sent you out" Sara told her.

"Oh! Why didn't you just say so!" Mum sat back down and chuckled "I thought you were just leaving me out of something bad."

"I didn't want this to be bad news. This should be happy" Sara told her. "I'm happy"

Sara snuggled back into me and I smiled wide.

"And I'm over the moon" I told her. "So, mum, in 7 months you'll have a granddaughter."

"But how do you…wait…you used…? Tegan?" Mum asked.

I nodded. Mum laughed and got up again to hug and kiss both of us.

"This is the best news! Oh there's so much to do. We have to get the nursery together, and Sara, we have to have a birth plan. I need to go shopping." Mum said, standing and grabbing her purse.

"No, mum, there's lots of time to do that. Really, it's okay." Sara said.

"Yeah mum, just relax" I told her, mistakingly.

"Relax? Sure there's time now. You always think there's gonna be more time. There's so much to do" She came over and kissed us both again "Oh, I'm so happy for you two. Tegan, take care of her!" Mum ordered me, then moved towards the door. "I'll call you later today and see what you two want for dinner. And Sara, I'm bringing you a green shake later. You need to be getting all your vitamins and minerals for this baby!"

Sara grimaced "Great!"

Mum blew kisses to us, then walked out the door. I gulped, my hold on Sara loosening, now not sure where to put my hands. I knew we needed to talk, but it's like neither one of us dared to. We sat in silence. I'd never had an awkward silence with her before. It felt, well...awkward. Only, passed awkward, cause it was Sara. I slowly started to get out from under her, and give her space, but she turned into me and buried her face in my chest.

"Don't go" she whispered.

"Okay" I whispered back, resuming my hold on her.

She started to sob into me. I rubbed her back gently and let her cry.

"Tegan, what if she comes back?" she asked.

"Who? Mum? I know she's a pest, but she's bringing us dinner" I told her

"Not mum, the other Tegan." Sara corrected me.

I took a deep breath, and it was my turn to eel the anxiety rise to my throat.

"She won't" I whispered. "I…I…I sent her back to the other world. Kaki helped. Magic stone, no big deal."

This seemed to ease some of Sara's anxiety, but now I just had the image and sensations through my body again of snapping her neck. I felt the tightness in my chest, and closed my eyes tightly.

"Tegan?" Sara asked after me, worriedly.

I breathed heavily, getting up from behind Sara, and stumbling to the bathroom.

"Tegan, what's wrong?" She asked.

I got into the bathroom and shut the door, sliding down it, panic taking over. My chest tightened unbearably and I started to sweat. Those eyes, gleaming at me: my eyes. I hit her, and hit her, and hit her, and those eyes pleaded with me. There was so much blood: hers, Sara's. It was all over me. I could feel Sara slipping away. I felt my shirt dampen through with sweat, as my heavy head fell into my hands and the room closed around me. I could faintly hear Sara calling my name from the other room, but I was stuck in that basement, reliving that scene. I started to hyperventilate. _This is it. I'm going to die. _ I felt my heart pound in my ears, and tighten in my chest. I turned over to my knees, putting my forehead against the cool floor. _I'm having a heart attack. I'm going to die in this bathroom._ Then it dissipated. I took a deep, gasping breath as my body went limp, and I lay on the floor, my cheek against the tile. I closed my eyes and caught my breath. After a few minutes, I slowly stood and turned on the tap, splashing water on my face, and taking a drink out of a shaky palm. Closing my eyes, I took a moment to compose myself, then opened the bathroom door. Sara was on the other side of the door. Our eyes met and hers went wide. She nearly fell over. I reached out and caught her.

"No, get off of me. Let me go. Don't touch me." She fought me.

I got her to the chair, then let go, putting my hands up. She leaned forward and put her head in her hands.

Not looking up at me, she asked "Are you okay?"

I nodded "Yeah. You should get back into bed."

I went to help her, but she was still shaken up, and brushed me off.

"I can do it" she told me.

I gulped. This was going to be like this for a while. I let her get up and slowly make her way back to the bed, keeping an eye, ready to catch her if she falls. Once she was back in bed, she pulled the sweater she had wrapped around her shoulders a little closer, trying to hide as much of her body as possible.

"I umm…I think I'm going to go home and grab you some stuff. Is there anything specific you umm…you want?" I asked.

She was looking at her hands folded in her lap as she shook her head, then she gulped and spoke.

"Can I have your shirt?" She asked "I mean, can you change your shirt when you get home and bring me that one?"

It was the last thing I expected her to ask for. I looked down at my shirt, drenched in sweat. They'd taken the bloody one for evidence earlier.

"Yeah. I'll wash it and bring it back for you" I told her.

"No! Don't wash it. Just, take it off and bring it back." She asked of me.

"Don't look up" I told her.

I looked around. I gently tugged the hem up, over my head and took the shirt in question off: leaving me in my bra. I quickly moved to the cabinet in the room, and found another shirt, pulling it on. I tossed the shirt into her lap and she quickly hugged it to her. Now it made more sense. I took a deep breath.

"I know it's hard to look at me, and have me near. That's okay Sara. If you ever want me to leave, you just say the word and I will. If you don't want me to touch you, that's okay. If you can't look at me, that's okay. But if you do want any of those things, you need to tell me. I want to keep you safe, darling. That means emotionally too." I explained.

"I'm going to back off, and give you some physical space. After what happened, I want you to know that I respect you. I've always respected you and I'm ready to give you what you need here; even if all I want to do is hold you and never let go. This is going to be hard. I'm going to be here every step of the way. You don't have to do it alone. I won't let anyone hurt you. And you can have my shirts all you want. I love you, Sara Quin. In the deepest sense of the word. I expect nothing of you right now. I just want to keep you safe."

I watched as she nodded.

"Do you want me to call anyone to stay with you? Mum? Emy? Lindsey? Dallas? Ted?" I asked

She shook her head "I want to be alone for a bit".

I nodded "Okay. I love you. Call me if you need anything. I'll be back in an hour or so."

She nodded and I went to leave but her voice stopped me "Tegan?"

"Yeah, love."

"I love you too."

I smiled, letting the words warm me from the inside out. I saw the faintest of smiles appear in her eyes, and I walked out of the room.

**Sara's POV**

As Tegan spoke, I let each word linger in my mind. I love her so much. No one but her could love me like this. She loves me enough to back off. I didn't know that maybe I needed that. I've got a lot to heal from. I inhaled the smell of her shirt. It was sweaty, and normally I'd think it was gross, but it was Tegan. MY Tegan. I need to remember that. This is MY Tegan. All she wants to do is take care of me and love me. When she walked out, I quickly pulled the shirt over my head and hugged myself, laying down and closing my eyes.

I don't have to worry about the other Tegan anymore, Tegs had said that she was gone. She's gone. I've just got my wife now. No more worries. I sighed. This shirt made me feel so safe. What was that in the bathroom? Something big was happening to Tegan. I sat there and wracked my brain.

What if it was me? What if I was the one who'd been sent to the other world, and come back to find the other Sara had raped and beaten Tegan over the passed 2 months? What if I'd come back to find Tegan, passed out in that dungeon? That room that was covered in blood. What if I learned that she was pregnant with my child through it all? That she almost died?

I felt the emotions well up. I'd kill the other Sara. I sat with that for a minute. Nobody messes with Tegan like that. Nobody gets to do those things to her and get away with it.

I can only imagine how hard this is for her. She probably tried to get back to me very waking moment, and when she did, she was in a horror movie. Her worst nightmare. And now, I can't even look at her. Now, she's afraid to touch me or come near me, because she doesn't want to trigger me. This IS her worst nightmare. I took a deep breath.

But I can't just put my feelings aside. I can't be screaming inside as I let her just roam me freely. That's not helpful or wanted by anyone. I felt the tears slide down my face. I need her comfort, but I'm terrified by her proximity. I need her so badly. I reached over and picked up the phone, dialing the number I know by heart.

"Hello?" She asked.

"It's me." I said.

Her voice settled the storm inside.

"Sara! Are you okay? What's wrong? What happened?" She panicked.

"I'm fine, I just…I want to listen to your voice." I mumbled.

I heard her sigh on the other line.

"Let me put you through the car system. I'm just hitting our road now." She said.

"Okay."

I waited on the line and hugged her shirt closer to me.

"There we go. Sare, you have no idea how good it feels to be back home." She softly told me.

"You have no idea how good it is to have you back" I whispered.

"That means a lot Sare. How're you feeling?" she asked.

I took a moment and thought about that.

"I…I'm sore. Everything hurts, but it's just sore, not pain." I felt the tears start to fall. "It's so…I never thought I'd never be full of pain ever again."

I heard Tegan choke on the other line. I felt like I wanted her to know everything. Like she was the only person I could tell everything to.

"I feel like I want you to hold me so badly. Like I just want you to never let go. I just want to look into your eyes and get lost, and let you make everything all better. But, it's hard to…divide the feelings. She had your face, T. She had your hands, and your arms, and your shoulders. I can't help but…my mind goes there, back to that, and I can't…" I paused.

"Sara, it's okay. You don't have to. Take your time. Take all the time you need."

"No, Tegan, I want you to know. I want you to know everything."

"You know, I was thinking: what if I got some cosmetic surgery done. I could look different."

"No! Tegan. Don't even…" I ran a hand through my hair. "I don't want you to change. This isn't your fault. You're perfect the way you are. It's just gonna take me some time."


	15. Lucky

**Warnings: TRIGGERS IN THIS CHAPTER!****TRIGGER WARNING! TRIGGER WARNING! TRIGGER WARNING! CONTAINS SCENES OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, RAPE, AND MURDER. **Chapter contains a homosexual incestual relationship and sexual content between two women. If you don't like it, don't read it.

**Rating:** M

**Summary:**. What happens when she gets her wish and Tegan finds herself in an alternate reality where Sara is her girlfriend, and not her sister? Will be a LONG fic, updated often.

**A/N: **Wow, 3 updates in one day. I'm hella procrastinating studying right now, and have so much going on in my own life I need this therapy. Well, at least you guys reap the benefits. Read, Review, Enjoy.

**Disclaimer:** COMPLETELY FICTIONAL!

In case you missed it: **TRIGGER WARNING! CONTAINS SCENES OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, RAPE, AND MURDER. **

**Chapter 15 - Lucky**

**Tegan's POV**

An idea crossed my mind, and my face lit up as I opened the door to the house. I smiled to myself. I dropped the keys in the bowl, and walked into the kitchen. I stopped and looked around. Everything was different. The toaster had moved. There were dishes everywhere. There were no photos on the walls. I felt my stomach hit the floor, and I tried to keep my voice steady for Sara as I walked down the hallway, passed her study.

"Hey Sare, want me to bring you a guitar?" I asked

"Please" I heard her plead on the other line.

I opened the door.

"The '57 Gibson?" I asked

I could hear the smile in her voice. I knew her too well. "Mmhmm".

I smiled and found a road case, tucking the guitar neatly in, then closing the clasps.

"Any idea what you want for dinner? I can give mum the heads up or grab it on my way back in."

"Honestly?" she asked, with a long pause. "I'm scared to eat T. It's been so long, I don't know what my stomach'll do. Mom gave me some banana bread earlier and even that didn't sit too well."

My heart broke. It'd been so long since she'd eaten. Sara. Sara hadn't eaten in a long time. Like a homeless child. Even though our cupboards were full, our fridge overflowing, our pockets fat. I felt the rage hit me, and I wished that I hadn't killed my cohort, so I could kill her now. I whimpered as that brought back the memories.

"Tegan? Are you okay?" Sara asked me, worried.

"Yeah" I forced out "Just stubbed my toe" I lied.

"Okay."

"How about some soup? It's nice and light, but healthy. I can rub your tummy as you eat if you want." I offered.

"I think I'd like that. Soup sounds good."

I nodded, pushing the bubbling feelings down again. I stared at the closed door to our bedroom, terrified about what was on the other side.

"Sara, can I call you back in 10 minutes? I need to shower" I told her.

"Okay. Tegan, I love you." She said sincerely.

"I love you too, Sara." I replied. "I'd do anything for you."

_Even kill someone with my bare hands._

"I know, Tegan. I'll talk to you in 10 minutes."

Sara hung up the phone and I took a deep breath, walking into the room.

I gagged at the smell. It smelt like rot: a mix of infection, blood, urine, stool, tears, sweat, and just nasty. I took a deep breath out the air outside the room, then put my shirt over my nose and tried not to vomit. I walked over to the bed. My gorge rose. This is where Sara… I grit my teeth and shook as the tears fell. I choked back the vomit, and kicked the bedpost hard. I kicked it again and again until the wood splintered. I walked over to the window, threw open the curtains, and opened the window. I made a quick trip to the garage, got a sledgehammer, and went to work destroying the bed, and tossing it piece by piece out the window, until nothing was left but small scatterings of wood splinters. I sat in the middle of the empty space and cried, rocking myself.

My phone rang and Sara's face came up. I couldn't talk to her, not like this. I hated leaving her hanging, but I let the phone ring until it stopped. I slowly stood up and made my way to the bathroom. Opening the door, I was glad to see that this room remained untouched. I walked over and retched into the toilet, then pulled myself up and turned on the shower. I took off my clothes and entered the stream. My bottle of shampoo and body wash were right where I left them 2 months ago. Untouched. So were Sara's. I let it go, unable to think right now. I washed myself quickly, then got out of the shower. I dried off and walked back into the room, already starting to smell better from the open window, and lack of bed. I opened my dresser, and shook my head. What had she worn? I didn't want to put on anything that was on her body. I emptied the drawer and threw all the clothes out the window. I knew she wouldn't have put on anything of Sara's, so I borrowed some of her stuff, and put other stuff aside for her. I walked to her closet and grabbed a bag, folding everything neatly into it, then making up a toiletry bag for her. Zipping up the rolling suitcase, I put it by the door and grabbed a second gym bag and walked into her study. I grabbed a few books from her shelves at random, packed up her computer, iPod, and her mobile recorder and mic.

As I zipped up her bag, I remembered another place the other one wouldn't have gone: the boat. I have a bag on board there. I put Sara's second bag in the hallway and made my way out to the dock, boarding the boat. As I suspected, the inside cabin was exactly as it had been the night we conceived. The feeldoe was still on the nightstand even. I finally smiled, letting the happy memories wash over me as I grabbed my bag. I opened it and pulled on my clothes. Sara's were a little tight on me. I made sure to bring my bag along, in case Sara wanted any of it. I added the comforter from the bed to the half empty bag, and grabbed the pillows. I bet this stuff would help. I inhaled deeply. It helped me. I grabbed my load, and took off back into the house, grabbing my phone from the dresser and all the bags, then making my way out the door. Once in the car, I dialed Sara back.

"Tegan! I've been trying" she exclaimed

"I know. I'm sorry. The shower took longer than I thought." I told her.

"You worried me." She said.

"I'm okay, love. I've got a whole bunch of stuff for you. I'm gonna be an extra few hours. There are some things I need to do. Do you want to stay on the phone with me?"

"I think I might try and sleep some. Can I call you if I want to talk though?" she asked

"Of course! Sleep sounds like a good idea. I'll call mum and let her know about dinner and I should be back around 4."

"Alright Tegan." She said

"I love you Sara, sleep well." I told her.

"If I'm still sleeping and you come in Tegan, please don't get in bed with me. Wait until I wake up."

"Of course, Sare."

"Thanks."

"I'll see you soon. Love you." I said, meaningfully

"I love you too." She replied.

I hung up. I don't think we've ever said those words as often as we have today. It still felt like at any moment I could be ripped away from her.

I sighed and drove, my attention on the road, letting all the other thoughts fly away for now. I turned up the ringer on my phone in case she called this time. I felt bad about not answering earlier, but I just couldn't. I looked at the bare skin on my forearm and smiled.

I stopped by whole foods and grabbed some of Sara's favourites, and some prenatal vitamins. I went to the bookstore and bought Sara some magazines, as I browsed the self-help section, looking for anything that would help me help Sara. I bought her the new Richard Ford, and a few movies. And hit a few more places before heading to the hospital. I brought in as much as I could carry. When I opened the door to her room, she was fast asleep. I gently put down my cargo, and crept out to bring up the rest. It was three trips later, and I was parked and sitting in the chair next to her bed, self-help book open behind a bigger book for cover. I don't know how Sara would react if she knew I was reading up on it.

**Sara's POV**

I woke up and felt her near, felt the initial jump in my nervous system, my instincts figuring out whether to fight or run. But the smell of her surrounding me halted the instinct. I was still wearing her shirt. I took a moment to quiet my mind as I remembered who she was. I looked up and saw Tegan doing something I very rarely saw: she was reading. There were large, white pieces of gauze taped to her forearms. I slowly sat up and she put the book down. I braced myself to see her face, but instead I was looking at a Ninja Turtle Mask. I laughed. I laughed so hard. It felt so good.

"You look ridiculous." I told her through tears of laughter.

She giggled at me laughing.

"And you have the most beautiful smile I've ever seen" she told me, warming me head to toe.

She stood up and walked over to a pile of stuff she'd brought.

"I'm sure you want to shower. I brought you your toiletries and clothes. I tossed out all my stuff that wasn't on the boat, but brought the bag I'd packed from that night if you want that stuff. Umm…guitar, recording gear, iPod, laptop, movies, books. I grabbed you the new Spin, GuitarWorld, Rolling Stone, and National Geographic. Oh, and the new Richard Ford novel. Umm…snacks are here and some vitamins, mum's bringing soup for 6:00pm. I got you a decaf latte, over on your nightstand. And I brought the pillows and comforter from the boat So yeah. What do you want?"

My eyes went to my nightstand, and a huge smile plastered over my face. Through all the pain and feelings and ickiness, she could still make me smile. She could still make me laugh. She took care of me like no one else knew how. She knew everything I could possibly need or want at a time like this. I hadn't even thought about how amazing it would be to play the guitar or write music after going through all that I did, until she'd mentioned it on the phone. Despite all the things she'd brought, I only wanted one thing in that moment.

"A hug" I told her, honestly.

I saw the smile creep up on her face and she walked over to me, opening her arms. She hugged me close and I could smell her cleanliness, her shampoo, her deodorant, her body wash, her. I think it's safe to say that I'm in love with the way she smells. I sighed happily as I let her take me over in safety, warmth, and love. I let the feeling of being held by her creep in my darkest places and secure them. I let out a happy moan.

"Thank you for making me laugh" I told her.

"That's kind of my job. Comes with the title of "wife". I'll never stop making you laugh."

"Promise?" I asked.

"Promise" she confirmed.

"In that case, I need a shower." I told her.

I could feel two months worth of dirt and grime caked on me. I started to stand and she helped me. I leaned on her for support, taking hold of her forearm. She winced.

"Sorry. Tegan, what happened to your arms?" I asked.

"It's okay. I umm… got a few new tattoos this afternoon." She said.

That's why she needed the few extra hours? She was getting tattooed? What could be so important that she needed to tattoo instead of being with me? She sensed my anger rising and got behind me, giving me a hug from behind, wrapping her arms around me.

"Go ahead, lift the bandages." She told me.

They were lined up, facing me and I peeled back each corner. I slowly lifted them, then read the tattoos. They were both done in black ink, with brown accents. The lettering was in Tegan's handwriting. I'd recognize it anywhere. One forearm read "I love you" and the other, "Sara" so that when she hugged me from behind, they lined up one above the other to say "I love you Sara". My heart melted.

"This way, if you ever doubt whether it's me or not, you can look at my forearms and know that it's me, and I'm not going to hurt you. I'm never going to hurt you." She told me, earnestly. "I like them. They remind me that no matter where I am, you'll be somewhere, loving me too. The brown's the same colour of your eyes. " She continued.

I gently traced the angry red skin around each of the markings. How had I deserved someone so…thoughtful? She's perfect. I brought each arm to my lips, and gently kissed the new markings.

"You're perfect" I told her. "Thank you."

"No need to thank me. They're as much for me as they are for you. Now, lets get you in the shower. Want me to call a nurse and give you a hand?" she asked.

I didn't want a nurse and as much as I wanted Tegan to stay with me, help me, my brain protested. Being naked in front of her, having her hands on my naked body wasn't okay right now. But I felt strong enough to do it myself. I shook my head.

"I can do it. Just, stay outside the door?" I asked.

She nodded and got me into the bathroom. "Just holler if you need me. I'll be right here." Then she shut the door.

I leaned against the wall as I slowly undressed. I turned the shower on, and used the rails to help myself in. I was soaking wet when I realized that I had none of my shower stuff.

"Tegan! I need my shower stuff." I called out.

"Okay, I'll umm…what do you want me to do?" she asked.

"Just umm, crack the door open and leave it on the floor, then close the door" I told her, making sure to stay in the cover of the shower. My heart pounded as I heard the door open. Please don't come in, please don't come in. I heard the door shut.

"I put your whole bag in there and mine so you can get dressed. Let me know if you want me to call a nurse." She said.

I love this woman so much. I eased my way slowly towards the bag and took out my toiletry bag, grabbing my shampoo and body wash, then heading back to the shower. I couldn't get the thought of the tattoos out of my mind. I smiled wide. How lucky was I to have her in my life? How would anyone else deal with this? She was truly, madly, deeply in love with me in its truest sense and she showed me all the time.

As much as this hurts now, I know there will be another side of this. We'll heal. We've always healed together, since our birth. When that day comes, I'm going to do something big to let her know just how deeply I was in love with her. A big, romantic gesture to show her exactly how I feel about her. I reveled in the feeling of getting clean. I smiled widely as I lathered by stomach. I'm pregnant, Tegan's back. Everything will be okay. My wildest dreams were coming true. Standing in that shower, I thought back to 13 year old me, crying in my bedroom, dreaming of this moment, and knowing it could never happen. Yet, here I was by some miracle of the universe. Tegan and I were married and were starting a family. I'm pregnant. The idea still hadn't fully hit me yet. In that moment a flood of daydreams took over my mind. I didn't have to do the morning sickness anymore, and when I felt icky, Tegan would be there. I had someone to nap with, and to rub my feet and my back when they get sore. Tegan would be running into town at 2 am to get me pickles and peanut butter, and when the hormones took over, I'd be able to drive her crazy. She's be there at the ultrasounds, and be able to hold me through the birth.

This was no longer my only tie to her. I had the real thing. I turned the tap off and dried off, images still running around in my mind. I opted for Tegan's clothes, pulling on my underwear, but her sweat pants and t-shirt. I opened the door, and found her making the bed.

"Hey. You okay?" she asked.

I nodded and stepped out. "Can I..?" I asked.

She smiled and took off her hoodie before I had a chance to finish asking. She walked over and helped me put it on. Once the warm, Tegan-smelling fabric was surrounding me, I leaned into her, letting her hug me. She was still wearing the mask. It made me giggle.

"I made the bed with the bedding from the boat. Thought maybe you'd want something from home." She told me.

I sighed and kissed her t-shrit clad shoulder.

"You're amazing. Thank you" I hugged her tighter.

"Anything for you." She replied, rubbing my back. "How about a snack? I grabbed some hummus from whole foods."

I felt my stomach agree with the idea, but my mind worried. I still nodded. Tegan got me back over to bed then brought over the whole foods bag. She pulled out a bottle of water, the humus, and some pita bread and put it on the tray. She took up her seat next to the bed. I looked at the pita, and took a small piece, dabbing it into the hummus, and putting it to my lips. I got one smell of it and felt my bile bubble. I shook my head and put it down.

"I can't" I told her.

She nodded.

"How about some fruit? Grapes? Strawberries?" She asked, pulling out some small containers of each.

I shook my head. "I think I'm gonna…"

She moved quickly, getting the garbage can under me again. She put a soft, warm hand on my back as I brought up stomach acid. When I stopped she grabbed me the water bottle and I eagerly drank from it. I felt a whole lot better. I grabbed the pita and hummus and ate it eagerly. Tegan smiled and kissed my forehead through the mask, putting the garbage can down.

"Morning sickness?" she asked.

I nodded, devouring my snack. She chuckled and went back to her spot in the chair, picked up her book and kept reading. I finished the pita and reached down, into the whole foods bag, pulling out the grapes and strawberries, going to work on those. Food tasted so good. Tegan smiled at me, putting down her book.

"Wanna watch a movie?" she asked.

I nodded and popped a grape in my mouth.

"I don't care what we watch." I told her.

She nodded and put a movie in my laptop, hooking it up to the TV in my room. She went to sit back in the chair, btu I looked at her.

"Tee, can you come here?" I asked

She nodded and walked over. I leaned forward.

"Hold me?" I asked "And take that mask off when you get back there. I bet it's getting hot."

She quickly took off her shoes, and got in behind me, taking the mask off, I heard her gasp in air. I leaned back and she wrapped her arms around me. I snuggled my head onto her chest and felt her lips kiss the top of my head.

"Can I kiss your cheek?" she asked.

I took a moment and assessed how I felt. I nodded and felt the warmth of her lips on the sensitive skin of my cheek. She played with the waterproof bandage over my stitches, as the opening credits rolled. I looked down and saw the new tattoos. It lit my heart on fire. For the rest of my life, I can look down at her arms around me and just know, without a doubt. I closed my eyes and let my head fall back again, turning my face so that we were cheek to cheek.

"Tee, I want you to know that eventhough I can't look you in the eye, and that I don't want you to touch me sometimes, and that I freak out: I still love you"

"Sare, I know. You don't have to explain. It's okay."

"And," I gulped "it may be a long time before I can ever…before I ever want to…" I continued.

"Sare, it's okay. Really. I don't need that from you. I just need this. Hugs. Don't worry about it. When you're ready, I'll be to. For now, I'm so happy just holding you and kissing your head and cheek."

I felt the weight lift and I settled back into her. I may be the only person on the planet who considers myself incredibly lucky right now, but I do. Just look at who I'll get to spend my entire life with. Anyone would be lucky to get a moment with her. I get every moment. I get all of her.


	16. What I Am

**Warnings: TRIGGERS IN THIS CHAPTER!****TRIGGER WARNING! TRIGGER WARNING! TRIGGER WARNING! CONTAINS SCENES OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, RAPE, AND MURDER. **Chapter contains a homosexual incestual relationship and sexual content between two women. If you don't like it, don't read it.

**Rating:** M

**Summary:**. What happens when she gets her wish and Tegan finds herself in an alternate reality where Sara is her girlfriend, and not her sister? Will be a LONG fic, updated often.

**A/N: **On a ROLL. Thank you so much for all the reviews! I love reading them. Enjoy!

**Disclaimer:** COMPLETELY FICTIONAL!

In case you missed it: **TRIGGER WARNING! CONTAINS SCENES OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, RAPE, AND MURDER. **

**Chapter 16 – What I Am**

**Sara's POV**

I shook my leg nervously, as the shrink stared me down from her chair. I chewed on my nails and wanted to be anywhere but here.

"So, Sara; can I call you Sara?" Dr. Reverd asked.

I nodded. I really just wanted to sit here until the hour was up.

"How's your day going?" she asked.

I shrugged "Alright, I guess."

She nodded. "Been a rough week?" she asked me.

I gulped and just nodded, biting my bottom lip. I looked down at my hands, and pictured Tegan's intertwining with them. It made me smile.

"What?" she asked.

"Nothing" I answered.

I took a deep breath. I really didn't have to be so difficult.

"I was just thinking about how badly I want to be holding my wife's hand right now. If I look hard enough, I can see her fingers intertwined with mine." I told her, still smiling and looking over my hands.

"This is, Tegan, right?" She asked. Like she didn't know. We were on ET every night now, all over the tabloids: 'Tegan Quin's new tattoos'.

Luckily the label's PR reps had managed to kill the rumours of my assault. I'm not sure exactly how long that'll last with Tegan's court date coming up. I wasn't pressing charges, but apparently I wasn't the only one my wife's other worldy-self had…done wrong. A few days ago, after not having the other Tegan show up, they found another woman in the basement of one of the houses on our street. Until then, I didn't know that we actually own all the houses. According to Ted, we house our band during recording and rehearsal in them. We also apparently run an indie-to radio non-profit, where we find small indie bands, and fly them out, put them up, and record them albums for free.

It was something I'd always wanted to do, but never had the resources to…until now. It'll be a bit before we can do it again though with…current situations. But the girl was testifying, and it had been stressing both Tegan and I out a lot lately.

"How did you two meet?" she asked me, snapping me out of it.

I had think for a moment. This world's version of the story.

"We were in grade 3 together. We became best friends, and two years later when my parents died, her mom took me in. We grew up together. We'd always been in love."

"And you got married early?" she asked.

I nodded "At 18. As soon as we could. We've been married for 14 years now."

"This must me hard on her." She noted.

I nodded "She's having a really tough time. She tries to hide it, but I know her too well you know? But I don't say anything." I paused "She's been amazing through all of this, but I just can't deal with her emotions around it yet. I still don't know where to put it all. She is super attentive to me, but takes these long stretches alone." I confess.

"Sara, you're allowed to just take care of yourself through this. And Tegan can do the same. She's a big girl."

"I know, I am worried about her though. I just don't think I want to open the can of worms. She's a very emotional person, and once the lid's off, there's no putting it back on. I want to deal with me quickly, so I can make sure she's okay."

"This isn't a race. It's not a destination. This is going to take time and work and patience" she admitted.

"Can't you just like hypnotize me, work some therapist voodoo, and I can be okay?"

"I wish it were that easy".

I sighed. I hated this.

**Tegan's POV**

Sara'd been gone for about an hour. I was standing in our room, looking at the new bed that had just been delivered. I'd repainted the walls, and had new floors installed. We'd gotten new wardrobes, and I'd made sure the room was scrubbed head to toe of any traces. Sara still refused to walk in here. She was sleeping in the guest room.

I walked over to the brand new, newly made bed. I'd moved things around so it was in a completely different position. I fell onto it, on my back. I looked at the ceiling and just let the emotions overcome me. The tears flowed freely as I spaced out at the ceiling. I just wanted to fall asleep with her, in our bed, in our room. I just wanted to kiss her and hold her, and feel her heart beat against mine as her breath betrayed her peaceful state. I just wanted Sara back. But I respected her. I respected that she needs space. It sucks. I want to rub her tummy and think about my baby inside of her. She'd had horrible morning sickness the past week, and had started refusing to let me in the bathroom with her.

However, it was probably best that she didn't sleep in the same bed as me. Then she'd know that I don't sleep. I haven't slept all week. I tried, but the nightmares were too much. Every time I close my eyes, I can feel it happening again. Just thinking about it now, I feel my chest tighten. No, not again. I whimpered, and pulled my knees to my chest, my brow furrowing. My breath started coming shorter. In one week, I'd gotten everything I'd ever gotten, and had my world threaten to cave in, just like my chest right now.

The book said to try and even out your breathing. This is just a panic attack. I'm okay. I'm okay. But I wasn't. I could still feel the moment her esophagus caved in beneath my thumbs. I could still feel the snapping of her neck. I could still smell the blood. I could still see the light leave her eyes. I went catatonic at this point, no longer struggling against the memories, just leaving my mind for a bit. I did this at night. I just lay and stare at the ceiling, not really here. I stayed like that for hours, until I heard the front door open. I snapped back into myself and got up, to realize I had wet the bed. I quickly gathered the sheets and changed as I heard Sara mulling about the kitchen.

I put on the mask and walked out, meeting her in the kitchen.

"How was it?" I asked, acting like I hadn't just had a mental breakdown.

She rolled her eyes and sighed, looking through the mail. "It was." She said. "Hey, I'm gonna work the rest of the night, alright?" she asked.

I nodded. She'd been writing a lot lately. "I'm gonna paint the nursery, then put the crib together." I told her.

"See you at dinner?" she asked me.

I nodded, happy that she couldn't see my tear stained face and empty eyes through the mask. She put her head back down to the mail, and walked away. I sighed and walked into the spare room closest to ours. This would be the nursery. It has become my mission to get it prepared. When I'm working, I don't think about anything other than the baby. It's the only thing that's pure joy to me. The only thing untainted. I took off the mask, tossing it aside, and got to work.

I shook the can of paint, having already covered the floor in plastic and taped the trim. I opened it, and looked as the bubbles faded. I just stared at the paint. I lost myself in the popping of bubbles and the stillness of the liquid. When I finally came around, it was dark.

I looked over at the window and grit my teeth. I looked back down into the can of paint, and instead of the soft yellow I cognitively knew the paint was, it ran red, and thick as blood. I tried to shake off a flash of the laundry room that night, but image after image flooded in.

I lifted my hands to see them full of the stuff, and the horror washed over me. I grabbed the paint can and threw it at the wall with all my might. It was heavier than I'd expected, and I ended up dumping half on myself. I didn't care though. I ended up heaving breath, staring at the wall.

I slowly came around, and saw what I'd done. I listened for a moment and couldn't hear Sara coming. She must have the headphones on. I caught my breath and looked down at myself. The paint was yellow. I hit my knees, and let the panic take me over again before making my way to the shower, getting dressed, then starting on some dinner.

I watched as the steak sizzled in the pan. The jump of droplets of oil as it heated. I watched the steady flicker of the burner under the pan. I lost myself in that flame. It shown bright orange, yellow, red, blue as it licked the pan. I snapped out of it in time. I have to shake this off. I can't be doing this around her. She'll know something's up. I took a deep breath and shook my head, pushing it all down until later, when I could deal alone. I took the steak out of the pan and turned off the burner, walking into the room to grab the half mask I now wore during meals. I walked back into the kitchen and plated dinner. Just when I'd finished, Sara came upstairs and sat down.

"Hey" I said, trying to add some pep to my voice. "How'd it go?"

She sighed and smiled "Really well. This new album is going to be…therapeutic. I can't wait to hear what you've got for it."

I gulped. Me? Music? Oh yeah. That's my job. I've been avoiding that this week. I didn't dare venture downstairs, or into my study. I saw Sara's guitar in the hospital and felt my fingers twitch. My body wanted to play so badly, get it all out; but my brain couldn't deal with it. The moment I picked up a guitar it would all come flooding out. It always did. I ignored Sara's comment and speared some steak. She waited a few more moments, then realized that I wasn't going to say anything so she followed my cue.

We ate the rest of the meal in silence. I finished first and got up, leaving my plate, and walking away. I walked right into the nursery, like a robot, whipped off the mask, picked up a brush and started painting over the mess I'd made on the wall. I painted frantically, throwing myself into it. By the time Sara was knocking on the door, I had covered up my mess. I couldn't hear her though, lost in the rhythmic strokes of the brush. There was a tap on my shoulder. I turned around and came face to face with her. I immediately turned back around, covering my face.

"Sara! Fuck! I'm sorry…hand me my mask?" I asked, making sure to keep my face hidden.

She didn't say anything or move towards the mask. I felt a calloused hand on my wrist, pulling my hand away from my face. I fought it.  
"No. Don't" I told her.

She ignored me, and before I knew it: I was looking Sara in the eye. I felt my heart melt as her eyes searched mine. She reached out, and gently tucked a strand of hair behind my ear.

"Tegan, it's okay." She smiled, like she realized that it really was.

She was looking at my face and was okay. But me, I was trying so hard to keep everything just below the surface. Her hand cupped my cheek and her expression changed. She looked lost.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

I gulped and forced a shaky nod.

"Tegan, don't you dare lie to me! I can see it in your eyes. Talk to me."

She ran a hand through my hair as I felt my heart tighten, the panic nipping at my heels. I let out a shaky breath as she waited.

"Babe, come one. I can see it in your eyes. Please."

That's when the single tear fell against my will. I grit my teeth as it trickled down my cheek. Sara's gaze fixed on it, and I turned away.

I heard Sara sigh and start to walk out of the room. I couldn't bear to look up. She stopped before walking completely out.

"You can leave the masks off now. I'm okay. I want to be able to see your face." She told me, before walking out.

The moment the door closed, I gasped, trying desperately to suck air as I collapsed to my hands and knees. I pressed my forehead against the floor and tried to just breathe, tried to slow my heart. My body convulsed, muscles twitching. Every muscle in my body tensed, then finally relaxed, and I slowly started to get back to normal.

**Sara's POV**

I walked back downstairs, into the studio. I sat in the office chair and put my cheek in my palm. Her eyes. I hadn't really looked into them until that moment. How long had she been gone? It was like there was a void there. And yet, so much pain. I then reminded myself of Tegan's predicament. I mean, I knew she was hurting but…that was more than just pain. That was…it was unbearable to look at her like that. I can't help shake the feeling that she's keeping something from me.

It must be hard seeing me, and with the lawsuit. I bet this is horrible for her.

**Tegan's POV**

So much blood. Just, everywhere. Why can't I stop feeling it in my hands? Why do I remember every little noise, an every little tactile sensation of it?

**Sara's POV**

Just horrible.

**Tegan's POV**

Sara has no idea. How do I even begin to tell her that I'm a murderer?


	17. Fuck

**Warnings: TRIGGERS IN THIS CHAPTER!****TRIGGER WARNING! TRIGGER WARNING! TRIGGER WARNING! CONTAINS SCENES OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, RAPE, AND MURDER. **Chapter contains a homosexual incestual relationship and sexual content between two women. If you don't like it, don't read it.

**Rating:** M

**Summary:**. What happens when she gets her wish and Tegan finds herself in an alternate reality where Sara is her girlfriend, and not her sister? Will be a LONG fic, updated often.

**A/N: **Well, looks like I'm gonna end up with another couple quick updates today. I just can't stop writing this. Hello procrastination! Anyways, enjoy, read, review! Thank you all!

**Disclaimer:** COMPLETELY FICTIONAL!

In case you missed it: **TRIGGER WARNING! CONTAINS SCENES OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, RAPE, AND MURDER. **

**Chapter 17 – Fuck.**

**Tegan's POV**

I sat in the middle of the nursery, looking around me. I laid back and let my tired eyes close. Bad idea. I quickly opened them again. It was 2am and I'd put up the final bookshelf. The nursery was complete, and Sara was only 11 weeks along. I sighed. What was I gonna do now? I stared at the ceiling, painted black with yellow stars. Sara would be fast asleep. She's been exhausted the past two weeks. I don't think I've ever seen her take so many naps before.

She started asking me to cuddle with her during them. I'd never turn a chance like that down, so I do. I hold her until she falls asleep, then I weasel myself out from under her. Therapy seems to be helping. She's slowly starting to lose the jumpiness, and settle back into me.

The trial against me had luckily been dropped. Once the police had gotten the forensics report back, they cleared me. There were 2 different sets of blood at both scenes. The victims, and the assailants. When my DNA didn't match that of the other Tegan, my name was cleared. I guess the DNA shift was for more than just procreation. It had taken a weight off of Sara, but me: part of me hoped that I'd be tried and found guilty. Maybe then I'd be free from the guilt of it all. No one knew. The only people that did were me, and everyone in the other world. So I sat with it. It ate me up from the inside out. I deserved to suffer.

The panic attacks have gotten worse. They can last as long as a half an hour now. Sara has yet to be around when they hit. I always walk away and do it alone.

I sighed and sat back up, looking around the nursery, hugging my knees to my chest. There was a rocking chair, changing table, dresser, crib, mobile, and a few bookcases. Everything was yellow and green. Mum had gone out and bought pink everything. We made her return it, with gratitude. It was something Sara and I didn't need to talk about. We were going to do our best to raise our daughter with as little preconceived notions of gender as possible. Let her choose when she could. Mum didn't agree. I didn't care.

I slowly stood up and made my way out of the room, and into ours. I creaked the door open and saw Sara fast asleep, snoring away, splayed amongst the blankets and sheets. I wiped my face with my hand. What was I going to do now? I sighed and quietly got into the room, quickly changing out of my lounge clothes, and putting on street clothes. I kissed Sara's forehead and grabbed my keys.

I walked the streets of downtown Vancouver. It was Saturday, but still not a lot was open. I headed into a 24 hour diner, a small bell letting the hostess know I was there. I sat at a booth and had a look around. The place was empty. A young girl walked in, carrying a menu and a pot of coffee. She smiled as she strolled over, and went to pour me a cup. I stopped her.

"No thank you. I'm not a coffee drinker." I told her.

She handed me the menu and turned her head sideways.

"Not many people come by here at 3am and refuse coffee. Then again, not many people come by here at 3am." She said, sitting down. "In fact, you're my first customer of the night. Wait…I recognize you from somewhere."

She looked down at my arms, folded on the table and saw the new tattoos.

"You're Tegan Quin, aren't you?" she asked.

I sighed and nodded.

"Cool. My younger sister loves your band. To be honest, I've never heard you guys. I'm not really a fan of mainstream pop."

I couldn't help but chuckle. Sometimes I forgot we were mainstream pop in this world. I shrugged.

"I'm an indie fan myself." I told her.

"Classical" she replied.

I nodded.

"Well, I'll leave you alone with the menu then. Wouldn't want to hold you up. I bet you've got somewhere important to be." She said.

I shook my head. "Please, sit. I could use the company…if you don't mind." I asked of her.

She nodded and reached behind her, grabbing two cans of pop out of the fridge behind the booth. She handed one to me and she drank the other.

"So, where's Sara tonight?" she asked.

"Home, sleeping. Where I should be." I told her, staring at the label of the can.

"Why aren't you?"

"I don't sleep much these days. A lot's happened." I replied, swallowing hard. "What about you, what's your name?"

"Mandy. Nice to meet you" she stuck out her hand, and I shook it with a forced grin.

"So, Mandy, what are you doing working at a diner at 3 am? You look like you're only about 20." I commented.

She nodded "I go to Simon Fraser. I work midnights to pay for school. 40 hours a week here, and 30 hours of school. It's tough, but it's not like I have the choice. "

"When do you sleep?" I asked, with a huff.

"Well I'm like you. I don't sleep much these days. I can't afford to. I've got a little one at home who needs to eat, and have clothes, and a home." She pulled a picture out of her pocket and showed me.

I smiled "He's cute. How old is he?"

"Two. Turned two a month ago. He's my world." She replied.

"He really is adorable."

"I hear Sara's pregnant. Congratulations. You'll have your own soon enough" she exclaimed.

I smiled wide, thinking about it. "I just finished the nursery tonight. She just got over the morning sickness. 11 weeks."

"Oh that's a good time. The first trimester's the worst."

I nodded. A sudden urge to be in bed with Sara came over me. I wanted to pull her close and feel her body respond to mine like it always had.

"You know, Mandy. Now I really want to be home. Thank you." I told her.

She smiled "Well, let me grab you a piece of pie to bring home to Sara. She'll love you for it."

"Yeah, I bet she would. That'd be great. Thanks." I told her.

She walked into the back, and I pulled out my wallet. I grabbed a few hundreds, and a five for the pie out of my emergency pocket and folded them over, hiding them under her can of pop. She came out with a Styrofoam takeout box.

"Thanks again for the conversation, and the pie." I told her.

She nodded.

"I'm sure we'll see each other again." I told her.

She smiled wider "I'd like that. Thank you for keeping me company, Tegan."

I nodded "Oh. I almost forgot." I patted down my pockets, until I found a pen. I grabbed a napkin and scrawled something on it. I handed it to her. "For your sister."

"Oh she'll love it. She's not going to believe me when I tell her."

"Thanks again Mandy." I told her and she nodded. "Have a good night."

And with that, I walked out of diner and back into the street. I inhaled deeply the fall night, looking up at the stars. I felt invigorated.

I walked into our room a half an hour later, after putting the pie in the fridge, and slid in behind Sara. She shifted in her sleep, and curled right up to me. I kissed her forehead.

"What time is it?" she mumbled, her eyes still closed.

"5am. Go back to sleep, love." I told her softly.

She nodded, yawned and snuggled down. Against my better judgement and my will, my eyes closed. I drifted to sleep.

An hour later, I woke with a gasp, pouring sweat. My dreams had brought me back to that place. Sara was still out cold, as I quickly got out of bed and into the bathroom. The gravity of the dream fell over me and mixed with the exhaustion. I felt worse after having slept. I had to get out of this house.

I was driving the streets of North Vancouver, and stopped. I was incredibly irritable. So frustrated and angry. The red lights and stop signs were driving me insane. There was a young, fit guy out for a morning run. He ran by me as I pulled over to the side of the road and got out of the car, kicking the tire. I doubled over and puked. So tired, I puked. He came running back over to me.

"Hey, you okay, bro?" he asked.

I stood up and looked at him, nodding. "Thanks. I'm fine."

"You're one of those dykes! Those married music dykes!" he exclaimed.

I felt the rage swell inside of me. And I thought I was irritable before.

"Maybe you're puking because you finally found the right dick and got pregnant." He told me again.

He went to run away, and I jumped on him, letting my anger and irritation, and all the feelings come out. I caught him off guard and tackled him to the ground.

"What the fuck?" he yelled as I got a knee to his balls.

I just started wailing on this guy. I was back there, he was me. I relived it all, only it felt like a release. I closed my hands around his neck and squeezed, watching his eyes. They were just like hers. Only this time, I felt a sharp pain as my arms were pulled back awkwardly, and my face shoved into the dirt.

"You okay, sir?" a voice boomed to the man I'd assaulted.

I couldn't see anything by the road, as I spit out the dirt.

"Get offa me!" I yelled, struggling, as I felt the cool metal of handcuffs being slapped on me.

"Mrs. Quin, you are under arrest for assault. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be held against you in a court of law."

Fuck.


	18. Slay the Dragon

**Warnings: TRIGGERS IN THIS CHAPTER!****TRIGGER WARNING! TRIGGER WARNING! TRIGGER WARNING! CONTAINS SCENES OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, RAPE, AND MURDER. **Chapter contains a homosexual incestual relationship and sexual content between two women. If you don't like it, don't read it.

**Rating:** M

**Summary:**. What happens when she gets her wish and Tegan finds herself in an alternate reality where Sara is her girlfriend, and not her sister? Will be a LONG fic, updated often.

**A/N: **Second update today. Wanted to get it to the hopeful point. A whole lot of heavy stuff lately. I can't just cut the story to make everything happy, but I can write like a mad woman until I work it to a hopeful patch. Enjoy, read, review!

**Disclaimer:** COMPLETELY FICTIONAL!

In case you missed it: **TRIGGER WARNING! CONTAINS SCENES OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, RAPE, AND MURDER. **

**Chapter 18 – Slay the Dragon**

Tegan hadn't said a word since I'd picked her up. She stared out the window of the passenger's side, her eyes drooping. I didn't know what to say. I still didn't know what had happened. They tell me that she assaulted a runner randomly. Luckily we were able to post bail. She's worse than I thought. She's been hiding it really well I think. But now, empty, exhausted eyes betray her. Her image is getting fuzzy, and I can see that she's been coming slowly apart at the seams. We've almost done an exchange. I've been getting better, and she's been getting worse. I know I haven't been the most open person lately, and for a long time, I didn't want to hear about her emotions. I had too many of my own. But sitting here, next to her, watching her body gently shake and to see the exhaustion. She was falling further from me.

She'd been taking such good care of me lately. I wanted so badly to be there for her. I took a deep breath. How do I feel about that? Can I handle her emotions now? Am I ready for the breakdown I know is coming? I sat with that, then I turned into the driveway and opened the garage door. Yes, I was. I pulled in and cut the engine. We both got out, and walked into the house. I put the keys down and walked to the fridge. She drug herself over to the couch and collapsed on it, staring at the ceiling. I kept an eye on her. She needed to eat. I made her a sandwich, carefully placing the ingredients in just the right places. She always said a good sandwich was about placement. I warmed a glass of milk and added honey to it, carrying it all over to her on the couch. I put it down on the coffee table.

"Eat." I ordered.

She sat up, and obeyed. I sat next to her. I didn't know how to do this. What words do I use? I looked down at my hands as I rubbed them together. She scarfed down the sandwich, and ignored the milk.

"No. Drink it." I told her.

She gulped, not arguing and gulped it down. Then we sat in silence for a few more minutes, until she got up and walked into the guest room. I sighed and grit my teeth.

**Tegan's POV**

I listened to Sara. I knew I needed to eat. But then we were sitting there, and I just couldn't do it. I felt that familiar feeling and I had to get out of there. I made my way into our room, into the bathroom, and closed the door. I could feel the sweat permeating my cotton t-shirt, and I quickly pulled it off, unable to breath. I gasped for breath and took up my position on the ground. The cool tile felt good, so I laid flat. My body jerked and twisted as I gasped for air, hyperventilating.

_Tegan, you're okay. You're not going to die. You're okay._

I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay.

I whimpered as my exhausted muscles twitched and shook. Just as the panic attack hit its height, two strong hands pulled me up, and suddenly I was surrounded. My face was pushed into a soft, sweet smelling chest and arms wrapped around me. I clung to Sara.

"What do you need?" she whispered.

I couldn't think enough to answer. I just held her tighter, and she rubbed my back in the hug. I stopped breathing.

"Tegan, breathe. Tegan you listen to me. You need to breathe. Breathe with me." She whispered.

She started to take long, deep breaths and I followed, taking in shaky breaths. She pressed our cheeks together as I felt peace start to take over. I slowly started to come down. I lay still and limp in her arms, as I let the serenity surround me. I focused on following her breath with mine. Then the tears came and I felt myself come completely undone. She just held me.

It all crashed down.

My head reeled. I cried in the embrace until I had no energy left. Sara gently backed away, looking into my eyes. I sobbed and sniffled. She just looked down at me, lovingly. She gently wiped away a few tears, then leaned down and her soft, warm lips pressed to my forehead.

"Are you okay?" She asked, desperately worried.

I nodded, and reached for her hand. When I found it, she intertwined our fingers and I dared to close my eyes. Peace. I let out a small moan of relief and gave her hand a squeeze. Now, I just wanted to sleep. As if reading my mind, she let go of my hand, and gently started to pull me up.

"Lets go to bed. We can talk about this later." She told me, as I stood, letting her wrap an arm around my waist and walk me to bed. I sat down, slumping my body in, closing my eyes as she unsnapped my bra, and I clumsily took it off from under my shirt. She unbuttoned my jeans, and pulled them off, along with my socks. I stayed seated with my eyes closed. It felt like they were glued shut, as she got herself comfortable, then got on the bed. Arms wrapped around my neck, tugging me back. I followed, being pulled into her. Once we cuddled up, I heard her sigh. She ran a hand through my hair, before taking of my shirt. I flailed like a fish out of water, trying to help her. She tossed it aside, then took of her own, leaving us bare torso to torso. She settled back in with a happy sigh as I curled up onto her chest and she encircled me, bringing me down. That's the last thing I remember.

**Sara's POV**

I held her tightly to me, until I felt her slip into peace. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding, as I hugged her head closer to my chest, dropping a kiss on her hair, then running my hands through the chestnut locks. What was that? Tegan, what was going on inside that head of yours? This is way beyond what I thought was happening with you. How did I not see the storm you held beneath? How did I not see it through your gritted teeth? You've spent weeks, barely able to breathe. You needed me.

I felt the guilt wrap around me. It was time, now that I was out of my own mind, to turn my attention to Tegan. I'm here for you now love. You don't have to do this alone anymore.

I stayed awake as she slept. She didn't move an inch, until the 2nd hour. I heard a soft whimper. I turned my attention back to her. Her legs gently stirred as her lips twitched. She was dreaming. She started to sweat and move more, then came the louder whimper. Now, I was worried. I gently shook her.

"Tegan. Wake up." I whispered.

Nothing. I kissed her forehead and shook her a bit harder.

"Baby wake up, it's just a dream. I've got you. I'm right here" I said a bit louder.

She gasped and shot upright, already leaping out of bed, but I got my around her neck in time. I pulled her down to meet me, and immediately wrapped her up.

"You're not there. You're right here, with me. It's okay. I'm okay. It was just a dream." I reassured her.

Despite my words, I felt her breathing pick up and heard the wheezing.

"No, Tegan, breathe with me, love. Try and relax. You're okay."

I kissed her cheek and gently rubbed her chest, right over her heart. I felt the tightness in her muscles. I kissed her forehead again, and hugged her tightly to me. She started to relax again, slowly, but surely.

I rubbed from the middle of her chest, out to her shoulders, trying to ease the tension, until she finally collapsed back into me, her bare back, hitting my chest. I wrapped her up and kissed her shoulder as she shook, then turned to face me. She put her face in my neck.

"Thank you." She mumbled.

"Of course, love. Go back to sleep. I'll chase the dreams away" I assured her.

She nodded and closed her eyes, my hand firmly between her shoulder blades. She faded again. This time, she slept right through until morning. A full 16 hours. I had finally fallen asleep, and was just waking up.

She seemed to be waking at the same time. I opened my eyes and smiled at her. She didn't smile back. She hid her face back into me. I sighed and rubbed her back and kissed the side of her face.

"Good morning, love." I whispered, kissing her ear.

"Morning" she groaned.

"Can we talk?" I asked.

She took a moment, then nodded, pulling herself away from me.

"Tee, I'm so sorry. I didn't know how hard this was for you. I was being selfish. I should have been there for you. I'm so so so sorry. I'm here now. Whatever you need. You don't have to hide this and deal with it alone. I can handle it. I want to heal this all together. I want to know what's going on with you."

She sighed and nodded.

"What's going on?" I asked bluntly

"I don't really know. I just have these…panic attacks I guess. I just can't stop going back. It feels like I'm dying. Having a heart attack or something."

"Panic attacks." I stated.

She nodded "And I… sometimes I just leave. Like, leave my mind. And I just sit there or lay there for hours. I don't know when it's gonna happen or how I get out of them most of the time. When I close my eyes, I just see it all happening." She paused, looking away "I hallucinate sometimes. Blood, bones, the smell."

"Bones?" I asked, confused.

She just nodded. I didn't push it. She was already pushing her comfort level by being honest and open with me about this.

"I hadn't slept all week."

I closed my eyes and took a breath as that hit me. I hugged her. I kissed her cheek, and wrapped her up completely in me.

"I'm here now, Teegs. Please don't hide from me anymore. I love you so much, and I can't bear the idea of you hurting. Share this with me. Let me help. I'll hold you until it's all better. I'll love it away." I told her, honestly.

She clung to me and nodded. She sniffled back tears, and let go of me, pushing me away a bit. She couldn't look me in the eye.

"There's something else you should know, Sare." She gulped. Uh oh. "When I got downstairs, I…I…I saw you there, bleeding out. She came downstairs. I…I.." her voice faltered, failing her. She took a moment to compose herself "Can you hug me one more time before I tell you this? Please? You may never want to hug me again after this, and I just want one last one."

What did she have to tell me that would make me not want to hug her? What did she do to me? Did she…was it her? I gulped and hesitantly, half-heartedly gave her a hug. She knew she'd scared me.

"I hit her. And I hit her. And I hit her. I just kept hitting her. I'd finally gotten back to you, and she'd…" Tegan gulped "I was so angry. Nobody hurts you and gets away with it. I hit her, then I choked her out. I wrapped my arms around her neck and squeezed." Tegan's eyes clouded over in a haze, as she remembered. I started seeing the true face of her pain. "I squeezed until I felt her throat collapse, and the light leave her eyes. Then, I took hold, and I snapped her neck and shipped her back to her world. I killed her, with my bare hands."

I felt a wave of emotions overcome me, and I jumped at Tegan, hugging her tightly. Oh Tegan.

"You're hugging me." She said plainly.

I nodded "I love you so much. Fuck, Tegan!" I sighed "I wish you would have just told me. If I knew that's what was happening inside of you: you reliving all of that, you dealing with that, I would have had a very different attitude towards this. This is all my fault. I thought you were just upset about me."

"Sara, this isn't your fault. I killed her. Did you hear me? I killed her with my bare hands." She held her hands up to me.

I smiled and kissed each of them. "Thank you. Tegan, you're not a murderer if that's what you're thinking. You were protecting your family. If you didn't…when I didn't know this: there was always that worry. That she'd find her way back, that something in the temporal folds or something would bring her back. You protected me. Now, I don't have to worry about that. This huge weight just got lifted off of me. I'm so sorry that the memory is haunting you, and no doubt you feel guilty. But you shouldn't Tegan, she had it coming. What you did was just and fair. You deserved that. She took me from you. She almost took me and our child permanently away from you. You deserved that."

I tucked her hair behind her ear and looked into her eyes. I felt my lips twitch, and I gently leaned in, pressing mine to hers. I felt the butterflies and fireworks as sparks flew between us as I glided my lips over hers, her hands finding my hips. I kissed her softly and slowly, then gently pulled away to look back into her eyes, smiling as tears filled my eyes.

"I love you. No one's ever made me feel so safe. I would have done the same thing if it had been you. This doesn't make you a bad person. This makes you my knight in shinning armour. You slayed my dragon."

I saw the cloudy guilt lift from her eyes to reveal the love for me beneath it. There it was again, the moony-eyed look she used to give me all the time. We smiled at each other and I kissed her again, feeling my addiction to her lips creeping up again. It could stay. That was an addiction I never want to quit again.

"I didn't think I could love you anymore, then you go and do this." I sighed and smiled.


	19. Ready?

**Warnings: TRIGGERS IN THIS CHAPTER!****TRIGGER WARNING! TRIGGER WARNING! TRIGGER WARNING! CONTAINS SCENES OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, RAPE, AND MURDER. **Chapter contains a homosexual incestual relationship and sexual content between two women. If you don't like it, don't read it.

**Rating:** M

**Summary:**. What happens when she gets her wish and Tegan finds herself in an alternate reality where Sara is her girlfriend, and not her sister? Will be a LONG fic, updated often.

**A/N: **Wanted this to be longer, but just couldn't get there. Still it's an update. Adding a new dynamic to the story. Tour fics always seemed fun to me. Lets try it out, shall we? Wanna take a moment and thank everyone who's been promoting this story. I've seen many Tumblr. Blogs post links. Thank you SO SO SO SO SO MUCH! As always, Read. Review. Enjoy!

**Disclaimer:** COMPLETELY FICTIONAL!

In case you missed it: **TRIGGER WARNING! CONTAINS SCENES OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, RAPE, AND MURDER. **

**Chapter 19 – Ready?**

**Tegan's POV**

I sang into the microphone, while making sure to keep the rhythm of my strumming consistent. We were playing Living Room. We hadn't been on tour for a while and the fans were getting restless, so we'd decided to put together a last minute, nostalgia tour. We're pulling tons of songs out of the vault and revamping them. It may be our last tour for a while. I looked over at Sara. She'd had a rough time today. She's been forgetting a lot of the chord structures. I'm used to forgetting lyrics on a regular basis ON STAGE! But Sara, Sara forgetting something and messing up really eats at her. She's a perfectionist like that.

She seems to have a pretty good jam going as I hit the chorus. I'm smiling, feeling myself falling into the music. It's been a long time since this has happened. It felt so good. Everything was fine until Sara missed a chord, then broke a string.

"FUCK!" she yelled and tossed the guitar down.

All the guys looked at her. I looked around.

"Hey guys, let's take a break. Half an hour? I'll order us some pizza" I offered.

They all nodded and headed out into the other room to grab a beer. I walked up to Sara, who was turned towards the wall, trying to calm down. I ran both my hands up her spine, and started to gently massage her shoulders. She moaned and rolled her head back.

"Frustrated?" I asked

She nodded, whimpering.

"It's okay, love. It'll come back. We're both a little out of practice" I assured her.

"Tee, we leave tomorrow and I can't even get through Living Room!" she exclaims.

I stop the massage and wrap my arms around her, pulling her back into me and kissing her cheek.

"You're gonna be great. I'll practice with you when the boys leave, and you've got the 12 hour drive to Calgary to practice. Sara, it's gonna be fine"

She sighed and I slipped my hands just under her shirt to rub her belly. Now this was fun for both of us. She got her calming belly rub, and I got some bonding time with the baby.

"How're you feeling?" I asked

"Besides frustrated?" she replied.

I nodded.

"Really great" she smiled, letting her head fall back onto my shoulder. "I kind of want to cancel the tour and spend the next month lying in bed with you."

"I promise we can do that when we get back. And on the bus! No more little bunks. Hello King sized bed!" I giggled to her.

"You're lucky because even if we were stuck in the twin bunks, I'd make you cuddle with me. We'd use your bunk as storage." She smiled, then kissed my cheek.

"I wouldn't have it any other way." I told her back, giving her belly one last rub, before putting her shirt back down.

"We should head up stairs so I can order that pizza. You need to eat" I noted.

She nodded, and I gave her one last kiss before moving out of the embrace.

"Tegan." She whispered.

Sara faced me and pulled me into a kiss, soft and supple. She infused me with her love, and it shook me from my toes to the tips of my hair. Her arms wrapped around my waist as mine went to her neck. We pulled away, breathing heavily. Times like these it was so hard not to take her right here.

**Sara's POV**

Wow. That still surprised me: the rush of feelings. That was maybe our 3rd kiss since she's been back. I gulped. Lately, I've been…wanting her. But just as soon as my body and heart tell me to do it, by brain kicks in and I just can't. I don't know how much longer I can deal with these hormone rushes without her though. I've been having crazy sex dreams about her. Every night. During naps. Sometimes daydreams. Truth was: she was so sexy. I'd never had to think about fucking her like this, while trying to play music before. I mean I've thought about it, but I've never gotten the smiles back, or had actual memories floating through my head. I gulped as an image of Tegan taking a long lick up my wet slit crossed my mind. I let the shudder take me over.

I jumped back into her arms and kissed her hard. I heard her gasp, then felt her respond, as her tongue traced my lips, asking for entrance. I graciously opened my mouth and let her tongue dance against mine for a little, before gently pulling away and hugging her. All the frustration had melted away.

"I needed that. The massage, the belly rub, the kiss, you." I let out a happy sigh.

I was rewarded with a kiss on the cheek and Tegan hugging me just a little tighter.

"That's what I'm here for, love!" she said with glee

"I love you." I told her, earnestly.

I felt her smile against my cheek before giving me another kiss "I love you too. You're the best."

I smiled and took a deep breath.

"We should go upstairs" I said with disdain.

She nodded and took my hand, walking me upstairs. I followed her, and tried to forget about the heat between my thighs. We finally got upstairs, where the boys were hanging out around the island with beers.

"Tegan, you drinking?" Ted asked.

I went to the fridge and opened it, grabbing a bottle of water, and one for Tegan. I handed it to her as she shook her head. She was in solidarity with me. No drinking, smoking, or caffeine. Oh this was going to be a fun tour.

"We ordered the usual. Pizza guy said 40 minutes cause you guys live in the middle of nowhere" Rob chimed in.

I scoffed "Trust me, it's worth the privacy".

No one argued, and we all moved to the living room. Tegan sat down first, and I put my feet in her lap. She started rubbing them wordlessly.

"Ohhh Teegs, she's got you whipped. She doesn't even have to ask!" Hunter teased.

I stuck my tongue out at him as Tegan shrugged "She's growing a human, who is half of me. You're damn right I'm going to rub her feet, and anything else she wants!"

The guys laughed as she chuckled, and I blushed. I gulped, as the impact of those words hit me, shooting straight to my crotch. I bit my bottom lip and stifled a moan.

"Good spot?" Tegan asked.

God, she had ears like a hawk except for when I asked her to take out the garbage. Seriously! I nodded to appease her, and keep her attention away from the real source of the moan.

The doorbell rang, and Hunter sprang up, hustling to the door. He opened it to Emy and looked at us disappointed. I smiled at Tegan, who I saw swallow and look to the ground. She elt go of my feet as I swung them off the couch, and stood up, walking to Emy.

"Hey" she said.

I smiled "Hey, Em. Thanks so much for this."

"Anything for you Sara" she replied, walking through the door.

I let her step inside, then made eye contact with Tegan. She gave me the slightest nod. It's odd. Most people thought we had twin telepathy in the other world. In reality, the only reason why we could communicate without speaking now is because we were in love. I just know her so well. She knows me so well. I know when she's telling me something, and when she's just antsy. I know which of the slightest nods are for me, and which ones are just part of her idiosyncratic behaviour. I just know her. I smiled as Emy followed me into our room. She'd insisted on a check up before we went on tour. I didn't protest. I never did when it came to her. I smiled and put an open palm against my stomach, as I sat down on the bed. I looked up at her, a giant smile on my face.

"Look at that smile. Feelin' good?" she asked, a smile on her own face.

I nodded and chuckled "So good".

She smiled and opened her bag, following into the routine of the physical. She took my temp.

"I've been having crazy sex dreams lately" I told her.

"Rhianna?" she asked

I shook my head "Tegan."

She bit her bottom lip and took my blood pressure.

"She really is different, isn't she?" she asked

I nodded.

"One day, you'll have to tell me what happened Sara. I hate that it's not today, but I'm happy that you're happy, and I'm happy that you have her back. I'm happy you have her to help you through this." She paused, sighing "I know we haven't really talked about this, but what does your birth plan look like?"

I sighed "You're gonna think I'm crazy."

She shook her head "Let me guess: you want to have the baby here?"

I laughed and nodded. "How did you know"

Emy shrugged "You've always been your best in this space. This is where your creative energy is. You open up when you're home. It's like…this is where you belong. This is your space. You're comfortable here. It makes sense"

I nodded "Tegan's here. This is where I get to be with her. This is where I get to love her openly. This is where I get to receive her love. I want to give birth in my home. I want to be able to sleep in my bed afterwards. I want my body to call the shots. I've done a lot of reading on this…"

"of course you have" Emy interrupted, chuckling.

"I have! And I trust you, Emy. Tegan and I have talked at length about how when it comes down to it, we trust you with our lives! Which is why I want to have this child here, with you and Tegan. I know if anything goes wrong, you'll do your best. That's all I can hope for. I want this to be a positive experience. One for a lifetime. I want to be able to be in Tegan's arms when our daughter enters the world. Tegan's been amazing through all of this. I swear you've never seen a wife ore spoiled and taken care of than me. Four words: Cocoa. Butter. Every. Night. She talks to her, she sings to her, she is always touching my belly. Tegan's just as in love with this baby as I am."

Emy smiles "I should cut her some slack, huh?"

I nod as she moves me to lay back down. She sighs.

"Alright, hold on."

Emy walks out of the room, and I stare at the ceiling of our bedroom, before closing my eyes and playing Living Room in my daydream. Soon, I can feel her near. She's panicked.

"What's wrong? Sara?" she asks, an obvious hitch in her voice.

I reach out for her, and smile.

"I'm okay." I pause and open my arms "You should be here. Come hold me"

She softens, and scoots in behind me, lifting me onto her lap and leaning down to kiss my forehead as I take her hands in mine. I let out fingers intertwine and I sigh happily. Emy lifted my shirt and started to feel around my tummy, I sighed happily and nuzzled Tegan's leg as she ran her thumbs over the backs of my palms. I could fall asleep right here. I swear I just closed my eyes for a second.

**Tegan's POV**

I was sitting there with the boys and laughing as they talked about girls. I was so happy that I had Sara and didn't have to worry about any of that. Emy came out, and called for me. My heart leapt. What's wrong? Sara? The baby? I got to my feet and walked into our room.

"What's wrong? Sara?" I ask , worried.

She reaches out for me, smiling.

"I'm okay." She pauses and opens her arms "You should be here. Come hold me"

I feel my body warm and slip In behind her. I feel her take my hands as I plant a kiss on her forehead. This feels so right. Emy went back to work as I watched Sara's eyes close. Emy finished the exam and looked up. Sara was fast asleep.

"You really love her." She noted

I nodded "More than anyone could ever comprehend"

I focused on Sara's breathing, feeling every inhale and exhale against me. I yawned, feeling her pulling me into a slumber. I let go of one of her hands to cover my mouth. Her fingers stayed splayed, the spaces between them begging to be filled with mine. There her hand stayed, like molded clay, just waiting for me. I smiled and eagerly filled in her gaps. I kissed her forehead again, but lingered this time.

I looked up to meet Emy's eyes. She smiled.

"You two were meant for each other" she whispered.

All I could do was nod.

"And your baby is healthy. So's Sara. She's going to carry beautifully. " Emy continued with a giant smile.

"She does everything beautifully" I remarked.

Emy chuckled "Too cute." She paused "Well, have a great tour. If you need me, I can fly out"

I nodded "Thank Emy. Stay for pizza?"

She shook her head "Lindsey's making a pot roast tonight. Date night."

"Ooo. Lindsey makes good roasts." I smirked.

"Don't we all know it! I wouldn't miss it for the world." She smiled back.

I caught her eyes, and felt mine well with tears.

"I really mean it Emy: thank you."

She nodded and walked out of the room. Sara and I were alone. I could hear the ruckus in the other room where the boys were. Normally I'd be out there, laughing with them and causing a commotion. But looking down at my sleeping wife in my lap, there was nowhere on earth I'd rather be. I swear that I closed my eyes for just a minute.

I woke up to kisses on my eyes. I yawned and opened my eyes, feeling her head snuggle onto my shoulder. She was sitting in my lap, facing me. I felt around around my neck, and her legs wrapped around my midsection. She'd stuck herself to me.

"The boys went home" she whispered to me.

"How long was I asleep?" I asked

She shrugged "I dunno. I fell asleep too. I just woke up. It's 10."

I sighed and wrapped my arms around her neck, dropping my head to her shoulder and groaning.

I don't know why, but I got this rush of sadness. I started to sob. She rubbed my back gently. The emotion washed over me, bubbling in my stomach, and crawling up my throat to escape in chocked sobs. I rode it out, then sighed when it passed. I sniffled and peeled myself off of Sara, who wiped my tears.

"Better?" she asked.

I nodded.

She smiled and leaned in, giving me a quick kiss. She started to pull away, but suddenly leaned deeper into the kiss, grinding her hips into me. My hand travelled down her back as she hungrily took possession of my lips. She was on fire. I felt her soak through the thin panties she was wearing and bit her lip gently as the wetness came in contact with my bare stomach, my shirt having lifted with her thrusting. I couldn't help my hands going to her bum, and giving it a gentle squeeze. I felt her moan into my lips.

She was ready to go. But I needed to be sure. I reluctantly broke the kiss, moving my hands back up to her back. We panted as we parted. She leaned forward to take me again, but I backed up.

"Sara, hold on. Are you sure you're ready for this?" I asked, looking into her eyes honestly.

I saw her gulp, and her eyes fill. She's not. She's really not ready for this. She didn't have to say it, the hesitation was enough. I leaned in and gave her a little, soft peck, then hugged her.

"We should eat. Pizza? We'll put on Conan" I told her.

I felt rather than heard her tiny sigh of relief. I took the pressure off. I smiled inwardly at myself and gave her shoulder a little kiss, as she dismounted me. I got to my feet, and walked into the kitchen. I grabbed a couple slices from the pizza box that was now in the fridge and put them in the microwave, warming Sara up a chamomile tea. She walked in a few minutes later, having put PJ pants on. She wrapped her arms around my stomach and whispered.

"Thank you"

I smiled and turned around in the embrace.

"You never have to worry about me pressuring you love. I love you and I have no expectations from you. All at your own pace. When you're ready, I'll be waiting, ready to rock your world." I told her, smiling.

I leaned in and kissed her, then grabbed her mug, handing it over. She gave me a gummy smile over the rim, and took a sip. I was rewarded with a kiss on the cheek as the microwave beeped.

"We really should rehearse some more after we eat" she noted.

I nodded and grabbed the plate from the microwave, picking up a slice and holding it to her lips. She stuck out her tongue, tonguing the cheese. I gulped and she chuckled, taking a bite, then grabbing the slice from me.

Sara turned and skipped to the couch, plopping down. I followed and sat next to her, putting the plate on the coffee table and turning on the TV. I grabbed a slice, and we ate, laughing at our fellow Canadian!


	20. Jack Rabbit

**Warnings: TRIGGERS IN THIS CHAPTER!****TRIGGER WARNING! TRIGGER WARNING! TRIGGER WARNING! CONTAINS SCENES OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, RAPE, AND MURDER. **Chapter contains a homosexual incestual relationship and sexual content between two women. If you don't like it, don't read it.

**Rating:** M

**Summary:**. What happens when she gets her wish and Tegan finds herself in an alternate reality where Sara is her girlfriend, and not her sister? Will be a LONG fic, updated often.

**A/N**: Procrastination update! Really it's just smut. Doubt any of y'all'll complain though. As always, Read. Review. Enjoy!

**Disclaimer:** COMPLETELY FICTIONAL!

In case you missed it: **TRIGGER WARNING! CONTAINS SCENES OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, RAPE, AND MURDER. **

**Chapter 20 – Jack Rabbit**

**Tegan's POV**

I looked at the clock and blinked. 6am. I turned back over to Sara, who was knee deep in Back in Your Head. I sighed, and tried to focus on my guitar playing. My eyes drooped. She finished the song, and I sighed heavily.

"Sare, I think you're good." I told her, yawning

"One more time" she insisted, starting up again.

I shook my head "Come on Sara, you've played through the set list 3 times, flawlessly. We still haven't packed."

She groaned and grit her teeth "Lets pack, get on the bus, sleep, and we can go over it again in the time remaining to get there."

I put my guitar in its case and walked over, rubbing up and down her arms and kissing her cheek "Please? I can't do it again. I'm gonna go crazy"

She sighed and took off her guitar, leaning in to give me a kiss. Just before our lips connected, she murmured "Just for you". Then she kissed me softly, pulling away and yawning herself.

I sighed in relief and walked back into the equipment room.

"Okay, two hours to pack gear and our stuff" I sighed, feeling overwhelmed.

I took a deep breath and started to pull stuff off the shelves.

"Sara. Can you go start packing clothes and stuff?" I called out.

"Alright. Make sure to grab my Gibson!" she called back.

I smiled, having already pulled it off the shelf.

A few hours later, we were on the bus, all the gear stowed underneath. Sara handed me my backpack, that she'd packed perfectly. I opened it and smiled when it looked like I'd packed it myself, only a hundred times neater. I leaned over and kissed her cheek.

"Thanks, babe." I told her.

We settled into the couch, me snuggling into her shoulder, my feet tucked under me as the driver stopped to pick up each of the boys. I had closed my eyes, and could hear their faint voices in my lucid state. Sara seemed wide awake, combing her fingers through my hair. Her voice transcended the rest of them, cutting through the fog in my half asleep state.

"She can't actually fall asleep with all this noise. Johnny, could you?" I heard her ask, and soon I was being picked up by strong arms, and carried.

She really did know me too well. Her voice started to get further away as I was carried towards the back of the bus.

"Yeah. Bad wife, I know. I made her stay up all night going over the set list with me." Sara noted. Everyone chuckled at her and teased her.

I felt the bed suck me in, heard Johnny leave, then felt Sara's hands on my back. She unsnapped my bra and gently pulled it off from under my shirt. I felt her shiver as she came into contact with the side of my breast. Had I been less tired, I would have responded, but I really was practically asleep. My limbs were like lead, my brain starting to drift. Sara kissed the side of my face and lingered for a moment. She stood up and I hear a bag unzip, then moments later my shirt was being pulled over my head. I my arms flailed in my semi-slumber, and lips found my bare back before new material covered my exposed skin. Sara. It smelt like Sara. She kissed my cheek again, and pulled the blankets all the way up before walking out. I couldn't hold on anymore, and fell into a deep sleep.

I woke up to the distant sound of Sara playing Feel it in your Bones. I stretched awkwardly, then stood up. I wrapped my arms around myself, shivering. Uh oh. It's not particularly cold on the bus. Usually when this happens it means I'm getting sick. I walked to the bags on the dresser and grabbed one of Sara's big sweaters, pulling it over my head and hugging myself again before opening the door, and making my way to the front of the bus. I sat down next to Hunter who sighed and looked at me.

"Well good morning!" he smiled.

I chuckled "We didn't sleep last night." I looked over at Sara, who'd started the song again. She was completely focused on it. "How long has she been doing that?" I asked.

Hunter sighed "Ted tried taking the guitar away about 3 hours ago and got bitched at. She's been non stop since you went to sleep."

I groaned and leaned my head onto his shoulder. He looked at me and got worried.

"Tegan, are you okay?" he asked.

"I think I'm getting sick" I told him.

He shook his head. Sick on tour isn't a good combination. Especially before the tour even starts. Good news was, it pulled Sara out of her own little world. She stopped playing and looked up at me. The moment she put the guitar down, Johnny swiped it.

"There is a god! I swear if I hear Walking with a Ghost one more time before the show, my head is going to explode!" he exclaimed.

Sara, ignored him as she walked over and put a hand to my forehead, then trailed it down to my cheek.

"You're a little warm. Lets get you back in bed." She suggested, taking my hands in her own. I stood up and followed her into the back room again. She backed me up, until I was seated on the bed.

"Why didn't you tell me you weren't feeling well?" she asked.

I shrugged "I was fine, I just woke up cold and feeling a little fuzzy." I paused "Sara, if I'm sick you shouldn't be near me. You can't get sick."

She shook her head "Emy's got me on goliath doses of vitamin C and Echinacea. I'll be fine"

She grabbed both my shirts from the hem, and pulled them over my head.

"Besides, I could use the sleep." She smiled as she spoke, then unbuttoned my pants, gliding them off, leaving me in just my boyshorts. I crawled under the covers, shivering and curling on my side as she stripped down to her boxers. My shivering didn't last long, because soon I was being pulled onto her, my cheek against the bare skin of her chest. I flung a leg over hers, and cuddled in. I sighed happily as her arms wrapped around me, warming me to the depth of my being. I moaned and she kissed my forehead, pulling the blankets over both of us. I placed an open palm over her baby bump, rubbing it gently.

"You're gonna be such a good mom" I whispered.

She smiled and kissed my head "And you're gonna be a wonderful…umm…Tegan, what do you want to be?"

I thought for a moment and realized that I hadn't thought of that before. "I want to be with you. And I want us both to be asleep."

She chuckled, a laugh I could feel vibrate her body. It made me smile. I focused on my hand on her. I kissed the skin of her chest. There was nothing quite like being skin on skin with Sara. We melted together. Like our skin warmed to the point of turning to liquid, and mixing together, pulling us into one. Sara started to gently scratch my back and I let out another moan.

"Careful Tiger, I may come just from that moan." She mentioned with a smile in her voice.

I smiled and moaned again.

"C'mon, now you're teasing me." She whimpered.

I looked up, and into her eyes. I saw the need there. I saw the lust. I felt her wiggle underneath me, flt the flush in her skin. I rolled onto her, propping myself up on my hands. I bit my labaret as she panted.

"That is so sexy" she said breathlessly.

"Do you want me?" I asked her, searching her eyes.

There was no hesitation this time "Yes." She said, planting her palms firmly on the back of my neck and bringing me down to kiss me. I felt my body surge to life as the shock traveled through my body. Sara moved her legs, so that my thigh was between them. She grinded into me, letting out a soft moan as she kissed me deeply. I could feel the fire in her core. She wanted me badly. So, so badly. I backed up still.

"Sara. Stop for a minute. Are you sure you're ready?" I asked

I got a nod as she lifted herself back up to meet my lips. I pushed her away again.

"You can stop me at any time, okay? No hard feelings."

She nodded and kissed me again, this time I let myself fall into it, my thigh coming down to meet her soaked boxers. I couldn't help but moan. But before I had a chance to do more, she'd flipped us, and she pinned my arms to the bed, sucking on my neck as one hand went to massage a breast. I arched my back. Her warm palms on my cold skin drove my wild. I inhaled sharply and felt myself pool. My breasts are super sensitive. She knows this.

Those hot lips trail down my collarbone, to my breast, gently nipping at the skin, making me squirm, until she takes one of my nipples into her mouth. I whimper and her free hand covers my mouth, letting go of my nipple she looks at me and puts her index finger over her mouth. Oh right, we're on the tour bus. The boys are in the other room. I felt a new excitement surge through me at the prospect of getting caught in the act with Sara.

Just as I thought about it, my nipple was being attacked by a hot, wet tongue and I shuddered. Sara's hand started to rub me through the boyshorts I'd effectively soaked. I bit my bottom lip again, as she moved to the other nipple, working her hand up the elastic leg, and coming into contact with my slit for the first time in nearly three months. I opened my mouth to let out a cry, but stifled it in time. My breath started to heave, causing my breasts to push further into Sara. She used her free hand to massage the lonely one. I pulled her face up to me, kissing her hard through my pants. I crashed our lips together, not able to kiss her hard enough. I ran my hands through her hair, and down her back, pulling her closer. I wrapped my legs around her back, forcing her center into mine. I couldn't help my hips thrusting. Her pubic bone started to come into contact with my clit that was quickly filling with blood. I threw my head back, feeling the veins of my throat popping out. I felt her smile against my throat as her licked over their protrusions.

My need quickly grew as her scent surrounded me. I could smell both of our wetness at this point. Sara could too. I saw her melt before stopping the thrusting motion, and sitting up to loop her thumbs in the waistband of my underwear, pulling them off. She quickly rid herself of her boxers, and her fingers found my clit. I gasped as her hand covered my mouth before being replaced by her lips.

Then, our eyes locked and I felt the passion hit its peak. It's amazing how looking into her eyes can just do it for me. I bit her bottom lip gently, as her index and middle finger gently rubbed circles on my nub. Electricity traveled up its shaft, into my stomach. I gulped and froze against her lips, my toes curling. She slowly pulled away for a moment and pushed the hair back on my forehead. Her eyes softened.

"You okay Do you want me to stop?" she asked.

My heart fell out of my chest. I'd forgotten that I needed to be checked in with too. Sara hadn't. Here she was, making sure I was okay. I smiled and nodded.

"More. Please babe. I want you inside of me." I shivered out.

"I thought you'd never ask." She smiled and kissed my cheek, aiming lower. She gently ran my labia through her thumb and forefinger.

"God, you're so swollen and so wet!" She whispered.

I whimpered and nodded, hugging her close and tickling her ear with my words "You do this to me."

She pressed her middle finger to my entrance, gently sliding it in. I bit the inside of my cheek as my stomach lit on fire.

"God, Tegan! You're so tight!" she reveled in delight.

I nodded as she kept sliding that one digit into me. I tensed and had the hardest time holding in the moan once she got knuckle deep. I opened my eyes to see Sara's look of pure ecstasy. She was loving this. She'd always loved being inside of me. There's only one thing she'd love more than this right now. I was gonna give it to her.

"Babe, stop." I told her.

She looked up at me worried. "Did I hurt you? Oh god teegs, we can stop. Baby. I'm sorry" she panicked.

I smiled and shook my head, pulling her into me to whisper in her ear again "Did you bring it?" I felt the corners of her lips raise against my cheek as she nodded. "Do you want to be inside of me?" I asked and she nodded again.

"But love, you're really tight. I don't want to hurt you." She worried, putting her free hand flat on my chest, the other hand still one finger inside of me. I grinded against the finger and moaned softly.

"I want to feel you like that. I want to feel you move ontop of me, inside of me. I want to make you come like that."

I saw her throat bob as she gulped. I was giving her visuals. Sara loved visuals. She nodded and reached into the nightstand, still keeping the finger inside of me. She curled it up quickly as she opened the drawer. I jumped and let out the longest whisper moan. I took one of her breasts into my hand and squeezed it softly, causing her to move a little quicker. She pulled out the toy, and put it on the bed, then looked at me, slowly starting to move her finger in and out. I could feel my walls gripping her tightly and I held my breath. She slowly pulled out and added a second finger, making my skin cover in sweat as she inched them in again.

"Fuck, Sara. Please!" I begged.

She nodded, but instead of abandoning my core, she slid down, taking the feeldoe with her. I started to onder what she was doing when I felt her tongue against my folds.

"Fuck!" I cried out, before I had a chance to remember where we were.

She laughed and ran a hand over my thigh. "You like that babe?" she teased with her sexy voice.

I nodded, keeping my eyes shut. I felt her tongue glide up me again and my legs shook. Then, she sucked in my clit and I couldn't help ball the sheets in my hands and squeeze, my abs contracting. Her hand immediately flew from my thigh, up to my clenched stomach. I felt her smile. Did Sara have a thing for my abs? Was that a thing? Did I even have abs? All I knew was that her hand holding me down like that felt fantastic.

I felt the chill when her mouth left me, but was quickly warmed by her lips on mine. Hello sweetness, tasting myself on her. She pressed the tip to my entrance and wrapped her hands on my ass, gently lifting my hips to her. I opened my eyes to watch her face. I felt the first gently push and whimpered as I already started to contract. She was dragging against my fleshy walls with her entrance and it felt like warm honey. She reached out and laced our fingers together as I saw her face contort. She stopped there, trying to catch her breath.

"You're sublime. Holy fucking shit Tegan." She chanted at me in a low, husky voice. She ran her hands from around my ass, up my body. She rubbed every inch of my stomach, and breasts, up and down. I watched her eyes roam me. Like I said, Sara loved visuals. I could feel her twitch inside of me, as she contracted around the toy. She collapsed ontop of me, shuddering against my body. She was coming. She was coming just from looking at me, and knowing she was inside of me. Holy shit, Sara. I held her tightly and she bit into my shoulder, as I felt the vibrations of a scream in my flesh. The sound was dissolved into my skin and muscle, and bone. I felt the vibrating all around me. She finished, but didn't take even a moment to recover.

She started moving her hips, pressing deeper into me. I wrapped my heels around her lower back, pulling her deeper. There should have been pain but there wasn't. There was just me, needing her deep inside of me. She bit a little harder, as she pushed passed the tightness. I felt her drip onto me once we connected completely. My legs quivered. The next drip from her landed on my clit and I exploded. My fingertips dug into her as she whispered in my ear.

"I can feel you coming, Teegs. Holy shit babe. This one's strong. Oh fuck. I'm gonna.."

She joined me, and I felt the muscles in my body rip from the tension. My hips bucked wildly as that warm honey through my body boiled and rolled around, sweetening every inch of me.

"Fuck me! Fuck Sara!" I begged, quietly.

I felt her start to buck in and out, and felt the drag and pull, and clench of each movement. My orgasm didn't stop. It ripped through me. I felt like she was turning me inside out. I just took it. I let the intensity roll me to what I thought was the edge of death and I didn't care. She kissed me quickly, our bodies now both slick from the heat between us. I could hear myself eagerly slurping her back in, then it all started to fade quickly as I blacked out.

I came to, with Sara gently pressing a cool towel to my forehead. She was fully dressed and the boys were all huddled around me. I looked down to see that I was in a zip up hoody and felt material on my bum. Sara'd dressed me. I groaned and looked up at her.

"Hey there Teegs" she bit her bottom lip to keep from laughing.

The boys weren't doing so well at holding back. I blushed a deep shade of red before Sara shot them an angry glance. They all gulped simultaneously and stopped. Sara turned back to me and wiped my face.

"Do you remember anything?" she asked.

I nodded "you umm…"

Her eyes went wide and she nodded "After? Do you remember me trying to wake you up?"

I shook my head.

"How are you feeling?" she asked.

A sly grin crept across my face "Great"

The boys burst out laughing this time, and all filed out of the room to avoid Sara's wrath. I looked at her.

"Really, Sare I'm fine. That was just…holy shit intense."

It was Sara's turn to laugh "Did I just fuck you into a coma?"

I bit my lip and nodded, chuckling myself before wrapping my arms around her neck and hugging her.

"Best coma ever!"I told her, holding on tightly, pulling her back down to bed with me. I kissed her forehead and wrapped her completely into me "You, darling need to sleep."

She nodded "I know, you just…worried me. You were out for like 20 minutes"

"Well baby, you just rocked my world I think I'm allowed a nap after that"

I felt Sara laugh as she wrapped her arms around me and snuggled deep. I knew we'd get teased like crazy by the band later. Me especially, and I didn't care. My body was still tingly. I could feel the tenderness in my crotch and knew it'd hurt later. Maybe I could get Sara to kiss it better. I smiled and turned off the lamp, snuggling in with her. We'd be in Calgary in a few hours, at grandma and grandpa's, and we had a show tonight. Despite my laziness today, those last Olympics had taken a lot out of me. Holy shit Sara. No one can do me like you do.

How had anyone ever let you go? I watched her sleep, and kissed her eyes gently. You're smart, you're gorgeous, you're the sweetest person I know. You communicate, you're honest, you're incredibly talented AND you fuck like a jackrabbit. What could ever be missing? How could anyone ever think that they could do better? Well, whatever it was they were missing, I'm sure happy they never stayed. Because in the end, it's us. In the end, you're mine. Just like you'd always meant to be. And I'm all yours. I gave her one last kiss on the face before closing my eyes and letting sleep come.


	21. Show Off

**Warnings: TRIGGERS IN THIS CHAPTER!****TRIGGER WARNING! TRIGGER WARNING! TRIGGER WARNING! CONTAINS SCENES OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, RAPE, AND MURDER. **Chapter contains a homosexual incestual relationship and sexual content between two women. If you don't like it, don't read it.

**Rating:** M

**Summary:**. What happens when she gets her wish and Tegan finds herself in an alternate reality where Sara is her girlfriend, and not her sister? Will be a LONG fic, updated often.

**A/N**: No comment. Read. Review. Enjoy.

**Disclaimer:** COMPLETELY FICTIONAL!

In case you missed it: **TRIGGER WARNING! CONTAINS SCENES OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, RAPE, AND MURDER. **

**Chapter 21 – Show off**

I woke up, coughing. That was it. I was sick. I groaned as I rolled off of Sara. She woke up, following me and curling up on my chest, leaving a warm, soft kiss on the bare skin between my breasts.

"you're sick" she pouted.

"No shit" I groaned.

She crinkled her brow and kissed my lips gently, then put a hand to my forehead.

"No fever" she noticed.

"I think this one's just a cold love. I'm just phlegm-y." I crinkled my nose in disgust.

The worst kind of tour sick involved phlegm. Sara didn't seem to find it disgusting though. She took my hand and guided it to her tummy.

"I've been feeling her move. Little fluttery movements. You probably won't be able to feel it, but it's happening. It feels so weird."

I looked up at her and smiled and focused, trying to feel. Like she said though, I couldn't. Still, it made me smile. She's in there. She's moving. I wrapped Sara in a big, bear hug.

"Tegan, when did the bus stop moving?" she asked, looking around the room.

"oh, ummm…I hadn't noticed that" I stated, standing up and pulling on some clothes. I opened the curtain and looked outside. I smiled.

"We're at Grandma and Gramps'" I declared with glee.

It was full blown nostalgia looking at the house. I turned to Sara who was also pulling on clothes. I held out my hand and she took it, as we quickly made our way through the empty bus, and to the front door. Sara opened it and walked in. Everyone was sitting in the kitchen. Grandma sprang up and ran right for Sara. Sara smiled as her belly was very quickly taken over.

"Oh Sara! You're glowing! Hello little one. Hello." She cooed.

Gramps walked over to me. He had this sparkle in his eyes. I've never seen it before. Not even when he told his stories. He smiled at me, holding the stare. Then he did what he's never ever done. He put a hand on my shoulder, still looking me straight in the eyes and gripped my shoulder.

"I'm proud of you, Tegan." He muttered in a thick, French accent.

It took everything I had not to cry. That was the first time those words had left his mouth. He pulled me into a big hug and I sighed as he clapped my back gently. All the musical successes, all the life milestones, graduations, everything and his pride came from this.

"Thanks Gramps. That means the world to me." I choked out.

"She's yours I take it?" he asked, releasing the hug.

I smiled and nodded. "yeah."

He smiled wider, then grandma came over and squeezed me to death.

"Oh Tegan! This makes me so happy! My little Tegan! And with Sara! We all saw it coming. Your mother thought it never would. The years would pass, but I just kept telling her: Give them time. Oh this makes me so happy. So, so, so happy."

"Thanks grandma. I can't wait!' I told her.

"Yeah. Tegan's already got the nursery ready. Rocking chair and everything." Sara pointed out to them.

Gramps nodded "Course she does. This one knows how to take care of business."

It felt weird. Like, like he thought of me as a grandson all of a sudden. A knot started in my gut. That was it. That's why he's proud of me. He winked at me and I felt the knot tighten. Sara reached out for my hand, sensing the new ickiness that spread. Maybe she didn't sense it, maybe I was being more obvious because grandma looked at me oddly.

"Tegan, are you okay?" she asked.

"She just started up with a cold on the way here." Sara noted, moving her hand to my lower back.

"Oh no, that won't do. I'll make you some of my soup and tea. You should be in bed. "

I went to protest "Ah, ah, no whining. Straight to bed."

"Now, Celine, if Tegan says she's fine, leave her be. She's a…an adult now."

He almost said man. Why did that feel so gross? Sara's hand rubbed up my spine.

"No, really I think a nap would do Tegan good." Sara replied.

"You girls head on up. We'll keep the boys entertained and I'll be up with food in a bit." Granma nodded to us, then turned to shake her head at Gramps.

Sara steered me up to the room we shared when we stayed here as kids. She opened it, and the two twins were still there, pushed together. The second the door was closed, she'd pulled me in. I hugged her and let out a big sigh.

"You're okay. I've got you. You're beautiful." She reminded me. I nodded and pushed my face further into her. "I'm so in love with all sides of your gender. You're my woman. No matter how anyone else sees you, okay?" she continued. I nodded against her neck, as she kissed mine. "You define your gender Tegan, he doesn't understand that. Fathering a child to him is what makes someone a man. Just let it roll off. That's his understanding of gender. If it gets to you, grab my hand and remember these words."

I nod. She's right. She's so right. He just doesn't understand how I see gender, and I don't understand how he sees it. This is a marker of manhood. I met this marker, so in his eyes I am a man. I sat with that for a moment. I am a man in his eyes. Why did that feel kind of good now? I gulped and sat on it for a minute, letting Sara kiss my neck and rub my back. When he said it, it overtook me. Like the masculinity transcended my femininity. But after the shock, I can place it next to the female side of me. For once someone saw my maleness. Someone besides Sara. Gramps had just seen the maleness of me, and he accepted it. I think it also felt icky because it feels like it's the only way that he's proud of me. But as I feel Sara rub out some tension in my shoulder, I'm reminded of why she's proud of me. Nothing else matters. Besides myself, she's the only one who's opinion of me matters. I let out a happy sigh, and put a smile on, kissing her cheek.

"It's funny how I think my best when I'm in your arms. I love you." I tell her and kiss her gently.

She chuckled "I love you too, love. Process that?"

I nodded. She smiled. "Good." She muttered, then kissed my cheek. "I'm serious though Teegs, you've gotta kick this cold. Get in that…" She paused, freezing and putting a hand to her stomach.

"What?" I asked, my eyes as wide as saucers.

She took a deep breath "Still not used to something moving inside of me. Sorry. Caught me off guard."

I smiled and got down on my knees. I gently lifted her shirt and kissed her belly "You, little one. Settle down so mommy can sleep. I love you. Do you know that? You will. I'll never let you forget it. I'm going to say it so much that you roll your little hazel eyes at me." I whisper, and Sara runs a hand through my hair before I give her belly another kiss and stand up, walking over to the bed.

"I feel like there's gonna be a lot of sleeping on this tour. It's like all I've done so far."

"This is a good thing" Sara reassured me, kicking off her shoes and laying down next to me. She wrapped both arms around me, spooning me.

"I like being little spoon with you." I told her.

She smiled against my neck and rubbed my tummy. "Tegan, are you sure you never want to be pregnant?" she asked.

"Yes! You can have all the babies, love." I tell her, patting her hand on my stomach.

She chuckles and nods "Alright."

I cough and groan, starting to feel myself stuff up, as I turn around and tuck my head under her chin. She shifts her face down as I look up.

"Do I need to bust out the Nyquill?" she asks, kissing my forehead.

"More like Sara snuggles" I moan, and bury myself back into her, closing my eyes.

She sighed and hugged me tighter "I hate it when you're sick." She whispered as she wrapped her legs around me.

I sighed happily as I tucked myself further into her, and she left a kiss on the bare nape of my neck. There were always lots of body kisses with us. I've never been with someone who was so physical with me before. Sara knew every dip and curve of my calf, not just my face. She was always kissing me, hugging me, and I was to her. It was like I wanted to learn every inch of her, over and over and over again. Like I would love any part of her she'd share. When I saw that knuckle, when she saw my neck, that's what we did. We showed our love. Nothing's ever reaffirmed me more that she was here and that she cared.

"I'm madly in love with you" I whispered into her chest.

"and I'm heart deep in love with you" she whispered back "That's a lot deeper than balls"

I chuckled and yawned. She rubbed lazily up and down my back.

"Sara, please get some sleep too. Don't stay up and worry about the show, promise?"

"You caught me. Promise" She replied, and I felt her sigh. "I've fallen like a fool for you every time you breathe." She whispered to me before I drifted off.

I woke up to the smell of grandma. I immediately looked up at Sara who was wide awake.

"I promise I slept" she said, defensively.

I sighed and she sweet some hair off my forehead before unsticking from me. I sat up and saw grandma, a rush of embarrassment hitting me. Then, I remembered that it was okay. I took a breather and Sara rubbed my back. Grandma smiled and brought me a tray. Sara sat half behind me and laid her head on my shoulder.

"Now, you girls eat your chicken noodle. Sara, I brought you your blueberry white tea, and Tegan, you get ginger. Chase that nasty cold away. Sound check's in an hour." She reminded us.

I nodded and eagerly picked up my spoon.

"Oh, and your mother called. I let her know what was going on. Had to convince her not to fly out." Grandma chuckled "She's always been a worry wart. Anyways, I'll leave you two alone."

"Thanks grandma" I told her, smiling. Oh no, my voice sounded really raspy. I gulped and took a sip of tea, wincing at the bitter and hot ginger. Sarah Sighed and took a spoonful of her own soup.

She turned and looked at me. "What?" I asked.

"I don't know why, but it's so hard to keep my hands off of you. For some reason I just…always want to be touching you." She replied.

I smiled "And that's a problem? Besides, it probably has to do with the baby."

I wrapped my arm around her, and she snuggled into me, bringing her bowl with her. She sipped the broth as I took another spoonful.

"Sasa, you can touch me all you want. Trust me, I won't mind." I tell her with a smile, and she feeds me a spoonful of her soup.

I giggle and kiss her forehead, going back to my food.

An hour later, we're on stage in an empty arena. Now, when I say arena, I mean an arena. Tonight, we were playing at the Scotiabank Saddledome, where the Flames played. We'd just gotten all setup and I stepped up to the mic, looking over at Sara.

"What song do we wanna S.C. on?" I asked.

"Back in your head" she replied immediately.

I nodded and we dove into it. Sara stumbled a bit, but recovered. Once everything was to our liking, I walked over to her. She wasn't breathing.

"Don't hold your breath, love. You were fine." I tell her.

"I don't want to be fine I want to be fucking fantastic!" She shrugged off the hand I'd placed on her shoulder.

"Hey!" I got in front of her, breaking her stride. "Look at me" she did, right in the eye. "I'm not the enemy here. Just take a minute and think about your feelings."

She did, then sighed "Sorry. I'm just…"

"Stressed and frustrated" I replied with a smile "Amplified a hundred times by hormones" I rubbed her arms. "C'mere" I pulled her into a hug and she relaxed, hugging me back.

"You're right." She mumbled, laying her head on my chest.

"Lets go get dressed." I tell her, taking one last look at the empty arena, then heading towards our dressing room.

Not having to share a dressing room with the guys is amazing. No more zombie sneakers. She walked in and went to the bathroom, while I looked through some of the clothes we'd brought. What do I want to wear on stage tonight? I smiled. I could just go naked. Get the fans riled up, and Sara going. Damn that was sexy earlier. I'm so excited for these pregnancy hormones. It's a good thing we're touring now. I really don't think we'll end up leaving the bed much once we get home. Maybe I should think about a grocery service. That's really the only reason to leave the house currently. Our recording studio's in the basement, we've got a gorgeous lake to ourselves. I've got Sara. She came out of the bathroom and I smiled, my eyes going to her baby bump. God that looked so good on her. I smiled, staring. She must have noticed because she took her shirt off and walked over. Now THAT was even sexier. Not many people realized exactly how sexy Sara's body is. She keeps it covered up a lot. From everyone but me. She walked over, nonchalantly, completely aware she was teasing me.

"Hmm…should I wear a button up today? Maybe a tight t-shirt. Really show off my belly. Oh, maybe a tube top." She chuckled when I didn't respond.

She lifted my chin to look into her eyes. "I said maybe I should wear a tube top"

I laughed in her face and turned back to the wrack. "That's more like it" she said, then responded sing-song "You think I'm sexy. You know you want some."

I chuckled and nodded, and turned back to the wrack myself. I pulled out a sleeveless t-shirt and some jeans. "There we go." I turned to Sara and kissed her cheek, before changing into the outfit. I left my sweats on the floor, and walked over to the makeup vanity. She walked over a few minutes later, wearing a t-shirt, with a knit shawl and jeans.

Soon, we were on stage. I walked out and my jaw dropped at the arena full of screaming fans. This was our show, these were our fans. We didn't even have an opening band this tour. Just 3 hours of us, on stage. I gulped and looked at Sara who looked nervous. I took her hand and she squeezed mine before we picked up our guitars and walked out. They saw us and screamed louder. I walked up to the mic.

"Well hello to you too." I huskily announced. "Umm, I'm Tegan and this is Sara. We're gonna play some music for you guys, I guess?" A roar answered me. I smiled and turned to Sara. We were starting on a real oldie The First, one of my songs. We dove right into it, and Sara was paying careful attention to her playing as I pretty much rapped. The fans ate it up. I smiled wide. This is amazing. This whole arena, for us. I wish Sara could relax and appreciate it. We finished the song and applause rang out. I chuckled into the mic, trying to catch my breath.

"So, this is our first tour back in a while" I waited for the applause to die down "And we've finally ditched the bunks and got an actual bed. Like guys, a real bed on the bus."

Sara chimed in "and not a dinky bed either. It's like a gigantic California King."

I raised my eyebrow "A "California" King?" I used the airquotes and everything.

She nodded "Yes, Tegan, a "California" King"

"I highly doubt California has a different King sized bed than Vancouver" I rolled my eyes at her. It felt good to banter on stage again.

"It's just what they're called. You can buy them anywhere. It's like 6" longer than a normal king or something."

"Only in California would they need 6 extra inches." I huffed.

Sara chuckled and I got the joke "Oh jeez. Just play the damn song."

I laughed as Sara launched into Frozen. She seemed to settle down after the banter started. That's it love, just you and me back in that coffee shop way back in the day. It's just a really really really big coffee shop…with no coffee…and people are actually paying attention. She finished and looked at me.

"You have the smuggest grin on your face. Still thinking about the 6 inches?" she teased.

I shook my head "No, just about all those years ago when we played in coffee shops."

She laughed. "Miss that?"

I shook my head. "Hell no. Even if I did, you could brew some coffee at home and we could invite all of you over and play really bad covers and horrible originals in our basement. What do you guys think of that?"

The crowd roared, and I saw a few people crying.

"I see some tears out there. That's more like the coffee shop days. Tegan used to wail out songs that caused many a person to burst into tears." Sara was really on a teasing kick. "No, but seriously. No tears guys, it's okay. Unless your cat died or something. Or your mom."

"What?" I asked.

"Okay, yeah. Not the right thing to say. I retract" Sara sighed.

"Forgive her guys. She's got baby brain. Oh yeah. Sara's pregnant, in case you didn't know. I'm gonna be a daddy." I announced, and they screamed louder than before as Sara blushed and I walked over, kissing her cheek, and rubbing her tummy. She chuckled and whispered in my ear "You just had to, didn't you? Show off." I smiled and winked, then went back to my mic.

Yes. This is going to be a wonderful tour.


	22. Thank God for You

**Warnings: TRIGGERS IN THIS CHAPTER!****TRIGGER WARNING! TRIGGER WARNING! TRIGGER WARNING! CONTAINS SCENES OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, RAPE, AND MURDER. **Chapter contains a homosexual incestual relationship and sexual content between two women. If you don't like it, don't read it.

**Rating:** M

**Summary:**. What happens when she gets her wish and Tegan finds herself in an alternate reality where Sara is her girlfriend, and not her sister? Will be a LONG fic, updated often.

**A/N**: I would like to take a moment and just state how sexy Sara would look pregnant. Like…really sexy. If you read the A/N then here's a tidbit: I write from Tegan's POV a lot because clearly Sara's my favourite, and I get to vicariously sleep with her like this. Also, super bummed about the lack of reviews lately. Seriously, those motive the fuck outta me. Where did all my reviewers go?PLEASE Read. Review. Enjoy.

**Disclaimer:** COMPLETELY FICTIONAL!

In case you missed it: **TRIGGER WARNING! CONTAINS SCENES OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, RAPE, AND MURDER. **

**Chapter 22 – Thank God for You**

**Sara's POV**

I exhaled through a smile, as the last chord rang out. The audience cheered and Tegan ran over, kissing my cheek. I spoke into the microphone.

"Thank you so much. Now I'm going to ice my feet." I tell them with a chuckle.

We walk off stage and drop our guitars with two of the many guitar techs. We high five with the band. Everyone's all sweaty. I feel my head rush with the high. This felt so good. Like I was on top of the world. I look over at Tegan, who's experiencing the same thing. I can see it in her eyes. Her body looks like it's vibrating. I took the moment to quickly stretch, then felt arms around me as I yawned. I groaned into the hug.

"I really don't want to go take pictures and sign autographs." I groaned, inhaling her smell deeply.

It sounds disgusting, but I loved the way she smelled when she sweated. She rubbed my back.

"Then don't. Go relax." She encouraged.

I sighed and shook my head "I can't let them down"

I took a deep breath and let go of her, heading towards the side exit door. I could feel her behind me, and we walked down the hallway into the lobby. Fans screamed and cameras flashed behind the barricades, as we made our way to the meet and greet table. We sat down and started to greet fans.

The first few to come up were frozen, in awe. We signed their CDs and let them take pictures. The next couple were a bit rowdier.

"Oh my GAHHD! Can I touch your stomach?" One girl asked me.

I gulped and Tegan was quick "No. Please don't. But we will take pictures with you. And I see you've got a poster. We can autograph that" she topped it off with a smile, but I took her hand under the table feeling the tension running just below her calm exterior. I rubbed the back of her palm with a thumb, and smiled at the girls, signing their poster and smiling for a picture.

Two hours later, the line was still long. Tegan kicked me out, and this time I didn't protest. I dragged myself back to the dressing room as Tegan finished up with the last of the fans. I collapsed on the couch. Three weeks of touring so far was taking its toll. I curled into the fetal position and whimpered, as I came down from the high. My lower back was on fire, my breasts were really sore and tender, I was so hungry, my stomach hurt from constipation, and my feet ached. I sat there in my own little world. How much more of this could I take? The tears started to roll down my face. The fans started to hate me. I know they did. I was moody, I was getting fat, I was ugly. I was always sore and complaining on stage. God, why does my whole body ache? I started sobbing as the tears fell. I just want the hurting to stop. I pulled my knees up, tighter into me, creating a cradle for my cantaloupe sized belly. There was a soft knock on the door. I didn't answer. The person walked in.

"Sara?" Ted asked, worried.

When I didn't answer, he walked over and sat down on the couch next to me.

"Are you…crying?" he asked.

I still didn't answer. I didn't have the energy. I didn't want to explain, I just wanted to sit here, in my pain.

"What happened?" he asked.

I just shook my head. I just want Tegan. I just want to feel the warmth of her around me. I want her to massage out all the kinks, rub out all the pain. I just want to curl into her.

"I'm going to get Tegan" Ted said, gulping.

I hated worrying him, but my voice would hurt if it came out, I just knew it. I kept my face buried in the darkness I'd created in my arms. I felt like a ball of ick. I heard the door open, but the pain had taken me over. I'd completely forgotten about Tegan coming.

"Hey, baby. What happened?" asked a soft, warm voice.

She walked over and sat down next to me, pulling me to her immediately. The moment my head hit her chest, I melted. She wrapped me in warmth and love, and intimacy.

"Hey, hey it's okay. I'm here, Sara. I've got you."

I just cried into her, my hands balled into fists like a baby resting on her chest. Her hands went straight to my lower back and started a gentle massaging. I let go of the worry and the pain and reveled in the moment of relief. Like butter in her oven of mmmmm.

"Are you hurting?" she asked.

I just nodded against her, the sniffling stopping, but not the tears. She kissed the side of my neck, and continued the rubbing.

"Oh, baby I'm sorry. What can I do?" she inquired.

"This." I mumbled in barely a whisper.

I was answered by another kiss on my neck, and her massaging a bit harder. There was a moment, where all the pain in my lower back dissipated. Like a border she'd crossed. I let out a low moan and my body relaxed. Tegan must have heard it, because she stopped the massage, and laid her palms flat on my skin, keeping the area warm. Her breath tickled my ear.

"Lets get you back to the bus. I'll get you your heating pad, and I'll give you the full body treatment."

I groaned "I want to be home, in our tub right now."

"I know, love, I know. Two more weeks." She reminded me.

I nodded and wrapped both of my arms around her neck, hugging her tightly.

"I want to crawl inside of you. You're so warm." I mumble.

She smiles and hugs me back. I feel her lips on my cheek and the warmth radiates. I sigh, wishing she could carry me all the way to the bus. But I'm fat, and she's tiny. I sigh and she immediately wiped my tears. I smile.

"I think I just lost any street cred I had left with Ted." I tell her.

She chuckles "I think you lost all of that a long time ago. He was really worried about you though. You kind of freaked him out. Understandably. You're not usually the crier. I don't think he's ever seen you cry before."

I sigh and groan as my tummy started to hurt again. I grab it and let my head fall back onto her shoulder.

"Stomach?" she asks

I nod.

"have you pooped lately?" she asks again.

I shook my head.

"I'll send one of the roadies to pick up some prune juice." She pulls out her phone and starts to text.

I flush with embarrassment, making her chuckle.

"Don't worry, I told him it was for me" she rubs my arm.

I smile "This is why I love you."

"C'mon, lets get you to the bus." She wraps an arm around my waist and we slowly stand up. "I'll get someone to come by and pack all our stuff up."

On our way to the bus, we pass a bunch of paparazzi and fans who'd managed to get out back. Luckily security was holding them back. I didn't want them to see my tear stained face, so I buried it into Tegan, who held me a little tighter and walked a bit faster. Once we got to the bus, she shut the door and locked it. The boys weren't on board yet, but she brought me to the back, where our room was. I was never so happy to see a bed before. I laid right down. Tegan sighed and took my shoes off.

"I'm gonna get the boys on board so we can get going and heat up your heating pad. Just relax." She instructed.

I nodded and didn't move. I heard her walk out and was relieved when I could hear the murmurs of her voice as she called each of the boys. We're scheduled to go to a hotel tonight in the next city. I think it's New York. We're in Philly tonight. I closed my eyes and groaned, rubbing my stomach. Oh baby, I love you but please stop hurting me. I heard the microwave beep and Tegan stop talking. Thank god, she was coming back. She walked in and put the heating pad down on the bed, then kicked off her shoes.

"The boys are on their way back." She loosened her tie, pulling it over her head and undoing the top few buttons of her button up, then straddled me just below my belly on the bed. "And we'll be on the road shortly." She leaned in and kissed me gently, then pulled away "I'm going to strip you" she kissed me again "give you the best full body massage ever" she kissed me again "and a happy ending." She leaned in and kissed me full on this time, as my fingers found her buttons quickly undoing them. She smiled and unbuttoned my jeans. Her lips were soft but focused on mine, kissing me with a laser like precision that made my center pour out. She smiled against my lips and let me take off her shirt, but quickly stood up and stripped me of my pants. I smiled up at her, sitting up and lifting my hands to the ceiling. A sly grin covered her face as she shed my shirt, then moved in, dipping her head down to kiss me. I felt her hands snake around and undo my bra. I whined as my now heavy breasts fell out. They were really sore. Tegan she me of the fabric and tossed it aside, then stopped kissing me. She gently pushed me back on the bed, cradling my head until it was atop the pillow. I stared up at her, my body once again letting its pain be known. My eyes glossed over with tears. Her eyes met mine and I saw her heart break.

"It's okay love, my breasts are just really hurting tonight." I let her know.

She nodded, and reached over to the nightstand, grabbing the massage oil we now kept there. She grabbed the heating pad and came over, lifting me, and sitting behind me.

"Rest against me, Sasa." She instructed.

As I obeyed, she placed the heating pad against my lower back. God that felt good. My head fell back to the right side of hers, allowing me to completely relax against her. I sighed and closed my eyes.

"Tegan, I don't think I'm quite up for sex tonight" I admitted.

I was answered with a kiss ontop of my head "Okay love, whatever you want. Still want a rub down?"

"God yes!" I answer, enthusiastically.

I feel her chest quake as she chuckles, and put some oil in her hands, warming it between them. I smelt the lavender, and smiled. I was going to sleep well tonight. Hands covered my breasts, and at first pain spread. Then, as she added pressure, I moaned so loudly, I'm sure the boys thought we were having sex.

"Feel good?" the familiar voice behind me asked.

"You have no idea. They've been painfully tender all day. How do you know just the right pressure?" I asked.

She kissed my ear, then whispered to me "This magic called love."

I smile and turn my head to touch my nose to her neck. I snuggle into her. Her smell. Better than any other aroma on this planet. Better than cookies baking, better than gasoline, better than freshly cut grass, better than the perfume she wears on special occasions. I can't help but want to taste. I gently lick over her carotid and feel her shiver. I follow up with a quick kiss and smile against her skin, knowing she can feel it. I feel her head drop to rest on top of mine, her massage of my breasts not stopping.

"You're too perfect, Sara." Tegan admits.

"Even fat and bloated and ugly?" I ask

She laughs. Not a subtle laugh, but a big, hearty, knee slapping laugh. "Yeah right. Come on. I think the world knows that you're smokin' hot."

I shrug.

"Oh love." She starts to notice my perspective on myself and she softens. "Sara, your baby bump drives me wild. It triggers something in me that just… if I could fuck you all day and night I would. Remember how you mentioned that you couldn't keep your hands off of me? Well, love that goes both ways. Every time I see you, I want to wrap you up and just hold you. And every time you show that belly, I want to kiss it and massage it, and feel it against me. That's my baby in there. Sara, you're growing our child. Nothing is sexier to me."

These words light me up from the inside. They inundate my thoughts and wash away all the worry and doubt and self-deprecation.

"And now, I want to sleep with you" I confess, smiling.

She chuckles, and finds my lips, kissing me gently.

"Not tonight. I'm feeling too cuddle-y." She responds, stopping her massage of my breasts to gently hug me, wrapping her legs around mine so that her feet hook into my knees, and dropping her head on mine again. "Plus, I started today, so this heating pad is doing double duty on my cramps."

I laughed. "You're too funny."

With a sigh, we settled down, back into our position. "feeling better?" she asked

I nodded. "So much. Thank you."

"Anytime, love." She answered, her hands now rubbing up and down my belly.

"I can't wait to meet her." She whispers to me.

I sigh and nod "We should give her a name."

"Tomorrow? I'm tired, and heating pad mixed with Sara cuddles are putting me to sleep." She mumbles, and I can tell her eyes are already closed.

I nod, and reach over, hitting the remote to turn off the light. She makes no attempt to move.

"Are you comfy like this?" I ask

All I get is a nod, and I smile, snuggling in, bringing the blanket up over us. I turn on my side and move her leg in between mine, to take the pressure off my hips. Half my face presses to her bare chest and I sigh happily. I love falling asleep in her arms, skin on skin. I've never felt so safe, so loved, and so damn comfy.


	23. Ellen

**Warnings: TRIGGERS IN THIS CHAPTER!****TRIGGER WARNING! TRIGGER WARNING! TRIGGER WARNING! CONTAINS SCENES OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, RAPE, AND MURDER. **Chapter contains a homosexual incestual relationship and sexual content between two women. If you don't like it, don't read it.

**Rating:** M

**Summary:**. What happens when she gets her wish and Tegan finds herself in an alternate reality where Sara is her girlfriend, and not her sister? Will be a LONG fic, updated often.

**A/N**: I love the fluff, but there comes a point when story needs to happen. Yay angst! This is the beginning of another stretch of it. No more big time stuff like before, just more building on what happened earlier. Warnings are staying up for safety. Thank you to all my reviewers. You totally motivated me to get this done and up quickly! To answer a few questions: Sara was 16 weeks last chapter. We're gonna get another look into the other world soon. You'll find out why we haven't heard from it in a while. Also, this will get Sci-fi like at some point in the near future. It won't take over the romance of the story, but will linger throughout the fic, popping up here and there. Anyways, Read. Review. Enjoy. This one's a long one.

**Disclaimer:** COMPLETELY FICTIONAL!

In case you missed it: **TRIGGER WARNING! CONTAINS SCENES OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, RAPE, AND MURDER. **

**Chapter 23 – Ellen!**

We were finally on our way home. Just a couple more shows on the West coast, then we were done. I couldn't wait to just take a bath in our big tub, and sleep in our bed. No demands, nothing to do but read, slowly work on the next album, and be with Tegan. I sighed and looked out the window, running my hands through Tegan's hair. She was laying in my lap, on the couch, watching a movie. I got bored of it. It was one of those really bad slashers. The boys had turned it into a drinking game. I was happy to just watch the scenery and accept kisses on my tummy every now and again. I was just coming up on 18 weeks, and had really started to pop. Everyone kept telling me it's because I'm so tiny, it seems so much bigger than it is. Tegan was sure to give me daily affirmations of how beautiful I am. They always made me smile. She can always make me smile. The sex was fantastic too. I still had moments of fear, sometimes right in the middle. She always somehow knew, and would stop and check in with me. She'd remind me that it was her, and that we could stop. I never wanted to stop. Ever. I wish I could walk around with her inside of me all day. Just fucking in the middle of the stage. The thought made me smile. I turned away from the window and looked down at her. Without even looking at me, she snaked an arm around my back and mindlessly rubbed my lower back.

Seriously, how had I lucked out so hardcore?

I gave her head an extra little scratch, then went back to looking out the window. I'm pretty nervous. We're on our way to Ellen. I've never been on Ellen. Never even met her. Well, the other Sara had, but not me. Our manager had given the show the heads up that scaring us was out of the question. Tegan was super trigger-happy with the fists, and scaring a pregnant lady isn't the greatest idea. Still this was ELLEN. She was our leader. Head of the lesbian agenda. I saw the lot as we pulled up. California was so sunny. We finally parked and I sighed. Tegan slowly sat up and someone turned the movie off.

Tegan offered me a hand up, and I took it. She pulled me up slowly, and hugged me

"Thanks. That's getting harder" I whispered in her ear.

"You know what else is getting hard?" she whispered back.

"Your ghost-penis?" I asked with a chuckle.

She nodded and buried her face in my neck, whining "I want you so bad right now."

I smiled and rubbed her back. "Later, love. We've gotta go"

"I know, but I don't want to let go"

I smiled and hugged her tighter, then started to push her away. She clung to me. "No. Don't go. Stay and hug me" she played.

I laughed "Tegan, come on. We've gotta go"

"Party pooper" she laughed, letting go.

We got off the bus, and headed into the studio. We walked into the hallway to the dressing room, and heard two adorable little English accents. Could it be? I smiled wide and looked at Tegan who shook her head, giggling. We got to the dressing room and went to work getting ready.

"You know our next guests from…everywhere. They performed at last year's GRAMMYs have won more music awards than could fit on a shelf, and recently announced that a new addition as on the way. Tegan and Sara, come on out." Ellen called as the music started.

I smiled and walked out, hand in hand with Tegan. We waved to the audience and walked over to Ellen. She hugged Tegan and kissed her cheek, then put a hand on my tummy before hugging and kissing me. Tegan did a little funny dance, and I did my bum sway one, then marched. We all laughed and sat down. Ellen was killing herself at me. I smiled.

"You know that dance is famous. There are a million gifs online of it." I informed her.

"I can see why. Oh god. You look like a baby pernguin." She laughed and then caught her breath "Hi Tega. Hi Sara"

"Hi Ellen" Tegan replied with a gummy smile.

"Thanks for having us" I added in.

Ellen looked at me couldn't help but laugh again. I smiled, folding Tegan's hand in mine, on her lap.

"So, you guys are on tour now?" she asked

Tegan nodded "Yeah. We're coming up on the end of a 5 week tour. Figured we'd get one more in before we take some time off."

"5 weeks? And you're how pregnant Sara?" she asked me.

I couldn't help but smile "18 weeks."

"Wow. That must be hard. You guys don't play dinky shows either." Ellen mentioned.

We nodded "Yeah, it's hard. I mean, we put on 3 hours of material and usually spend a while with the fans afterwards. I've cried a few times." I admitted, laughing.

"Don't let Sara dumb it down. We get out of the show and there's this line that wraps around the building. She refuses to let the post-show meet and greet slide." Tegan explained, letting go of my hand to add in her animated hand gestures, then grabbing it once she was done.

"Yeah. I've heard about these meet and greets. I've heard sometimes they go one for as long as the show." Ellen mentioned "That's dedication."

"Since the beginning, we've been all about the fans. We're not some puppets or robots, we're real people. I mean, I remember being right in a lineup like that to see Bruce Springsteen when I was 7 or 8. It was like…wow. He's a real person, you know? It's important to me that we do that for our fans. Plus they're really great. Best fans in the world. I have done a lot of crying the past little while though. I'm just little. I sometimes think the baby's half the size of me." I make sure to mention.

"So, there was an incident a few weeks back that the paparazzi got a hold of. They spun their own story, but what really happened?" Ellen asked.

A tabloid picture came up of the picture that'd been snapped as I buried my face in Tegan's shoulder that night I broke down. The picture showed Tegan holding onto my arm, what looked like tightly, and zoomed in on some scars covering my arms. "Trouble in Paradise?" was the headline. I sighed and shook my head, chuckling.

"You're laughing? Why are you laughing?" Ellen looked at me. I felt Tegan tense.

"Because it's so outrageous." I blubbered out.

I leaned over and took Tegan's face in my hands "Look at her. Like she'd EVER hurt me. The truth is that, that was one of those crying nights. Tegan'd kicked me out of the meet and greet because I was about to fall apart. I went and sat in the dressing room and cried. My back hurt, my feet hurt, I hadn't popped in a week. I was emotionally drained, I was done. Our guitarist, Ted had come in to check on me and found me like that, and went and got Tegan. She came in and gave me this big hug. We were on our way back to the bus when that picture was taken. I was super embarrassed because SHE'S the crier. She was protecting me."

The audience awed.

"No really guys, like she's been super sweet through this whole thing. She totally got me prune juice, and lied to the roadie saying it was for her, and got some massage oil and a heating pad, and just…"

I saw Ellen's eyes go wide "not THAT! God Ellen, get your mind out of the gutter. She gave me a massage. And just held me until I fell asleep."

I looked over at Tegan, blushing. The audience awed.

"I hear she's also off coffee and alcohol too." Ellen inquired.

Tegan nodded "Yup. Totally solidarity. I promise I'm not a complete and total sap."

"You kind of are" I chimed in, catching her eyes and smiling.

"Don't' give away ALL our secrets, Sara." She replied, smiling back.

"Oh you two. Well, you don't come to the Ellen show and not get a gift. Andy?"

I turned and saw Andy come out, wearing a pregnancy suit, carrying a tray. I started to feel kind of dizzy, but shrugged it off. It'd been happening from time to time lately. Emy had assured me it was okay. He brought over the tray and set it down, then ran away.

"So Portia and I found this hot chocolate when we were in Rio. This stuff is amazing." Ellen told us.

We all took a cup and sipped. It hit my tongue and I let out one of my long, loud moans. Ellen almost spat out her drink and I blushed. I didn't mean to do that. Tegan put her cup down.

"Wow. That's good." Tegan approved, casually.

"Sara? You hate it I assume" Ellen said, chuckling.

"That's the best fucking hot chocolate I've ever had." I paused "Oops, I mean…fudging."

Tegan lost it, laughing, slapping her knee "Get it? Cause it's hot chocolate."

Ellen laughed at Tegan, laughing and I took another drink. Ellen reached next to her and grabbed a Costco sized case of the stuff and handed it to us.

"Wow. Thanks. I know what I'll be drinking until I die." I tell her.

"That's not all. We've got these" she mentioned, then pulled out a basket of baby stuff, all green and yellow, with her face on it. Tegan chuckled and accepted the gift. "And this" She pulled out a giant, snake-like pillow.

I gasped and she gave it to me "Apparently sleeping while pregnant is hard. And this is the pillow recommended by all the top celebrities." She laid it on my lap.

I stood up and hugged her "Thank you so much." I stepped back, letting Tegan step in and hug her. I walked to the open space, seemingly unnoticed as Tegan took the spotlight.

"And we brought something for you. We know this month you've teamed with Hiatus House and we'd like to make a donation for 2 million dollars." Tegan stated.

The crowd cheered. Tegan looked next to her, expecting to see me. When she didn't, her eyes searched and found me.

"Sara, what are you doing?" She asked.

All attention turned to me, on the floor, curled up with the pillow. I looked back at her and called out

"You're fired." I snuggled back into the pillow.

I heard everyone break out in laughter.

Still laughing, Ellen did the out-tro "We'll be back with more Tegan and Sara after this"

I chuckled, then tired getting up. Why am I still dizzy? I sighed and tried to push myself up, to no avail. I chuckled.

"Tegan, Help!" I laughed.

Tegan came over and took hold of my forearms, helping me to my feet.

"You rascal! Glad you got your comedy moment though." She whispered as we walked back over to Ellen.

"You guys have to stop making me laugh." She mentioned to us, wiping the tears from her eyes.

"Sorry" I apologize. I sit down and take a breath. Tegan sits next to me, and Ellen takes a seat in her chair.

"So, Sophia Grace and Rosie are here. You two up for tea time?" Ellen asks.

I nod enthusiastically. She smiles "Great. Jeanie will direct you back there."

Jeanie came out and we stood up and followed her through the maze. We waited outside, as Ellen re-introduced the show, and gave the cue. Jeanie opened the door. We walked in. These two little girls lost their shit. I looked at Tegan and smiled, then we both bent down.

"Hi. I'm Sara." I told Rosie.

Sophia Grace flailed her arms "OH. MY. GOD. SARA QUIN! I have all your songs and listen to them all the time and I'm a huge fan and I wrote a school report on you and…and..and" she rambled on.

"Oh wow. I really like your tutu." I tell her then open my arms "Can I have a hug?" I ask.

She nods and gives me a hug. I look up at Tegan who's looking around.

"Where's the cotton candy machine?" Tegan asks. "Can we get some cotton candy up in here?"

Andy runs in with the machine and the girls scream. I sit down and Rosie walks over to me and whispers in my ear.

"You're my favourite because you're quiet. Can I sit with you?" she asks.

It makes me smile. I look over at Tegan, who's feeding off Sophia Grace's energy. I nod at Rosie and pick her up, sitting her in my lap. Tegan gets a few cones of Cotton candy and passes them around, then sits on the couch next to Sophia Grace.

Sophia Grace turned to Tegan, a mouth full of cotton candy "Would you like some tea?"

"I would love some tea, thanks. Tea and cotton candy go great together." Tegan joked.

Sophia Grace poured her a cup, and Tegan sipped. "So, Tegan Quin You're going to be a daddy."

Tegan turned her head to the side "Not quite. I'm gonna be a mommy."

"But aren't you the mommy?" Rosie asked me.

I smiled "I'm the mama. Tegan's the mommy. Our baby doesn't have a daddy, she has two moms."

Sophia Grace turned to Tegan "Where do babies come from?"

"Woah, I think that's something you should ask YOUR mommy." Tegan answered.

"We have tutus for you. Sara, we got one to even fit your baby belly." Sophia Grace changed the subject.

I saw visible relief on Tegan's face. Jeanie walked in, letting us know they'd cut to commercial break again. We said goodbye to the girls, then went and set up to perform. We did a mashup of our hits that went over well. I started with a headache halfway through, but pushed through it. We finished and Ellen came over.

"I want to thank Sophia Grace and Rosie and Tegan and Sara. I'll see you tomorrow." Ellen said, then turned to us and hugged each of us.

"Come back whenever you like" she told us.

We smiled at each other "I think we're gonna hibernate for a while." I tell her.

Tegan wraps her arms around me and kisses my head and I lean into her.

"Too cute. Oh. I almost forgot, Portia wanted to meet you two." Ellen told us.

She turned around and waved at Portia, who walked over. She smiled and shook each of our hands.

"Nice to finally meet you two." She told us.

I nodded and Tegan replied "You too."

Ellen and Portia held hands.

"It really is horrible what the paparazzi are doing with your story. " Portia empathized.

"Yeah. I'm glad we could clear it up today" Ellen mentioned.

I nodded "Thank you for that. We try and fly above all that though. We don't pay much attention to any of it."

Ellen nodded "That's good, because they'll eat you alive."

I nod "I hate to cut out early, but I'm not feeling that well. This baby's kicking my ass lately."

Tegan turned to me. "you okay, love?" she lifted my chin to meet her eyes. For a moment, it was us in our own little world.

"Can we get you anything? Water, hot cocoa? A pickle?" Ellen joked.

I shook my head "No, I'm okay. Just a headache."

"Nap time?" Tegan asked, rubbing my back as I leaned into her chest and nodded. We lingered for a moment, then broke apart to Ellen and Portia who had giant smiles on their faces.

"You two should come for the baby shower. No gifts, just a party." I mention.

"We're not really into fancy, so not really doing the invite deal. I think there's an e-mail we'll send out though when we get home." Tegan continues.

They nod "Sure. We'd love to." Ellen responds.

"Awesome. No worries about hotels either. We've got plenty of room." I add in.

"Are we having a lesbian slumber party?" Portia asks.

We laugh and I nod "Definitely. Call the paparazzi, bring your toaster, we're converting all the children."

The group breaks out laughing.

Tegan turned to Ellen "I think we all just became best friends!"

"Wait until the tabloids get a hold of this one. We need to bring cameras!" Ellen added.

"You've seen how Sara gets around cameras." Tegan said.

"Exaclty. You were hilarious today." Ellen praised.

I shrug "Aw, it was nothing." I sigh and close my eyes, snuggling back into Tegan.

"Right, nap. Well, we'll call when we get home, and keep an eye out for the e-mail. Thanks again Ellen. And Portia, nice to meet you." Tegan smiled and hugged each of them, then I followed, before we went back to hugging each other.

"Yeah, thank you so much for everything. It really was great to meet you." I tell them

They nod "Anytime. Drive safe. Feel better, Sara" Portia tell me.

I nod, and we start to walk out. I envy the boys for getting the day off. I checked my watch. Two hours until sound check. I'm exhausted. I feel the sunlight and squint as we walk into the daylight. The fans are all outside now. I'm still not used to the screaming. There are guardrails, keeping them away and a few security guys. I sigh and continue the walk to the bus. I take Tegan's hand as a few paparazzi take some shots. I smile wide, looking up at her. Tegan smiled back, but then looks past me, and her eyes go wide. I turn just to see this teenaged lesbian barreling towards me. She's going to tackle me. I brace myself. I wince, it doesn't come. I hear a grunt and then a scuffle. I open my eyes to see Tegan, ontop of this girl on the ground. Security starts to move in, but Tegan's got her hands around the girl's neck. I can feel her panic coming off in waves. Her face is blank.

"Tegan! Tegan, let her go!" I call out.

She doesn't move. People are gasping, paparazzi is taking pictures. Security's getting closer. I see the terror in the girl's eyes. I put my hand on Tegan's shoulder and she snaps out of it, jumping to her feet. I see her eyes dart around the place, then she looks at me, still freaking out. Security got a hold on the girl, who was still frozen on the ground. They surrounded us and ushered us to the bus. Tegan kept mumbling "She was coming for you. I just reacted. I just reacted. She was coming for you. I reacted."

I rubbed her back, and she hung on until we got in the bus. She started to hyperventilate, the panic attack heightening. She turned to me, running a hand through her hair, the tears forming.

"Are you okay?" She asked.

I nodded "I'll be better when this attack is over. Breathe with me, love." I pull her into me. She hugs me tightly and starts to shake. I gently backed her up, until she was sitting on the couch. I moved to the fridge and grabbed a bottle of water. Bringing it over, I uncapped it and handed it to her. She took a sip, and I sat in her lap, wrapping my arms around her neck and kissing her cheek. She dropped her head to my chest. I gulped down the slight pain of the weight on my breasts, but her comfort was more important right now. I ran my fingers through her hair as I kissed her cheek again.

"Talk to me, Teegs. What's going on in your head"

She gulped and took another drink "I'm back in that basement. It's like anyone who threatens you, is her. And I want to snap their fucking necks. "

I felt the rage beneath her skin, and placed my palm flat on her chest.

"I'm okay. I'm right here, I'm okay. Our baby's okay. You're okay. We're all okay. Now take that anger, ball it up, and give it to me. Give it all to me." I told her. She took a few more deep breaths. I gulped "Thanks for protecting me. That was…scary."

She nodded, then looked at me, her eyes now clear "I'm always going to protect you."

Tegan exhaled another big breath as I clung onto her. The panic seemed to be over. That hadn't happened in a while, and considering the circumstances was mild.

"I'm proud of you" I tell her.

Then, my phone rang. I sighed and answered it "Hello"

I was answered by our manager screaming at me. I simply hung up and turned it off. I turned to Tegan.

"How about that nap?" I asked.

"Shouldn't we…?" she asked.

"probably, but I don't want to now. We'll deal with that later. Right now, I just want this headache to stop." I sigh into her.

She nods, and we head over to the bed. We curl up and forget about the afternoon.

I wake up to banging on the door. I groan and Tegan's lips find my temple.

"go back to sleep. I'll take care of it." She mentions.

I don't have the strength to argue as my head pounds. She kisses my forehead and walks out as I fall back into a slumber. I wake up to Tegan curled up, on my chest, crying. I wince as the pounding in my head seems worse, but I ignore it and kiss her forehead, running my hands through her dark locks.

She sniffled and sobbed and cried "The girl's parents are pressing charges. She was 13."

I sigh "Tegan, it won't hold in court. She was coming straight for me."

"Sh-sh-she was 13." She repeated.

"Oh honey." I wrap her up in my arms "It's okay. Be sad. It was a crappy situation. You did what you had to though."

She nodded and kept crying I held her and scratched her scalp for a while. She started to settle down and let out a big sigh, then wiped her face with the back of her wrist.

"We have to go to sound check in 5 minutes." She told me.

"Alright" I groaned "Are you okay? Because they can wait if you need more time, Teegs."

She shook her head "I'm okay. I just needed to elt that out"

I smiled and nodded "Okay love, you know I'm always here for that."

She smiles "I know. Thanks.

"I love you." I tell her, plainly.

She smiles and looks up at me "I love you too."

She plants a sticky crying kiss on my lips and I eat it up. I can taste the saltiness of her tears, and I want to comfort her so badly. I capture her top lip between mine and gently suck on it, then trace it with my tongue, letting go, and going in again. I love kissing her.

"I love kissing you" she tells me.

I smile. Still the slightest twin telepathy left over.

"Me too, love. Lets go to sound check."

We sound checked, and ate dinner uneventfully. Things were unusually quiet with the band. They'd heard about what happened. We're about to hit the stage, when I see a familiar face. I smile wide as she walks over and hugs me.

"Emy! What are you doing here?" I ask.

Then I saw Lindsey and hugged her!

"We thought we'd surprise you guys and fly out for the show. We wanted to make it to Ellen, but our flight got delayed. Sara, you look fantastic!" Emy tells me.

I blush "Thanks."

Tegan sees them and comes over, giving them each a hug then she turns to me.

"Showtime love. Lets do our thing. See you guys after." Tegan says with a smile and takes my hand.

I nod and smile at our friends, then follow her. The audience screams, and my head pounds harder. This should be interesting. Tegan steps up to the mic as I grab my guitar, putting It on. Playing with a bigger belly was odd. My guitar was in a different spot. But that wasn't what was on my mind right now. What was in the foreground was the fuzziness of my vision. I blinked and shook my head, clearing it. I smiled as we launched into our opening song. Tegan sang Hell with extra anger today. I smiled when it ended.

All show, the dizziness came and went, while the headache remained. I played through it, banter and everything. With four songs left, Tegan finished a song, and moved to the mic. She said something that came out in slow motion, then turned to me. The arena was eerily quiet. What had she said? I gulped and tried shaking my head, but I was falling. I couldn't move to catch myself. The world went black before I hit the ground.


	24. Just Get Her Home

**Warnings: TRIGGERS IN THIS CHAPTER!****TRIGGER WARNING! TRIGGER WARNING! TRIGGER WARNING! CONTAINS SCENES OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, RAPE, AND MURDER. **Chapter contains a homosexual incestual relationship and sexual content between two women. If you don't like it, don't read it.

**Rating:** M

**Summary:**. What happens when she gets her wish and Tegan finds herself in an alternate reality where Sara is her girlfriend, and not her sister? Will be a LONG fic, updated often.

**A/N**: From the reviews I've already gotten…people are pissed! Lol. It's okay. I can deal. However, I thought I'd ease your minds a little by posting this one quickly. The drama's far from over, there's still lots of bad to come from this all, but be happy with the happy for now. Thank you so much for reviewing. Read. Review. Enjoy.

**Disclaimer:** COMPLETELY FICTIONAL!

In case you missed it: **TRIGGER WARNING! CONTAINS SCENES OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, RAPE, AND MURDER. **

**Chapter 24 – Just Get Her Home. **

I finished the song, then stepped up to the mic.

"Give it up for Sara. Playing guitar while it's a foot away from you is hard. Isn't it love?" I joked.

I turned, wanting to see her reaction. I saw her sway instead. The arena was silent. A moment later, she was falling over. Panic rose in me again.

I ripped off my guitar, throwing it to the ground as I ran over. The audience gasped. I let my body slide in next to hers.

"Sara!" I called out, taking her guitar off.

Her eyes were closed. Security was coming over, so were paramedics. I shielded her body. I didn't trust anyone. She needed help. My heart beat was everywhere, I started to sweat. What do I do?

"EMY!" I scream out "EMY!"

The paramedics move in and I snap at them "Don't touch her. EMY!".

They back off, then I finally see Emy running over. I move so Emy has access to my wife. I fall back onto my bum, and try to control my breathing. The air was so thick. My , lungs were so small. My heart was huge. Sara's dead. Sara's dead. I'm going to die. Sara's dead. My heart can't beat properly without her. I can't get a full breath. Hunter put his hand on my shoulder and I smacked it away. The audience just stared in awe. I felt like the air was jello, everything moving slowly, nothing making sense. For some reason, Wrists was playing through my mind. It was all I could hear. I stared blankly at Sara, and Emy working frantically. I couldn't process any of this. She was fine. She was bantering with me all night. She was fine. Then she just…I gulped. They get her on a stretcher, and start to move her away. I just sat there, losing my shit, in the middle of the stage, everyone staring at me. Eventually I calmed down, but left. I just left my body. I don't remember Johnny getting up from the drumkit, walking over, and picking me up. I don't remember Ted talking to the audience. I don't remember sitting in the ambulance.

When I came around, I was sitting straight as a board in the hospital. Emy was in my face.

"Tegan. Tegan you need to come back. Sara needs you, okay? You can't just disappear." She told me softly.

I turned to look at her and she sighed in relief.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

I shook my head. Emy gave me a hug, and I just let her, not hugging back. I saw a flash and looked to the window, seeing paparazzi. I felt the rage and jumped up. Emy held me down. I tried to fight her, letting out animalistic growls and grunts. She held me down.

"Tegan, stop. That won't turn out well. Just take a breather. I want to talk to you about Sara. She's fine Tegan, she's okay." Emy told me, hitting something deep inside me.

I settled down, breathing heavy and looking at her hopefully. I slowly started to come back to myself.

"She's okay. She was probably complaining of a headache most of the day yesterday, was probably lethargic and dizzy." Emy noted. I nodded, and she mirrored that. She kept a hand on my shoulder as she looked into my eyes. "She was severely dehydrated."

I gulped, thinking back to the day. But she'd drunk lots of…no, that was me. I thought back to her uncapping a water for me, to me drinking at the Ellen show. The only thing she drank yesterday was two sips of that hot chocolate. I felt deeply ashamed and guilty.

"She's gonna be okay. They gave her some fluids, we checked on the baby. She fell on her side, and the little one was nice and cushioned in the amniotic fluid. It's okay Tegan, you're family's fine. They want to keep her for a few days just for observation." Emy notified me.

I shook my head just as another paparazzi snapped a shot. What were they taking pictures of? I looked beyond Emy's shoulder and saw her. Sara. My perfect Sara, fast asleep in the hospital bed. Then the sound of her heart monitor came into focus, and I could see her breathing. I let out a giant exhale and it all came into perspective.

"Not here." I told Emy "I just want to go home" Tears filled my eyes as the weight of the past few weeks crashed down around me. "I should have listened to her, all the times she said she just wanted to go home. To just be in out tub, in our bed." I sobbed and dropped my head to my hands. Emy rubbed my back "I'm horrible." I felt so guilty.

"No you're not, Tegan. All the boys have been talking about is what good care you've taken of Sara. This one's on her. You're not her parent. It's not your job to make sure she drinks water or eats, or gets enough sleep. She's an adult. And if she truly wanted to go home, she would have stated that blatantly. Isn't it normal tour talk to be like "Man, I wish I was at home, eating Doritos and watching Dog Whisperer right now?" Emy asked.

I shrugged and Emy sighed, rubbing down my arms. Another paparazzi snapped a picture. I growled.

"She can't stay here Emy, I can't deal with them right now." I tell her. "Is she stable enough to fly?" I ask.

Emy nods "Sure, but I don't feel comfortable just sending you guys away."

"I just need to get her away from the paparazzi. They're having a field day. I can already only imagine the headlines." I rub my face with my hand. Had I slept? I didn't feel like it. "Can we at least get her to Vancouver? Just out of L.A." I ask. "I'll get a private jet, I don't care how much it costs. I'm done being a celebrity right now. I just want to be her wife."

Emy nods and sighs "Lets get her home. In your bed. Lindsey and I will stay with you guys so I can keep an eye on her."

I looked up at her, my face brightening "You'd do that?" I asked. "I can't ask that of you."

"You're not, I'm offering. Tegan, we'd do anything for you two. You're some of our best friends. We love you. Besides, you have awesome food at your place, and a lake. This environment, really isn't the best for either of you. You need to be home, I can see that. I'm so glad you guys are taking a break. Too much stress right now. You guys have worked so hard for so long. It's time to settle down and just be a family. Doctor's orders."

I nod. "Thanks Emy." I paused. "This tour is over. I'm not risking it. I'll let the press know. Can we just make the arrangements to get home? I'll deal with whatever shit they throw my way. Lets just get home."

Emy nods and rubs my leg. "Take a minute with her, before you launch into that. I'll go get things taken care of on the medical end." She nodded, then reached into her pocket.

"Oh, I almost forgot. Meet your baby."

She handed me the picture and I gasped, smiling wide. I ran my fingers over the ultrasound image, and felt the tears. I looked up at her.

"Thank you." I told her, then looked back at the picture.

She nodded and I heard her leave. I looked at Sara, and scooted the chair closer. I stood up and gently kissed her cheek, smoothing her hair back and taking her hand, while placing the picture on the bed. Her eyes gently fluttered open and she groaned.

"Hey handsome." I tell her.

"Tegan" she moans, looking at me. "What happened?"

"You passed out on stage. It's okay though. Everything's okay, Sare." I tell her.

She slowly moves her hand down to her tummy, and I see the relief, but her eyes question me. I nod and smile.

"She's fine. Look, I've got a picture." I tell her, handing her the picture.

She looks it over carefully and I see the smile.

"She's perfect." She declares. "Tee, it feels like I was hit by a truck."

I nod "It's okay, love. Go back to sleep. Sleep it off. I'll take care of everything. You just get better."

I slowly move over to her, crawling in bed next to her. She curls into me, and I kiss her forehead. I rub her back as she gets into her favourite pregnant sleeping position, half on top of me. I hide her face from the world.

"I love you, Sasa." I make sure she knows. I just feel her nod, and feel her drift off.

I don't dare move, and just enjoy the feel of her heartbeat on my side. But, I want to get us home NOW. I reluctantly replace myself with a few pillows, making sure to put a couple between her knees so she doesn't wake up with sore hips. I walk out of the room, and close the door, letting out a deep exhale as the door clicks shut. I look up, and there are a dozen blinking paparazzi and reporters.

"Tour's off." I tell them, then walk away.

I'm followed, diligently, and they ramble a million questions at me all at the same time. I ignore them, and walk into the family only waiting room. A few people gasp when they recognize me, but I find a quiet corner and pull out my cell phone. I dial our manager's number.

"We're out. No more tour. I'm bringing her home. We're done."

I wait for his yelling, and he does. He screams about the shit we've put him through, how the label wants to drop us, how this could break our career. I yell back

"I don't give a fucking shit about any of that right now. She passed out ON STAGE, Stephen! We could have lost the baby, I could have lost her. The label, the tour. None of that fucking matters right now. It's too much. She's been pushing through pain and exhaustion, and emotional turmoil this whole time. I won't put her through any more. This tour was a mistake. The press already knows. It's done."

He starts to scream.

"Goodbye Stephen."

I hang up. I don't have the patience to deal with his manipulation right now. I dialed the private jet company in my phone and ordered one to pick us up, then I dialed mom.

"Tegan! Oh thank God. I've heard all over the news what happened. Is she okay?" Mom asked.

"Yeah mom. She's fine. Baby's okay too. Thank God Emy was here. I just called the tour off. Mom, we're coming home."

"Oh thank God, Tegan. I've been holding my breath since last night. Your manager's called here every hour." She informed me.

"Sorry about that. I just called him, before you. He's not happy but too fucking bad. I won't risk her."

"That's my girl. Your family is the most important thing." She reminded me.

I nodded "Yeah. We're getting on the jet at noon, and should be home around 3. Emy and Lindsey are staying with us for the week. They wanted to keep her here but ther're paparazzi everywhere."

"That's a good choice. Tegan, how are you?" she asked.

I took a deep breath "I'm okay. I was…not for a little bit there, but Sara woke up and she's okay and the baby's okay, and I got to hear her voice and feel her heartbeat and…I'm okay." I sighed, rubbing my forehead. "I just want to get home."

"Alright baby girl. Give Sara my best. I'll drop you two off food all week. Don't worry about anything. Safe trip home. Call me when you get in." she tells me.

"Thanks mom, I will. I love you" I tell her.

"I love you too sweetie. Have a good day."

"Bye mom"

I hung up and let out a breath. Everything was going to be okay. I saw a flash and looked up. Fucking paparazzi. s/8342832/23/What-If


	25. Never Again

**Warnings: TRIGGERS IN THIS CHAPTER!****TRIGGER WARNING! TRIGGER WARNING! TRIGGER WARNING! CONTAINS SCENES OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, RAPE, AND MURDER. **Chapter contains a homosexual incestual relationship and sexual content between two women. If you don't like it, don't read it.

**Rating:** M

**Summary:** What happens when she gets her wish and Tegan finds herself in an alternate reality where Sara is her girlfriend, and not her sister? Will be a LONG fic, updated often.

**A/N**: You asked for smut. Here ya go lol. Thanks for all the reviews. We're getting close to 200. Wow, that really surprises me. Guess you're liking the story. P.S. if anyone has drawing skills and wants to draw up some artwork for this, I'd be super grateful. Maybe let you suggest a plot twist, or I'd write a oneshot with a storyline of your choice. Read. Review. Enjoy.

**Disclaimer:** COMPLETELY FICTIONAL!

In case you missed it: **TRIGGER WARNING! CONTAINS SCENES OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, RAPE, AND MURDER. **

**Chapter 25 – Never Again**

**Tegan's POV**

After hanging up with mom, I called the police station. There was no way I was going to put Sara through the danger of leaving paparazzi to roam the hospital. I explained the situation and they said they'd send two squad cars and the cops would take care of the piranhapazzi. I took a deep breath, then walked out, into the throng waiting for me outside.

"Tegan Quin, is the baby okay?"

"Is it true you abuse your pregnant wife?"

"Is she going to die?"

I did my best to ignore them and just shove my way through, but someone grabbed my arm. I turned and met the young female reporter, eye to eye. I tugged my arm back but she held tight.

"I just want a statement. Please, if I go back without a statement, I'll get fired." She pleaded.

I snarled and stopped struggling for a moment "You'll go back without a face if you don't let go of me. And don't you dare come close to my wife." I got up in her face, breathing on her nose, my eyes shooting lasers "You want to let go of me. I'm a mama bear right now. You've been messing with my cub. Do you know what happens to piranhas who mess with cubs?" I watched her squirm and shake her head. "Do you want to find out?" Suddenly my arm was dropped and my path was cleared. Just as I exited the crowd, I turned back to them. "The police are on their way to arrest anyone who is trespassing, has not left with security demands, and is posing a danger to the patients in this hospital. Up to you." I say with a smug smile, then turn around and continue back to Sara's room.

Stepping in, I breathe out the frustration. None of that matters right now. I took up my seat next to Sara again and waited for Emy. Sara really does have the most perfect face. Those jaw bones kill me every time. I take a soft hand in mine and gently rub my fingertips over her wrist, and down the back of her palm. I want to give her the world. In this moment, I want to give her every beautiful thing that has ever existed. This person laying before me, this person who at one point in time was half of me, this perfect person…is mine. I get to hold her whenever I want. I get to comfort her, I get to hold her face in my hands and kiss her. If something happens, I know she'll be there. Bad day? I get a hug at the end of it. Sick? Guess who's giving me cuddles and taking care of me? I sigh. Sara. My Sara. That name felt like home. That is Sara. She's my glass of wine at the end of the day. She's my home.

Just as these thoughts finish crossing my mind, her eyes slowly open and I can't help but feel a smile form on my face. She quickly mirrors it an takes in a loud breath, yawning. I move and sit on the bed, taking her hand into my lap.

My hand reaches up, brushing her hair to the side, and running fingertips over her defined jaw bones.

"I'm taking you home." I tell her, blankly

"What about the…" Her voice is scratchy and weak, so I cut her off.

"Fuck the tour. The tour's over Sara. It's not worth it" I bring her hand to my lips and press them to the soft, warm skin. "Nothing is worth you, or our baby's health. So I'm going to take you home, and lay in bed with you. For as long as we can. Mom's coming to cook for us, Emy and Lindsey will be there to keep her company, and keep an eye on you two."

Her eyes closed and she nodded. Her hand in mine moved to thread our fingers together. I could tell she was too weak to talk, so I made eye contact. She was worried. She was scared. I sighed and leaned in, kissing her forehead and making the same eye contact, but from much closer.

"It's okay Sara. You're gonna be taken care of. There's gonna be fallout from this, but none of it matters. The career, the money, the fame, none of it means anything if I don't have you. I'd give my life for you and our child. I'd scrape gum off the bottoms of park benches if it meant being with you." I tell her.

Sara shakily brings our clasped hands to her mouth and kisses the back of my palm, then places it on her chest. Her heartbeat is kissing my palm. Her eyes pierce mine. She's here. She's so here. Her mind, her body, her soul are all with me in this moment. She' s not thinking about the tour, the baby, the hospital. Just me. I take her free hand and place it against my heart, never breaking eye contact.

"I'm here too. All of me" I tell her.

I see a faint smile, and then she breaks eye contact, unable to keep hers open. Her brow crinkles as she strains. I run my thumb over the hospital gown-clad chest of my soulmate.

"Don't fight it love, sleep. You don't have to worry about anything" I whisper to her, followed by a forehead kiss.

Sara nods and yawns, closing her eyes.

I kiss her cheek and whisper into her ear again "I'm always going to take care of you."

Sara wraps her arms around my neck, and pulls me home to her heart. I close my eyes and just let myself feel the intensity of our connection. My arms are about to give way, so I roll onto my side next to her and just listen to her heartbeat. One hand moves to her swollen belly, rubbing over our baby. I felt the tears well. Our baby. It's still so hard to believe. I can still remember being back in the other world, having the discussion that we could never be together. I remember feeling the black abyss ahead of us, the imminent doom of our love. But now here we are: Sara's pregnant with my biological kiddo. We're having a fucking baby. It still blows my mind. I push my face into her chest and let the emotion take me over. I feel lips on my head, and fingers through my hair as I silently convulse with tears.

My head slowly turns upwards, a tear streaked face meeting Sara's worried look. I smile. "Happy tears. Grateful tears".

Sara dips her head and meets my lips in a gently, comforting kiss, before laying back down and closing her eyes again. She just needed to make sure I was okay. I laid back down on her chest, wrapping my arms around her, feeling her near. I listened as her heartbeat and breathing slowly calmed and steadied.

Emy walked in not long after, tiptoeing, as not to wake her. I looked up at Sara, and despite my heart's protests, I slowly got up, and walked over to Emy.

**Sara's POV**

Tegan's body against mine always soothed me into a deep sleep. When I felt her start to cry, my worry overcame me. I can't sleep if she's not okay. What was wrong? I kissed her hair, and ran my fingers through the greasy locks, eliciting a look from Tegan. She looked so vulnerable when she cried like this. She assures me that they're happy, grateful tears and all I can do is kiss her gently. Let her know I'm here, and that I love her. She's okay, now I can give into my exhaustion. I let my head fall back and feel her snuggle in again, as I let her presence lull me into slumber.

Before I even opened my eyes, I smiled. I didn't know why yet, but my mind was at ease, I felt safe and comfortable. I felt at home. I took in a deep breath and yawned. It smells like home. I opened my eyes to find that I was in our bed, in our room. I couldn't help but chuckle and pull the blankets around me a little more readily. I was on my side, the pregnancy pillow formed to my front. I felt movement behind me and I didn't have to wonder as lips contacted my neck, then ear, and arms snaked around my waist. I turned around and kissed her lips full on. She responded back, running hands down my back. I kissed her hard, with passion, and Tegan replied with a perfect dance of hot, wet lips, gliding over mine. I could taste her. Like bananas and yogurt. Tegan always tasted like this when she woke up. I loved it. My hands slipped through her hair, pulling her face closer. I rolled on top of her, taking control. Tegan let out a guttural moan as my thigh contacted her now wet briefs. I smiled against her lips and broke the kiss, both of us breathless.

"Can I?" I asked.

She nodded in response, and leaned up, kissing me, while quickly reaching down and practically ripping off her underwear. I loved the feeling of her squirming beneath me, as her body begged. I caught her lips again, this time escalating the kiss to feverish heights. We were like teenagers under the bleachers, kissing like we needed it to breathe. Tegan turned to putty, melting as my hand went down and cupped her soaked cunt. She bit my lip, and her tongue asked for entry. My body responded, and without even having to think, I parted my lips and let my tongue slide out to meet hers. Our organs danced and glided along each other, sending sensations through our bodies. Now, Tegan is always super wet, especially when she's horny. But she's never dripped before. She's dripping now, right onto the sheets. It's possibly the sexiest thing ever. I run my index finger along her slit, playing with her excretions and am rewarded with the vibrations of a moan in my mouth, and the feeling of her hips rolling into the bed.

I can't help but smile as I slide one digit inside of her and she gasps, kissing me even harder and grasping onto me. I slowly slide it out. That finger glides up her swollen, drenched folds to find her clit. She jumps at the shock of my finger on it, then shivers as I begin to roll it around between my fingers.

"Oh my god, Sara!" she moans, breaking the kiss to throw back her head.

I kiss her neck as she starts to strain.

"I'm gonna make you come so hard" I whisper to her. "And then if you get me a chocolate bar and some bacon, I'll do it all over again. Understand?" I ask her.

She nods. She knows I'll do it again even without those stipulations, and I know she'd stop this all right now and bring me whatever I wanted if I asked for it, but it was a game.

My fingers push into her clit deeper, and she moves her hips with the on and off pressure. I roll down, beside her, switch hands, and use my free hand to grasp onto the back of her thigh, feeling her hamstrings tighten against my palm as I continue to work on her swelling clit. I glide one hand up her bum, and back down to squeeze the inside of her thigh.

"Oh fuck! Sara! You're driving me crazy!"

"Then I'm doing my job." I reply with a grin.

I nuzzle her neck with my nose and focus on her. As I continue to push her clit like a button, then roll it under my fingers, the thumb and forefinger of my other hand run up and down her labia. She starts to buck and whine.

"Do you want me inside of you?"

She nods, panting.

"Say it"

"Yes" she replies.

"Tegan, say it!"

"Sara, please. Please, I need you inside of me now."

I glide two fingers into her and she freezes for a moment, tensing. I smile smugly then start to kiss down her body. I start by rolling my tongue in her collarbone, then kissing down a breast and rolling a nipple in my mouth. She moans and bucks, her hands pulling my hair gently. I don't stop there, and kiss down her stomach, loving the feel of her abs under my lips. Tegan has great abs. I keep kissing to her bikini line, and her sensitive thighs, taking gentle love bites where I want.

"Sara, what are you…?"

I let go of her clit, and then suck it into my mouth.

"OH!" she cries out. "HOLY FUCK!"

It's a swimming pool down here. She tastes so sweet. Like icing. I tentatively curl my fingers, and meet with the spongy feeling I know all too well. Tegan's toes immediately curl and she whimpers.

"Sara!" she cries out.

I smile, then run my tongue over her clit, eliciting another jump. Putty in my hands. I curl again and she bounces a bit, bending her knees. I don't let her escape my sweet torture as I start to sync the two up, swirling my tongue over her hardening clit, and curling my fingers to meet her g-spot. It's intense, I can feel it in her entire body, but I want next level. I want to blow her mind. I start to pump into her faster, her pussy slurping my fingers in eagerly. I love the sound of her cunt greedily lapping at my fingers. I suck her clit into my mouth and start to hum. Her body quakes and her stomach tightens. She cries out.

"Ahh! Oh fuck! Yes! Sara! Holy fucking god, Sara!" she screams out.

I smile, and keep up the pace, moving my second hand now, to gently pull up on the skin of her lower abdomen, lifting her clitoral hood. I lick over her bare clit and feel the intensity crank up for her. Everything stiffens and she's trying to catch her breath as her lungs and heart work over time. She's bucking her hips into my face, and I abandon the licking of her clit for a moment. She starts to relax, just before I suck in the exposed bundle and hum.

"I'm gonna fucking explode! Holy shit Sare! Holy fucking shit! What the fuck? What the fucking…." She's cut off as she screams, her legs kicking the blankets gently.

I feel her squeeze my fingers and I don't stop, I go faster, harder. I want to give her the orgasm of her life. I want to mess up that perfect hair. She does explode, all over my face. I can feel her ejaculate dripping from my chin. I smile wider. That's what I'm talking about Tegan. Her hips are bucking wildly as she reaches for a pillow, shoving it into her face and screaming loudly into it. I don't want her to pass out, so I slowly start to bring her down. The rings of muscles clenching and releasing my fingers start to follow my lead, until they stop. She slowly deflates into the bed, her body relaxing, hands dropping from the pillow that stayed on her face. I smiled and stopped humming, gently pulling out my fingers.

I hated in pornos where they licked their fingers, it was so fake and obviously for the male viewer. But here, after having tasted Tegan like this, I'm addicted. I suck mine clean, then look down at her slobbering cunt. The least I can do is clean her up. I start by lovingly running my tongue over her clit, then gently sucking in each labia, gliding down it's length.

Tegan starts to moan lowly, clearly enjoying the treatment. Once the outside is licked clean, I slowly part her folds with my tongue and scoop up the wetness with the tip. She shudders. Once I'm satisfied, I suck her entire vulva in like a vacuum, then kiss it. Licking my lips, I lift my head, just as she pulls the pillow off her face. Look at that! I messed up her hair! I smile sheepishly and bite my bottom lip.

"You're a goddess" she moan.

I just shrug and smile. I move up to her, and she kisses me passionately, then rests me on the bed. Tegan quickly gets to her feet and pulls on a fresh pair of underwear, and t-shirt.

"Where are you going?" I ask.

Wasn't she gonna cuddle?

"Bacon and chocolate" she says with a smile.

I laugh. "Yeah. You BETTER go get me that!"

She chuckles back and runs out of the room.

Holy shit, Tegan ejaculated all over my face.

**Tegan's POV**

I practically run into the kitchen. Mum, Emy, and Lindsey are all at the kitchen table, having an afternoon snack it seems.

"Hi. Just grabbing snacks" I tell them, going to the fridge. I start to pull out the bacon.

"How's Sara feeling?" Mum asks

I laugh "Oh trust me, she's just fine. Much better" I assure them, and fire up the stove.

I see Emy go tongue-in-cheek as she looks at Lindsey. They giggle.

"Laugh all you want, I don't care. I'm getting orgasms. Mind blowing orgasms." I tell them

I see my mum's eyes go wide and I bite the inside of my cheek. I see that look of shock quickly turn into a smile. We've never talked about sex openly before. She always wanted me to, but I never could. It was one of the aspects of our relationship she wanted so badly. Well mum, there it is. I shrug and put the bacon in the frying pan and sigh happily, grabbing an apple and taking a bite.

"Cravings?" Lindsey asks.

I nod, and mumble through chewing the apple "Bacon and chocolate."

"She's gonna eat more than that though." Emy added in "one of those would be great" Emy points to my apple.

I nod. "Yeah. For sure.

"I'm gonna bring some of my gear from the office too, keep a close eye on her." Emy added.

I smile "Great!" and open the fridge, pulling out two bottles of water.

"Tegan, slow down" Lindsey speaks up.

Emy finishes her banana, and wipes her hands together "Yeah. I want to give her a look over before any more…athletics. Just now, did you…penetrate her?" she asks.

I shake my head "It was all about me" I smile, and plate the bacon.

Emy nods and gets up from the table, heading towards the spare room to get her gear. I sigh, feeling myself calm down. I take a strip of bacon and sit in Emy's now empty chair.

"So, things are going well?" Lindsey asked

I smiled, nodding "So happy to be home."

"I bet. The road is no place to grow a child inside of you. " Mom chipped in, pouring herself more tea.

"OH, you were having a _tea_ party." I tease.

Lindsey gives me a look. I sigh happily, a gleeful smile unable to leave my lips.

"I see Sara gave you the royal treatment" Lindsey teased back.

I chuckled, forgetting Lindsey had slept with Sara before. I bit my labaret into my mouth ad nodded "Oh yea."

"you know, your second step-father…" Mom chipped in

I put my hand up "Please mom, no. Just be happy I'm sharing this with you. If you go there, I won't"

She sighed and shrugged, nodding. Emy came back out and I sprang up, grabbing the plate of bacon, doing a twirl, and snagging two chocolate bars from our stash, storing the water bottles under my arm, and swiping an apple, then chasseing towards the bedroom.

"I have never seen my daughter like this" I heard mum say as I disappeared behind the door.

I smiled as I came face to face with Sara, handing her the goodies. She sat up and I met her with a kiss. One, sweet, golden kiss, before pulling away and smiling.

"Babe, we should change the sheets" she said.

"Why?" I asked.

Sara blushed as she pulled both her lips between her teeth "You kind of, ummm…" she didn't finish, just pulled back the blankets. There was a decent sized wet spot.

"Did I pee?" I asked, horrified "Oh god, Sara, did I pee on you?"

She laughed and shook her head "Oh no, that's not pee."

I gasped, realizing what it was. "Really?" I ask.

She nods, taking a bite from a strip of bacon "Oh yea" There's the Sara ego.

I laugh, and gently slug her shoulder "Minx."

"I'm just THAT good." She boasts, finishing that piece.

I sigh and kiss her again "I'm not complaining."

"Good" she replies, then moves the food to the nightstand, and gets out of bed. "Now, help me change em."

I help her, and we quickly pull off the soaked sheet, and replace it with a new one. I fall face first into the bed and sigh. Hands snake up my back, fingers running in and out of the dip in my spine. She starts to lift my shirt, as one hand rubs over my bum. I gulp, feeling myself excite again. But no, I need something else before. I sit up, and she's immediately in my lap, grinding her hips into me and wrapping her arms around my neck, as mine rub across her sides to hold her hips. I close my eyes and shake my head.

"Sara, stop. We need to talk." I tell her.

She stops immediately, and runs her hands through my hair. A million thoughts fly through my mind as she makes eye contact.

"what's wrong baby?" she asks.

"You almost fucking died" I whisper, swallowing hard. "You were fine, then you just straight up passed out on stage."

I see her sink and hate that I ruined the mood, but I really need to talk about this. She knows.

"Tegan" she exhales

I gulp, needing to be honest about my emotions with her. "I thought you were dead. I was….I was so scared. Sara, I don't know what happened, I just went away. My body was there, but I just went away. I thought you were dead." I feel the tears as I hook my arms under hers, and hold her close. She smooths the hair on the back of my neck and holds me.

"Oh, baby. I'm so sorry." She whispers to me. "I'm so sorry."

"It's my fault. I should have taken better care of you, if you would have… It would be my fault I'm sorry Sara." I tell her, feeling the weight of my guilt.

"No, Tegan. It's not your fault. I need to be smarter. It's not just me anymore. It's my fault. I was the one who forgot to drink. No one expects you to take a tally of what I do every day. Oh baby, I hate that you're hurting like this." She says, kissing my forehead as I sob loudly into her. I'm so grateful that she's here, in my arms. Imagine if she wasn't. I'd never have another Sara orgasm, never feel her body move beneath me, hear her voice call my name into the night. She's never be there to hold me afterwards, or comfort me when my emotions took over. I slowly pull back, and look up at her.

"Sara, if you… I couldn't imagine…" I gasp out.

"Hey, hey. Listen to me. If that happens, you're gonna be okay. Got that? You're gonna be okay. You're gonna say goodbye to me, remember the good times, and take care of our daughter. But I promise I'm going to take better care of myself. What happened yesterday was a stupid, stupid mistake. I'll never make that mistake again Tegan, I promise."

I gulp and nod slowly as she pulls me right back into her and rocks her gently. I let the pressure of her surround me, and the warm and softness of her body comfort me.

"Baby, how much sleep have you had?" she asks me in a whisper.

I shrug.

"I think you need to sleep. C'mon, plenty of time for fun later. You know you get extra emotional when you're tired." She notes.

I nod and let her pull me down to the bed. She kisses my forehead and runs her hands through my hair again. I snuggle into her chest and rub her belly.


	26. Why We're Married

**Warnings: TRIGGERS IN THIS CHAPTER!TRIGGER WARNING! TRIGGER WARNING! TRIGGER WARNING! CONTAINS SCENES OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, RAPE, AND MURDER.**Chapter contains a homosexual incestual relationship and sexual content between two women. If you don't like it, don't read it.

**Rating:** M

**Summary:** What happens when she gets her wish and Tegan finds herself in an alternate reality where Sara is her girlfriend, and not her sister? Will be a LONG fic, updated often.

**A/N**: And the story starts to start, mixed with fluff and smut. Quick Chapter, just wanted to get something up for you guys! Read. Review. Enjoy.

**Disclaimer:** COMPLETELY FICTIONAL!

In case you missed it: **TRIGGER WARNING! CONTAINS SCENES OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, RAPE, AND MURDER.**

**Chapter 26 – Why We're Married**

"Sara…" Tegan called out in warning. I dropped what I was doing in the kitchen and turned to my wife, who was staring at the TV in awe. Slowly, walking over, I put my hands on my hips.

"What?" I asked. Then I heard what the reporter on the news was talking about.

"Recording artist Kaki King has been reported missing as of 10 o'clock this morning. Ms. King was last seen in Madrid, six months ago. It was supposed that she was staying in her apartment in the city for a 5 month break; however, she did not turn up to an interview this morning. If anyone has any information or has seen this woman, please call your local police department immediately."

I had completely forgotten about Kaki. I swallowed hard as Tegan looked back at me.

"I forgot. I was so wrapped up in you, I forgot. She's still back in the other world." Tegan looked worried. "All portals were closed. That's why it took me so long to get back to you. We had to use the last bit of fairy dust to open one." She gulped visibly, and I could see a realization dawning on her face "Sara, we're here alone."

The full effect of that hit me. We've both in wrapped up in living this life, we'd forgotten some big bad didn't want us here or together. And now, we don't have Kaki to guide us. A million things could happen and we're completely clueless on how to solve them. I felt Tegan start to slip into a panic attack, and I quickly got to her side, putting a firm palm on her chest and between her shoulder blades as she lost the muscle tone in her legs, slipping down to the floor. I helped ease her down, maintaining pressure.

"Tegan, it's okay." I assured her

"No, no it's not" she gasped in a breath "He's gonna come after us. You, the baby. He's gonna come after us." I could practically see her mind spin.

"Tegan, lets take this one moment at a time. Right now we're okay. We're home, I'm making dinner, and…"

Something kicked me. SOMETHING KICKED ME! My eyes went wide and I smiled as it kicked again. I let out a little laugh

"Tegan, babe, she kicked!" I quickly grabbed Tegan's hand and put it on my stomach, just as the baby kicked again.

I looked over and saw the clouds of panic part and give way to the sunshine smile, it bringing out an even bigger smile on my face. Tegan moved both hands to my stomach.

"Oh wow. Sara, she's kicking" she exclaimed.

Tegan looked down at my belly, then back up at me, taking my face in her hands and kissing me exicitedly. Good, I can distract her. That's the new game plan. Don't think about the danger Teegs, let me distract you.

"We really need to give her a name, love" I tell her. "I'm already at 20 weeks. We're just over halfway there, Teegs."

I see her smile and look back down at my belly, giving it a kiss, and sighing "What should we call you?" She smiled wider and sat up. "I've been thinking about that. Something…androgynous." She mentions, still rubbing my tummy.

I smile and lean in, giving her a quick kiss "What did you have in mind?" I ask.

I see her bite in her labaret "Dani."

I smile wide. That name struck a chord in me. It just…fit. "Well, that was easy" I giggle and look down at my tummy, covering Tegan's hands with mine "Dani."

Tegan moves forward and kisses my cheek. I sigh and run my hands across her shoulders.

"Babe, are you working out?" I ask

She shakes her head "I haven't even been running much lately. I should do that more"

"Well, you're shoulders feel bigger and harder" I mention, as I keep running my hands over them. Trust me, I know this body and there was a big change. Now that I think about it, Tegan had packed on more muscle kind of…everywhere. I smiled as I thought of her abs.

"That's what she said" she replied, giggling.

I smiled "Yeah, maybe I'm just imagining things." I pause, then run my hand along her cheek "I love it when you smile. You brighten the room."

I see her blush. I love that I can still make her blush. I can't resist leaning in for another kiss. It was the happiest kiss ever. Have you ever kissed someone while you were both grinning ear to ear? It's not so much a kiss as just being happy with your lips touching. It gave me butterflies and made me scrunch my nose. "I'm gonna go finish dinner, can you put the laundry away?" I ask her.

She nods and gives me one last kiss, turning off the TV and heading into the bedroom. I let out a big sigh, then feel another kick, looking down to my tummy

"Your mommy gets so worried sometimes. It's a good thing mama knows how to ease her mind, eh? I can't wait to meet you."

I give my belly a rub, then use the couch to help me stand up. Putting a hand on my lower back, I slowly stretch it, then walk into the kitchen to stir the stew.

**Tegan's POV**

I'm folding a pile of laundry on our bed, just letting my mind wander to the baby. This is where my mind's been the past few weeks. I happily drift into daydreams. I can't wait to go swimming in the lake with her, bring her out on the boat. I should learn how to fish. Will she want to play music? Will she want to be a mathematician? A scientist? An actor? I smile. This kid will have every opportunity. I can't wait to help with homework, and play in the fall leaves. We should have a treehouse built. I should plant more trees.

I sigh.

I just want to hold her already. It's good that Sara's still cooking her, because I want her to be healthy, but I want her to come out already. I really am getting impatient. I'm also kind of jealous of Sara. Not that I want to be pregnant, but Sara gets to spend 9 months with her. It's kind of unfair.

I start to put the folded clothes in drawers, and when I'm done, I can't help venture into Dani's nursery. Dani. That name's been floating in my head for a few days now. She has a name. My daughter: Dani. I smile, sitting in the rocking chair. What will her favourite colour be? Will she have a favourite stuffed animal? A special blankie? I look around at the yellow walls and light green furniture. In a few months, she'll be asleep in that crib. We'll be putting the jumpers in the dresser on her, we'll be changing diapers. I smile and sit back in the chair, closing my eyes.

My family. Sara and Dani. Tegan, Sara, and Dani. Dani Quin. Ha DQ. That made me giggle. We've gotta give her a strong middle name to break up those two letters.

I sigh again as whatever Sara's cooking is starting to smell good. It fills the whole house. I stand up and head to my study, grabbing my favourite old beat up acoustic. I head back into the kitchen, and see Sara chopping some vegetables. Walking over to the island, I pull out the stool, and take a seat. She looks up at me, confused.

"What are you doing?" she asks me

"I'm going to serenade you while you cook" I reply

She smiles at me and continues to chop the veggies. I look down, and place the capo on the neck, then start strumming away, starting with Call It Off. I watch as her knife slices fall in time with the rhythm. The acoustics are really good in here. Next, I dive into Where Does the Good Go, before starting up Closer.

_All I wanna get is a little bit closer_

Sara has her back to me, and freezes.

**Sara's POV**

The serenading to this point has been fun. It sure beats putting the radio on. I've always loved Tegan's voice. But she starts up Closer. This one hits me deep every time. I know it's for me. I freeze, facing the stove.

_All I wanna know is, can you come a little closer._

When we co-wrote this chorus, I wrote to her too. I feel a surge through my body and I need her. I take a deep breath and moan, rubbing my thighs together.

_Here comes the breath before we get a little bit closer_

_Here comes the rush before we touch, come a little closer_

_The doors are open, the wind is really blowing, the night sky is changing overhead_

I turn the burner off, feeling my cunt swell and I shudder, just as she hits the chorus.

_It's not, just all physical_

_I'm the type who won't get oh so critical_

I gulp, and can barely contain myself. I want to rip her apart, want to feel her fill me up. Oh god. My hips start to buck.

_So let's make things physical_

_I won't treat you like you're oh so typical_

_All you think of lately is getting underneath…_

I turn and take the guitar from her, throwing it aside. The strings ring out grossly as it hits the ground. Tegan looks shocked

"SARA!" she calls out.

"I need you, NOW!" I insist, my hands taking off her shirt. I start to unbutton my pants, and before she can answer, I'm kissing her hard, and pushing her hand down my pants.

Her fingers go right to my clit and I melt into her, moaning loudly. My clit throbs under her strokes, and I'm already close.

"Oh fuck Tegan!" I call out

"Is this what you want?" she asks

"Fuck yes." I answer

My body tightens, I'm on the edge. I let out a loud moan as I explode. She holds me up as I shake against her. It's quick, and I let out a breathy exhale, then stand up, kissing her softly.

"Thanks babe. I needed that. Ready for dinner?"

I smile. She still doesn't know what happened. Tegan just sits there, looking shocked, her fingers still in the position they were against my clit. She nods and I turn to get her a plate ready.

"Hormones?" she eventually asks

"Oh yeah. That song is just…it's all it took" I giggle.

She smiles, then comes behind me, running her hands along my sides, then to my tummy. She kisses my ear.

"that was hot" she whispers.

I chuckle and nod, turning around and handing her a plate.

"Before it gets cold" I tell her.

She takes a bite and lets out a moan of her own.

"Jackpot. Fuck Sara, you're trying to kill me aren't you? First that, now this?" she asks

I shrug "I love you"

"I fucking love the shit out of you too" she responds as I take a forkful from the plate I'd just made myself.

"Dog Whisperer?" I ask

"This is why we're married" she replies.

I laugh and follow her to the living room.


	27. Remembering Essential Memories

**Warnings: TRIGGERS IN THIS CHAPTER!TRIGGER WARNING! TRIGGER WARNING! TRIGGER WARNING! CONTAINS SCENES OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, RAPE, AND MURDER.**Chapter contains a homosexual incestual relationship and sexual content between two women. If you don't like it, don't read it.

**Rating:** M

**Summary:** What happens when she gets her wish and Tegan finds herself in an alternate reality where Sara is her girlfriend, and not her sister? Will be a LONG fic, updated often.

**A/N**: And the plot thickens….dundundun. I had a lot of fun writing this chapter. Sara's at 28 weeks, not sure if I mentioned it in the actual chapter but for your reference. Ummm…I'm super excited for the next chapter. Get ready for some action coming up, and some fantasy/sci-fi type stuff. Read. Review. Enjoy.

**Disclaimer:** COMPLETELY FICTIONAL!

In case you missed it: **TRIGGER WARNING! CONTAINS SCENES OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, RAPE, AND MURDER.**

**Chapter 27 – Remembering Essential Memories**

**Tegan's POV**

It was dark. I stretched out my hands, but couldn't see them. Looking around, everything was shadowed. I knew I was on my knees. The ground beneath me felt cold. Then there was a small purple glow in the distance. It goes bigger and bigger. Was it coming closer? I slowly stood on shaky knees, trembling feet. Up to my full height. The purple glow opened. Like a purple vagina, giving birth, someone walked through. I felt relief wash over me when I saw her face. Kaki! I smiled and stumbled over to her.

"Kaki!" I call out into the darkness.

"Shh, Tegan. I don't have much time. I'm trying to get back, but it might take a while." She tells me

I nod, and listen attentively.

"You need to protect them. Do everything you can to protect them. He's going to come after them. When the lake changes states, you know what's at stake. I'm trying to prepare you, from a distance."

"I'll protect them. Kaki, what's going to happen?" I ask, desperately

"I don't know, but I'm doing all I can. We'll win, Tegan. Go. You've gotta go!" she called out, the yell fading out.

I was slammed back into my body and woke up, with a gasp. This darkness what different. I know this darkness. It was warm and welcoming. The firm push of Sara's palm on my chest, pushing me down to the bed made me sigh, and deflate. Her eyes slowly opened and her lips found my cheek.

"Bad dream?" She asked

I took a minute to think "I don't even remember it. What time is it?" I ask

"Four AM. Go back to bed, babe" she kissed my cheek again and I nodded as she flung a leg over my hips, and pulled me to her.

Inhaling her smell, I drifted back off.

When I woke up, I was curled into her pregnancy pillow, the blankets up to my chin. I yawned and felt for her, but she wasn't in bed. I rolled onto my back and let my senses come to life. Something smelt wonderful. I could hear her singing in the kitchen and just smiled to myself. What a way to wake up!

Getting to my feet, I pulled on a tank top and took the short walk down the hall and into the kitchen. I made my way behind her silently as she continued to belt out the Rhianna song. I wrapped my arms around her and kissed her shoulder giving Dani a rub.

"Morning baby. Eggs and Bacon?" she asked putting a hand over mine on her growing waistline.

I nodded "It smells wonderful."

"Thanks. I woke up early and couldn't get back to sleep. Sorry you had to wake up alone" she apologized

"It's fine. I get breakfast!" I smile.

She chuckles and turns around in my arms, kissing me.

"My optimist" Sara moons.

I smile and kiss her as she starts to giggle.

"What?" I ask

She runs her hands over the top of my head "Your hair! Tegan, only you can make bed head that bad look that good."

I chuckle. "How bad is it?"

"Oh, pretty bad" she laughs and gives me another quick peck before turning back to the stove.

We stand in silence for a bit, listening to each other breathing and the sizzle of the food in the frying pan, then she looks back at me for a moment "Hey, do you remember the dream you had last night? You woke with a bit of a startle."

I take a moment and try to recollect then shake my head "No, I remember waking up and you snuggling me, but that's about it."

She nodded. "I had a dream last night"

I smile, knowing the content "Oh Yeah?" I ask, huskily.

She nods "MmmHmm"

"Was I a librarian again?" I tease

"You know how I like my books and you. You AND books? Send me to heaven!" She chuckles. "But, no. You weren't a librarian last night. But how do you feel about surprises?" she asked.

I smiled and bit in my labaret "Oh, I like surprises."

Then she lets out that cunning chuckle that she uses when she gets what she wants. I've learned that Sara getting what she wants is usual good for me. Really, really good for me. I give her another kiss on the cheek, then head outside to grab the paper. I head to the end of the driveway in my briefs and tank top, forgetting about the bite of the fall morning. I shiver and grab the paper, then quickly run back in. I shut the door and shiver, walking back over to Sara and turning her around so I can curl up in her.

"Tegan! Seriously? You're freezing" she complains

She wraps her arms around me anyways and I nod.

"I forgot it's not summer anymore" I reason.

Sara just laughs and turns to turn the burner off, slip the eggs and bacon onto two plates, then kisses me on the cheek and wrap an arm around me.

"Lets get you in the shower" she suggests.

She leads me down the hallway, into our bedroom, then the bathroom. She turns the hot water on, then tugs at the hem of my tank, pulling it over my head, before lowering my underwear just below my bum. She kissed my cheek as I kicked them off. Then she gave my bum a smack and I giggled.

"Get in there, I'll meet you in the kitchen for breakfast" she tells me.

I nod and get into the shower, as Sara walks out, turning on the exhaust fan on her way out. I happily let the warm water cascade down my body. I sighed and grabbed my shampoo.

**Sara's POV  
**

I put the plates on the table, then turned to grab my decaf coffee and a glass of OJ for Teegs. Grabbing the paper, I sat down and munched a piece of my toast. I smiled when I felt Dani start kicking.

"Guess you're waking up eh, tiny human?" I talked to her. "How's it goin in there? All snuggly and warm?" I asked. I was answered with a kick. "Well I'm glad. You know I'm getting really impatient to meet you, but I don't want you to come early. Come when you're ready, and big, and strong, not like your mommy when she was born. She was all tiny and weak. Grandma didn't think she'd make it, but aren't we lucky she did?"

Sadness overcame me. Tegan almost didn't make it. I almost didn't have Tegan. The tears started to fall as I looked at her empty seat, her breakfast plate full in front of it. What would I do, if? I can't even think about that. Dani keeps kicking away, and I give my belly a rub. This is ridiculous, I can hear the water from her shower. She'll be sitting next to you in 10 minutes Sara. Oh god, these hormones are getting the best of me. I gulp and wipe the tears away, inhaling sharply, trying to calm down. I heard the water stop and quickly composed myself. I didn't want to make a big deal out of this. I speared some scrambled eggs with my fork and started eating, paying attention to an article about a local homeless shelter. She plopped down casually in her chair a few minutes later. I felt relief wash over me as she crunched a piece of bacon. I put the paper down and smiled at her, hooking my foot around her claf under the table, making her smile and look over at me.

"Thanks for breakfast, love" she tells me

"My pleasure, babe. What do you have planned today?" I ask.

She chews the inside of her lip "Nothing yet. Did you want to do something?"

"Actually, there's been something on my mind lately" I admit.

I've been waiting to talk to her about this. She gives me her attention.

"I got into University" I tell her and she looks confused "After the tour, I applied. Now that we're not touring, and are taking a few years off, I thought that I might want to get a degree. It's all online, so I can do it all from home." I paused "I got early acceptance."

A smile spread across her lips "Sara! That's fantastic. Congratulations."

"You're not mad?" I ask

"Why would I be mad. That's a great idea. Come to think of it, I should look into a new venture too. Maybe I'll do some volunteering. I've always liked habitat for humanity." She adds in.

I sigh and finish my strip of bacon "The perfect woman."

I can see her gloat and giggle as we both continue to eat breakfast.

"So what are you going to major in?" she asks

"Sociology, with a psychology minor" I reply, finishing my food and trade it for a sip of coffee.

"Nice. So you'll be all like, educated. Now I'm REALLY gonna look dumb" she whines, sighing.

"Tegan, you're not dumb" I tell her.

"No, but next to you, Mrs. I-read-a-million books-a-week I look like I am" she finished her food too and sat back in her chair.

"Tegan, stop it" I tell her, giggling.

She chuckles, knowing I've caught on. "Damnit, you caught on to my plies for compliments."

"You don't need to manipulate me into complimenting you, doofus!" I exclaim

"Apparently I do" she laughs, finishing off her orange juice. "Thanks again for breakfast, hon." She gets up and kisses the top of my head, clearing our plates "I've got cleanup."

I smile and sit back, continuing to read the paper, but she comes back and pulls my face back to drop an upside down kiss on my lips. I feel my heart skip a beat as she slows it right down, gently sucking my lips, before slowly pulling away, my lip still quivering for more.

"I forgot to say good morning" she smiled, then walked back to the sink to clean up.

I sat there, staring at the paper, trying to figure out just how with one kiss, she could have me begging for more. I folded the paper back up, put it on the table, and walked into our bedroom, stripping, then taking my shower.

I turned on the water and stepped in. I grinned when I looked over at Tegan's shampoo and body wash, using them instead of mine to get clean. I smelt like Tegan. My need grew, and I bit my bottom lip, running a hand over my breast. They've grown quite a bit in these past few months. I'm now wearing a C-cup. Tegan's happy about that. But right now, I'm happy running my nipples between my fingers and enjoying the accompanying sensation. My other hand ventures down to my clit, rubbing the entire upper half of my pussy with my flattened fingers. I moan and lean against the shower glass. I close my eyes and picture Tegan, riding me the first time. I remember scrolling up her body, to her bouncing breasts and the look on her face. I moan and my hips buck. Her sex face. Oh God. I move my fingers to rub my clit directly, getting rough with myself as I picture her biting her labaret into her mouth and giving me those eyes. My fingers move faster against myself as I feel it coming. The water's cold now but I don't care. I picture watching myself slip in and out of Tegan, slick with her cum. I feel the tightness in my body as I imagine her pussy lips gripping me as I pull out. I cascade over the edge and my knees shake as my orgasm rips through me. I finish with a sigh and a smile, turning the water off.

I take a minute to catch my breath and rub my tummy.

"You always calm down when I do that. Hopefully mommy and I can still do that when you get here. If not, you're going to have two very cranky parents. Fuck, Dani. I still can't believe you're in there, and you're ours. You know we're gonna be super embarrassing. Especially on stage." I smile as I realize something "You're gonna become part of our banter. Oh, you're gonna hate us as a teenager!" I giggle and grab my towel, drying off as Tegan walks in and starts to do her hair. I give her a quick kiss and she smiles, before I walk out and into our room.

A small sigh comes out as I have to by-pass my regular clothes. At 28 weeks, I'm as big as a house and have been stuck on maternity wear for a while. Dani's going to be a big baby Emy says. I'm fine with that. Big and strong. I lean back slightly to catch a glimpse of Tegan's form in the bathroom. Just like mommy. My eyes venture over her scantily-clad body, all the new firmness and bumps very visible. Look at that ass. I gulp, remembering my surprise for her and smile. Later, Sara. Returning my attention back to the closet, I grab a pair of stretchy waist jeans and a big hoodie, pulling them on, before joining Tegan in the bathroom.

Standing in front of my sink, I grabbed my toothbrush. I dabbed on some toothpaste, and started to brush. We keep stealing looks at each other, smiling, until I'm done brushing and I finally lean in and give her a quick kiss. I run a brush through my hair, parting it to the side, and head out of the bathroom, into the living room. Halfway there, I feel a shooting pain start in my ass and radiate down my legs. It makes me cringe, and I have to grab onto the back of the couch for support.

I wait a few minutes, thinking it will pass. When it doesn't, I can't help but whimper.

"Tegan" I call out.

I see her poke her head out of the bedroom and down the hallway, catching a glimpse of me. She walks out and towards me.

"Sara, what's wrong?" she asks, worriedly as she reaches me and puts a supporting hand on my back.

I groan "Shooting pains down my bum, into my legs".

Tegan helps me onto the couch and I wince "Worse. I've gotta stand up"

"Okay Sare, hang on" she tells me, supporting me back into the position, bent over the couch.

Tegan rubs my back as I try to breathe through the pain "Tegan, call Emy."

She doesn't answer me, but runs for the kitchen phone, dialing quickly. I close my eyes and do my best to relax, but my lower body's on fire. Tegan's quickly back, pressing a heating pad to my lower back. It eases up some of the pain.

"Sasa, Emy's on her way over. She said that Dan's probably on your sciatic nerve, but she wants to make sure it's not something else. She said to go ahead and lie down, it might help." She relays to me.

I nod and reach for her. Tegan wraps an arm around my waist, while I put one across her shoulders. I go to take a step and cry out in pain.

"Okay babe, hold on. Let me try…" she cuts herself off mid sentence.

She hooks an arm under my knees, and picks me up almost effortlessly. I let my jaw drop briefly, before burying my face in her chest. She carries me over to the couch and lays me on my side.

"There we go" Tegan reassures, grabbing a couch cushion and placing it between my knees.

She sits on the floor, our faces level and wraps an arm around me to hold the heating pad in place against my back. The pain slowly starts to fade and I sigh as it dies down to a dull ache. Tegan leans her forehead against mine.

"I hate seeing you in pain. It breaks my heart" she whispers.

"I never want to break your heart" I respond.

She kisses me softly, and I hold her face in my hands, gently pulling away.

"I love you Sara" she admits.

"I love you too Tegan." I pause for a minute "How the hell did you pick me up and carry me?"

She shrugs "I have no idea. I just wanted to, and I did."

"Babe, you're getting stronger. Like…" my hand goes down to lift her shirt and reveal the barely visible lines of a six pack "a lot stronger".

She gulps "maybe it's the…the sex. We've been having a lot of sex. That takes some muscle power and stamina."

I nod, because the pain is coming back and I start to wince again.

"Emy'll be here soon, love. Just hang on. Do you want me to sing to you?" she asks.

I nod and she starts up Justin Bieber's _As Long As You Love Me, _with dead-on vocals. I can't help but giggle at first, then settle into her voice.

"Keeping it Canadian I see" Emy calls out from behind Tegan "You guys are way too cute together".

I give Emy a half grin when I see her. She's trying to contain a giggle as we both notice Tegan blush, embarrassed.

"Hi Emy" Tegan whispers, then moves.

"Hey" Emy takes her spot, sitting on the floor, looking at me. She sighs "What's up?"

"Shooting pains from my lower back, down my legs. They're killing me." I whimper in response, and Tegan rubs my knee.

Emy nods and leans forward, running a hand down my spine "Let me know if any of this makes it worse" she tells me, applying pressure at a few different spots.

I nod, and rest my head on her side, as she keeps feeling around.

"No pain?" she asks.

I shake my head and feel Tegan give my leg a rub.

"Yeah. It's your sciatic nerve. Unofrtunately, there's not much I can do." She tells me.

I whimper and Tegan gently places a hand on my stomach, grounding me, before starting to gently rub my belly.

"I can give you a massage to try and help" Emy suggested.

"I thought massages weren't safe at this stage" I echoed her words from a few months ago.

"Well, from Tegan they're not. No offense Tegan, but I'm trained in prenatal massage techniques and understand your anatomy right now" Emy mentioned.

"Oh god, please!" I pleaded.

Tegan chuckled and I reached for her. She took my wrists, and gently sat me up. Emy nodded and sat behind me on the couch. Tegan slowly eased my back to meet Emy's front, and handed Emy the heating pad. As my head lowered to Emy's shoulder, I was flooded with sensations from the past. They made me smile. It was like cuddling with your best friend after not having seen her for a long time. Emy's my best friend.

"I'll go grab you some lotion" Tegan offered, then headed into our bedroom.

"Emy, did you know they you're my best friend?" I ask her.

"If someone was about to give me a massage to ease up a shitload of pain, they'd be my best friend too" she replied, smiling.

"No, I mean like really. I've missed hanging out with you. Lately it's been all about Dani, and the pregnancy. I miss being friends with you." I tell her.

"I miss hanging out too, Sara. But yours and your baby's health is my number one concern right now, and work is hectic, and Lindsey's been stressing out over a big case." Emy sighed in reply.

I nod "Being adults sucks sometimes"

"Yeah. No kidding" she replied

Tegan walked back in and handed her the bottle.

"Alright, Sara, shirt off" she instructed.

Tegan helped me ditch the shirt. It was odd being half naked in a room with Tegan AND Emy, whom to me, was my ex: even if she wasn't actually in this world. But, the pain in my lower body kept my mind off of that fact. Her hands met the source of my pain and I moaned, my eyes rolling back. Tegan laughed. Emy continued with the massage.

"How's that?" she asked

"Oh my god. Tegan, you're fired" I joked

"You're sure firing me a lot lately. If only you'd fire me from taking the garbage out" my wife replied, sitting in front of me on the couch, and turning on the TV.

"They still haven't found Kaki, eh? I really hope she's okay." Emy said, while working out a tender spot.

"I'm sure she is. You know Kaki, she likes her space" Tegan added.

"Yeah, but 7 months. It's just weird" Emy wondered.

Before we had a chance to continue the conversation, our names flashed onto the screen, along with the picture of Tegan escorting me to the bus.

"In other news, an attempt to cover up a string of legal matter against musician Tegan Quinwas uncovered this weekend."

My jaw dropped and I looked over at Tegan, who's eyes were wide. She was slipping into the mode again.

"Tegan, turn it off" I ordered.

"No" she replied.

I swallowed hard.

"Their record company attempted to keep matters quiet, and were successful until this morning, when eye witnesses started to come forward. A young man, who will remain anonymous reported being out on a run and physically assaulted by the musician, then was paid to keep quiet about it. Another victim of Tegan Quin was kept in the basement of a home and repeatedly assaulted by the 32 year old, until she was found a few months ago. She too was paid off. Several other witnesses reported seeing Sara Quin admitted to the hospital with a stab wound to the abdomen, a mere 5 months ago. I will remind the audience that Sara Quin is currently 7 months pregnant. I'm no mathematician, but that means she was pregnant at the time of the stabbing. Let us also not forget that just 2 months ago, a young fan was attacked by Mrs. Quin. This is a warning to all that see her: she is dangerous."

The newscast ended and Tegan turned off the TV. Emy was still working on me, but my eyes were glued to my partner. She slowly stood up and walked out of the room

"Tegan, are you okay?" Emy asked as she passed.

My eyes followed her as she walked into our room and shut the door. I know what she's going in there to do. I turned back to look at Emy, who got to her feet and helped me to mine.

"Go take care of her" she said.

"Thanks Emy. You should stay for dinner. Get Lindsey over here. I'll get Tegan back." I said.

The phone rang and I nodded to Emy who picked it up, as I walked into our room. I shut the door behind me, and got into the bathroom.

I saw her there, shirt off, on her hands and knees, forehead to the floor. Despite the awkwardness, I got to my knees next to her and rubbed her back.

"Babe, I'm right here. Let it out. Just let it happen" I tell her.

She convulses and I get a forearm under her midriff, pulling her into me. She wraps her arms around my neck and buried her face in my skin. When she gets like this, all she wants is to be closer. To feel my calm around her: to listen to my heartbeat and feel my breathing. I make sure that my breathing is slow and steady. I know what helps her. Moving slightly away, I'm able to get a firm hand on her chest, and one between her shoulders, and I compress her body between them.

"I'm here, I've got you" I reassure her

I can feel her start to come down as my gesture holds her up. She's sweating, shaking, trembling. I kiss her temple and wrap my arms around her. In a few minutes, she nuzzles into my neck and returns the hug.

"Thank you" she whimpers

"I'm always here for you" I remind her.

"I don't know how you can calm me down so quickly" she replies, slumped in my arms.

"I know you Teegs. I know how that head of yours works. I know what to do to counteract the bad it does you sometimes. Just like you know how to for me." I reply, smoothing back the hair on her forehead and giving it a kiss.

"I love you" I remind her as well

"I love you too Sara" she replies.

"I invited Emy and Lindsey for dinner. I think mum called after you walked out" I tell her.

She sighs "Sare, what am I going to do?"

"We're going to do nothing. Let them talk" I advise "We've got our own problems. All those issues have been dealt with. They're all going to get sued for speaking up, against contract. The media's just now finding it out all at once and is making it into something it's not. They don't know us, Tegan; they don't know what REALLY happened. It doesn't matter anyways, love. Dani'll be here soon. She's our number one right now. All the important people already know all of this and aren't going anywhere." I remind her.

"I think we should tell Emy and Lindsey about our…situation" she blurts out.

"Tegan…" I warn

She sighs and leans into me "Sara, I'm serious. I think they deserve to know. I think if we explain it, they'll believe us. If they don't well, we're hardly to blame. You've got pregnancy brain and I'm going through emotional upheaval. I just think that they'll understand." She paused for a moment and took a breath "I think something's coming. I keep feeling like we need to get people in our corner. There are no two people I want more in our corner than them."

I processed this, let it sit with me, then nodded "Okay, we'll tell them."

As I say this, I can see Tegan's brain running a million miles an hour, then she looks outside and her eyes go wide. I know that look: she's just remembered something. Her gaze stays locked outside the bathroom window.

"The lake! When the lake changes states you know what's at stake" she mumbles to herself.

What the fuck does that mean?


	28. Like a Fiddle

**Warnings: TRIGGERS IN THIS CHAPTER!TRIGGER WARNING! TRIGGER WARNING! TRIGGER WARNING! CONTAINS SCENES OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, RAPE, AND MURDER.**Chapter contains a homosexual incestual relationship and sexual content between two women. If you don't like it, don't read it.

**Rating:** M

**Summary:** What happens when she gets her wish and Tegan finds herself in an alternate reality where Sara is her girlfriend, and not her sister? Will be a LONG fic, updated often.

**A/N**: So, I'm in exams. Give me a break. However, since there's been such an uproar I busted my butt to finish this chapter. Story's heating up. I can't wait until I can finally write the birth and start writing them with the baby. GAH! It's all planned out in my head and I can't wait to share it with all of you. To the Guest who sent the review about being upset that this wasn't up before they went to bed: I hope that I provide you with a smile when you wake up. Maybe you don't have a special someone you wake up to, to make you smile. If you don't, let me be that special someone. Thank you to all of you who review and who've stuck with this. And to my new readers and reviewers thank you! We should do something special when the story reaches 200 reviews. I still can't believe I hit the 100, 000 word mark! WOW! Anyways, back to the story. Fucking longest Author's Note EVER!

**Disclaimer:** COMPLETELY FICTIONAL!

In case you missed it: **TRIGGER WARNING! CONTAINS SCENES OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, RAPE, AND MURDER.**

**Chapter 28 – Like a Fiddle**

**Tegan's POV**

I gulp as the dream comes back to me. Oh God. I feel my heart quicken and Sara rubs my back.

"Tegan? Tegan what's going on?" she asks, trying to dip her head so she can look at my face.

"Sara" I whine and put a hand on her belly, hugging her with my other arm.

"Tegan, what, baby?" She asks again, rubbing my back as she holds me tightly to her.

"Kaki…" I hiccup "Kaki came to me…in a dream" I confess.

I slowly let go of her and do my best to keep breathing, but I'm losing control.

"He's coming after us and Dani. She told me. When the lake changes states you know what's at stake" I repeat.

Her face softens "Tegan, it was just a dream…"

"No. It wasn't I was…awake in it. She told me I had to protect you and Dani. That she's trying to get back" I relay.

I start to convulse and my palms sweat. I roll out of her grasp, and my body hits the floor. I whimper and my stomach can't stop shaking, laying on my bare stomach on the bathroom floor. I'm going to lose Sara and Dani. I'm going to lose them. I can't fight. I don't know how.

"I don't know how…" I whisper "I don't know how…"

One moment, I was looking at the bottom of the tub, but then Sara's face was in my view. She'd laid down on the floor with me, on her side. I looked into her eyes as a hand held my bare back steady. She didn't say a word. Just laid there, watching me. I shook, then tensed, feeling everything inside of me tighten. It felt like something inside of me was going to shatter all my muscles were so tight. I couldn't' help holding my breath. Sara ran her hand down my spine and back up again, staring at me. I finally let out a giant breath and struggled for air. I'm drowning in my own head. I'm drowning in my body. I squeezed my eyes shut and it finally passed. I lay limp and sweaty onto the floor. As I caught my breath, Sara scooted closer, pressing herself onto my back. She kissed my shoulder and laid half on top of me.

"Are you okay?" she whispered.

I nodded.

"Now, what did Kaki say in the dream again?" She asked.

"I thought it was just a dream" I spat back

She sighed and moved the hair off my face gently "Tegan, if you feel like it was something more important, then I believe you."

I thought about snapping at her, but settled for a loud exhale "When the lake changes states, you know what's at stake."

She nodded, then leans in and gently kisses my lips. "I don't know what that means, but we'll figure it out. How about we take this one thing at a time. Lets go deal with Lindsey and Emy, and then we can talk about this" she suggested.

I nodded and took a few more deep breaths.

"Tegan, it's all going to be okay, love. We're gonna get through this" Sara reassures me.

I nod and get to my feet. Reaching out for her, she grabs my arms and I pull her up and into a hug. I hold her close.

"Thank you" I whisper.

"Anytime babe." She pauses for a minute "God, I can wait to have this baby and be able to full out hug you again. I miss laying on top of you"

I smile and wipe away my tears, letting go of the hug "Me too."

"Lets go do this" she reminds me.

I nod "Team?"

"Always." She replies and takes my hand , kissing the back of it.

We walk out of the bathroom and back into the living room. Emy was sitting on the couch, with Lindsey next to her. She must have gotten here while I was…freaking out.

"You alright?" Emy asks

I nod "Yeah, I'm fine"

I see her exchange a look with Sara who nods as I walk over and give Lindsey a hug "It's nice to see you" I tell her.

"So good to see you too. It's been a while" she replies.

Sara comes over and they exchange greetings too. Sara and I have a seat on the couch perpendicular to the one they're on. She curls up to my shoulder and I wrap an arm around her.

"Emy just told me what they're playing on the news. Fuckers." Lindsey told me

I shrugged and looked at Sara "Let 'em talk" I said, smiling at my partner.

"Look at the two of you. Doesn't even phase you" Emy mentioned.

That comment snapped me back to the problem at hand. "We've got bigger fish to fry"

Sara nodded "Guys, there's something Tegan and I want to tell you. Can you promise to keep an open mind?"

Emy and Lindsey look at each other and nod, then look back at us "Yea, sure. What's up?" Lindsey asks.

I take a breath and look at Sara, then turn back to them "Remember how we hated each other, then woke up one morning and were just…POOF in love?"

They nod and I look back at Sara, gulping, She nods, understanding.

"WE, Tegan and I never hated each other" Sara says.

Emy and Lindsey start laughing.

"What Sara's trying to say is that, that night…the night before the POOF, we were different people" I add

They slow down the laughter "Well, yeah" Emy says.

"No, like that wasn't us" I add in "Fuck! This is going to sound crazy"

Emy and Lindsey are looking at us curiously now "What do you mean?" Emy asks.

I take a few more deep breaths to work up the courage "Kaki King's a Fairy, there's another world. In the womb, we were switched with this world's Tegan and Sara by some big bad because we're destined to kill him. Kaki switched us back. So we came here, and your Tegan and Sara went to our world" I sighed once it was all out in the open.

Lindsey and Emy stared at us "And now you think we're crazy" I say, throwing my arms up and shaking my head.

Sara rubs my knee "Look guys, I know it sound unbelieveable, but it's true. A few months ago when Tegan…when Tegan was abusing me…" She says, giving my knee a squeeze. I rub her back in return.

"I knew it!" Emy said, standing up, and coming towards me "You sick fuck! She was pregnant! How dare you?"

Emy went to hit me, and I simply swatted her fist aside. How did I do that?

"Emy, stop!" Sara yelled "That wasn't Tegan"

"But you said…" She whined, turning to Sara and backing off of me.

"That wasn't THIS Tegan. There was a mix-up and they got switched. The other Tegan was…she was so mad that she couldn't be with you" she said, looking to Lindsey "that she took it out on me. She didn't know I was pregnant until that last day."

Sara chokes on her words, holding back the tears. I'm sending her all the love I can through my palm on her back.

"Thank god MY Tegan got back, or I'd be dead" she finally let the tears out, looking at me lovingly.

I closed my eyes and breathed, moving the hair off her face and cupping her cheek. We both took the moment of being in our own world before facing them. They looked shocked.

"I don't…I don't.." Lindsey rambled "Tegan…with me? But Sara, you were with me, when…"

I nod "Maybe here, but back in our world" I scrunched my face, this was so odd "we were together. Like for a long time. I had to like chase you and everything"

"But you two…weren't you together?" Lindsey asked.

Oh, this is the big one. I bit the side of my bottom lip.

"We were twin sisters" Sara said point blank.

Lindsey's face exploded in shock. Emy shook her head.

"No, no. I don't' know what the fuck you did to brainwash her Tegan, but this is SICK! This is sick I tell you. " Emy walked over to Sara and took her hands "Sara, listen to me. You can't let her do this to you anymore. Whatever she's made you believe is not true."

Sara laughed "Emy, it's okay really. She hasn't brainwashed me."

Sara looks over at me affectionately and we exchange looks as Emy's giving me the death glare. I can see Emy look back to Lindsey out of the corner of my eye, and suddenly Lindsey's looking angrily over at me too. No! She thinks that…

"I've never hurt Sara! I'll never hurt Sara! Fuck! How do you two not see that her and Dani are my life" I say point blank.

Emy turns to Sara "Sara, please come with me. Let me help you. You don't have to suffer anymore."

"Emy, really I'm fine. I'm not leaving Tegan" she replies, taking my hand.

Emy sighs and I look at Lindsey "Want me to prove it to you?"

Emy looks up at me quizzically as Lindsey nods.

"When you were 7, you had a dog named Jasper who ate one of your Barbie's heads, choked and died. You still blame yourself for his death. I bet you didn't tell THAT to me here, but you did in the other world" I tell her.

She looks shocked "Emy, they're telling the truth".

Sara turns to Emy "You weren't potty trained until you were 4" Sara mentions.

Emy's eyes go wide "How do you know that?"

"You told me. In the other world, we were married for 5 years" Sara tells her. She looks over at me "We were born twins, but we were mean to be lovers. I spent every day from the age of 13 wanting Tegan. I thought it would never happen, then one day it did. The next day, we wake up here, in this house, in this life. Then she was ripped from me" Sara snuggled back into me, hugging me "only to come back and save mine and Dani's lives. Tegan has done nothing but protect me since the beginning."

I lean down and kiss her head. Emy sighs and looks at Lindsey, shrugging "Okay."

We sat in silence for a bit, before Emy spoke up again "it actually makes a lot of sense."

I nod, giving Dani a little rub "I'm glad you guys know. It was hard keeping it from you."

"You were really sisters?" Lindsey asked.

"Phh-yea. Can you believe it?" Sara replied.

"So our Tegan and Sara are in your world?" Emy asks.

I gulp as Sara answers "Yeah." She's rubbing my forearm quickly, trying to drain my anxiety.

Emy and Lindsey sit with the new information for a bit. I look to Sara, needing some comfort and she wraps her arms tightly around my midsection, then kisses my cheek. I look back up at them.

"Kaki came to me last night and said that When the Lake changes states you know what's at stake" I told them "I don't know what it means, but I know this big bad is going to come after Dani.."

"No one's touching Dani" Lindsey immediately states.

"Yeah. We're not letting anyone near her guys" Emy adds in.

I nod "Thanks. I'm going to fight my best for this but honestly, we don't know what we're fighting. I'm really lost in all of this. I have no idea what to expect"

"Tegan, we'll take this step by step as it comes; as we've taken on everything in life" Sara reassures me.

I nod "So we've got you two on our side?" I ask.

"100%, Teegs" Lindsey assures me.

"Yeah. I'm in. By the way, sorry about the…" Emy apologizes.

I nod" it's alright. You were protecting Sara. I can hardly fault you for that."

"How did you? I mean you just swatted my punch away like it was a paper airplane. How did you do that?" Emy asks

"I don't know. Lately I've been…stronger." I tell them.

"In what ways?" Emy asks.

Sara answers for me by lifting my shirt to reveal my stomach. I see Emy and Lindsey's jaws drop.

"Holy shit, Tegan!" Lindsey exclaims "Is that real?"

I nod, and push my shirt down, blushing. "I've got all these instincts too. Like when that girl lunged at Sara, and when I had to fight off the other Tegan and…send her back. Hey, lets order a pizza?" I say Before kissing Sara's head then getting up and heading over to grab the phone.

"The usual?" I ask.

Everyone shrugs and nods and I start dialing as they have a conversation in the background.

"When the lake changes states, you know what's at stake. What does that mean?" Emy asks.

I see Lindsey bite the inside of her cheek as she thinks.

"Well, let's deconstruct it. Like a puzzle. So we have the lake, which I mean…" she points outside "is obvious. But states: what do they mean by states? What are the definitions of states?" Emy answers.

"Geographical" Emy pitches in.

"Maybe the pH level will change, that would be a change of states" Lindsey adds.

"We should test the pH of the lake, and map out its current geographical parameters. We'll need a baseline before we can assess whether or not either of those are changing.

I hang up the phone and catch the last bit "Wait! Water. When I was ripped from this world a few months ago, I'd fallen overboard. I woke up in the other world. The water transported me."

Emy looks at Lindsey and her eyes go wide with realization "What if the pH change is a pre-emptor to the portal opening? If the lake changes pH states, AND geographical states, then it could potentially erode the basin and take over the house, swallowing everyone up and transporting us to God knows where" Emy states in a panic "We need to keep an eye on this. Lets go get those baseline measurements." Emy turns to Lindsey "Lets go grab the tools. We can get pH strips at the pool store, and I can grab some measurement tools at the hardware store" Lindsey nods and turns to Me "We'll be back in an hour."

I nod and look at Sara, who was deep in thought. The front door closed as Lindsey and Emy left. I walked over to Sara and sat down "We have the best friends." She doesn't respond, and looks deep in thought "What are you thinking about?" I ask, rubbing her back.

She sighs but doesn't look up at me "I feel like it's simpler than that. These prophecy things are always simpler than the characters make them out to be. I have this feeling that we're overthinking it."

"Sara, this is real life. This isn't a novel, or a movie. Prophecies are super cryptic here" I explain.

"Maybe you're right. And well, it's all we've got right now" she said, defeated.

Taking a breath, I rubbed her belly. "How are you feeling?" I asked.

"Alright. My legs are still really sore, but the distraction is helping. I only wish it was a better distraction" is her answer.

I nod "I'm sorry, love. I know this pregnancy's been tough for you."

She nods "It'll be worth once she's here though. Tegan, we're gonna have a daughter. Like a person. We're gonna have another person. That's so scary to think about".

I smile "Yeah. But so wonderful. I can't wait to parent with you."

Sara smiles in return and I put my hand on the heating pad that's now cold "Babe, do you want me to heat this back up for you?" I ask.

She nods "Please?"

I smile and lean in for a sweet kiss before getting up, and bringing the heating pad to the microwave.

"Tegan, while you're up can you grab the jar of peanut butter?" She called out.

"On it. Oreos too?" I asked.

"Do we have some left?" she replies.

"Yes, because I hid them from you." I chuckle.

"Tegan Quin, you did no such thing!" she exclaimed.

"Sara Quin, I know how you are with cookies. You should be thanking me, because without me, you wouldn't have cookies right now." I reason, opening the cupboard I was hiding the cookies in. I can practically hear her sigh from the couch "When do your classes start?" I ask.

"Next week." She replies "They're start when you want, so I wanted to get started sooner rather than later. I bet I can finish my coursework before Dani's born" she challenges herself.

"I bet you can, Mrs. Speed Reader. I bet you finish two" I add in as the microwave beeps.

I grab the heating pad out of it, and snag the jar of peanut butter off the counter, heading over to Sara. I put the snacks down on the coffee table, then get behind her on the couch, putting the heating pad on her lower back, then wrapping my arms around her and kissing her neck.

"This is perfect" she moans, untwisting the jar of peanut butter.

"You're telling me" I mumble before burying my face in her back.

"You're super snuggly today now, arenchya?" she giggles, taking a bite of the cookie.

I nod in her back. I slowly pull my face out to whisper to her. "I'm so grateful for you and for the universe righting itself. I sometimes forget how close we've come time after time to not being together. For me to not be here, like this with you. The way I feel with you Sara, there are no words. I just feel…alive and happy. You bring me to life. Sometimes I forget that not everyone gets an experience like this in their lives. And I'm just…so thankful that's all" I finish, then bury my face back into her.

"I love when you get your sentimental moments. They come out of left field, and you always say the most beautiful things" she whispers back. I feel her reach around and grab my bum "And you have the sexiest ass."

I laugh. "I can always count on you to make some kind of ass remark."

She gives me a light smack and moans. I raise an eyebrow and slip my hand under the waistband of her maternity jeans and into her underwear. I hear her gasp and moan, so I continue, until my fingers find wetness.

"Tegan" she purrs.

I smile evilly and stroke her center. I use my free hand to lift her leg and drape it over my hips so that she's open. She moans louder, as I can access her clit now. My fingers find it and I'm rewarded with a hiss.

"That the spot?" I ask.

She chuckles and nods "You know very well that's the…"

I cut her off by entering her with two fingers. She pushes her face into the arm of the couch and wiggles her hips back into me. Oh yeah. That's the spot. I move in and take her earlobe into my mouth.

"You are so fucking sexy" I whisper as I curl my fingers up.

"Oh fuck!" she exclaims.

Sara reached back and takes hold of my ass again, grinding hers into my crotch as I work inside of her. I find that ridge deep inside, and run my fingers over it. I look down and see her toes curl. I can play this woman like a fiddle.


	29. Moments Like This

**Warnings: TRIGGERS IN THIS CHAPTER!TRIGGER WARNING! TRIGGER WARNING! TRIGGER WARNING! CONTAINS SCENES OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, RAPE, AND MURDER.**Chapter contains a homosexual incestual relationship and sexual content between two women. If you don't like it, don't read it.

**Rating:** M

**Summary:** What happens when she gets her wish and Tegan finds herself in an alternate reality where Sara is her girlfriend, and not her sister? Will be a LONG fic, updated often.

**A/N**: Busted my bottom to get this one up. Enjoy.

**Disclaimer:** COMPLETELY FICTIONAL!

In case you missed it: **TRIGGER WARNING! CONTAINS SCENES OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, RAPE, AND MURDER.**

**Chapter 29 – Moments Like This.**

**Sara's POV**

I looked out at the lake from my spot on the dock. Emy, Lindsey, and Tegan were all hard at work taking and recording measurements. They wouldn't let me help. Tegan bundled me up and sat me on the dock with my book. I hate feeling so useless, but I was sore. I really can't wait to finally give birth. I close my book, unable to concentrate on it and watch Tegan. It's been one of my favourite pastimes since we were little: just to watch her move, and her facial expressions, and all the little things she did that were just Tegan. Boy was it cold out here. I pulled the blanket around me a little snugger and sighed. The fall nip in the air was really setting in. Thanksgiving is coming up. So's the baby shower. I sigh. I've always wanted to be pregnant for Halloween though. I always thought that was cute. Yup, my December due date was fast approaching.

I look out across the lake, running my hands over Dani who was now kicking like a champ. I close my eyes and try and picture what she's going to look like. All I know is that Mum got her some super cute jumpers. Tegan's even more anxious to meet her than I am. I guess I do have a one up, she IS growing inside of me. I look across the lake. We can have hockey parties for her birthday.

My mind sits on that for a minute. I can't wait for the lake to freeze. We're far enough into the mountains that it should happen not far into winter. Wait…

I gasp.

"GUYS!" I yell out.

The boat starts coming back to shore. Before they dock, Tegan jumps onto the dock in a panic

"No, no I'm fine. But the lake. It's going to freeze!" I tell them.

Tegan rolls her eyes "Well yeah, but not until mid-December. "

"I'm due in Mid-December!" I exclaim.

"Sara, I'd do many things for you, but I can't make it freeze over faster."

"NO! You're not getting it. It's going to Freeze! It's going to go from a liquid state to a solid state right around when Dani's born" I explain.

Tegan's eyes go wide and Emy and Lindsey roll their eyes "Holy shit, I feel like a moron. pH levels? What the fuck were we thinking?" Emy exclaimed.

Tegan shook her head at me "Oh you. You were right. It was simpler than we thought."

I smiled at her "What was that?"

She chuckled "You were right."

I nodded and took the hug from her, letting her lift me to my feet in the embrace.

"Lets go eat that pizza now" I tell her.

We nod and I turn to Lindsey and Emy "Don't kill yourselves over this guys, lets just be happy we have a timeline now. We can all relax for the time being."

They nodded "Of course YOU figure it out!" Lindsey exclaims

"What's that supposed to mean?" I ask as we start to walk towards the house.

I don't get an answer, everyone just laughs.

We ate and watched a movie before Lindsey and Emy left. When the door closed, I turned to Tegan and sighed, walking right into her arms and putting my head on her chest.

"I'm exhausted" I tell her.

"Do you want a bath?" she asks.

I moan at the idea. Baths are my best friend right now. I nod and she smiles. I feel her lean down. What is she doing? I'm lifted into her arms and I smile.

"I love that you can do this" I tell her.

"Me too, love" she responds along with a kiss on the tip of my nose.

I giggle and she starts to carry me to our bedroom. She lays me down on our bed, and goes to draw the bath. I sigh and look at the ceiling, enjoying the soft bed beneath my achy back.

"Babe, what are we doing for Thanksgiving?" I call out.

"I dunno. I was guessing Mum, Dallas, and Leah were gonna come here" she calls back.

"Maybe we should actually invite them. We should do that tomorrow" I respond back.

"Alright Sare. Do we wanna do something for Halloween? It's not like we're gonna get trick or treaters here."

I sighed and thought about it. She was right. We were really secluded "I dunno. We really should do something for the fans though. I bet they're getting restless."

"I tweeted out a picture of you a week ago. They're still ooing and awing over it" she calls back.

"You did not! What was the picture of?" I ask

"Remember when I came home and found you balancing a glass of orange juice on your belly while you were reading?" She responds.

"TEGAN!" I call back, appalled.

"What? It was cute. They all thought so too" she responded, then walked back into our room.

"I'm here to escort you to your bath, m'lady" she says in her best English accent.

I laugh at her "Oh, really? You're such a dork."

She smiles and scoops me up "But I'm YOUR dork"

"That you are" I purr and let her undress me, then carry me to the tub. I see the bath thermometer in the form of a ducky bobbing in the water.

I sigh and let her ease me into the tub. I immediately feel my belly lighten and moan.

"I tossed in some Epsom salts to help your achiness" she mentions as she pulls her shirt over her head.

"Oh fuck Tegan, this is heaven" I rub my legs together as they are finally back to feeling like normal legs.

She smiles "I'm glad you can relax. You deserve it." She strips off her jeans, then underwear before joining me in the tub. I let her slip in behind me and wrap her arms around me. I lean back into her and sigh. One of my favourite places to be. My hand traces the 'I love you' and 'Sara' tattoos before she reaches for the body wash and starts to wash my back. I lean forward and moan.

"I could fall asleep right here" I whisper.

"Don't, you'll faceplant into the water. Come here, lean back and I'll wash your front. You can fall asleep against me."

And I did. As soon as my head hit her chest.

Tegan must have dried and dressed me, because I woke up the next morning tucked snugly into bed with my arms around her.

I smiled and reached out, petting the back of her head before looking at the alarm clock. It was only 4am. Why am I up?

Just then, Dani kicked me and I groaned. That's why. I really have to pee. I went to the bathroom, then headed back to bed. She kicked me again. I sighed and rubbed my tummy.

"C'mon baby girl. Mama's gotta sleep" I whispered to her.

I was answered by a harder kick and deflated onto my back on the bed, rolling my eyes. I looked over at Tegan who was fast asleep. There's no way I'm gonna get back to sleep. After knowing this, I rolled onto my side and using all my strength got out of bed. I headed out into the living room, and down stairs.

I got to the studio and grabbed my acoustic. It was soundproof down here, so I didn't have to worry about waking Tegan up. I strummed a chord and Dani quieted down, stopping the kick. I smiled.

"You like that, eh little one?"

I bet she can feel the vibrations of the wood through my tummy. I smiled and started playing Back In Your Head. Halfway through I yawned. I played for a bit, but got bored and headed into the controls room, firing up the computer. Tegan usually does the stuff with the fans. Maybe I should try. I wonder if any of them are up at 5am? I checked the twitter to see the cry out of the picture. I laughed. It really was a sweet picture. I started typing out a Facebook post.

_Greetings. It's the other Quin this time. I know, I'm not really the tweeter in the family, but here I am. I couldn't sleep and Tegan's a lazy motherfucker who's sleeping like a log right now and I'm bored. What do you when you're bored at 5am?_

As soon as I posted it, notifications came pouring in. I clicked the first one and got a link to a cat video. I stayed up all night replying to posts and watching random videos people sent me. Then, I was sent a link to a story about Tegan and I. They call them fanfics. I giggled. This felt naughty. I wonder how many of them write about our sex life. That was answered very quickly. I was down there until 9am when Tegan started yelling my name.

"DOWNSTAIRS!" I called out.

She came barrelling down the stairs and swung open the French doors as I shut down the computer and swiveled the chair to face her.

"Good morning, darling" I tell her innocently.

"You scared the shit out of me" she said while exhaling a held in breath.

"Dani woke me up and I couldn't get back to sleep. Didn't want to wake you up so I came down here. It seems like most of our fans are awake at 4am too" I joke.

She chuckles "Oh, I'm sure they love you now. Want to go out for breakfast?"

I nod "That sounds great. Just let me get dressed."

An hour later, we find ourselves in a mom and pop style diner. I'm looking the menu over and I feel Tegan snake her foot up my calf. I smile. She always wants to be touching me. Not that I mind. It's just cute. Taking a drink of my water, I sit back in the booth.

"I've gotta stop at the hardware store after this. Pick up some tools for the weekend. I'm going on a build." Tegan tells me, not looking up from her menu.

"Yeah. I should probably get some bigger clothes too. Our kid's gonna be huge. I've almost outgrown my maternity stuff. I'm thinking about just giving up and living in sweats."

"Why not? We can hit Zellers and you can get a bunch of 'em" She tells me.

"You wouldn't mind me wearing sweats for two months?" I ask.

"Why would I mind. It' not like I only like you for your clothes, dummy!" she responds, never looking up from the menu. "Know what you're getting?"

I nod "Bacon, Eggs, and a tall glass of you"

She giggles "Later."

I smile and the waitress comes over so we order. I look back at Tegan "Remember our first date?"

She laughs "When I didn't tell you we were on a date and ordered the duck?"

I chuckle "Yeah. I never thought we'd be here. That seems like so long ago."

"Yeah. Oh man I wanted you so bad that night, then I just woke up and…" she blushed.

"Honey, you're adorable when you blush."

That made her blush deeper.

"Is there anywhere else you want to go while we're in the city?" I ask

She shakes her head "I wanna get home to watch the game with you. Oh, don't forget, we've gotta call the family today."

I nod. "Yes, Tegan. Maybe we should stop by that baby store on 14th and have a look around. I know mum got us almost everything we could possibly ever need, but I'd like to have a look for myself."

"Alright. Sounds like fun."

"She's been super active today" I note, rubbing my tummy as Dani kicked me.

"I bet it's getting cramped in there" Tegan notes.

"Yeah, well, she should be happy she didn't have to share it with someone" I jab.

I can see Tegan retreat at the comment "Oh, babe, I didn't mean it like that. I'm sure we were snuggly in there, I was just making a joke. I wouldn't have wanted to share a womb with anyone else."

I see her gulp and nod. Ouch struck a nerve there. Note to self: no more womb jokes.

We got home in the afternoon and I went to nap while Tegan put away the stuff we bought. The store had a baby sling, I thought it was cool and made her buy it. I laid down and closed my eyes. Not sleeping the night before had taken a lot out on me. I grabbed my pregnancy pillow and curled up to it, moaning as it smelt like Tegan. My back and feet hurt from walking. This pregnancy thing was cool the first few months, and now it's just annoying. I drift off quickly.

**Tegan's POV**

We ended up grocery shopping so Sara could get more cookies, and left with half the store. She was exhausted and fell asleep in the truck, so I sent her to nap while I put it away. I hate that she's not sleeping. Tonight I'm going to make sure she sleeps well. She needs it.

Once everything's put away, I sigh and collapse on the couch with a coke. I could really use some weed right about now. I'm feeling pretty tired too, but am going to enjoy some me time. With Sara being so sore lately, it's been all about her…sexually. She wants to lend me a hand, but she's so tired all the time and her back hurts. I don't mind at all, but right now I'm going to explode. I take a sip of my coke and turn the TV on. I scroll through the Pay Per Views and find some porn. I undo the button of my jeans and slip them off, letting my hand slip into my underwear and rub myself as the movie starts playing. I take a deep breath and find my clit, rubbing it in circles. Wow, I'm really wet.

I arch my back and focus on the screen, moving my fingers to enter myself. I'm really tight. It's been a while. I haven't had to masturbate in a long time. I wonder if I can still…oh yeah. I feel my fingers find a familiar spot that sends shocks through my body. I smile and roll my hips into my movements. I feel everything tighten and then let my orgasm take over. It's short and non-climactic. Nothing like with Sara. Nothing at all, but it'll do. I sigh and close my eyes.

**Sara's POV**

I slowly come into consciousness and smile. I feel good. I stretch and relax into the bed. I needed that nap. But now I want Tegan snuggles. I can hear the TV on in the other room, and I slowly make my way to my feet. I take another moment to stretch, then walk down the hallway. When I see her, I muffle a giggle. She fell asleep with her hand in her underwear, watching porn. Oh this is too cute. I walk around and sit on the couch, moving her legs onto my lap. I slowly moved her hand aside and replaced it with my own. I rubbed her clit gently and was rewarded with a moan and her back arching.

"Good morning gorgeous" I teased.

Her eyes shot open and she huffed, putting her hand over her eyes.

"That feels fucking good" she moaned.

I smiled and slipped two fingers into her, forcing her to buck her hips. I crawled up her body, supporting myself on my one hand and having just enough room between us for my belly. I kissed her passionately and curled my fingers again. Instead of wrapping her arms around me, she put her palms out and supported my shoulders.

"Let go, I've got you" she whispered

I let go of holding myself up, and let her as I moved inside of her. She moaned and I missed her again, needing to feel that moan vibrate in my mouth. I felt her tilt her pelvis into the couch and added more pressure. Suddenly, something felt wrong. I gently pulled out and wiped my fingers on my pants, then sat back and pulled her into my arms. Here come the water works. The only person I've ever been with who can well up with emotions just before they come.

I feel the tears on my neck as she curls into me and I kiss the top of her head. There are two reasons why Tegan cries out of the blue: her mind's just clued her into some fear, or something hit her deep and made her happy. One required talking, the other didn't.

"Do you wanna talk?" I whispered.

She shook her head. She's happy. I kiss her temple and feel Dani kick. Tegan must have felt her too, because her hand goes to my belly before she lifts my shirt off of it and kisses it. I feel the tears falling on my skin and my heart is swelling form such a touching moment. I wonder if Dani will get emotional like Tegan.

I run my hands through her hair and she rests her cheek on my tummy.

"I'm sorry" she whispers.

"Don't be. I love that you share your emotions with me like this. I never want you to hide this from me. This Tegan, this is way more intimate than sex. And is that more important" I whisper back and lean my head down to lay on hers.

Fingertips dance across my bare skin and she looks up at me, kissing me softly.

"You're perfect" she whispers.

I nod "I know. I'm glad you see it too"

She smiles.

"I'm only perfect when I'm with you" I remind her. "You bring it out in me."

I get a sigh in response.

"How do you always know when I want to stop and just need to cry into you?" she asks while drawing lazy circles on my tummy.

"I just…get this feeling. Something inside me tells me to stop and hold you, and I listen" I tell her.

"It's perfect. Everytime. Yous top just before I realize that I want you to. I don't even know it's going to happen until you pull me into you, and it all just floods my senses" she mumbles as she puts her face into my chest.

"Did you know that your tits are the BEST pillows?" she asks

I chuckle "Enjoy it while you can, soon they'll be leaky. Wet pillows aren't fun."

I see her grimace.

"Her, someone's gotta feed this kid" I remind her.

She laughs and moves away from me to look into my eyes. Moments like these are perfect.


	30. My Superman

**Warnings: TRIGGERS IN THIS CHAPTER!TRIGGER WARNING! TRIGGER WARNING! TRIGGER WARNING! CONTAINS SCENES OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, RAPE, AND MURDER.**Chapter contains a homosexual incestual relationship and sexual content between two women. If you don't like it, don't read it.

**Rating:** M

**Summary:** What happens when she gets her wish and Tegan finds herself in an alternate reality where Sara is her girlfriend, and not her sister? Will be a LONG fic, updated often.

**A/N**: I don't know why I feel that these fluffy filler chapters are necessary, but I write them anyways. Hello Procrastination. Anyways, enjoy. Don't forget to Review!

**Disclaimer:** COMPLETELY FICTIONAL!

In case you missed it: **TRIGGER WARNING! CONTAINS SCENES OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, RAPE, AND MURDER.**

**Chapter 30 – My Superman**

**Sara's POV**

My eyes scan the computer screen, carefully reading each word of the paper I'm about to submit. I take another sip of my chamomile tea and let its warmth cascade down my raw throat. Tegan and I had caught colds a few days ago. She'd gotten it worse than me, but refused to miss a day on her current build with Habitat for Humanity. I packed her a special lunch to hopefully bring her a smile during what I know's going to be a rough day. Sighing, I finish reading the document and hit "submit". My first university paper is done. This feels good. I sit back in my big, brown leather chair and rub my tummy. 32 weeks now.

We had a great Thanksgiving. Mom cooked a whole spread, refusing to let me or Tegan do anything. It turned into Dallas and Tegan cracking out the acoustics. I would have joined but playing was uncomfortable for me at this point. I was starting to get winded by just walking a few steps. Emy and Lindsey came by more often for dinner and board games. It was nice: being off and just enjoying my family; even though, they all insisted that we watch horror movies at Halloween. Not my favourite.

Now, I was looking forward to the weekend, and the baby shower. Mum was maybe more excited than me. She had all these dumb games planned. I really just wanted to see all my friends while my life was still my own.

I felt my nipple leak and groaned in frustration. That started just this morning and is taking some getting used to. Good thing Mum thought ahead and had bought nipple pads months ago. I woke up with a wet shirt this morning. Tegan thought it was hilarious. It really is annoying.

I closed my laptop and slowly and painfully got up from my chair. I was now using the stereotypical pregnant woman, hand-on-back way to get up. Scanning my books, I pinpointed the one I was looking for, and grabbed it. I headed into the living room to curl up under some blankies with my tea and read about the history of sociology.

**Tegan's POV**

I felt the wood finally give way as I moved the saw through the last inch. Pulling my hand off the trigger, the blade stopped. I put the safety on and looked up, seeing my breath. It was cold. I looked around at the other volunteers, everyone hard at work. I coughed deeply into my elbow and shivered. I hate being sick. The house was so close to being done though. Grabbing the piece I'd just cut, I walked into the building and handed it off to Steve, the framing guy.

"Nice job, Quin. You can really work that saw" he praised.

I smiled and nodded "It's all in the elbow."

He chuckled and I went back to my station, grabbing my thermos of hot chocolate Sara had thoughtfully packed me this morning. Today was all tea, hot cocoa, homemade soup, and a slice of hot apple pie. Not to mention the adorable note she slipped in there. I took a swig and sighed at the relief it brought me. Eric, the flooring guy walked up to me.

"I wish my gal'd pack me a nice lunch like that. I'm stuck with fast food again. That wife of yours is something special" he told me, taking a drink of his Tim Horton's cup.

I nodded "Yeah. She really is."

"She about ready to pop yet?" he asked.

I nodded "One more month. You've got how many Eric?"

"Four. 8, 10, 14, and 17" He replies.

"Wow. I think the one's enough for me" I tell him.

"They're a handful for sure. Worth every second though."

I nod and cough again. He claps me on the back "Just a cold" I reply.

He chuckles "That's the spirit. I knew you were a tough one. Almost quitting time though. Then you can go home and curl up next to that good lookin' wife of yours"

I smile. I can't wait for that.

"Well, I best be getting back to work. These floors ain't gonna lay 'emselves" he tells me with a wink.

He walks away and I chuckle to myself, getting back to my own work. I think if I hadn't become a musician, I would have loved to work in construction. The atmosphere here is really nice. Everyone's so friendly. No one's swooning over my fame, we're all just here to donate our time and work to families in need. I picked up the next sheet of plywood and started up the saw again.

**Sara's POV**

Reading my textbook, I was right in the middle of the chapter on Ancient Greece, when Mum walked in the front door.

"Hey Mum" I called out.

"Hey. I brought you guys some dinner" she told me.

I finished the page and closed the book, putting it on the coffee table "Thanks. I was just doing some reading for school."

She put some bags on the table, then took off her jacket and shoes, walking in and having a seat next to me "How's that going?" she asked.

"Really well. I finished all the coursework for one class already. Working on the next" I told her.

"Wow. Sara, that's impressive. I always knew you were an academic" she says proudly and brushed the hair off my face.

"When does Tegan get home?" she asked.

"Six." I reply.

She sighs "She really shouldn't be leaving you here alone for that long" she says.

"Mum, I'm perfectly fine. All I do all day is read and do homework" I tell her.

"Good. I don't want anything to happen to my little Dan-Dan" she coos, leaning in and talking to my tummy.

Dani kicked and I smiled, grabbing her hand and putting it on my tummy.

"Keep talking to her, she heard you" I tell her.

"Is Mama treating you good Dani? Grandma loves you. Yes she does" Mum oogled.

She was rewarded with a kick that made her smile though. I smiled in return.

"She's really active. Kicks away all the time. Donchya little one?" I can't help cooing at her too.

I smile so wide I feel like my cheeks are going to crack. I never remember ever being this happy.

"She's gonna be big, that's for sure. Much bigger than little Tegan, or you. I still find is fascinating that you were both born the same day, at the same time, in the same hospital. What a coincidence. Will you be delivering at Met?" she asked.

"Umm…no. I'm going to deliver here" I tell her.

"Here? As in at home? Like the olden days? Oh, Sara you don't have to do that. You can deliver in a hospital now, with drugs. What does Emy say about this?" she asks.

I sigh "Mum, I'm going all natural. Emy thinks it's a great idea. She says I'll be more comfortable at home. We've got a big enough tub, and if something goes wrong, the hospital isn't that far away" I reason.

"Sara, really? Wouldn't you feel safer in the hospital?" she asks.

"Frankly, no. Mum, plenty of women give birth at home now. To happy, healthy babies. It's okay, we've got it under control. Emy's really good at what she does" I tell her.

She sighs and shrugs "Okay, Sara. It's your decision. But know that I'd rather you give birth in a hospital…" she sees I'm about to protest "but it's your body, and your daughter. I know."

I let it go "Thanks, Mum."

I rub my eyes and cough.

"Are you sick?" she asks.

"Just a cold. I'm fine. Been drinking tea" I tell her.

I know she wants to mama bear me, but I won't have it. I get it gratefully from Tegan, but that's enough. I grab the remote and turn the TV on. Our names are up there again. I roll my eyes.

"You'd think they'd have better things to talk about by now" Mum spat out.

I was about to change the channel, but "Breaking News" just happened. What now?

"We interrupt this broadcast to bring you Breaking News from downtown Vancouver, where a young woman has just come forward and confirmed to be having a sexual relationship with musician Tegan Quin from Tegan and Sara."

I laughed so loud it I swear the house would cave in. Mum looked at me like I was going crazy. I saw a picture of Tegan sitting in a booth, across from a young, blonde woman, touching hands and smiling at each other.

The news anchor kept chatting and I just laughed through it, unable to even pay attention to it.

"Why are you laughing? Oh you just wait until I get my hands on my daughter! How could she do such a thing?" Mum panicked.

"Mum, relax" I tried to stifle the laughs "Teegs didn't cheat on me. Oh this is too funny. I bet she freaks out about it too. I should act mad when she comes home."

"How do you know? Did you see that picture?" Mum asked

"Because I know Tegan, and she's the last person in the world who'd ever cheat, especially on me. Trust me" I explain.

Just then, the woman of the hour comes barrelling through the front door. I put on a straight face and look at her sternly as she slams the front door.

"Sara…" she pleads "Sara, I didn't…"

I slowly get to my feet, Mum looking sternly at Tegan too. I walk over and stare at her, right in the eyes. Then I laugh. Her eyes go wide as I fling my arms around her neck.

"Sara? Are you okay?" she asks

I nod "Welcome home, honey. Oh, I needed that laugh. You're home early."

"Yeah, they sent me home when they heard…have you seen the TV?" she asked

I nodded "Hilarious."

"Why is it so funny to you?" she asks

"Because it's so ridiculous. You. Cheating on me?" I laughed

She hugged me tighter and I felt the tension leave her body "You're not mad?"

I chuckled and shook my head "Hell no. Why would I be?"

Then the sigh comes and she smiles, kissing me and giving me a squeeze, before bending over and giving my tummy a kiss. Then she stood up and walked to mum.

"Hi Mum" she said, giving her a hug.

"Tegan." She warned "Are you going to explain that picture?"

Tegan sighed "A…a while ago now, I was having trouble sleeping so I went to a 24 hour diner for something to do, and met that waitress. We talked about babies, and she said her sister was a fan and she was struggling with a son and school. She was showing me a picture of him when that picture was taken. That's it. She gave me pie to bring home to Sara, I left her a big tip. Came home, snuggled up to my wife and fell asleep."

"That was damn good pie too" I added in, remembering it. I sat back down and changed the channel, putting the game on.

Tegan smiled at me, then turned back to Mum "Mum, I swear."

"Tegan Quin, so help me God if I ever catch you cheating on Sara!"

"It won't happen Mum. No one else comes close" Tegan smiles while saying, her voice is sounding more hoarse now.

"Babe, please take some cough syrup and get some tea. You're sounding like shit" I tell her.

She nods, but Mum turns to her "I've got it. Spend some time with your wife. I'm sorry, Tegan."

"Thanks Mum, and it's okay" Tegan says with a grin.

She sits on the sofa, laying down with her head in my lap. I run my fingers over her scalp and she sighs.

"Long day?" I ask

She nods and I run a hand along her arm "Tegan, you're freezing."

"It's cold outside" she responds.

I take the blanket I was wearing before and drape it over her outstretched body. She yawns and rolls onto her side, hear head facing my tummy. I gently lift my shirt and let her talk to Dani.

"Hey baby girl. How was your day? Mommy's so tired, but the house is almost done. We put the floors in today and finished the framing" she relayed, then gave my tummy a kiss that made me giggle. Then, she looked up at me "Thanks for the lunch hon, it was just what I needed today."

"You're welcome, love. Glad I could lend a hand" I purr, raking my hands through her hair again.

Mum puts down some Tea for Tegan on the coffee table, next to mine and hands her a shot glass of cough syrup. Tegan groans as she sits up and takes the shot, putting the glass down on the coffee table. It's my turn to lay in her lap as she puts her feet on the coffee table.

"Thanks mum" she says.

"You really shouldn't be out doing that work I the cold like this when you're sick" Mum scolded her.

"Mum, I'm fine" Tegan groans.

"Have you heard from your brother since Thanskgiving?" she asks.

Tegan sighs and shakes her head "He's on tour, mum. Leah's with him, he's alright. Probably just busy."

"I'm so glad the two of you are done with that, at least for a little. I get so worried when you're out traveling the world" she confesses.

I smile and wrap an arm under Tegan's one knee, resting my hand on the other. I pay attention to the Canuks beating the pants off the Bruins.

"He's fine Mum" Tegan repeats.

"I know. I just worry. Well, I'm going to put out dinner. You two relax" she insists.

"Okay, thanks Mum" I mumble from my spot in Tegan's lap. I look up at my wife and smile "I finished my final paper today for one class. Working on the second class" I tell her.

"That's great babe. I'm so proud of you!" she beamed.

She leaned down and kissed my temple.

"When can you write the exam?" she asks.

"Not until February. I have to fly to Edmonton to do it too. I figured I'll have a couple classes done by then, so I can get them all done at once" I tell her.

She nods "Dani'll be two months then. It's hard to imagine."

I sigh "I hate the idea of leaving her already. I'll pump as much as I can before I go, and it'll just be for the day. It's not that long of a flight."

Tegan nods "We'll work it out. Speaking of breastfeeding. How's your…situation?" she asked

I sighed "Annoying, but under control After you left, I called Mum. She'd already bought me some nursing pads and they were in Dani's top drawer, so I've been wearing those all day."

She nodded and leaned down, giving me another temple kiss "You're Superman, did you know that? I don't know how you're doing this, I'd have been laid up in bed, whining, and making you wait on me hand and foot from the 2nd month on. And here you are up and about, finishing 4 month classes in two weeks. You're amazing. I' so happy I have you to come home to at the end of the day. This is perfect" She whispers to me.

I chuckle "I'd go crazy if I'd been laid up in bed from the 2nd month."

"Girls, dinner" Mum calls.

"Good, I'm hungry" I call out as Tegan pushes me to a seated position.

I let out a huff and let her get up to take my hand and help heft me to my feet.

"Me too" she says, wrapping an arm around my waist and escorting me to the table.


	31. The Big Bad and the Birth

**Warnings: TRIGGERS IN THIS CHAPTER!TRIGGER WARNING! TRIGGER WARNING! TRIGGER WARNING! CONTAINS SCENES OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, RAPE, AND MURDER.**Chapter contains a homosexual incestual relationship and sexual content between two women. If you don't like it, don't read it.

**Rating:** M

**Summary:** What happens when she gets her wish and Tegan finds herself in an alternate reality where Sara is her girlfriend, and not her sister? Will be a LONG fic, updated often.

**A/N**: Based on a Tumblr. Post, you guys opted for skipping the rest of the pregnancy and cutting to the fun stuff. I LOVED writing this chapter and can't wait to write Dani as she grows up. It's super duper uber long and I hope you enjoy it. I'm going to be taking a break from writing after this one, but reviews really are a great motivator. I think it's safe to say that the more reviews (and the more that's in the reviews) will probably end up making my break shorter. One again, thanks for all my readers who have been with me since the start, the ones who've joined mid-way, and all the new readers for hopping on my train to fantasy-land. Talk about a wild motherfucking ride! There are mentions of the happening in the story, the trigger warning is for. This will be the last chapter I'm leaving the warning up for. There will be no more mentions of it in the story, as to maintain safety for my readers. The references to it in here are simply references, with Sara being triggered by it once. It is then explained towards the end of the chapter. Read. Enjoy. Review. (If you want to add me to tumblr, my url is .com.) P.S. this came out to 43 pages in word, and roughly 19,000 words. Now, I'm going to write an exam.

**Disclaimer:** COMPLETELY FICTIONAL!

In case you missed it: **TRIGGER WARNING! CONTAINS SCENES OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, RAPE, AND MURDER.**

**Chapter 31 – The Big Bad and the Birth**

Well, here we are. Four days past my due date. I play the word 'Just' and look up at Emy, not even caring how many points it's worth. She's starting to catch on to my complete impatience with the world.

"Relax and enjoy this time. She'll be here soon enough" Emy reminded me.

I nodded, but tapped my foot nonetheless.

"Maybe we should try connect4 again" she suggested.

I shook my head and looked outside. The lake was going to freeze at any time. I wish Tegan were here. Her and Lindsey were in court right now. She couldn't get out of it. I sighed and bit the inside of my lip. Tegan would know how to entertain me. We've been having a lot of fun trying to induce my labour. I smile, remembering last night. I see Emy roll her eyes.

"I'm half thinking about laying you out on that bed and inducing you myself" she said.

No she didn't, I imagined that. She was actually waving her arms in front of my face, trying to get my attention. I must have spaced out.

"Sorry, I was daydreaming" I told her.

She laughed "No duh! I asked if you were hungry. I can run out and grab us some lunch."

I shook my head and sighed "I'm not hungry"

"Sare, you barely ate at breakfast either. You're gonna want to be strong for the delivery."

I chuckle "We're getting Digiourno instead."

"Ha, ha, ha. You're SO funny. I'm being serious, Sara."

"I just miss Tegan. She should be here" I whine. I pause for another moment then roll my eyes "I guess I could stand to eat."

"What are you in the mood for? Italian, Greek, Chinese?" she asks.

"Chinese gives me wicked painful gas, and the smell of feta makes me queasy. Pasta sounds good though. Oooo can you pick up from that little Italian place on Jenner? They make the best ravioli."

"That little organic, homemade place? Of course I can! Most women want a double quarter pounder before going into labour. You wouldn't happen to want the kale side salad, would you?" she asks with a giggle.

"Yes! Please! That sounds fantastic. Can you get an extra thing of the dressing? I like it on the ravioli too."

She smiles "Sure thing. Anything else?"

I shake my head "Thanks Emy."

"Of course. If your water breaks, or you start having contractions, or something suspicious happens, call me and I'll get here. Got it?"

I nod "Of course. I'll keep my phone on me. I could use some alone time."

"DON'T take a shower or a bath, or go outside, or downstairs!" she re-iterates the rules to me.

I nod "I won't risk it. I might just take a nap."

"That's a great idea. I'll be back soon" she tells me, slipping on her boots and wrapping the scarf around her neck. She sighed and looked back at me.

"Go, I'll be fine. Like I said, I'm just gonna nap" I tell her.

She nods "Maybe I should help you get into bed."

"If it'll make you feel better, then go ahead" I say and start walking down the hallway.

Emy kicks off her boots and follows me as I get into the room. I pull the hoodie over my head. Hoodie and blankets are way too hot. Emy lifted the comforter on my side of the bed, and I crawled in. I grabbed the pregnancy pillow and curled up. She made sure the pillow was supporting me, stuffing it into my body all along its length before sighing and tucking the blankets under my chin. She stooped down and looked me in the eyes.

"Any reason. Call" she reminds me.

I nod and put my phone on the nightstand "Thanks Emy."

"I love you Sara, you're like a sister to me. Of course I'm going to take care of you and that little nugget" she says, then kisses my forehead. "I'm proud of you, did you know that?"

I smiled and nodded "Thanks Emy."

"Alright, get some sleep" she says with a sigh.

I nod and close my eyes, hearing her close the bedroom door.

When I wake up, I can feel someone standing over me. I yawn and slowly sit up. I can tell it's a man. His face is in shadows, but he's of medium build, and looks to be young. He holds something over me and lets it fall into open of my open palms. It's cold and quickly melts. My fear increases: ice.

I hear a sinister laugh as he takes a seat on the bed.

"So, you're the one" his voice booms. "You're the one who's thwarted all my clever plans. I tried to make this easier for you, but no. You just had to survive, and you had to go and trust and communicate. I never understood those human emotions they always blinded your kind. Above all I don't understand this mindless obsession with love. What has love really gotten you?" he asked.

He came closer, revealing his face. It was the runner Tegan assaulted. My eyes went wide, and I swallowed my stomach. I reached for my phone, grabbing for it in the dark. He reached over and took it.

"Ah, ah, ah. Now that wouldn't be too smart now" he said, morphing into Tegan "Now would it, sweetie."

NO, no, no, no, no. It can't be. How did he? I was mentally slammed back to eight months ago. It was HIM. This was the big bad.

"I violated your mind, I violated your body, I almost killed you and your child, but you kept loving me. Just because I looked and sounded like her. Did I feel like her too?" mock-Tegan asked.

All I could do was panic. I tried to strike out, but my hands were chained above my head again. I closed my eyes and tried to quiet my screaming mind, when I felt a warm gush between my legs. I grit my teeth as I realised what that meant.

"Oh, goody, the show's about to start. And soon your precious little one will be mine. Oh, I can use a power like that. I may even let you live to see the destruction…Dani will bring to the world. A little thing about children: you can shape them as you wish. This one's powerful. And your partner saviour is all tied up in the courts and can't help you" mock-Tegan cackled, then morphed again. This time, he turned into the waitress at the diner.

"You stayed with her, even when she cheated on you with me. I didn't realize she had such a skillful mouth" the girl enunciated.

At that moment, a contraction yanked at my abdomen muscles. I took a few deep breaths and heard the laugh. It was different this time than the diner girl. When I opened my eyes, I saw the 13 year old fan that Tegan tackled "I still don't understand how you could stay with someone so clearly violent. Even towards a little girl." He morphed again, this time to a middle aged woman. She sat there, staring at me, the only face so far I didn't recognize, but it looked familiar.

"Oh sweetie, if only you'd listened to me when I said that, that Tegan Green was no good for you. There was a reason I forbid you from seeing her" the woman said, warmly.

I knew this woman. "Mom?"

She smiled sweetly "Well, of course my little Sare Bear. Why would you kill your own parents just to be with that girl?" she asked.

A memory flashed past me. I've had all the memories so far, but this was the first one of my parents. We were screaming at each other, in a kitchen.

"I will cut your legs off before I let you see that blasted girl again, Sara Quin!" My father boomed.

"Dad, you can't do that! I love her. I will always love her! She's like my sister" I yelled back.

"You will marry Jordan! The wedding is this spring. You will not dishonour this family" My mother spat at me, slapping my face.

"I don't even LIKE Jordan. Mom, I'm 12 years old. I don't want to get married. I'm too young" I started to cry.

"What are those? Tears? Are you a baby Sara? Only babies cry" My mother chastised me.

"Mom, don't make me do this please. All I know is that when I'm with Tegan, I feel at home. I belong. I feel right. I've never felt that before" I whimper.

"Aww, isn't that cute. This life isn't cute though it's hard and you need a man to help you through it. I thought we raised you better" my mother yelled at me. She put her hands on her hips "If you don't stop that blubbering we'll toss you downstairs for the weekend. Do you want that?"

I shook my head "You go right ahead. Tegan'll come save me. She won't let you hurt me anymore."

My father laughed and took my by the throat "If that happens, then I'll kill the little bitch and rape her dismembered body."

I felt my stomach rise and rage take over. No one will ever hurt Tegan. EVER. I reached into my pocket and grabbed my ballpoint pen. I stabbed him I the eye and he let go of me, as the blood ran down his face. I turned to my Mom, who was reaching for a knife. I grabbed the frying pan off the stove and swung at her head. I heard a sickening crack and she smacked her head on the counter again, falling limp on the floor. My feet moved so fast out the back door. I had to get to Tegan. I had to be in that home that made me feel so safe, with the Mum that cared about me and the girl who was my other half. The memory dissipated.

My mom laughed, then morphed back to the runner. Another contraction hit me as he took the blankets off of me. One of his hands moved over my tummy, and I felt my muscles start to rip form the inside.

I screamed.

"I don't have time to wait for your pathetic human body to deliver her. She's mine" his voice commanded as I felt my body resist.

Then, it all stopped.

"Back off, jerkoff" a familiar voice called out.

Kaki. I looked up to see her and felt so much relief. She waved her arm and the shackles were gone. The man rose to his feet and faced her.

"Well, isn't it the purple fairy? How the fuck did you get here?" he asked

"You know, you really should have better security on your portals. You're too easy to follow" she responded.

I lay there, heaving my breath as the pain radiated out from my stomach. I watched as the man tossed a ball of green energy at Kaki. It hit her in the stomach, sending her back into the wall, but she got to her feet and sent back a purple ball before looking at me.

"Sara! Call Tegan! I can only hold him off for so long" she ordered me

I scrambled for my dropped cell phone, dialing the number.

"Hey babe, how're board games with Emy?" she asked

"Tegan…" I huffed "get home" I winced at the end.

"Sara? Sara what's going on?" I heard on the other line, as I heard her start to run.

"It's happening" I managed to get out.

"Sara, I'm on my way. Where's Emy? Put Emy on the phone."

"She's not…" I gasp as another contraction hits, a thousand more times painful from the recent injury "She's not here."

I look up just to see the big bad guy coming towards me. He tosses a ball of energy at me, and I roll onto the ground right before Kaki gets on his back. The contraction slows and I groan. What's Tegan's panic attack position? I think I feel one coming on. I press my face to the ground and try and calm my mind. Now I see why she likes this.

I can see the feet from the other side of the bed, and soon I can see Kaki's body hit the floor hard. She's out. Oh no. Oh no.

I slowly stand up and meet his cold, dark eyes. He smiles, but a lamp is thrown at his head from behind. It doesn't look like it hurts him, but he looks annoyed. He turns around to see Emy.

"Get away from her" Emy says sternly.

"Oh, a human thinking she can do something. How adorable. You must be the healer" he insults.

"I'm a lot more than a healer. You'll find out if you make one more move towards her" she warns, slowly making her way around the room to me, never taking her eyes off of him.

"Oh, is that so? Well, let's see what you're made of" the big bad contests.

I hear Emy mutter to herself, just as he goes to toss an energy ball her way. It's absorbed mid-air.

"Oh! You're a witch. Oh this is too good. A fairy AND a witch in one day. It must be my lucky day" he says, going after her.

He meets resistance a foot away from us, then puts his hand up and is slowly starting to push in what seems like a force field Emy's creating to keep him out. I can see her weakening. Just before he breaks it, another voice calls from the doorframe. This one shakes away all the pain and fear in me. Tegan. I can almost cry from relief.

"Hey. Back off" she cries out.

He turns to face her, and Emy gets behind me, letting my lean against her. She whispers in my ear.

"Sara, just keep breathing. Did he hurt you?" she asks

I nod as I watch Tegan step up to him. The initial relief now gives way to worrying about her.

"ANOTHER human?" he sighs "So what, you think that your love for them is going to save them?"

"That's EXACTLY what I think" Tegan says, narrowing her eyes.

"You're pathetic just like the rest of your kind. This idea of love is something you create. The only real power is power over others. The power of hurt and fear. I have that power"

"I think that you think you have that power. You can use it all you want, but I will fight until the moment after my last breath for them. I have something to fight for other than greed. And I think that, that's something you should be scared of. There's a reason you're coming after my daughter. You're terrified that she's going to kill you."

"Well, I'd rather extinguish any possibility of that before it happens, but I'm hardly afraid of a baby."

"Well guess what pal, you just messed with the wrong cub."

He laughs "Oh that's too good. What are you? A bear?"

"Want to find out?" Tegan raises an eyebrow.

I groan as another contraction hits. Emy rubs my shoulders and I can hear her counting how long it is in my ear, then take my hand so I can squeeze it. I hear another groan as Kaki slowly stands up and shakes off the knock out.

"There's something you didn't take into account, Ivanov. The prophecy says that the product of the truest love will extinguish your flames and damn you to pre-existance. Did you consider that it wasn't the child?" Kaki says with a smile.

"Of course it's the child. Who else would be the product of the truest love?"

I feel a recognition run through me and I shut my eyes tightly, thinking of happy memories with Tegan.

"That's it Sara. Keep going" Kaki encourages me.

Brushing past her at Starbucks, and feeling the electricity; waking up to find her gorgeous body riding me; being so sick I couldn't form sentences and having her arms around me, as she refused to leave my side; every time I was feeling down, or something horrible happened, crying into her; all the baths; the lovemaking; the night on the boat; her song for me.

I open my eyes as Ivanov charges her. I watch as her now, muscular form tightens and she meets him partway. She's glowing in a light pink colour. She looks charged up, and when her body collides with his, she meets him with equal strength. I watch as the pink glow is emitted from her chest, right where her heart is. It creates a string, radiating towards me. I look down and see how it links to my own heart. That's it. It's us. It's not a who that's the product, it's the love itself, the relationship. It's all those things this dark stranger doesn't understand: the love, the trust, the faith, the communication. It's all the things that Tegan have always had, and not had to think twice about. It's this that's the product of the truest love. This is how we win. This is our edge. I smile. We're gonna win.

Tegan gets up and throws a punch that he catches. He goes to throw an energy ball at her, but it's dissolved in mid-air by the pink glow. Tegan looks over at me and I simply nod. I'm okay, love.

She returns his attempt with a thunderous blow of the base of her fist right down on his head, that sends him to the ground. She gets off of him, and stands ready, her legs as tight as coils. She takes off the suit jacket she was wearing, and tosses it aside. I can see her arms glistening in sweat now, ready to pounce like a cat. Kaki gets to her side.

I think about how ridiculous this would have been two years ago. Tegan Quin and Kaki King, superhero duo. Like a collab album gone wrong. I can't help but chuckle despite the situation. It quickly turns into a wince, and I let out a cry. Emy loops her arms under my arms and helps me up.

"Lets go to the bathroom. It's safer, we need to get you out of the line of fire" she whispers

I look over, just as the man is about to strike again "No! I've got to stay."

"Tegan can't concentrate if you're here, she'll be too worried about you getting hurt. Please, Sara. You're in labour" Emy pleads.

I let her help me to my feet and we shuffle into the bathroom, where she shuts the door. I can hear the fight happening.

"How long ago did your water break?" she asks

"About an hour ago" I tell her.

She nods. "Lets get you out of these wet clothes"

I nod and let her strip me. She's looking over my body. I look down to see a bright red circle on my tummy.

"He tried yanking her out of me" I tell her.

"Fuck. Sara, get in the bathtub and stay low. I'm going to get the gear from the other room" she tells me.

I nod and feel the panic spread as I look down at the discolouration, now worrying. I haven't felt Dani kick in a while. Oh no. The emotional pain rips through me and I hear Tegan cry out in pain.

"Sara! Whatever you're thinking about, stop it!" Kaki calls out.

I shut my eyes tightly and think about Tegan coming home exhausted and sick and curling up in my lap. I think about coming to her rescue on the dancefloor, and the first time she put her mouth on me, and took my body that night; about how she always checked in with me, and held me tightly as I lost control. About how, no matter how out of control I thought I was, she brought me back. She'd always bring me back.

I heard the big bad groan now and the wall shake as Emy hurried back in. She plugged the gear in and lubbed up my tummy. Even that touch hurt. I winced and hissed.

"Sorry, Sara. I need to make sure she's okay. It'll just take a minute" Emy told me

She watched the screen and closed her eyes. When I heard the heartbeat joy overcame me. Emy let out a sigh of relief and turned off the machine. She grabbed the foetal monitor and gently strapped it around me.

**Tegan's POV**

I went for a hit, and felt it's impact lessen, then he stomped on my leg. I screamed out. What happened?

"Sara! Whatever you're thinking about, stop it!" Kaki calls out.

Then I feel my power return and I get an elbow to his side, kicking him in the chest hard enough to send him into the wall. He crumples to the ground. I turn and look at Kaki.

"I don't know what kind of memories you two have been making but, Bravo!" she jokes, then powers up another purple hit, sending it towards him and knocking him down.

He gets up again. This time, he goes to slug me, and I catch his wrist mid-air. He tries with the other arm, and I catch that one too. We're in a struggle. If he overpowers me, he strikes down both my shoulders, making my knees buckle, and sending me to the ground. If I overpower him, I pop his shoulders out of their sockets. This is it. This is the deathblow either way. Neither one of us will let the other live once they're incapacitated. I feel my legs fire up and I dig my heels into the carpet, letting that strength rip through my body. I start to force his arms back, but then he starts to push me back, my heels breaking through the hardwood, and creating divots in the floor.

"SARA! MORE MEMORIES! STRONG ONES!" Kaki calls out.

I can almost instantly feel my power increase, and I start to step towards him. I think of my own memories with Sara. I can feel his arms start to rotate backwards and I grunt. I can hear Sara's voice in my ear, saying "You can do it, Teegs. I believe in you. I'm proud of you. I love you." That's all I need. With one vicious, last outburst his arms pop and he screams, falling to his knees. I grit my teeth and walk up to him.

"And you thought love was useless" I spit at him, before grabbing his head between my hands just like I had with the other Tegan, and giving it a twist, feeling and hearing his neck snap.

His lifeless body slips to the floor and Kaki comes up behind me, handing me a glowing dagger.

"Right into his heart. It'll imprison his spirit" she tell me.

I nod and take it, loving the feel in my hands. It's like this was made for my hands. I kneel, and bring it down to pierce his chest. The steel of the blade is quickly turned green. I pull it out and his body disappears. This scene is all too familiar. I turn to Kaki.

"You never killed anyone, Tegan. It was him all along. He kept me out so I couldn't tell you. All those events. The people attacking, the weird accusations, the news working against you. That was all him."

I felt the relief wash over me and I nodded, handing her the dagger. She put a hand on my shoulder.

"Your love and mutual trust with Sara saved the world."

I shrugged "I don't care. I just want to be with my family."

Kaki nods "Then, go. I need to head to the fairy realm and report about all of this, take care of things on the mystical planes. Expect many grateful visitors from many different places. I'll be back in a bit."

I nod and look at the dagger.

"I'll bring it back to you once we've rid the world of him."

I nod and take a deep breath "Do Sara and I really have the truest love?"

"I think you feel the answer to that every second of every day of your life" she answers.

I nod and and smiles, starting to fade.

I take a moment to compose myself, then walk into the bathroom. I run to Sara, who turns to me, grabbing at my sweaty T-shirt. I wrap my arms around her, and get into the empty tub with her and Emy.

"I'm okay. He's gone" I reassure her.

She cries into me and I look to Emy who smiles and nods "A long way to go, she's only at 1cm dialation yet. But Dani's doing well. She's in the perfect position, her heartbeat's strong."

I catch a glimpse of the large red spot on Sara's belly and grit my teeth "Did he do this?"

Sara nods.

"He tried to rip the baby from inside of her" Emy answers "She's okay though. It'll be a painful delivery. I keep trying to tell her that if we move this to the hospital, I can give her drugs to help ease the pain."

"No, no drugs" Sara whimpers from my chest.

I nod and look at Emy "She's calling the shots here. If Dani and her are fine, then it's up to her."

Emy nods "Where's Lindsey?"

"Still driving here. I paid off the police chopper down the street from the courthouse to get me here. All I had to say was Labour and Wife and Million Dollars, and they were on it."

Emy nodded. I turned to Sara and kneeled next to her, leaning in and kissing her passionately. She clung to me desperately. I've never seen Sara this scared before.

"It's okay, Sara. I've got you it's all over. He's gone. He's gone love" I repeated, while kissing her forehead.

She cried into my chest. My body was starting to come off the adrenaline rush, and I was starting to feel the injuries I'd sustained. None of that mattered right now. Sara was scared and nervous, and needed me. I turned to Emy.

"Can you give us a few minutes?" I asked.

She nodded "I'll call and tell Lindsey to stop and pick up food."

I nodded and ran my fingers through Sara's hair as I held her head to my chest. The door closed and I leaned down and kissed her face again.

"Talk to me love. I know you're scared" I told her.

She nodded and gave me a squeeze before slowly letting go and looking up at me. I wiped her tears gently away with my thumb.

"Tegan, you're hurt!" She exclaimed, seeing the gashes I knew were on my face.

"Yeah. But that's not important right now. I can't feel it yet. The adrenaline is still coursing through me. Talk to me so I can help."

She gulped.

"Sara, don't close up on me now babe. Please."

She nodded and took another moment "Emy went to get food. I went for a nap, when I woke up he just…put a piece of ice in my hand and then he changed to you, and shackled my hands above my head and he just kept talking. Tegan, I've never been triggered like that before. The he changed into my mom." She looked up at me "I had a memory moment. My parents tried to keep me from you and marry me off. I killed them. I stuck a pen through my dad's eye, and hit my mom in the head with a frying pan, than ran to you and Mum. I..I killed them."

I sighed, knowing full well what she was feeling. I pulled her back into me and kissed her forehead.

"And you weren't there, and he tried to take Dani. I could feel her being pulled from me. And then she stopped kicking and I was scared that she…"

"Emy says that she's still with us Sara. If there's one thing I know about Dani, is that she is incredibly resilient. She's a fighter" I try to ease her mind.

"And now I'm scared she's going to kick the shit out of my vagina" Sara confesses

I let a tiny laugh out, but quickly muffle it "I'm sorry, not funny."

Sara sighs in my arms and starts laughing herself "Actually, it is. I coulda used better words" she sighs again, bringing back the somber mood, but reaches up and cups my face. "I thought I'd never see you again. When you showed up I felt all the worry and fear leave because I knew I was safe. But then, it was your safety I was worried about. Tegan, how did you do that?"

"You. The reason I can do the impossible is you, us. It's our love. It's the way that I know that my actions affect and represent you. You make me better, you make me the best. When I think I can't take anymore, I think about being able to curl up to you and talk about how shitty it is afterwards. About how just you, running your hands through my hair, makes it all go away."

I feel her melt in my arms and wince as a contraction hits. She squeezed the flesh of my forearms and rests her forehead on my clavicle. I rub her back and nuzzle my head into hers.

"That's my girl. Breathe through it" I encouraged.

She nodded and when it was over, collapsed into me. I kissed her bare shoulder and felt her shiver.

"Lets get you dressed and warm. I'll pump up the exercise ball" I tell her.

She nods against me. Before I move, there's something I need to say "I love you, Sara Quin."

She leans in and kisses me. I run my tongue over her lips and kiss her back feverishly. I can feel the vibrations of her moan and gently lift her out of the tub. I feel my leg scream, but ignore it and carry her to the bedroom. I look around and chuckle.

"Guess we'll have to remodel" I joke.

She chuckles as I grab her a pair of sweats and a white t-shirt.

"One of yours?" she asks.

I smile and nod as she eagerly pulls the shirt over her head and I help her get the pants on, also getting her into some slippers. I hug her and sigh "Warm?" I ask.

"The warmest. You're always warm" she replies.

I smile and Emy walks in. I turn to her "Hey Emy, thanks for keeping an eye on her"

"Of course Tegan" she looks me up and down and reaches into her pocket, dialing a number "Lindsey, on your way back can you stop at home and grab my bag? Tegan's pretty beaten up. Thanks, hon." She walks over to me "Sit."

I obey and take a seat on the bed, next to Sara. She examines the cuts of my face, and starts giving me a full work up.

"The three on your face are going to need stitches. We'll have to get something on your eye" she sighs and continues, rolling over my arms "Holy shit, Tegan" she says when she sees the gaping wound on my forearm. I look away, unable to look at the blood. I start getting queasy and Sara's hand is on my lower back quickly. Emy makes her way to my torso, lifting my shirt to reveal the start of bruising, and stops when she sees my leg: the one he kicked. The one that was currently on fire. She lifted my pant leg and I saw her close her eyes for a minute and look up at me.

"It's broken" she said "I need to cast it."

"C'mon Emy, it's not broken" I said, rolling my eyes.

"Really? Have a look" she tells me.

I look down and feel the world start to spin. My bone is outside of my skin. I pass out before I can say anything. When I come to, Sara's above me, looking down. I feel pressure on my leg, as Emy wraps it. I blink and the rest of the world slowly starts to fade in.

"Tegan? You with me, babe?" Sara asks, brushing my bangs off of my forehead.

I nod and swallow hard. Sara lays down on her side next to me and we make eye contact. I don't take my eyes off hers when Emy talks to me

"The hardest part's done. I set it while you were out. Good timing on that Teegs." She praises "Lindsay's bringing my kit so I can stitch you up and cast you. I'll wrap you in garbage bags so you can get in the tub later for the birth." I nod.

Sara's face contorts. I reach out for her hand and take it. I pull her to me, and wrap my arms around her. My hands go to her lower back, and gently run over the skin there, tickling her softly. She lets out a giant moan.

"Oh fuck, Tegan. Yes!" she calls out

I smile and inhale loudly. She reaches for my shoulder and squeezes hard, before letting go, the contraction ending.

"Wanna see how far along you are now?" Emy asks.

Sara nods and Emy looks at me "Want to do it?" she asks.

I smile and nod, then look at Sara "Can I, Sare?"

Sara nods and Emy hands me a pair of gloves. I slip them on as Sara slips the pants down to her knees. Emy puts some lube on my fingers.

"Now go in with two fingers, slowly, until you can feel her cervix" Emy instructs.

I do so, being very careful. I find that familiar spot deep inside of my wife and smile when I feel it more open than usual.

"Give me an estimation" Emy tells me.

"3 cm?" I say, then gently pull out.

I take off the gloves, then Emy goes in. She nods "I'd say about that. Long way to go still, Sare. We'll get some food in you. It might be a long night."

I nod and hear Sara groan. I hand Emy my gloves and she walks out to dispose of them. I turn to Sara and smile at her.

"By tomorrow, we'll have a daughter" I tell her.

She smiles and nods, taking my hand and kissing my palm. I pull her sweat pants back up and give her tummy a super light kiss. I yawn. It's been a long day. It's my turn to be pulled up by Sara. She scurries us up to the pillows, then puts my head on her shoulder. I curl up to her, laying an arm right above her protruding tummy. I give the top of it a gentle rub and she runs her hands through my hair, pulling the blankets up over me.

"You've had a long day, eh babe?" she asks

I nod "That trial was relentless. I wonder how much trouble I'm in for running out."

"We'll figure that all out later. I'm sure they'll understand. Sleep. I'll be okay. The contractions aren't that bad right now" Sara instructs.

I nod and sigh against her chest. I let my exhaustion take me over. I wake up a little later to Emy shaking me.

"Tegan, wake up. I've got my bag" she whispers.

I open my eyes. I'm still pressed to Sara, who's fast asleep. I smile. Good. I scurry off the bed, and take Emy's support in hopping into the other room. Lindsey's waiting on the couch. They laid out some towels. I sighed. Emy sat me down.

"Now, I can do this here, or we can go to the hospital. Here: I've got a bottle of vodka; there: you get numbing drugs." She tells me.

"I'm not leaving Sara" I tell her with a stern look.

Lindsey hands me the bottle and I open it.

"I thought so" Emy said.

Guzzling down the burning liquid until I can't take it, I tip the bottle back to an upright position and Lindsay starts to unwrap my leg. Lindsay hands me my iPod.

"I made a playlist of all Sara's songs. Including the new demos" She says.

I smile at her "Thank the good lord Jeebus for you, Lindsay."

She chuckles and nods. I put the earbuds in and start the playlist, taking another long drink. I'm starting to feel the effects of the booze. Looking up at Emy, I nod and close my eyes. I feel the first pierce of my skin and whimper. I focus on Sara's voice in my ear, turning the volume all the way up. Lindsey takes my hand and I squeeze it. Passing out twice in one day isn't my idea of fun, but I know it's coming. I'm hoping it does. This is excruciating. I don't even know if I'm yelling.

Finally the darkness comes, and I wake up to Sara's familiar touch on my shoulders. She's rubbing down them and kissing the top of my head. I take out the headphones and look up.

"When did you?" I ask

"A half an hour ago. I woke up to you screaming. How are you doing?" she asks.

She moves her face so her chin's on my shoulder. I sigh.

"I can't feel my leg. That fucking hurt" I confess.

She nods "30 stitches to close up your leg. She got everything else done about 10 minutes ago. She's gone to calm her nerves with Lindsey in the spare room. You know Emy, she can't stand causing pain" Sara told me, then kissed around one of my newly stitches wounds.

"You're gonna have some sexy ass scars, love" she tells me.

I smile and slowly sit up. My leg comes into feeling. It feels heavy. I look down and see that it's in a cast.

"At least it's not your arm…again" Sara jokes.

I smile "Will you sign it?"

"Tegan, I'll write poetry on it. I'll fill every inch of it with art" she purrs into my ear.

That makes me smile wider and she kissed me softly. I sigh and slowly stand up, being able to put weight on it now with the support of the cast. Sara stands with me, and I hug her. She whimpers and holds me a little tighter, shoving her face into me. I rub her back through it and kiss her face.

"They're getting worse" she tells me.

I nod and wish I could pick her up, but am scared about my balance with the cast. Soon, she loosens her grip and I turn her and sit her on the couch.

"I'm gonna go grab your ball from Dani's room" I promise

It's only about 5 minutes until I'm back in the living room with a fully pumped exercise ball.

"Voila! C'mere babe" I suggest, opening my arms.

I help her up and onto the ball, and once she's situated, head to the fridge and grab two bottles of water. I quickly down one, then head back to Sara and open it, then hand it to her.

She smiles at me and takes a long drink.

"Thanks Tegan" she says, and oscillates on the ball.

I nod and grab the remote to turn on the fireplace and dim the lights. My hands move over her shoulders and her head falls forward. I start to gently massage the kinks out. She's really tense.

"You know how to do this, Sara. Your body's going to guide you, and you're going to be perfect. I'll be there with you every step" I whisper to her and feel her roll back into me and wrap her arms around my hamstrings as I continue the massage. When I feel her relax, I stop and get on my knees behind her, wrapping my arms around her middle, under the t-shirt, and gently run my hands over the non-bruised parts of her tummy. Her head rolls back onto my shoulder and I gently kiss her neck.

"Are you hungry?" I whisper into her ear.

She nods, just as Emy and Lindsay come out of the bedroom.

"You're up" Lindsay notes.

I nod "And I feel fine. Thanks, guys."

They both smile "Dinner?" Emy asks

I nod "We were just thinking that."

I help Sara to her feet and we all make our way to the kitchen table.

"I've been dreaming about that ravioli" Sara tells Emy.

"Lets leave these two to get the food out so I can see how far dilated you are" Emy suggests.

I kiss Sara on the cheek and she goes off with Emy into our bedroom. Lindsay and I start to unpack the bags of food.

"Eventful day. Sara seems to be doing really well" she said, while opening one of the containers.

I smile and nod "She's a trooper. Thanks for grabbing food."

"Course, Teegs" she says with a smile.

"So, how much trouble do you think I'll be in?" I ask

"Don't worry about that, I'll get you off. No one's going to fault you for a cryptic call from your pregnant wife who was in labour" she says "and if it's true what Emy told me about that guy, then it seems like most of these trials are going to fall apart."

I sigh in relief and once everything's unpacked, head over to the kitchen to start on some hot water for tea, and to put the heating pad in the microwave.

"You really are amazing, Lindsay. I can never thank you enough for all that you and Emy have done for us and Dani."

"Well, when we have our little one you two can return the favour." Lindsay says with a coy smile.

I know that look. I smile "I think you forget that in the other world, you and I were practically married. I know that look. Lindsay, are you pregnant?"

She bites her lip and nods "But don't' tell anyone. We didn't want to overshadow Dani and Sara's time to shine. We were going to tell you someone next week."

"That's fantastic! Congratulations! How far along are you?" I ask, excited.

"Just a month. I haven't hit any of the nasty stuff yet. I have to say, it helps when your wife is an OB. Granted, I have to have another OB as my primary care provider, but talk about a wealth of knowledge."

I chuckle "Oh, I know. You know how often we called Emy. I swear I got bumped from the first spot on Sara's speed dial."

The microwave beeped and I got Sara's heating pad out from it and made her a tea "Tea?" I asked Lindsay.

She smiled and nodded "That would be great, thanks Tegan."

I nodded and made a second tea, bringing them over to the table. Sara and Emy walked back in.

"5 cm. We're on our way. Contracts seem to be about 7-8 minutes apart. It'll definitely be today" Emy said with a smile as Sara came over and hugged me, giving me a cheek kiss.

I smiled and helped her sit as Emy took a seat at the table. Sara tucked right into the ravioli and I laughed.

"Hungry much?" I asked

"I didn't eat lunch. I was going to, but then that bad guy showed up" she said.

I smiled and ruffled her hair, sitting down and taking a bite of my own pasta. Then, I pulled out my iPhone and pointed it towards her, taking a video.

"Sara, what's happening right now?" I asked.

"I'm eating ravioli" she says taking a bite.

"Okay but what else?" I ask again.

"Oh, I'm in labour" she responds, spearing a biteful of her dinner and eating it.

I turn the camera around to the table and everyone waves, then I turn and point the camera at myself.

"It's been an eventful day, but she's almost here. Sara's been wonderful and I'm only minorly freaking out. Dani, I'm sure you're watching this. I'm so excited to meet you, baby" I turn it off.

I put my phone away and continue to eat my dinner. Sara starts to breathe heavily and grabs my knee under the table. I'm ready though, and as she leans forward, I press the heating pad to her lower back with firm pressure and take her hand.

"That's it babe" I whisper to her, making eye contact with Emy.

Emy smiles at me and nods, letting me know she's timing the contraction. It isn't long before Sara exhales and sits back up, taking another bite of her ravioli. I let go of her and go back to my meal.

"After dinner, do you want to get in the tub for a bit, Sare? It'll help with the contractions" Emy mentions.

Sara nods "They're getting more painful. It's like someone's twisting my uterus and lower back." She turns to me "Good call on the heating pad, partner" she praises and gives me a kiss on the cheek.

I smile, feeling proud. I take the last bite of my pasta and sit back in my chair.

"Is there anything else you two want before the tough stuff starts?" Lindsay asks "I'm totally fine with being the designated runner."

I smile and look at Sara "I'm good" I tell Lindsay.

Sara nods "I'm perfect" she says, taking a sip of her tea, then dropping her fork. She leans into me and I wrap my arm around her shoulders.

"Maybe you two should have some time alone in the tub. Tegan, I'll wrap that cast and your forearm up" Emy suggests.

I nod and give Sara a quick kiss before heading over to the sink, where the garbage bags were. Emy used the plastic bags and a roll of duct tape to seal out any water that might get in.

"That should do it" she says.

I smile "Thank you. Now, I'm going to have a romantic bath with my wife."

She slaps my ass "Go get 'em tiger. No hotter than 96." Emy tells me with a wink.

I chuckle and walk over, getting an arm around Sara's waist. We both hobbled into our bathroom.

**Sara's POV**

We got to our bathroom, and I felt my bladder scream. Tegan started to fill the tub, while I went to sit on the toilet. I watched her bend over and admired her ass. Seriously, it was the sexiest ass ever.

"Babe, can you drop the pants?" I ask with a smirk.

She does, and goes back to bending over. I smile and finish my business. I washed my hands, then walked over and ran a hand over the body part in question. I could feel her giggle. She stood up and turned around, stripping off my shirt and kissing me deeply. I moaned into her mouth and reached around to squeeze that ass again. It was her turn to moan. I could feel her body responding to me, and I slipped a hand into her underwear.

"Sara.." she whimpered.

"It's okay, I want to" I tell her, turning off the taps, and finding her clit.

She moaned and wrapped her arms around my neck. Running my tongue over her pulse point, she sits on the edge of the tub. I take my hand out of her underwear and kiss her, just as another contraction hits me.

"Okay, Romeo. Lets get you in this tub" she says jokingly.

I nod and let her undress me, then help me into the tub. I sink down, moaning as the contraction's intensity eases. She smiles and lets me hold her hand until it's over. I'm showered with kisses before she stands up.

"Give me a sec" she says.

I nod and sigh in the water. This labour thing really isn't as bad as the movies make it out to be. I close my eyes and smell something wonderful, then the lights go out and our romance playlist comes on. I smile. Oh Tegan. The tub level rises and arms pull me towards her.

"You're not off the hook yet, love" I tell her.

"Oh yeah?" she asks.

I smile and open my eyes, seeing hers right in front of me. I smile wide and lean in, giving her a kiss. I kneel in her lap, taking both of her breasts in my hands. She gasps into my mouth and I smile against her lips. I pull back slightly "I love you" I tell her and kiss her again. I feel emotions bubbling inside of me. She's been perfect. She is perfect. No one's ever loved me like Tegan. No one's supported me like her. She's the reason this labour's been so easy so far. It's safe to say that even after all these years, I'm still completely smitten. Her hands find my breasts in return, and I moan against her lips. I need her. My hand trails down to her wet folds, and I find her clit again. She gasps into my mouth and I break the kiss to kiss up her jawbone.

I can feel her muscles tighten. My head lowers and I take one of her nipples into my mouth, sucking on it and rolling my tongue around it. I feel my next contraction start and I pause, resting against Tegan for a moment. Closing my eyes, and hearing her heart make it that much more bearable and I smile as it finishes, continuing my previous actions. Her back arches into me when I do, and I gently push two fingers inside of her.

"Sara" she moans, while running her fingertips up my back.

I start slow, curling them to meet her favourite spot. There's something to be said about the fact that I know her body better than maybe even her. My fingers find the spots effortlessly; it makes me feel so damn connected to her. She really is perfect.

Her hips start to buck, meeting my thrusts into her as she latches her lips onto my shoulder. She starts to hug my upper body to her and I feel her building up. My hips start to move too. The next contraction is on the horizon, but something's different. Her moans are increasing as I find her mouth with mine and accept them into me. I find I'm returning them, breathing heavily. Tegan flips us, getting on top. She kneels over me, supporting herself with a hand on the tub's ledge as she rides my fingers.

"Open your eyes Sara, watch me" she tells me.

I do and am rewarded with Tegan's sex face and her bouncing breasts. I moan and roll my hips into her. Her fingers find my clit and I can't believe what's about to happen. She collapses ontop of me, as I feel her walls close and spasm around my hands. My body explodes as well, my contraction syncing up with my orgasm to intensify it. How can a contraction feel good? My eyes shut tightly and Tegan is kissing my face, smoothing my hair back, and whispering to me. I don't know what she's saying, but her voice feels good against my ear. My body is alive, and I feel like I'm emitting rays of light. I can't help but moan uncontrollably. Then I slowly come down and open my eyes to a smiling Tegan. I can't help but kiss her and lean back into the tub, catching my breath and rubbing my thighs together.

"That was…wow. Holy shit. I didn't' know I could…" I mumbled, while half laughing.

Tegan shrugged and scooted behind me, kissing my shoulder "I'm glad you did."

"Mmm. Babe, can you rub my back?" I asked

"Of course, love" she responds

Those hands go to work on me. I can't help but laugh.

"Maybe we should have a second kid right after I pop this one out. I want to do that again" I tell her.

I can hear her chuckle then I feel kisses along my spine. She really can't stop kissing me. I'm smacked in the face with a realization. I was terrified of losing her. She must have been terrified for Dani and I. I got my support from her. It'd be just like Tegan to hold it in until Dani was born and everything was great. I wasn't going to let her suffer in silence.

I slowly sit up and turn to her, sitting in her lap and wrapping my arms around her. I inhale the smell of her skin and pull her head to my chest. I feel her cling to me and her emotions finally surface as she sobs.

"I'm okay Tegan, I'm right here. Dani's okay. You protected us" I whisper to her.

My hand move through her wet hair and I play with the hairs on the nape of her neck as I let her cry into me. She moves her head up from my chest, over my shoulder, and into my neck as her arms pull me closer. I feel kisses on my neck and gently rub her back.

"We're all okay" I repeat.

She slowly pulls away and nods, kissing me deeply.

"If you ever need to feel me near, or kiss me, or remind yourself that I'm here, do it Tegan. Today is going to be magical. I don't want you to be suffering."

She nods and hugs me again. I inhale deeply and wrap my legs around her, pressing my tummy into hers. I moan as I feel another contraction. I think of Tegan, riding me and I lean into her, letting those thoughts carry me to a place where I'm expecting to come. I feel lips on my neck and I throw my head back, letting it take me over. I'm not scared anymore. I'm not stressed. It's Tegan and I in our tub, with candles, and music, and my favourite incense. Her hands are all over me. I let the orgasm rip through me and can't help but shake as I completely collapse into her arms. The contraction stops and I smile against her skin.

I feel her hand rub my belly and her lips press to my cheek. I moan into her shoulder.

She whispers into my ear "We should call Mum. Let her know what's happening. Do you want her here?" she whispers to me.

I laugh "Right after I have a mindblowing orgasm, THAT's what you decide to whisper to me?"

She blushes.

"Baby, I'm joking. Yeah. We should call Mum. But I don't want her here. I do, but I think I'd just be overstimulated. Can I just say too that I love Lindsay, but I don't want her in here when I'm giving birth. I think too many people will be overwhelming" I whisper back.

Tegan nods and I snuggle into her. I shiver. The water's really cold now.

"Bed? I'll get you bundled up in some of my sweats and we can snuggle" she suggest

"That sounds perfect" I tell her.

I slowly stand up, being careful not to slip, then feel hands on my hips as Tegan follows and steadies me to step out of the tub. I shake like a leaf, before she drapes a towel over me and starts to dry me off. Then, I'm escorted into the bedroom and sit on the edge of the bed as Tegan dresses me. She pulls on a pair of shorts, leaving her torso bare. She knows me to well. Feeling her skin always calms me. She takes off the wet garbage bags and tosses them into the bathroom. We lay down and I curl up on her chest, my ear over her heart. I start to lightly trace the bruises all over her chest. She wraps me up in two blankets, then the comforter, kissing my forehead and grabs her cell phone. First, taking a video. I smile shyly against her skin.

"It's almost 8pm, and we just got out of the tub. Sara's contractions have taken a turn for the better. Wouldn't you say, hon?"

I feel my face get hot and I nod.

"We're about to call grandma and let her know that Dani's on her way" Tegan tells the camera.

"This has been such a great experience so far, only enhanced by being all snuggly with Tegan's bare chest right now. I can hear your heart, babe" I tell Tegan, nuzzling my cheek on her

"Just for that, I think we're gonna get a million hits on YouTube" Tegan tells me with a giggle in her voice.

My eyes go wide.

"I'm kidding Sara, I'm kidding. This is our personal video collection. Quin eyes only" she reassures me as I tense up again.

Tegan puts the phone aside and wraps me up, rubbing my back. I try to turn this into a fun contraction but it won't have it. I take a handful of Tegan's shoulder and squeeze, burying me face into her. It's like the worst menstrual cramps I've ever had. I groan and a firm hand finds my lower back again, while another tangles in my hair.

"You can do this, Sare. I've got you. This is going to pass" I feel her voice whisper to me.

I nod and exhale as it does pass. I sigh and close my eyes against her.

"Let's call Mum."

I think mum almost had a heart attack when Tegan told her. We both had to talk her out of coming over, but we eventually did. I fell asleep before Tegan called Dallas. When I woke up, I let out a huge groan and then whimpered as the worst contraction yet took me over. Tegan quickly woke and rubbed my back.

"Do you want to get back in the tub?" she asked.

I shook my head and kicked the blankets off.

"Get my shirt off" I pleaded.

"Okay, okay" she tried to calm me.

She pulled my sweater off. My body was so hot.

"Tegan, I'm really hot. I need, I need…" I stammered

I felt the weight on the bed lessen as Tegan left. I winced as the next contraction hit. Tegan wasn't there. I needed Tegan here. I felt a wet towel on my neck and I stole her hand.

"Don't you dare leave me again" I tell her in warning.

"Okay Sara, okay. I won't" she promises.

I lay here on my side, and Tegan presses the towel to my forehead. I moan and close my eyes.

"Get Emy" I tell her.

She starts to leave "Don't fucking leave me!" I yell at her.

She looks conflicted "Umm, Sara you're not making sense right now."

"Fuck you, Tegan. Fuck you. Just shut the fuck up"

The next contraction hits and I quiver and whimper, but reach for her. She's there. Thank God she's there. I really just need to feel her close. I pull her towards my face and bury my head between her breasts. I start to sob.

"It hurts so bad Tegan. I'm sorry, I'm sorry" I apologize.

"Sara, you do what you need to, to get through this. Tell me to fuck off as much as you want. I'm not leaving. Do you want Emy?"

I nod as I feel the pressure in my pelvis increase.

"Hold on babe" she tells me.

I'm expecting her to leave, so I latch onto her tighter.

"I'm not leaving. I'm going to call her" she informs me.

She uses one hand to call Emy, and the other to run through my hair.

"Hey Emy, Sara wants you in here. Umm, set Lindsay up with a movie or something?"

Thank you Tegan. Oh god that was smooth. Emy walks in and puts on gloves.

"How far apart are her contractions?"

"About four to five minutes" Tegan answers, now using a hand to rub my bare back.

I'm plastered against her and don't want to move. I feel a gloved hand on my shoulder

"Sara, I'm going to see how dilated your cervix is, okay?" Emy's voice is low and calm.

I nod and spread my legs. Tegan kisses the top of my head and I feel Emy enter me.

"We're at 7. Getting closer, Sara. I'm going to bring the ball in here for you and some water. I want you to do what your body tells you to, okay? Tegan, support her" Emy instructs us.

I nod and cling tighter to Tegan.

"You're doing great, love. You can do this Sara. You're stronger than anyone I know. I've never seen anyone look so gorgeous during labour" Tegan whispers to me.

"You've NEVER seen anyone go through labour" I remind her.

"You're right. But you're beautiful" she counters.

I squeeze her as the next contraction hits. I wrap my legs around her hips and squeeze my heels, grinding my pelvis into hers. The rocking helped ease the pressure. I was like a Koala on a tree, hugging her tightly. Emy rolled the ball into the room and put a bottle of water with a straw on the nightstand. I felt a cooler wash cloth on my back, as Emy sat behind me. She pressed my heating pad to my back in unison and my tension faded. I heard Tegan gasp for a breath. I forgot about Tegan for a moment and concentrated on the relief Emy was bringing me. A straw came to my lips and I eagerly sucked at it. I heard Emy whisper to Tegan.

"Go take a breather. Regroup. I've got her."

"But she told me not to…"

I nod and open my eyes to meet Tegan's "It's okay. Go."

Tegan gulped and slowly stood to see if I was going to protest. I closed my eyes again and Emy felt around to my tummy. She pressed in a few spots.

"She's still in the perfect position and dropping. You're doing great Sara" Emy whispered to me.

I took a deep breath and nodded.

"Is it normal to come during contractions?" I ask.

Emy smiles and nods "Yeah. Think about it, the same nerves and muscles used during sex are stimulated during childbirth. An orgasm is essentially your uterus and vagina contracting. Why? Have you?" she asked

I nod and smile "Twice, in the tub."

"Well, lets get you back in the tub" Emy suggested.

I shook my head "I'm all prune-y from it. I need a break from the water."

"Do you want to try lying on the ball? I can give you a back massage like that, that'll blow your mind" Emy tells me.

I nod. She helps me and grabs some pillows to put on the floor.

"Now, kneel on the pillows, cross your arms, and lay them ontop of the ball. That's it. Put your forehead on your forearms" Emy instructs.

I feel another contraction start and I groan with it. Emy's hands move across my lower back, and work out the kinks there. I smell Tegan again and desperately need to feel her.

I groan out her name "Teeegaan."

She quickly makes it to me and takes my hand, scooting closer to me "I'm right here, Sara. I brought you some apple juice."

Oh apple juice. Yes. I squeeze her one hand and feel the other one on my arm as Emy continues the massage. I feel the contraction lift, and sigh as Emy stops. I turn to Tegan and pull her in for a kiss. When we break it, she puts the straw from the apple juice to my lips. I eagerly suck it down, then lay my cheek on the exercise ball. I chuckle as I notice Tegan's still topless.

"What?" she asks.

"Did you go out and talk to Lindsay like that?" I ask her.

She looks down and turns red "I was wondering why she couldn't take her eyes off me."

Emy laughs and I can't help but keep chuckling. Tegan lays her head next to mine on the ball and smooths my hair.

"How're you doing, babe?" she asks.

"I'm okay" I say with a grin.

She nods and kisses my forehead.

"I love you" she lets ring through the air.

I smile and nod, feeling the next contraction come. I grab Tegan's hand and put it between my legs as I resume my position on the ball. I go to groan but moan as she finds my clit. The pain is still there, but I feel the heating pad being pressed to my lower back again. Tegan kisses me and I moan into her mouth.

"Does it help when I kiss you?" she asks.

I nod and she kisses me again, before I can finish nodding. The contraction passes and I slump on the ball. I'm so tired. I'm physically drained. I feel a gloved hand enter me again and I break the kiss with Tegan.

"We're at 9 cms already. Almost there, Sara. I think we should get you back in the tub. What do you think?" Emy suggests.

I nod and let go of the ball, letting my upper body drop on Tegan, who caught me and held us up. I tucked my head under her chin and felt her head rest on mine. She gently rocked me.

"I'm gonna fill the tub" Emy tells us.

I feel Tegan nod, then her attention is back on me. Her fingers trace the tattoo of the bear on my arm. How could I do any of this without her? I sigh happily against her skin as the next contraction hits. She immediately moves her hand back down to my clit and I feel the pain move to pleasure as I moan and writhe against her bare chest. I look up at her and she meets my lips halfway. I slowly come down and am a sweaty mess against her. I have to unstick myself and sit back on my heels, overheating. I gulp against a dry throat. She's immediately on her knees, moving a straw to my lips and taking Emy's washcloth and bowl of water to wipe me down. She runs it over my face and neck, then carefully rewets it to cool down my breasts and tummy, then my neck and back. I lean in and kiss her deeply. She responds, pushing her tongue into my mouth and gently massaging my breasts. I slowly pull away, feeling another contraction coming.

"Tub" I call out, grabbing my tummy and doubling over.

Emy comes and helps Tegan. I groaned loudly, and couldn't focus on anything but the contraction. Luckily I felt the water on my body and knelt in the tub, taking up the same position had against the ball, but this time on the edge of the tub. I heard Emy's voice as she instructed Tegan, while putting the garbage bags back on, and I felt my wife's hands on my hips, applying pressure. I felt the pressure in my pelvis lessen and water stream down my back, just before Tegan's lips kissed my spine. I move my hips, as the tail of the contraction tapers off. I pant and rest.

"Tegan, I'm so tired" I tell her "I don't think I can…"

"Yes you can Sara. You're doing it. You've gotten this far. She's almost here" my partner whispers into my ear.

I hear Emy lighting the candles, and she starts up the playlist again. The lights go out and I feel the mood relax. There's only one thing I know right now: I want to be against Tegan. I want to kiss her and look into her eyes. I can't voice it though. My next contraction hits, and I'm too tired to cry out so I just whimper. Tegan takes hold of my hips again.

"NO!" I yell at her.

Her hands are instantly off me. I want to tell her I need her under me, but I can't. I do this contraction alone and I think it's going to break me. I feel the tears come. Where's Tegan? Why isn't she here for me? I need her so badly. I'm all alone. I can't do this. I start to breakdown, crying hysterically, my body on fire and exhausted. Hushed voices communicate and I hide my eyes in my forearm, my body shaking.

I can barely hear what they're saying

"When the pain picks up, it's really hard to voice what you want. I think she needs you to touch her right now, she just can't tell you how. Try asking yes or no questions" Emy whispers.

Tegan's voice is soon in my ear.

"Babe, it's me. Do you want me to touch you, Sara?" she asks

I nod

"Do you want me to hold your hips?" she asks again

I shake my head

"Do you want me to rub your back?"

I nod and feel her hands on my back.

"Do you want something else?"

I nod

"Do you want me to…to…rub your tummy?"

I shake my head.

"Do you want me to massage your legs?"

I shake my head

"Sara, do you want a hug?"

I nod and feel her pull me into her arms. I shift so that she's under me in the exact position I need her in and cry into her shoulder. Her hands rub my back and another contraction hits. I grab her hair and ball my hands into fists, gently tugging. Tegan adds pressure to my lower back. I do my best to focus on her heartbeat until it passes. I sit up just enough to look into her eyes. She fixes my hair, like she always does, and smiles at me. I lean in and kiss her softly. I break it quickly and lay back down on her shoulder, my lips right next to her ear.

I whisper in a shaky voice "water"

She looks up at Emy "Can you hand me the bottle of water, please?"

The straw's against my lips and I take a few drinks before the next contraction hits. Tegan breathes deeply.

"Just like when I have my panic attacks. Follow me." She whispers.

I nod and imitate her breathing. I feel around and find her hand, intertwining our fingers. The pain eases up. I hear a rasp in her chest, but am still too weak to say anything. I hear Emy open the linen closet door. She's grabbing the diaper bag we'd put in there for today. It's almost time. I can feel it in my body. Tegan is kissing my cheek. It's really cold. I shiver against Tegan who turns the taps of the tub back on and wraps both arms around me protectively. The tears come again with a contraction. I'm too tired and sore to even react to it.

"I can't…Tegan…I can't…I can't" I whimper into her chest.

I feel Tegan swallow hard as I continue to break down against her. Just want to crawl inside of her skin, I bet it's safe and warm inside of her chest.

"Sara, you can do this. You've got this. I know you can do this, love" she whispers to me. "Now you're going to squeeze me as tight as you need. You're going to swear at me and punch me and bite me, whatever you need, and you're going to bring Dani into this world. C'mon Sara. I'm going to be right here. I'm never going to leave you. I'm always going to be right here."

I take some really deep breaths and slowly nod against her skin. The shivers stop as the water warms up. Emy checks me again.

"Okay Sara, 10 cm. When you feel like you need to push, go ahead. Listen to your body" Emy says in a calm, quiet voice.

She takes off her t-shirt and pants, leaving her in her bikini top and board shorts. She gets in the tub with us. Emy runs a supportive hand over my back. I take a deep breath as the pressure in my pelvis increases. I kiss Tegan through my tears and she kisses back. I break it, only to kiss her again, and then again. I need to turn around, the gravity pulling my tummy is starting to hurt. I try to make my body move, but I can't. My muscles are frozen in place. All I can do is whimper her name.

"Tegan" is my helpless plea.

"What Sara? Do you need to push?"

I shake my head.

"Change positions?"

I nod

"Do you want to get on your back?"

I nod and feel hers and Emy's hands wrapping around me to support my turn. Finally I'm on my back, leaning against Tegan. I relax into her and close my eyes, trying to focus. The pain is getting to me. It's messing with my mind. Tegan intertwines our fingers and kisses the top of my head. Then I feel it: my body telling me to push. I squeeze both of Tegan's hands and take a deep breath, pushing as hard as I can.

"That's it Sara. Good push" Emy praises me.

I keep pushing until I can't, and lay against Tegan again. Tegan lets go of my hands to rub up and down my arms, then fills a small container with warm water and pours it down my chest. That feels wonderful and I moan. She does it again, just as I need to push again. This one brings on more pain, as I bear down and push hard I scream, Tegan's hands immediately taking mine. Dani gives me a kick in a sore spot of my uterus and my body jumps. I start taking slow, shallow breaths.

"Sara, what happened?" Emy asks.

"She kicked" I confess.

"Got you right in the tender spot?" Emy asks again.

I nod

"You're gonna have to push through that Sare. I know it hurts. Just take a few breaths, and push again when you're ready" Emy told me.

I squeeze Tegan's wrists and nod, my head rolling on her shoulder. She kisses my neck lovingly and I can't help but turn my head towards her face and kiss her jaw bone. I feel it building and I need to push. This time, my hands take hold of my partner's powerful thighs on either side of me and I squeeze them.

"FUCK! Oh FUCKING FUCK!" I scream out.

"Sara, I'm seeing hair. That was an awesome push" Emy told me.

"Oh my god Sara, I can see her hair" Tegan told me.

I relaxed back into Tegan and cried. I was on fire, a burning sensation unlike any other taking over my crotch.

"It burns! Make it stop. Tegan, make it stop" I whimper

"She can't do anything Sara, no one can. One more big push and her head will be out and the burning will stop. Can you do that? One more big push?" Emy asks.

I nod and take a couple quick breaths, then push as hard as I possibly can. I feel Dani advance for the first time since I started pushing.

"That's it Sara! Her head's out. Look down, look at your baby" Emy told me

I looked down and Saw her, then turned to Tegan who's face was lit up. The tears continued but for a different reason now. That's my baby.

"Another push when you're ready Sara. Lets get her shoulders out" Emy encourages.

I nod with a new enthusiasm. Tegan's flourishing my neck and face with kisses and takes my hands again. I hold them and squeeze them both. I scream loudly as my body pushes Dani out.

"Reach down and grab her, Sare" Emy tells me.

My eyes light up as I catch my breath. My hands shakily reach down and I feel the tiny body being supported my Emy under the water. I feel the tears on my face and Tegan's on my shoulder, along with her lips as I support my daughter and pull her up to my chest.

"Oh my god. Hi. Hi baby girl" I whisper to her and kiss her tiny forehead.

Dani wiggles on my skin and Tegan leans down and gives her a kiss. I feel my stomach light on fire and am overwhelmed with happiness. The tears come more readily and I sob, looking into that tiny face. This moment is too perfect. Dani hiccups, then lets out a huge cry. There has never been a more joyous sound.

"That's what I like to hear. Good lungs, Dan" Emy praises.

"You did it Sara. Look what you did! She's perfect" Tegan whispers to me and kisses my head, moving to rub Dani's tiny back.

I smile, looking down at my daughter. MY daughter. My daughter with Tegan. I look over at Tegan again, only to find her looking at me with a look of the utmost adoration. Her love for our daughter is written all over her face. She's been waiting for this moment more impatiently than me. She leans in and gives me a quick kiss, before I look back down at the gorgeous, tiny person in my arms. This is Dani. This is my daughter, Dani Tara Quin. Emy hand Tegan a pair of scissors.

"Just let me make sure the cord is finished pulsing, I'll clamp it and you can cut it" Emy tells her.

I didn't think it was possible, but I see Tegan glow even more from this new information. She looks dumbfounded. Dani lets out another big cry and I kiss her forehead again, rocking her. I can feel her starting to get cold and reach into the diaper bag, grabbing a soft towel and slipping it under her. I'm no longer thinking about the pain or the fact that it's not over. Her eyes find mine and all I'm thinking about is how much I love this tiny sac of skin. This is my daughter. I can't imagine ever loving another person as much as this. She transcends Tegan. How is that possible? Then another contraction hits and I'm pulled from the bliss for a moment. I watch as Tegan cuts the cord, then hands Emy the scissors.

"Tegan, take her" I tell my wife.

Tegan eagerly accepts our new bundle into her arms and wraps her up completely in the towel, holding her to her chest.

"Ready to deliver that placenta?" Emy asks.

I nod "Contractions."

"Alright, let's do this. Just like before. Push when you…"

I'm already pushing before she can finish. In one push, there's the placenta. I hear Emy giggle.

"Super eager to spend more time with her, I see. Sara you did so well. No tearing…" she checked her watch "Short labour for your first, and a super quick delivery."

I nod "Is it over?"

Emy chuckles and nods "Yup."

"Oh thank god" I say and splay across Tegan, my head just under Dani.

Emy gets out of the tub, and dries off, then wraps the towel around herself.

"I need to run some tests on Dani. Do you want to do them here or in the bedroom?" Emy asks.

Tegan looks at me "I've had just about enough of this tub. Give me my bed" I tell them.

Tegan and Emy chuckle. I get to my knees. Holy shit am I sore. I slowly make my way to my feet on shaky knees. Tegan's not far behind me and steadies me. Emy opens a towel and I step in. I quickly dry off, then wrap myself in the towel and hobble into the bedroom, getting into bed and tossing the towel on the floor.

"You must be tired" Tegan said, picking up the towel and tossing it aside along with hers and the garbage bags.

She brought Dani over to Emy who was setting up on our dresser. I thought that I should really get up and participate, but Tegan was there and I'm exhausted. I inhale deeply and close my eyes. A few moments later, I felt Dani being placed on my bare chest. I smiled and opened my eyes.

"Hey baby girl" I whispered to her.

"9 LBS, 3 oz. and she's 23" long. Aced all the tests" Tegan told me with a kiss to my forehead.

I sighed and Dani sucked on my chest. Emy walked over and looked down.

"Yup. Big baby. Everything's perfect. I bet she's hungry" Emy told me.

"What do I do?" I asked, nervously.

"Just wait, sometimes you don't need to do anything" Emy told me.

I watched as Dani searched for my nipple, then latched on and started sucking. My eyes went wide.

"Holy shit that's weird!" I exclaimed.

Emy chuckled and checked out the situation with a finger.

"Perfect latch. Good job Dan. Well, I'm done here as an OB. But as a friend: that's the cutest fucking baby I've ever seen. They usually come out looking like aliens. Look at that hair!" Emy cooed.

I smiled and looked down, patting Dani's diaper-clad bum. She did have a cute little fuzzing of Tegan-coloured hair.

"That's my girl. Future heartthrob" Tegan proclaimed.

Tegan ran her fingers through my hair, making me relax and close my eyes. I smiled at her, then turned my attention back to Dani. It's like every moment I spent with her, I could feel my love for her grow. I sighed happily and kissed her head again. Tegan kissed mine and wrapped me up. She coughed a few times, cleared her throat, then whispered in my ear

"That's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen."

I smiled and felt Dani unlatch. I kissed her again, then handed her to Tegan who eargly took her.

"Babe, I'm exhausted" I tell her.

"DO you want me to stay and snuggle? We can have Quin family snuggles" Tegan suggested, putting Dani over her shoulder for a burp.

I contemplated that "I think I need some time alone. But later, for sure. I just…that was…overwhelming in so many respects. I need to wrap my mind around it and just, sleep alone for a couple hours. I love you."

"Okay babe. I love you too" Tegan said, leaning in and giving me a peck on the lips. "Sleep well, I'll be in the next room if you need me."

I nod and watch as Tegan gets dressed one-handed, then heads out. I sigh and close my eyes.

**Tegan's POV**

Holy shit. This is my kid. She's so tiny and adorable. Oh look, she's snuggling into my chest. I make my way into her room and flip on the lights. I put her down on the changing table and give her a kiss. Look at that smile. I watch as Dani smiles widely, her hands and feet moving nonsensically. I can't help but mirror that look of glee and lean down to blow a raspberry on her tummy.

"Oh my god, I love you so fucking much little peanut" I tell her.

Emy cleaned her up and put a diaper on her right after the tests, but I'm not ready to share her yet. Walking over, I sit in the rocking chair. I unzip my hoodie and slip her in, letting her rest against my skin, her tiny ear over my heart. I zip it up to keep her warm and hold her. I can feel the tiny puffs as she breathes against me. I close my eyes and just smile. I can't help but cough again, and make a gross face when I swallow the phlegm. It has a weird metallic taste. After some time alone with Dani, I dress her in a jumper and socks to keep her warm, then head on out to the living room. I see two big smiles and I hand her off to Emy.

"Aunt Emy, meet Dani Tara Quin" I say as I pass her off.

Emy smiles and takes her, giving her a kiss "We meet again little one" she says, then looks at me "Is Sara asleep?"

I nod "She wanted some time alone."

Emy nods too and looks over at Lindsey.

"Tegan, she's adorable. Holy shit, kid's got your eyes" Lindsey tells me.

I smile "Really? I know she's got Sara's mouth. Those tiny, pursed lips. Hopefully she gets Sara's tiny, perfect ears too. Mine look funny."

They chuckle and look my way. I zip my sweater back up and start coughing again. Emy hands her off to Lindsey as I swallow whatever I coughed up.

"We want you two to be the god parents" I tell them.

"Really?" Emy asks, wide-eyed.

I nod "Of course. It was a no-brainer for us."

I stick my hands in the pockets of the zip up hoodie, and head over to the kitchen, putting the water on for tea. I pull out my cell phone and let mum know. I'm pretty sure she's on her way over here before she even picks up. I lean against the counter, I'm pretty tired too. After all, it's like 4am. I cough again, and watch the water boil. Sighing, I stand up. I miss her already. I walk back over to Emy and Lindsey who are cooing over Dani who's fast asleep.

From that deep sleep, she wakes up and starts screaming bloody murder. I go to take her, but I double over, unable to catch my breath and coughing uncontrollably. I feel something leak out of my mouth as I collapse to the ground.

"Tegan!" Emy yells and runs over.

She turns back to Lindsey "Get an ambulance here" she demands.

I hear Lindsey shuffle, Dani still screaming in her arms. What's wrong with Dani? I keep coughing, and I finally get a look at what the liquid is: blood. Why the fuck am I coughing up blood? I'm gasping for air. It feels like drowning. Lindsey rolls me on my back. She's getting ready to do CPR. I'm going to die. She knows I'm going to die. I know I'm going to die. I did what I had to here: gave Dani half my genes, defeated the big bad, and my reward was seeing her being born, and getting to let her know that I loved her. My life is complete. I'm going to miss her first bath, her first crawl, steps, words, kindergarten, concert, homework, nightmares, cuddles, growing old with Sara. I don't even get to say goodbye to Sara. Sara doesn't know. She still doesn't know how much I love her. Neither of them do. This is my last thought as I feel myself slip away.

**Sara's POV**

I wake up to Dani's incessant wailing, turn over and try to go back to sleep. I'm exhausted. I'd only been asleep for maybe 40 minutes before she woke me up. I groan. She's okay though. Tegan's got her. If she needs me, Tegan'll bring her in, right? Of course. It's Tegan. I close my eyes, and try to go back to sleep, but the wailing doesn't stop. I lay there for 5 minutes, until I have to get up. When I get to the kitchen, I can barely believe what I see.

There's a small pool of blood, right next to Tegan. She's on her back, and Emy's doing CPR. I look over and see Dani in Lindsey's arms, Lindsey's trying to calm her down. I don't believe how fast I'm sliding in next to Tegan, on my knees. I slap her cheek gently a couple times.

"Tegan, wake up. Come on baby, wake up, you're scaring Dani" I tell her and continue to hit her. "Come on Tegan, this isn't funny."

"Sara, go get Dani. Take care of Dani" Emy ordered.

"No. What kind of joke is this?" I ask, in disbelief.

"SARA! GO GET DANI! She's dead. I need to keep her heart going until the ambulance gets here with the AED. You're in the way!" Emy yells.

I feel the tears coming, and the colour drains from my face. I slowly get to my feet and walk over, taking Dani from Lindsey. The moment she's against me, she calms down. I slowly rock her and shield her eyes from Tegan's body. My heart races and I can't take my eyes off of Tegan's form, on the floor. I hear the sirens.

"She's been gone how long Lidnsey?" Emy asks

"Two minutes" Lindsey answers.

"Fuck! Blood. Coughing blood. Lindsey, get me a pen or a straw and a knife. Or something like that" Emy calls out.

Lindsey quickly goes to the island and fumbles in the junk drawer, finding a pocket knife and a coffee cup plastic straw. She hands them to Emy.

"Lindsey, take over CPR" Emy tells her wife.

Lindsey starts doing compressions, and I watch as Emy strips Tegan's chest bare and feels down her sides. She finds something she deems interesting, and stabs Tegan, pulling the knife out quickly and replaces it with the straw. Blood runs out of the straw onto the ground. The paramedics ran through the door. I hold Dani a little tighter, and try to contain my hysteria. Emy calls for the AED and they practically throw it to her. Tegan's dead. Tegan's dead. Not just in some other realm, real-world dead. Emy shocks her, and there's no heartbeat. The heart that had beat away my pain just hours earlier isn't beating anymore. Mum walks through the front door and gasps. She looks around the room and finds me, running over and hugging me.

"What happened?" she asked.

I cried into her "I don't know. I was asleep, then I heard Dani, and I came out, and she was on the floor, and…and..and…and Emy was doing CPR and said that she's dead, then the paramedics, and the shock.."

Mum kissed the top of my head, and rubbed my arm as we watched.

"I've got a pulse!" Emy screeched "Lets bag her!"

I felt my knees give way and I cradled Dani to my chest tightly as I slowly slid down to the floor, crying. She's back. That heart is still beating. They get her on a stretcher and start to wheel her out. I use what little strength I have left to follow. Emy stops me.

"Sara, you need to stay here and rest" she tells me. "Your body and mind have been through enough today. Stay here with your baby, I'll take care of Tegan. I promise I'll get her home as soon as I can. I won't let her leave you. She's going to come home."

I gulp and nod, because she's right. I want to be with Tegan so badly, but both Dani and I need to be in the quiet and dark, where things are calm. But it's Tegan. I stare Emy down.

"You call me the second anything changes. Promise" I insist.

"Okay. Promise" Emy says

"And you better answer whenever I call" I order.

She nods and runs out with the paramedics. The front door closes and I can feel the stares of pity around me. I walk right out of the kitchen. I can't take this. I walk into Dani's room and lock the door. They're knocking on it, but I ignore them and take my shirt off, and press Dani to my chest. She starts to suckle my breast and I let the tears flood out. I hold her close and kiss her as the weight of the day landed on top of me. The only thing that can save me from this misery is laying in an ambulance, within an inch of her life. How had that happened? I thought to the straw in her side, the cough, the rasp that I heard right before I gave birth. I should have said something.

I hold Dani to me and cry. She finishes up, and I put her upright, and gently pat her back, burping her. I feel her dozing and know I should sleep too. I painfully get to my feet and open the door, brushing past mum and Lindsey, and going into my room. Going over to Tegan's dresser, I grab one of her bigger t-shirts. I lay down, and strip Dani down to her diaper. I lay her on my chest and pull the t-shirt over both of us.

I whimper "This is how mommy smells. It's mama's favourite smell in the world. Did you get to spend time with her, little one?" I kiss her again. "She's so special. So, so special and she loves us so much. She's gotta come home. She's gotta teach you how to be extra super special. I don't know how to do that. I also don't know how to work the thermostat or clean the gutters."

I feel myself choke up and the tears just won't stop falling. I pat Dani's tiny bum and rub her back. I try to take a few deep breaths, but I can't do it. I reach for my phone and call Emy.

"We're just getting her into the OR. She hasn't woken up yet, but she's still with us. How're you?" Emy answers.

I hang up before I answer. I close my eyes and yawn, but more tears spill out. Dani starts to slip into sleep against me. Come one Tegan. You promised you wouldn't leave. I don't think I can do this alone. She needs you, I need you.

I spot Tegan's phone on her nightstand and replay the videos, listening to her voice and closing my eyes. I keep hitting play, over and over and over again.

I don't remember falling asleep, just the phone ringing. I answer it with a groggy voice.

"Hello?" I grumble, my hand moving to rub Dani.

"Sara" my voice's equal crackles on the other line.

My heart races and I can't answer, pulling the phone away from my face and convulsing in tears. Her voice.

"Sara?" Tegan repeated.

"I'm here, Tegan I'm here" I blubbered. "Oh god baby. Oh fuck."

"M'okay" she crackled back. "Emy said I'll be home in a few hours."

"Oh thank god. Holy shit Tegan. What happened?" I asked

"Broken ribs. Lungs…filled with blood. I drowned. Surgery. Breathing good" she sounded strained.

"Yes, breathing's very good. You scared the shit out of me, and Dani apparently" I tell her.

"Dani?" she inquires.

"She's asleep on my chest right now. Baby, please come home soon" I tell her.

"I will. Sleep. You need to sleep."

"I will Tegan, promise."

"I love you" she tells me

Fresh tears now fall "I love you too." I swallow hard "See you soon love, I'll be here in our bed, waiting for you."

"See ya" she said.

She hung up and I kept my line open, until the phone dropped the call. I sighed. She's okay. Dani's still fast asleep and I decide to join her, my exhaustion completely taking me over. When I wake up next, it's to Dani crying. She's sucking at my skin, trying to find my nipple. I help her out. She latches on and I hear Tegan's steady breathing. Tegan! She groans and lifts her head gently, then reaches out and ruffles my hair.

"Tegan!" I exclaim and scoot over to her.

She puts an arm around me and yawns, leaning in and kissing me gently. I devour her lips, and let my head relax in the crook of her arm. She slowly breaks the kiss.

"Are you okay?" I ask.

She nods and pushes the comforter down to reveal her bare chest, with bandages covering the entire right side. I sigh and close my eyes, resting my forehead against her cheek.

"Emy pulled some strings and got me home almost right after surgery. How's our little champ?" she asks

"Hungry. How long have you been home?" I ask

She looks at the clock "Three hours. You were out cold when I walked in. You've got Mum and Lindsey hysterical. Emy told me she'd calm them down. I came right in here."

"So, what exactly happened?" I ask

"Remember those bruises from the fight?" she asks.

I nod

"Apparently under one of those was a broken rib. A piece broke off and got into my lung. Everytime I took a breath, it would aggravate the blood vessels, and the blood just slowly started to fill my lungs. Emy stabbed me with a straw and the blood drained, then they got me into surgery and took the piece out, stitched everything up, barabing, baraboom. I'm okay. I just have to take it easy for a bit. I think we're stuck with the three of them for a while."

I groan and Dani unlatches. Tegan reaches out for her and scoops her up, putting her on her good side and burping. I swear I can hear Dani sigh the moment she's against Tegan.

"I think she missed you" I tell her.

"She screamed bloody murder just before I went out" Tegan tells me.

"She kept screaming until I took her. I think she knew what was going on and got scared" I tell her.

I lean in and give her a kiss "Were you scared for Mommy? Eh? I told you she smells the best."

Tegan laughs and it makes Dani smile. "She likes it when you laugh, Tee."

I lean in and give Tegan another quick kiss, then curl back up on her arm. That arm snakes around me to rub my back. My eyes close and I move my hand to meet hers ontop of our daughter's back.

"This feels so right" she whispers.

I nod "This is our family."

I can hear the smile in her voice "We have a family."

**Tegan's POV**

I woke up and winced at the pain in my right side, but smiled at the tiny body ontop of me, and the bigger one curled up next to me. I sighed and heard the start of a cry from Dani. I felt her diaper and it squished. I've got this one. I lean over and give Sara a kiss, then slowly get up, cradling the whimpering baby to my chest.

"It's okay champ, I've got you covered. Mommy's gonna take care of that diaper" I whisper to her as I slowly close our bedroom door.

I do my best to be super quiet as I tiptoe to the dresser to pull on some clothes, then into Dani's room , and close the door. I bring her to the changing table. The moment the wet material is off her bum, she lets out a tiny sigh.

"That's my girl" I coo at her.

She smiles up at me and I clean her off, putting on a fresh diaper and getting her dressed in some footie pajamas before hugging her to me again. She just kind of hangs out on my chest as I decide that Mum really should meet her. I walk out and down the hallway, into the kitchen to find everyone eating dinner.

"What time is it?" I ask.

"5 at night. How are you feeling?" Emy asks.

"Sore" I tell her.

Mum gets up and walks over to me "Oh my god, she's precious. Can I hold her?"

I nod and reluctantly hand Dani over to Mum.

"Hi baby girl. Oh hi baby girl. Oh you're so cute!" then she looks at me and gives me a hug, the tears coming "We thought we lost you. Poor Sara was devastated."

I nod and hug my mum back "I'm okay mum. We're all okay."

"Dallas is on the next flight home with Leah. They get in at 2 am tomorrow morning" Lindsey tells me.

I nod and sit down at the table.

"Are you hungry baby?" Mum asks

I nod and fill a plate. "Sara's still passed out."

"That's good. She was exhausted. A lot to deal with" Emy tells me.

I nod. I feel really horrible about having to put her through all that when it happened. It was horrible timing. She thought I was dead. But I don't say anything, I just take a bite of my lasagna and wince as I take a deep breath.

"Tegan, you really should have let me bring you dinner in bed. You shouldn't be up" Mum tells me.

"It's okay Mum, I didn't want to wake Sara. Besides, someone needed a diaper change" I smile and take a water bottle from the table, twisting the cap off and taking a drink. "I'm really okay."

"Did you go boom boom already baby girl?" Mum asks Dani.

Lindsey chuckles from across the table and Emy lifts an eyebrow at me "Boom Boom?"

"That's mum's euphemism for taking a dump" I tell them.

"It sounds so much nicer than that word" Mum tells them.

Dani hiccups and starts to cry. Mum rocks her, but she's just getting more distressed.

"Pass her on back, Mum" I tell her.

Mum brings Dani back to me, and the moment she's back in my hands she quiets and coos.

"Uh oh. I think we've got a mommy's girl" Lindsey says.

I smile "Yeah. She seems to kind of like me. You know what she likes even more?"

I slip her under my shirt and pop her head up out next to mine so she can rest against my shoulder. Dani lets out a happy sigh. The table erupts in awes.

"That's the cutest thing I'm ever seen" Emy says, taking a picture with her phone.

"Send that to me, so I can tweet it out" I tell her "Let the fans go nuts. They love when I tweet adorable shit."

I smile and take another bite of my lasagna. I feel my bladder alert me to a need and give Dani a kiss, then take her out of my shirt.

"Spend some time with Grandma. Mommy's gotta go to the bathroom. I love you little munchkin" I tell her with a kiss, then hand her to Mum.

I get up from the table and head to the spare room's bathroom. As soon as I'm done, I see Kaki in the mirror behind me and jump.

"Holy fuck, scare the shit outta me why donchya?" I tell her.

"Sorry. I wanted to talk to you away from your mom. How'd the birth go?" she asked

I smiled "Well, Sara was fantastic. Dani's adorable."

"Well, no duh! How's Sara?" she asked.

"Good. She's sleeping it all off. She's been through a lot in one day" I tell Kaki.

"I bet. Listen, everyone is over the moon and grateful for what you did. I've tried to convince everyone to give you guys some time before they start coming by and showing their thanks."

"Who is this everyone you're talking about, Kaki?"

She sighed "Many, many different beings from many different worlds. I thought I should come back and explain some things that happened while I was away though. First off: the panic attacks. They should be gone now."

"What do you mean?"

"Remember how I said I was trying my best to prepare you for what was coming?" Kaki asked.

"You mean, you…"

"I had to. Your system needed to be prepared for what was coming. The best way to engage that was to fire up your fight or flight response over and over until it became a part of your everyday, this way the adrenaline rush would be super effective. And the other Tegan: not dead. It was all Ivanov. All of the bad shit that's happened has been Ivanov. He's a changling: can take on the appearance of other people. When you "killed Tegan" you just knocked him out. HE didn't have time to charge up for a fight, you just dropped out of nowhere. Everything he's done was trying to pry you away from Sara and break the bond. If the bond was broken, and you two weren't together, he thought Dani would have less power."

I thought back to the other "Tegan" and what she did to Sara. About me being stuck and feeling hopeless in the other world for months. About Him trying to get to Dani as soon as he knew she was there. Then I think about the fan, and the runner, and the trials, and the "cheating". It was all to break us up. I smile.

"And none of his stuff worked" I tell her.

"Of course it didn't. C'mon, it's you and Sara. It's True Love. The truest. Ivanov might have been powerful, but he was an idiot. Which is why he never assumed that the bond itself was the product of true love and went straight for the literal meaning" Kaki explained.

I smiled wider, but then a thought crossed my mind "What about the muscles?"

"Well, sorry to say but Tegan, you were pretty weak. It's one thing to have the love working for you, but your physical strength acted like a baseline. Once again, the usefulness of panic attacks. Pretty sure if you do the math, you had 3 hours worth a week for…7 months of full body muscle contraction and relaxation."

"Just like going to the gym" I said, shaking my head, chuckling, it all making sense.

"Told you I'd do all that I could to help you out. I doubt you or Sara protested. Your strength built up, along with your relationship over the course of the pregnancy. Feeling particularly strong the past few weeks, eh?" Kaki asked.

I nodded, thinking about being able to pick Sara up "Do I get to keep it?"

"If you want to. I'm pretty sure at least one of your future visitors can help" she told me.

"Oh, by the way: the whole like world is looking for you" I tell her.

"Yeah. Figured that out. Took care of it. It's like I never left. I hear you also told Emy and Lindsey."

"Someone had to know. Look what it got us too. We had two lines of defense between you and Emy so I could get there in time. So, Emy's a witch?" I ask

Kaki nodded "Never knew that eh? She's kept it pretty well hidden here. Lindsey knew about it though. She had a little heads up about Dani being special."

"I thought they took it pretty well" I contemplated.

"They seem to have taken everything pretty well eh? The fact that you two changed overnight and were no longer their girlfriends, the weird other world stuff…" Kaki said with a grin.

I sighed and let out a chuckle "I shoulda known. More influence from you."

Kaki shrugged "It all worked out, didn't it? The timing was all perfect."

I smiled and nodded "I guess it was, wasn't it?"

Kaki nodded "I should get going, and come through your front door to meet the little diva. I think you should have this though."

I feel that comfortable handle in my hands and the weight of the blade. I smile.

"It's always been yours. He's out of it now too. It's all taken care of. Oh, I almost forgot. Let me get rid of that pain for you. Sara's too. One of the elders said that you and Sara shouldn't have to deal with it, after all you've done. They did what they could from the distance, which is why after that surgery you could come home so quickly and feel well enough to be up and about. Hearts were breaking for Sara when you died. No one was going to let you be separated from her or Dani because of that evil bastard. Luckily the guardian of eternity tossed you right back. He was all like "Hell no, get out of my hood, homie". We all had a good laugh about it. I love when Jay gets gangster. Anyways, you should enjoy being happy. They're all looking out for you now. Be ready for a wonderful life, Tegan."

With the wave of her hand, I felt my lungs fill to capacity and the heaviness in my chest and leg disappear. There was no more pain. I sighed, feeling my body return to normal.

"Kaki, before you go. Did you umm… Dani seems to be particular to me. Is that..?" I ask

She smiles and shakes her head "That's all you. Kid just has wicked good instincts."

I smile wide. My kid loves me. That feels so good, to know that she's comforted by me. I hate that going out scared her. I never want her to be scared.

"I'll see you in a few minutes" Kaki tells me.

I nod and she POOFs out. I take a moment to close my eyes and think of my daughter. I thought I'd never get to see her grow up. I smiled wider. Get ready world, because I'm gonna raise the shit outta that kid. Between Sara and I… Sara and I. She's the perfect unison of Sara and I. A thought crosses my mind: she's our zygote that never split in the womb. She's the person that probably would have happened had we been born the same person. AND she has us as parents. This kid IS going to change the world. And now, I need to hold her. I hear her cry.

I make my way back out to the kitchen and see Sara, awake at the table. She takes Dani from Emy, and lifts her shirt. Dani calms. She's super happy to be with Sara too. I smile as Dani latches on. Dallas, Leah, and Kaki are all there now too. They all get up and give me hugs, kisses, and congratulations. I get a wink from Kaki. Of course, against our wishes they've brought gifts. Kaki got Dani a ½ sized Gibson Songster, as promised and Dallas and Leah brought her a children's piano. I chuckled.

Walking over, I drop a kiss on Sara's head.

"Morning, my handsome, handsome wife."

She smiles and I lock eyes with her "You're looking like you're feeling better" she tells me.

"I feel fantastic, how about you?" I reply, feeding her a forkful of lasagna.

She takes the offered bite and makes eyes at me "Oh, I feel so, so good."

"Do we have to remind you that it's going to be a bit before sex is an option?" Mum says to us.

Sara and I both blush. I'd kind of forgotten they were all there.

The doorbell rings and

"Who needs sex?" Sara replies.

When she looks at me, I know exactly what she means. With a love like ours, sex is just a bonus. I smile at her, and we both look down at Dani. Then, I look around the table. This is my family. This is my home. These are the best days of my life. I love making music, I love playing to crowds of screaming fans, but it all pales in comparison to this. I can only imagine that this is the baseline of happiness. This is just the beginning. I look down and lock eyes with my daughter who smiles at me and lets go of Sara's nipple, making a cooing noise.

Yeah, just the beginning.


	32. All You've Got

Chapter contains a homosexual incestual relationship and sexual content between two women. If you don't like it, don't read it.

**Rating:** M

**Summary:** What happens when she gets her wish and Tegan finds herself in an alternate reality where Sara is her girlfriend, and not her sister? Will be a LONG fic, updated often.

**A/N**: So, I couldn't stay away, and wanted to thank you for all of your reviews. WE HIT 200! Thank you to those who joined the chat. In case you don't know, the song in this one's _All You've Got_ by Tegan and Sara from _This Business of Art_. Sara changes the lyrics slightly in her version to Tegan though. Read. Enjoy. Keep Reviewing!

**Disclaimer:** COMPLETELY FICTIONAL!

**Chapter 32 – All You've Got**

**Sara's POV**

I woke up to Dani crying over the baby monitor, yawned, unstuck myself from Tegan, and walked down the hallway like a zombie. I opened the door to her room and picked her up out of her crib. She's due for a feeding.

"Hey baby girl. Mama's got you. Are you hungry little one?" I ask and kiss her tiny face, putting her over my shoulder.

I feel her suck at the skin there, and I sit in the rocking chair, before easing her down to my chest. Those tiny baby hands land on my breast, and she latches on. I jump slightly, still not expecting the sensation. I close my eyes and use my free hand to rub her head. I can't believe she's two weeks old already. Then again, I can't believe it's only been two weeks. Thank god Mum and the gang finally moved out. They were driving me nutty. I think Dani was getting a little overwhelmed too. Now she gets Tegan and I all to herself. I smile when I think of Tegan with her. She's got my wife wrapped around her finger. It's the cutest thing in the world.

One more yawn and Dani's unlatching, making happy little grumbling noises and rubbing her eyes.

"Oh little Dan, you're too cute. How about a big burp for mama?"

I put her over my shoulder and pat her back, as she quickly burps up the gas in her system. I smile and feel her snuggle into me. It makes it so hard to put her down. It's odd not having her be a part of me anymore, not having her with me all the time. Soon my tiredness gets the best of me, and I have to put her back in her crib. With one last kiss goodnight, I lay her in her crib, and head back to bed.

I crawl under the blankets and lay right on top of Tegan, with my head on her chest. I feel her wake up and hug me, but quickly fall back asleep, as I join her.

A few hours later, I wake to Dani's cries again and immediately feel Tegan slowly roll me off of her, and get up. With a smile, I fall back asleep.

**Tegan's POV**

I knew this cry was for a diaper change and I wasted no time in getting to Dani's room. I picked my kid up out of her crib and brought her to the changing table, giving her a kiss and laying her down. I think she's starting to learn that if Sara and I have her, her needs will be met, because the moment either one of us picks her up, she stops crying. I make quick work of the diaper change and pull her back up to me. I go to lay her in the crib, but the moment I let go of her, she's crying.

"Aw, are you lonely peanut? Do you want some love?" I ask, pulling her back into my arms.

The crying stops and I yawn and rub my eyes. Taking a seat in the rocking chair, I laid her in my lap and make funny faces at her. I watch as her tiny Sara-shaped mouth smiles back at me. I giggle and her eyes stay locked on my face.

"Look at those eyes. Steal my heart why donchya?"

She smiled wider and hiccupped. Oh no. If there's one thing Dani doesn't like are the hiccups. I quickly pick her up and bring her to my body. She fusses, but doesn't full-out cry as I kiss her tiny head and gently rock her. When I feel her settle, I slowly lay her out on my forearm, her head in my palm, and grab a stuffed animal.

The stuffed duck has a very animated voice as I speak for it, and move it's head. Dani's fascinated and smiles at it. When I see her yawn, I put the duck down and bring her back to my chest. My baby girl sighs against me and I rub her back, singing to her softly. When I hear Dani's sleepy whimpers, I put her back in bed and head back to bed. I find myself tossing and turning, unable to fall asleep.

My feet carry me to the bathroom, where I drop my PJ bottoms. I turn the water on and step in under the warm stream. Once I get clean, I reach out and brace my tired body on an arm against the tiles. Yawning, I feel Sara's hand snake around me and her body press against my back.

"Can't sleep?" she asked.

I nodded and turned around, hugging her. I laid my head against her shoulder as my tired eyes closed. Two lazy hands ran up and down my back with the lightest touch. I let out a moan.

"My eyes burn so much I think I might cry" I tell her.

"Aww, babe. Maybe we should move her into our room" Sara whispers.

I shake my head "If we move her in now, we'll never move her out, and we'll never have sex again."

Sara chuckles and grabs the bottle of shampoo from over my shoulder, letting go of me to wash her hair.

"You know I'm good to go, right?" she asked.

"What do you mean?" I countered.

She chuckled and handed me the bottle, so I could put it back. I grabbed the soap and started to wash her as she rinsed her hair.

"I mean, I'm healed. Whoever did whatever to heal us, healed…"she sighed and tried to find a way to convey what she was trying to say.

I finished with her body and put the soap down, letting the water rinse away it's residue on her skin.

"I mean, my vagina isn't baby-sized anymore. I've been wondering why it wasn't sore. I remember it being like insanely tender the few hours after, but once you were healed it…felt normal. I was scared shitless to explore, but I did yesterday, and, well…" she took my hand and placed it at her entrance. "Tight and normal."

I looked up at her and gulped.

"You won't hurt me" she assures me.

I take a deep breath and enter her. Oh god that feels so good. She gasps and takes hold of my shoulder, getting to her tippy toes.

"See, it's all…" she tapers that off with a moan as I curl my fingers and she lays her head on my shoulder "healed."

I smile, and lift her up with my new strength. She wraps her legs around my midsection and I press her against the wall, hungrily kissing her as my fingers continue to move inside of her. I can feel her building. A shrill cry comes over the baby monitor. I sigh and put her back on her feet. Lips press against my cheek and I slowly pull out.

"I've got her, love. Try and get some sleep" she tells me.

I nod and turn off the shower. Sara grabs a towel and heads out, while I take some time to dry off. I make sure to inspect the new scars on my body. I'm so glad I don't have to deal with any of that healing and I can just be regular me again. I pull on a pair of Sara's boxers and one of my t-shirts and crawl into bed.

My eyes close, and I do my best, but sleep just won't come. I can hear Sara singing softly in the other room. I lay there with my eyes closed for an hour or so, just enjoying the calm until I can't lay here anymore. Walking into the kitchen, I see Sara at the table, eating some cereal with Dani in her baby chair in the middle of the table, facing her.

"Still can't sleep?" Sara asked

I shook my head "It's like, I know she's out here and she's up, and I don't want to miss something."

Sara chuckled and took a drink of orange juice as I poured a bowl of cereal and walked over, dropping a kiss on her head, then taking a seat and turning Dani to face me. I gave her tiny nose a kiss.

"Good morning munchkin. Did Mama give you breakfast? Did she fill that little tummy?" I coo at her in a high pitched voice and tickle her tummy, making her laugh.

"I swear that kid will suck me dry one day" Sara says.

"No worries about her appetite then" I mention, letting Dani take hold of my pinkie as I spoon some cereal into my mouth.

"I tried the pacifier again. She's super not into it. She'd rather suck my skin. She loves the breast though" Sara tells me.

"I love mama's boobies too" I whisper to Dani. "They're really good boobies."

I look over to see Sara smiling at me and I hold eye contact for a minute, before taking another bite of my breakfast.

"She wants me bad, Dani" I whisper to my daughter again.

Sara chuckles and leans over, running her hands up my thighs and coming in for a kiss.

"Oh, you know it" Sara says, kissing me gently.

I smile and give her another quick kiss, then look over and see Dani watching us, smiling, and kicking about. I give Sara one last kiss before she goes back to her spot. I sigh and look back at Dani.

"What do you say, Dani? Should we keep her?" Sara asks.

Dani smiles and kicks. I laugh and giver her tummy a rub.

"Good. Cause I'm not going anywhere" I tell my kid.

Sara takes the last bite of her breakfast and gets up. I keep eating as she puts her dishes away, then comes over and sits in my lap. She wraps her arms around my neck and gives me a kiss. I love moments like these. I smile into her eyes, my one hand still on Dani's tummy. I sigh happily as we break the kiss and Sara snuggles up to me.

"How did her umbilical wound look?" I ask.

"She's all healed up" Sara tells me.

I smile and nod, resting my head against Sara's.

"I still can't believe that we made her" I tell Sara.

"I know. She's perfect" Sara responds, kissing my cheek.

I watch the corners of Sara's lips turn upwards as she feeds me the last bite of my cereal, gives me a kiss, then gets up.

"I'm gonna put a load of laundry in" she tells me.

I nod and grab Dani from her chair, laying her head in my elbow and holding her close to me as I put my dishes in the sink. I go over and lay her on the floor, and look around at the toys littered about. I grab a pair of fabric keys and hand them to Dani who grabs them, and plays with them in her hand for a bit. We do this with an assortment of toys, until she starts to fuss.

"How about some skin time?" I ask

I take her jumper off, then slip her up under my shirt. She sucks on the skin on my chest and sighs. I sing to her softly and stand up, heading over to the kitchen and putting the dishes in the dishwasher.

This baby thing is easy. Why do people complain about it? I mean yeah, I'm tired but it's because I don't want to miss a minute with her. Then I think about it: I've got a great partner, we share the responsibility; neither one of us is working; we've only got the one kid; we've got lots of support; neither one of us is stressed about money or anything really; we've both been healed up; and Dani's a pretty happy baby. She really only cries when she needs or wants something. We've had no instances of colic, or prolonged fussiness. We've kind of got it made. I start to clean up the kitchen, wiping down the countertops, continuing the song and keeping a solid grip on Dani. I know Sara's gonna wanna deep clean today. She's been itching to but the others wouldn't let her while they were here. It's been driving her nutty.

She walks upstairs and smiles when I turn to face her.

"It's adorable when you do that" she says, walking over and kissing Dani's head on my shoulder. "I'm pretty sure she'd want to spend all day there if you let her."

"I've got no problem with that. What do you think champ?" I ask, kissing Dani.

She sucks on my shoulder in response. Sara must be making eye contact with her, because I feel Dani squirm and kick my tummy like she does when she's amused.

"Is mama making funny faces at you?" I ask.

I hear Sara giggle and she gives Dani another kiss, then gives me one.

"We should go buy a Christmas tree today. I'm gonna pull the decorations out of storage" Sara told me.

"Oh man, I almost forgot that's happening in like a week" I said, exasperated.

"It's okay babe, we've been preoccupied. Mum's taking care of most of it, I just want to decorate the house" Sara tells me.

I nod and lean in to give her a kiss. She inhales sharply against my lips and takes a handful of my shirt, pulling me to her.

"I'm gonna go get some homework done, but when she goes down again: interrupt me. I'll need a…study break" she whispers into my ear and lets go of my shirt.

I gulp as I watch her walk away, her ass swaying. She knows I'm watching it. I hear the door to her study close and I let the breath out and pat Dani's bum.

"You have the sexiest mama" I tell her. "Wanna finish cleaning the kitchen, peanut?"

I smile and start to deep clean the kitchen, singing as I go, and rocking Dani. I get to cleaning the stove, and Dani starts crying. I stop, walking over to the sink and washing the cleaner off my free hand. It's just vinegar, but I don't take any chances. I pull her out from under my shirt, rock her softly, and give her my full attention.

"What's wrong baby girl?" I ask, feeling her diaper. "You're dry, you're warm, you're getting lots of attention, no hiccups. Are you hungry?"

I give her a kiss and walk over to Sara's study. I knock, then open the door.

"I think someone's hungry." I tell her, walking over.

Sara takes off her glasses, and puts her pen down. I hand her Dani and she lifts her shirt. Dani starts to root, and latches on. Sara's expression every time she does is priceless. I think the sensation still startles her. I'm kind of jealous that Sara gets to bond with Dani like this. I walk over, behind Sara's chair and look down at my daughter. The feelings of jealousy go away when Dani's eyes make contact with mine. I smile and Sara leans up to kiss me on the cheek. I turn my head and give her lips to meet, instead of cheek.

"Are you ready for that surprise I promised you a long time ago?" she asks in a sexy voice.

I smile and feel myself start to moisten. I nod.

"Good, because I'm going to blow your mind" she growls at me, leaning in for another, more aggressive kiss.

I feel her run her lips over mine and I open my mouth, letting my tongue glide over hers. It's soft and warm, and makes me moan. I can feel her smile, and start to hand me Dani, who's done eating. She breaks the kiss, panting, and closes her books. I hold Dani's face between my thumb and forefinger and pat her back, waiting for the burp. Sara and I never break eye contact and it's making me quiver. What is she going to do to me?

"Put her down for a nap and meet me in the bedroom." She orders, leaving the room.

I gulp and Dani burps. I keep patting her back and I get a second burp, then a sigh from her. I cuddle her up to me and know she's already asleep. I get her back in pajamas, and put her down in her crib. I make sure the monitor's on and practically run into our bedroom.

I look around and see Sara seated on the bed, naked, wearing the feeldoe, and jacking herself off as she moans like a banshee. I feel my floodgates open as I walk over to her. She knows I'm here. I smile and approach slowly, seeing a sly grin on her face. Uh oh. She's got something up her sleeve.

When I finally get to the bed, I take my shirt off and climb on top of her, kissing her passionately. Her hands take my face and she kisses back with a fever. She moves her touch lower, taking hold of my breasts, as she runs her fingers over my nipples. I go to return the favour, but she shies away.

"No, Teegs, they're sore and crackly" she whimpers.

"Sorry" I apologize, blushing.

"It's okay babe, just kiss me" she tells me.

I nod and return to kissing her instead, running my hand lightly down her tummy, making her shiver. I feel her break the kiss and take control. Firm hands on my shoulders lift me off of her just high enough so she can escape from beneath me, than a firm hand on my back shoves me into the mattress. Holy fuck. What just happened? I feel the warmth of her skin and the drag of her breasts against my back, as I'm pressed deeper into the bed. I whimper and feel my pussy quiver, not knowing what to expect, but knowing it's going to feel amazing. Sara's hand lowers my shorts just beneath my ass, and she moves her lips right next to my ear.

"I've wanted to take you from behind for so long now: shove your torso into the bed and fill you up" she whispers, a hand dipping to trace my drooling slit.

I moan and squirm under her, parting my legs further. I feel her run the tip along me, like her finger once did and I buck back into her.

"Oh fuck, Sara" I moan into the air.

My head is spinning and I can smell her drooling cunt from here. This is turning her on. Not like I'm surprised. It's mutual. This is fucking sexy. I want her so badly right now. I feel my body shake in anticipation.

"Do you want me to fuck you, Tegan?" that husky voice tickles my ear.

"Fuck, please! Fuck me, Sara!" I call out.

I feel the tip rub against my clit and I jump. The hand is returned to my back to hold me down. Then, I feel her at my entrance, and I lift myself to my tippy toes. She takes hold of my hip with her free hand, and I'm about to lose it.

There's a POOF sound and Sara jumps back. I whimper at the loss, not having noticed the intrusion, until Sara is in front of me, shielding my body. I look up and see two wizard-looking men. My eyes go wide and I grab my shirt, pulling it on and pulling up my boxers. Now it's my turn to stand in front of Sara.

"Umm…what the hell?" I ask.

"Greetings Tegan Quin, The Great Warrior" the one says and extends a hand.

I gulp and reluctantly shake it. I feel Sara's hand on my lower back, letting me know that she's here.

"We are the Harborours from the Yanting Realm. We bring thanks for your service to the universe" they both bow.

"Ughh…okay" I say, scratching my head.

The second one turns to Sara "And you, Sara Quin, Keeper of The Warrior…"

Sara laughs and slings her arm around my shoulders "Ha! I'm your Keeper."

I give a half chuckle "My Gay-Keeper."

The two men bow "I am sorry we have mis-addressed you, sacred one. Sara Quin, Gay-Keeper of The Warrior we are forever grateful for your servitude as well."

Sara and I both lost it laughing. We fell into each other, leaning against each other for support as our laughter took over. I slowly composed myself to meet two very confused faces. I wiped away the tears.

"Oh, um…you're welcome" I tell them.

"Yeah. Me too" Sara adds in, still unable to contain her laughter.

She buries her face in my back, trying not to seem rude.

"Well, we are here to grant each of you one wish" one of them tells us.

I shrug "Okay. I wish for more wishes."

They whisper to each other, then turn back to me "I am sorry brave one, but that is one wish we cannot grant."

I sigh and look around "I really don't need a wish" I tell them.

And I didn't. I already have anything I could ever need or want. As I'm thinking, a face crosses my mind. It's the face of the woman Ivanov violated as me. I gulp, knowing that she will never be the same, and never be given the justice or closure of seeing her abuser punished. I look back at them.

"Actually I do. Kara Thompson. I wish to have her abuse at Ivonov's hands erased from history."

I feel Sara's hand move from my back to snake around me and give me a tiny hug. You liked that, eh love? The wizards nod in unison.

"It is done" they say in unison as well, then look at Sara.

Sara's thinking and I wish she'd hurry up, because my clit is twitching. I'm itching to feel her slip inside of me. I feel my body shudder, and she must notice my state, because I feel her hand slip under my t-shirt to rub my bare skin. My eyes close and I lean into her.

"I wish for the health of Lindsey and Emy's unborn child" Sara tells them.

Good one, love.

They bow and say in unison "It is done."

"Well, thank you umm…gentlemen?" Sara tells them

They nod "We appreciate your service, and we are sorry we interrupted your…coitus."

They bow and disappear. I waste no time, and quickly grab at Sara's boxers, lowering them and giving the toy a firm tug. She moans and our lips meet.

"What the fuck was that?" she asks between kisses.

"Don't know, don't care. I'm aching for you" I tell her.

She smiles against my lips and starts to kiss me. She's tugging at the hem of my shirt when the doorbell rings. I groan and whine, stomping my feet and throwing a little tantrum. Sara simply drops her head to my shoulder and exhales, pulling her boxers back up and walking into the kitchen. I take a moment to breathe through the frustration, and then follow.

She opens the door to Kaki, who's surrounded by a bunch of other women.

"Come on in" she says, defeated, and pulls Kaki aside.

I watch as she whispers to Kaki, and Kaki shrugs and says louder "I'm sorry, I tried to hold them off, but they heard that the Harborours from the Yanting Realm were coming and wanted to beat them to the punch. What were you guys even doing anyways?"

Sara gave her a look and Kaki gasped "I'm so sorry."

Sara sighed, letting it go as the group of women walked over to me, surrounding me. There were about 5 of them.

"The great Warrior, Tegan Quin. We honour you" they all knelt and I heard Sara chuckle.

I looked at Kaki, who was looking anywhere but me.

"We are the Fairies of the Universe's Will" the chorus rang out.

I looked at Kaki "So they're yours?"

She sighed and nodded "My sisters."

I laughed, looking at all the pint-sized fairies. Shorter than even Sara and I.

"Stand up, guys. Anyone want something to drink?" I asked

"I could go for a beer" Kaki said.

I saw Sara move to grab her one.

"We do not wish to impose on The Great Warrior and her Gay-Keeper" they said.

Kaki called out to me over them, with crossed arms "Word travels fast."

"How about I set you all up with a movie, so Sara and I can get something done?"

"Tegan!" Sara called out.

"What? I'm tired of being interrupted" I call out.

"Play nicely, or you won' get your surprise" she said.

I whined and stomped my feet again.

"I'll send you a video of that, so you can show her when she complains about Dani's tantrums" Kaki muttered to Sara as Sara handed her a beer.

Sara clinked her glass of water with Kaki's beer bottle and smiled.

"I heard that!" I said.

"We can give you the surprise" the fairies said.

"Wow. No. Don't even think about it" Kaki called out, as Sara walked over to me. Kaki turns to us "Mind reading."

I feel myself blush, knowing what they saw.

"Anyways…" Kaki continues "we came to give you our gift."

I was growing impatient and squeezed my thighs together, gently pulsing my hips, the tension unbearable. Sara must have felt the commotion, because her hand was stealthily cupping me behind her back, rubbing me through the borrowed boxers. I bit my lip to keep from moaning.

I'm faintly paying attention to Kaki talking in the background "Some of the Queen's listening dust. I thought it would be useful until Dani starts talking. All it takes is a pinch, blown over her, and you'll be able to hear her thoughts. But only the two of you."

My ears perk up at this, and I see Sara accept the bag.

"Wow, thanks. This is…fantastic. Every parent's dream. Right, hon?" Sara says, looking back at me.

"Yes. Thank you" I squeal, as Sara's hand is still rubbing me.

She stops and I exhale, putting my head on her shoulder.

"Well, we're gonna leave you two to umm…enjoy life. Thanks for entertaining us."

"Alright, thanks for the gift" Sara says.

The Fairies start to leave and Kaki turns back to us "I'm putting up a privacy shield. You've got 2 hours of no interruptions. I'll see you guys at Christmas."

"Thank you" I call out.

She laughs and the front door closes. Sara turns around and kisses me, dropping the bag to the floor, forgotten for the moment.

"Can you be any fucking hotter?" she asks "I could feel you squirm against me. I could smell your cum from a mile away. Fuck you're driving me crazy."

She hastily pulls my shirt over my head and kisses me hard. I break it to take her shirt off.

"You're going crazy?" I ask. I kiss her quickly "I'm a fucking puddle over here. A quivering mess, and you're just rubbing me through my shorts."

She smiles "You liked that eh?"

I nod and kiss her, fumbling with her boxers, until I grasp the toy in my hand and tug.

Sara gets impatient and backs me into the island, turning me around, and shoving me down into it like she had on the bed earlier. I can smell the cleaner I used on the countertop as she yanks down my boxers. I push my bum towards her.

"No foreplay. Just give it to me" I moan to her.

She abides and I gasp as she inserts herself into me. My mouth hangs agape as I feel the tingling sweetness of the shaft pushing through me bit by bit. I reach back for a hand to hold, and she takes hold of both of mine, placing them over my head on the counter, and continuing the push into me. I shudder and moan into the marble. My nipples are agonizingly hard against the cold rock. I feel Sara's own nipples drag over my back as she kisses up my spine. When she hits the very back of me, I feel a loud moan come from her. She lets go of my hands, and I instinctively hold onto the counter. My body lifts and her hands drag around my front to massage my breasts. I hiss at the sensation, my core tightening. Sara moans, feeling it along the shaft and into her g-spot. I push back, needing to feel her move inside of me. She gets the signal and slowly pulls out, causing my insides to drag along her. I drop my head onto the countertop and my back arches. My body is covered in pins and needles, every nerve stimulated. Her hands abandon my breasts and take hold of my hips, as she starts to push back in.

"Holy fuck Tegan! You feel amazing" she moans.

"Please don't stop" I tell her.

Her grip on my hips tightens and I spread my legs a little further, letting her hit me as deep as she can. She starts to move a little faster, creating friction. I feel my body respond instantly and my clit throbs. I feel the muscles in my back contract and flex, and I smile to myself knowing that this is giving Sara a good visual. She fucks me a little harder, I can feel her eyes locked on my back, and purposefully shift my shoulders to make the muscles ripple. I hear her moan through gritted teeth and I gasp as she picks up the pace.

"Oh fuck, Sara! My clit! My clit!" I call out.

She starts to slam in and out of me, with every thrust hitting that spot deep inside of me that no one knows better. Every drag out brings friction to my walls, making me tremble, but she now reaches around to run two fingers over my pulsing clit. My stomach shakes and the fire starts to build. I can feel my body start to sweat. I'm taking gasping breaths, and hearing loud grunt-moans from my wife, who's pounding me over the counter.

"Holy fucking shit Tegan" Sara calls out.

Her free hand grips hard at my hips, rocking them in to meet her thrusts. She's fucking me so deep and so hard.

"Please. Don't. Stop." I call out, with a pause between each word for a gasp.

My hands flail above my head, knocking some mail and a couple apples to the floor as each inhale is now a gasp. My whole body starts to shake and tighten.

"Tegan, I'm gonna…" she pants to me.

I feel my abs tighten further and my knees shake. I hold on for dear life.

"I am too" I call out.

I gasp and it hits me, rolling over my body in a cadence of warm waves, making my eyes roll back in my head, and my lungs gasp for air. Not moments later, I feel Sara collapse on top of me, taking my hands and shaking against my back. The contractions ripping through my system are so intense, I can't help but convulse and shiver. Sara recovers quicker, and I can feel her lips on my back. She moves my hair to the side and kisses my neck. I feel her slowly pull out and I jump as the toy clears my entrance. Sara's hands wrap around me and pull my limp body to her. I let my arms drape over her shoulder and around her neck, as she slowly drops her back down the side of the island. She holds me safely against her skin and kisses my temple, as my body continues to shake and tremble. Her bum hits the ground and I finally exhale, closing my eyes. I smile against her and feel her chuckle. We're a sweaty heap on the floor. I've got a full body high and am so incredibly relaxed.

"Totally worth the wait" she whispered to me, then kissed my forehead.

"You can do THAT whenever you want. I will NOT complain" I tell her, catching my breath.

She smiles and hugs me tighter.

"My tummy feels wonderful" I tell her.

She lifts one of my arms, and lets it drop, limp.

"Don't expect me to move anytime soon. I'm not even sure my legs work" I tell her.

"I wouldn't dream of asking such a thing. I'm guessing you liked that" she whispered.

I shook my head "No, not at all" I said sarcastically, while chuckling.

I sigh happily against her "Is this real life?" I ask.

"Yeah, and…" she pauses.

I feel her reach around the corner and open a drawer. I hear her clink around, then her hand comes back out to meet her other one. After some fumbling, she opens whatever it is she got out of the drawer. Something aromatic and sweet it pressed to my lips.

"Open" she instructs.

I obey, opening my mouth, but never opening my eyes. She places something in my mouth that melts and makes me smile. Chocolate.

"Fuck Sara. I' m already in love with you. You don't have to win me over" I remind her, chewing the chunk in my mouth.

"I just like seeing you happy" she tells me.

My heart melts and I open my eyes, kick off my boxers, and turn into her lap. I straddle her and lean in, giving her a chocolate flavoured kiss. My hands cup her face as she puts the wrapped bar on the floor, and runs her open palms along my hips, to my lower back. I break the kiss and sit down in her lap. I smile and take a pinch of the fairy dust, blowing it over her. I see her bite her lip and blush, but watch as her eyes soften. I start to hear Sara's voice, although her lips aren't moving. It's a song. There's a song running through her mind.

_This is the time of my life…_

Is the line I hear first, then she stops and thinks:

_I'll start at the beginning for you._

Instead of thinking it though, she sings it out loud, running her hands up my back:

"Here the lights fall just as hard, a bit softer in the stall.  
It's not really wrong, it's not really right,  
I'm wide awake.  
You're upfront, upshot, upstart,  
Up in every case,  
The kind of girl that whispers:  
Thank God for you.

Well ooo yeah,  
All I want is you  
Oooo yeah,  
And all I'll need is you.

And your confusion is in the night that I stumbled,  
It's in the morning that I,  
That I struggled,  
Because I start to forget but, you will always remember,  
The kind of girl who laughs and says:  
Get up off your knees.

Ooo yeah,  
All I'll need is you  
Oooo yeah,  
And all I'll want is you.  
Ooo yeah,  
All I'll need is you  
Oooo yeah,  
And all I'll want is you."

I smile and drop my head to her shoulder. She continues with the song and the backrub. This is what she thinks when she gives me that look. These are the thoughts that were going through her mind as my heart was melting for her.

"And so you come, and so you go  
Tell me how hard, how fast, baby tell me how high I must go.  
Tell me what you want, tell me what you need,  
Tell me how hard, how fast, baby tell me how high I must go.

This is the time of my life,  
This is the time of my life,  
This is the time of my life,  
This is the time of my life."

Her voice rings out the last note and I sigh, swooning.

"Sara…" I whisper.

"Boy am I happy I wasn't thinking about your ass for once" she jokes.

We chuckle and I put my hands on her chest, looking her in the eyes and sitting back on her thighs.

"I love you" I tell her, honestly.

"I love you too, Tegan. More than you'll ever know" she counters.

I smile "You know, that was my last thought before I died: that neither you, nor Dani would know how much I really loved you both."

Sara gave me a shining smile. It wasn't the big, gummy one she got when she thought something was funny, but the tight-lipped one she got when some kind of happy hit her at her deepest point. It was the same smile I saw on our daughter when she looked at me.

"Tegan, I know. I'm sure Dani does too. But, I know" she said, tilting her head to the side like a puppy and swiping my hair off my forehead with an outstretched finger.

She does know. I can see in her eyes that, this feeling that goes so deep that I don't understand it completely, she feels that from me. I know too. I can feel it radiating off of her. There's this moment of transparency that overcomes both of us. This knowingness is new. It feels wonderful. All I can do is seal our lips together, and run my hands along her shoulders as my lips glide over hers. When we pull apart, she hugs me to her tightly and we rest our heads on the other's shoulder. We sit like this until Dani starts to cry, awake from her nap. I sigh and pull back from Sara.

"I've got this one" I tell her, while my right hand breaks off a piece of chocolate.

I press the candy to her lips, and she opens to accept it, smiling. I push it in, then lean in and give her a peck before I get up, grab my boxers, and hop into them as I make my way down the hallway.

**Sara's POV**

I watch her pull my boxers up and disappear down the hallway. I sigh and lean my head back on the island, smiling and enjoying my chocolate. I fell like a 7th grader who just slow danced for the first time with the boy she has a crush on. I think I'll be 90 and Tegan will still make me feel this way. I close my eyes and slowly inhale, just enjoying the moment. Just like I enjoyed every moment of this life.


	33. My Favourite Place

Chapter contains a homosexual incestual relationship and sexual content between two women. If you don't like it, don't read it.

**Rating:** M

**Summary:** What happens when she gets her wish and Tegan finds herself in an alternate reality where Sara is her girlfriend, and not her sister? Will be a LONG fic, updated often.

**A/N**: Bear with me as I try to come up with more story and another big plot line. For now, we get fun fluff. Also, thanks to the reviewer who suggested the name 'Tara' I mean to give you a shoutout last chapter, but forgot to. Lastly, to the reviewer who would have liked to make it to the chat: I am more than happy to do another one. You can also get a hold of me by signing up for the site and sending me a PM, or going to my tumblr and sending me an ask. .com. Read. Enjoy. Review!

**Disclaimer:** COMPLETELY FICTIONAL!

**Chapter 33 – My Favourite Place**

**Sara's POV**

I sighed, my chin in my hands with my eyes glued to Dani. She was having some tummy time on her play mat in the living room. At 3 weeks old, she's learned how to lift her head and shoulders off the floor and turn her head side to side. It's the cutest thing ever. She lifts her head up and stares at the Christmas Tree in the corner.

"You love that tree Dani. Is it almost Christmas? Do you wanna see Grandma and Uncle Dallas and Aunt Leah and Aunt Emy and Aunt Lindsey? Aunt Kaki will be there too. Hey baby girl?" I ask in a high pitched voice.

She puts her head down and turns it to look at me. I sigh and reach out, running my hand over her hair. I can't wait until she can talk. Then I remember something and smile. I stand up and head over to the island, keeping an eye on Dani. I open the drawer and grab the small bag I put there with the Fairy dust last week while tidying up. I head back over to Dani and lay back down on my own tummy. I take a pinch and blow it over her. She sneezes and I giggle. I'm not sure what's going to happen, but then I hear it. This adorable, tiny voice in my head.

_I like it when you smile mama. I like it when mommy laughs. Mommy. I want mommy to pick me up. Mommy smells safe and is warm. Mama, pick me up._

Dani starts to cry and I immediately pick her up and cuddle her close.

"Oh baby girl, Mommy will be home soon" I say, giving her a kiss and patting her bum. "She's just at work."

_I don't like it when you and mommy aren't both with me. _

I smile and sigh "What else is on your mind, little one?"

_I want to pull down that Christmas tree. Grab a branch and give it a hard yank. _

I chuckle and shake my head "You'll leave that tree alone. You're too little to pull it down anyways. You're gonna be my little destroyer, eh? We need that tree for when the family comes over."

Dani sighs against my shoulder and turns her head to face my neck.

_Do they have to? I don't like all the people. _

"I know baby, but its tradition and they all love you" I sigh. "I'll talk to mommy and we'll make sure we have you most of the time."

_Mommy._

Dani lets out the tiniest whimper, her pre-emptor to a cry. I sigh and cuddle her close, rocking her slightly.

"She'll be home soon Dani" I whisper and she calms.

_Your voice sounds so nice. _

I smile and give her a kiss.

_That feels so nice._

I giggle and do it again. I feel her smile against me, and the front door open.

_Mommy! It's mommy!_

I giggle.

"Hey there champ" Tegan calls out.

I feel Dani's little legs kick and she starts giggling in my head.

"C'mere my big girl" Tegan calls out.

I hand her over and Tegan kisses her, cuddling her close then comes over and kisses me.

"She's missed you" I tell her. "How was work?"

"I missed you too baby girl" Tegan told her. "Good, we moved the family in today."

_Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. You give the best snuggles._

Tegan giggles and looks to me.

"Putting the gift to use I see" She says.

I shrug "I got bored. You should know that you seem to be the one thing on her mind like…all the time. Well, you and pulling down the Christmas Tree."

Tegan laughs "I remember a certain twin of mine at 2 years old…"

I laugh and shake my head.

"What? I'm just saying, I know where she gets it from" Tegan told me with a smile. She turned to Dani "Did you have a good day with Mama?"

_Mama's voice is nice and she has food. I don't want people, just you and mama. _

"I told her about Christmas" I told Tegan.

"Mama's voice is really nice. You can stick with me for Christmas, Dan. Everyone's gonna wanna hold you, but I'll be right there. I've got ya little guy" Tegan told Dani.

_Mommy, you're nice and warm. So comfy._

Dani yawned and Tegan chuckled, looking at me. This is too cute.

"Go to sleep baby girl, I've got you" Tegan told her, wrapping her free arm around me.

I smiled and laid my head on her shoulder and rubbed Dani's back.

"How was your day?" She asked.

"Good. Got some reading done and just hung out with Dani" I told her, then kissed her jaw.

Tegan kissed my cheek then went and took a seat on the couch, turning on the TV. I headed over to the kitchen to get some dinner started. I started cutting up vegetables for a stir fry, and casually glancing over at my two girls on the couch. Tegan was lounged out with Dani on her chest, running her hands over the baby's little legs as she slept. It's been nice being able to turn on the TV and not just see us on 24 hours a day. Each time I glance up, Tegan was dozing a little deeper. I hummed most of my songs from Sainthood as I cooked, just enjoying being at home with my family. I plated dinner, and set the table, adding a beer for Tegan. It'll be her first one since we'd started trying to get pregnant. If Dani takes the bottle I pumped today, then I'll have one too. I pumped enough for the night, it's just whether or not she'll actually take it.

I heat one to try. Sure enough, as soon as I have the thought I hear Dani start to cry, and hear that little voice in my head.

_I'm hungry. Mama. Mama. Mama. _

Tegan groans and wakes up, but I'm already pulling Dani up to me. I lean in and give Tegan a kiss.

"Dinner's ready. I'm gonna try a bottle for this one" I tell her.

She nods and blinks her eyes, waking up, as I head back to the kitchen. I take the bottle out of the warmer and twist on a nipple. I put it to Dani's lips.

_No Mama, I'm hungry. _

"Baby girl, this is food. Come on, try it" I tell her.

I tickled her lips with the nipple, and she turned away, getting fussy.

_No, I want you. This thing isn't you._

"Okay little one, hold on" I say with a sigh.

I lift my shirt and drop the clasp on my nursing bra. I move Dani towards my breast and she latches on with a sigh and starts sucking. I run my hand through her hair.

"I guess if I had to choose between eating out of plastic, or getting to snuggle and bond, I'd choose the latter two. No drinks for Mama tonight" I tell her.

I walk over to the table and have a seat.

"She's just smart. If I could eat from your nipples, I would" Tegan says with a giggle.

"Oh really?" I ask

"Snuggles and Sara-temperature food. Perfection" Tegan returns, taking a bite of her stir fry. "I guess I'll just have to settle for your cooking."

I smile and take a bite of my own "This whole hearing her thing is actually pretty cool. It feels…"

"Natural." Tegan adds in

I nod "Yeah. I wonder if/when it goes away."

Tegan shrugs "Kaki said it's good until she starts talking."

I sigh in relief "That would be wonderful. No guessing what's wrong and we can communicate with her."

I take a bite of dinner and hook my foot around Tegan's calf under the table.

"What time is everyone coming Friday?" she asks.

"4, and I think they're staying the night" I respond. "Well, most of them are. Emy and Lindsey are gonna get back to me on spending the night. It's gonna depend on if Emy's parents go away or not."

Tegan nods and takes a swig from her beer "Oh my god that tastes…" she looks at Dani breastfeeding and changes her strategy "I mean ew… that's disgusting."

I laugh and drink my water. "The game's on tonight. Wanna invite the boys over and watch?" I ask her.

Tegan sighs and shakes her head "I want some Sara time, all to myself."

I smile "Aww babe, you're so cheesy sometimes."

She gives me a gummy smile, and I feel Dani unlatch. I hear a tiny sigh in my head.

"Are you full, munchkin? How about a burp?" I ask and sit her on my knee, leaning her into my hand and patting her back.

Dani lets out a good burp, and I keep patting her, as she burps, until I get a sigh.

"I never thought I'd ever be so happy to hear burps" Tegan notes, taking another bite of her dinner.

"And I never thought my nipples would be so gross looking" I tell her, putting Dani in her seat on the table so I can eat.

"Have you been using the cream?" Tegan asks.

I nod and spear some vegetables with my fork, putting them in my mouth.

"With the way she eats though, they just don't get a break. And she won't take a bottle" I mention.

Tegan tickles Dani's tummy making her smile, and giving the baby her hand to play with.

"Would a super gentle Tegan rub-down do you good?" she asks.

I feel my heart well up and nod "Always."

"Your body's been working so hard for the past 10 months, if I can take the edge off, I will" Tegan told me.

I smiled, knowing that it was going to be a happy ending type massage. I felt myself get wet and bit my bottom lip.

"I know what that face means, Dani. Your Mommy's gonna have a good night with Mama" Tegan tells our daughter, who was still fascinated with her hand.

_What is this? It feels nice when it holds me. It looks like mine, but bigger. It's soft, but scratchy in some parts._

I look at Tegan and we laugh "Baby girl, that's my hand" Tegan tells her.

Tegan leans in and gives her a kiss, then clears her plate. I make a face at Dani who smiles.

_Do it again._

I do.

_Again._

I make the face again.

_Again._

"Dani, mama's gotta eat. How about some tummy time with Mommy?" Tegan tells her, coming back over.

_No, mama. _

"Mama's gotta eat" Tegan says.

_Ocean song mommy._

I giggle and scoop some rice into my mouth as Tegan laughs and goes to her study to get her guitar. I start to notice a tingling in my left breast, which quickly turns into a burning. I groan from the pain and put my fork down. Tegan walks out, singing The Ocean and I stand trying to walk off the pain. I bring my plate to the sink and start to feel nauseous, then a wave of exhaustion rolls over me. My hand goes to the breast in pain and I start to massage it, feeling a lump. I swallow hard and my eyes go wide. I lean against the counter, and take a few breaths. I suddenly hear Tegan stop playing and she turns to look at me.

"Sara?" she inquires, worriedly. "You okay?"

I shake my head "I don't feel well."

"Are you getting sick?" she asks.

"Tegan, my breast is really sore" I tell her and turn around.

"The one she just ate from?" she asks again.

I shake my head and she put the guitar down, walking over.

"Let me see" she asks.

I nod and lift my shirt, then bra, my breast now exposed. We both gasp as we see the bright red colour and how swollen it is. Tegan eyes the lump, and gently touches it. She gently cups the breast with her palm.

"It feels hot. I'm calling Emy" she says.

I nod "I think I'm going to lay down."

She nods and kisses my forehead, quickly replacing her lips with the back of her hand.

"Babe, you've got a fever" she tells me.

I groan and head down the hallway. I hate being sick. The colour and swelling of my breast are really worrying me though. I can still hear Dani, even from the hallway.

_What's wrong with Mama?_

She starts to cry, and I open the door to our room. I hear Tegan console her.

"She's not feeling well. It's okay, I'm calling Aunt Emy" Tegan tells her, as I walk into the room

I start feeling the chills and go to Tegan's closet, grabbing a pair of her sweats and a sweater. I put on some fuzzy socks, and crawl into bed, pulling our down duvet over my body. I'm expecting to warm up, but just keep shaking. Why can't I get warm? I closed my eyes, but when it was too much, there was only thing that would make me feel like I wasn't dying:

"Tegan" I whimpered.

She came running into the room with the phone in one hand, the baby in the other. She sat on the bed next to me, and pulled my head into her lap, using her shoulder to hold the phone.

_Mama. Give me cuddles. This is scary._

I reached out and took her from Tegan, laying her in my arms as Tegan ran a hand through my hair, bundling the blankets up on me, and continuing to talk to Emy.

"It feels hot and she's burning up." Pause "Yeah, there's a hard lump. Emy she's in a lot of pain. Mast-whatis? How do I help?" Pause "Okay. Yeah. I'll leave the front door unlocked. Come right in. Thanks Emy" Tegan finished, hanging up the phone.

She ran a hand along my forehead "The last time you burned up like this, it was our first day here. You were so sick."

She sighed and I whimpered in her lap "Oh Sara, your poor body" she empathised. "Emy's bringing you some antibiotics. She says that this is common in breastfeeding mothers. Mast-lightus or something like that" she continued.

I gave Dani a little squeeze, but handed her back to Tegan. I hugged Tegan's midsection as she whispered a song both to Dani and I.

_Ocean song mommy._

Tegan changed the song, and Dani dozed off.

"I'm gonna go put her down then I'll be back to take care of you" she told me.

I nodded and moved off her lap. Tegan got up and walked out of the room. I winced as the pain in my breast got worse. My toes curled, and I shivered from the fever. I just want Tegan. She makes everything better. Just Tegan's arms around me.

"On your back" the voice called.

I obeyed and felt her warm, loving hand on my stomach, slowly pulling up my shirts. She reached behind me and took off my bra. My breasts were slowly exposed to the air and she put down a towel and cupped the infected breast in both her hands.

"Emy said that unclogging the duct will help with the pain" Tegan's voice spread across me like butter.

I nodded and closed my eyes, feeling her hands working in tandem: one was right on the lump, pushing it down towards my nipple, the other was on my nipple, trying to expel it. I winced and grabbed her knee. She stopped.

"Want me to wait and let Emy do this?" she asked, barely above a whisper.

I shook my head and she continued. I gulped as I felt the mass break up and the pain lessened.

"There we go, love" Tegan praised.

I looked down at the towel and almost vomited. There was pus, blood, and lumpy breast milk. Tegan didn't flinch. She kept massaging and expressing until my breast was empty.

"Better?" she asked, giving my tummy a rub.

I nodded as she took the towel and got up, out of the bed. I still shook and was still freezing. I was too cold and tired to even cover myself back up with the shirts. She came back and got under the covers with me, pulling my shirts down. I felt those arms around me and just curled into her. Tegan wrapped me up and rubbed down my arms as I shook.

"Tegan, I'm so cold" I told her.

"I'm trying to get you warm, but you're on fire and sweaty. Just close your eye, love" she tells me.

I do, and just whimper, my body starting with the achiness that comes with a high fever. Tegan's right: it is reminiscent of that first day. Funny how things can be so similar, yet so different. That was one of the best days of my life: the day she was finally mine. She took such good care of me. I didn't leave her arms for most of that day. I will still never get her riding me out of my mind. It's one of my favourite memories. Lips found my temple and I clenched my jaw, burying my face into her chest. She rubbed my back.

"I wish I could help. I hate seeing you like this" she whispered. "All I can do is thank you for giving me the gift of our daughter, but I think this is it for us kids-wise. I can't bear to watch you go through it again" She whispered.

I nodded. She's right. I had a horrible pregnancy. I loved it, it was a great experience, but I don't want to do it again. Besides, I don't think I could ever love another child as much as I love Dani. I feel myself start to fall asleep, and am almost there when Emy walks in.

"You just can't catch a break, can you, Sare?" Emy asks.

I open my eyes and shake my head.

"Alright, lets take a look" Emy tells me.

I can't even lift my hands to lift my shirt. Tegan sees me trying and eases me onto my back, and lifts my shirt for me.

"Yup. That's mastitis. Did you get the lump out?" Emy asks.

Tegan nods "I emptied her breast like you said, too" Tegan replied.

"Good. Sara, I'm gonna check your lymph nodes" Emy told me, while raising my hand and feeling around my armpit.

I whimpered and felt Tegan take my hand. Emy put the back of hers to my forehead, then handed Tegan a bottle of pills.

"Antibiotics. Make sure to empty the breast every few hours, and apply a cold compress to it after feeding. Dani can still nurse from that side, no problem, but it may taste funny so she may not want to" Emy told Tegan, then turned to me "Might want to forgo a bra or get a looser one. Also, no more tummy sleeping for you. I think it was the pressure on the ducts that caused this, so lets try taking some of it off."

I nod and Tegan whispers "Thanks."

Emy nods "Feel better, Sare."

I groan and Emy walks out. Tegan hands me a glass of water from the nightstand and one of the pills. I take them, then curl back up in her lap.

"No more kids" I tell her.

She smiles and nods "I thought so."

Tegan lifts my chin and gives me a soft, sweet kiss. She slowly pulls away and looks into my eyes.

"Do you want me to distract you?" she asked.

I took a minute and thought about it. The queasiness had stopped, I was just cold and achy. But I think it would help. I smiled and nodded. She mirrored my smile and kissed me again, this time holding my face between her hands and gliding her tongue over my lips. I let myself melt into her, giving myself over to her completely. Arms wrapped around me and fingers ran over the bare skin of my back. Now I shivered, but for a different reason. Fuck Tegan, what you do to me. I take a deep breath and wrap my legs around her. I roll her on top of me and kiss her deeper. I roll my hips into her and moan. This is quite distracting. I suddenly need her. The fever and chills are forgotten, and there's just Tegan. As if reading my mind, she places her thigh against my center and grinds down into me, making me moan into her mouth. I feel myself gush, and consequently roll my hips into her. I feel my connection with her surge and my emotions well up. My heart races and I try to catch my breath. I gently push her away.

"I love you" I tell her, looking into her eyes.

She smiles "I love you too."

"Make love to me?" I ask.

I watch as her face softens and she nods, leaning back down to kiss me. My back arches and I feel her hand slip to my spine, her lips caressing mine, making me dizzy. I wrap my arms around her neck and thread my fingers through her hair, pulling face closer to mine and deepening the kiss. Kissing her is exquisite. I could do it for the rest of my life. My Tegan. I sigh into her mouth and feel the tears. My Tegan. She breaks the kiss, looking down at me worriedly.

"Sara?" she whispers.

I swallow "I'm just having one of those moments, where this doesn't feel real. I'm so grateful for you" I tell her, reaching up and cupping her cheek. "You're MY Tegan. You're mine."

She sighs and leans in to give me a quick kiss "And I'm grateful that you have moments like this with me. You being emotional around me is…one of the greatest gifts. I know that nobody but me gets to see this side of you."

I nod "This is all yours. I'm all yours" I tell her, reaching back up and bringing her back in for another kiss.

Tegan moans into me and takes off her shirt, breaking the kiss just long enough to remove it. She lifts mine so that her tummy is pressed to mine. Skin on skin. I moan and let my leg crawl up and brush against hers. Tegan slid a hand down and grabbed my ass. I giggled into her lips and felt her smile. Her hands then both ran up my sides, under my shirt. I liked visuals; Tegan liked sensations. Her hands feels so good on me, burning trails in their wake. I never want her to stop touching me. Just as soon as they reach my armpits, her hands traveled back down, her thumbs looping just under the waistband of my sweats and underwear. She looks at me and I nod, giving her permission as she inches them off. We've been together for almost two years now, we have a baby, and yet she still makes sure to get consent. She still makes sure I want it. I'm so in love with her.

One my bottoms are gone, she kisses me again. Now I become hyper aware of last week, when I bent her over. I didn't really kiss her. Was that okay? I feel myself start to panic and I break the kiss.

"Hold on" I tell her.

She stops and looks down at me "Are you okay?" she asks.

I nod "Are you?" I inquire.

"Why wouldn't I be?" she counters, smiling and giving me a peck on the forehead.

"Last week, when I…when I fucked you" I gulped. "Was that okay? I didn't really kiss you or make you feel special. I don't remember asking for consent."

I felt the panic set in as I started remembering. I heard her sigh and she ran her thumb over my cheek.

"Sara, it was perfect. I loved it. You did ask for consent though. You always do. And I gave it. Oh love, don't worry about that. If I wanted something to happen differently, all I have to do is ask. I know that. Just like all you have to do is ask and I'll stop and we can do something differently. I trust you and I know you love me. You always make me feel special. Fuck, you bending me over and taking me like that made me feel so special. It was so sexy."

I let her words sink into me. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. She leaned in and gave me another kiss. She rolled off of me, and onto her side, pulling me into a hug.

"I just…I get so worried sometimes that I don't make love to you enough. That I just fuck you. I don't want it to be like that" I whisper to her.

"Sara, you make love to me all the time" she says, smoothing my hair back. "How we have sex doesn't affect how I feel about you either. I love it when you fuck me. It doesn't make me think you don't care or you love me less. It makes me think "Holy fuck my wife is sexy and this feels fantastic" and if it makes me think anything else, you'll know because I'll stop you. And there's no doubt in my mind that you'll stop."

I nod and gulp. I just feel icky. The malaise from the infection starts creeping back into my mind and I whimper into Tegan.

"Not distracted anymore?" she asks.

I shake my head and she rubs my back.

"I'm gonna grab the second blanket from our closet. Hold on, love" she says, pulling my pants back up.

I kind of still want to have sex, but would rather just be cuddled. Tegan comes back and adds our second, summer duvet to the mix. She ditches her pants and pulls me back in, wearing just a pair of my boxers. I put my face in her neck and nuzzle the skin there.

"I love Dani, but I hate what she's done to your body" Tegan whispers to me.

I nod against her.

"When she's done breastfeeding, and we can leave her alone, I'm calling Mum to watch her and am taking you on vacation. We'll spend a week in a house on a beach somewhere warm. I'll make sure it has french doors that open up to the ocean, so we can make love with the ocean mist on our faces" Tegan tells me.

"That sounds nice" I remark.

"Only the best for you" she replies, kissing my cheek. "I love laying with you like this. I love the way you feel in my arms" she says.

I smile "It's my favourite place in the world."


	34. Tismas Time

Chapter contains a homosexual incestual relationship and sexual content between two women. If you don't like it, don't read it.

**Rating:** M

**Summary:** What happens when she gets her wish and Tegan finds herself in an alternate reality where Sara is her girlfriend, and not her sister? Will be a LONG fic, updated often.

**A/N**: Yay! More fluff. Happy Holidays everyone. Enjoy your Christmas chapter, complete with so much cuteness it would make the Grumpy Cat giggle. Read. Enjoy. Review.

**Disclaimer:** COMPLETELY FICTIONAL!

**Chapter 34- Tismas Time.**

**Tegan's POV**

I woke up to Dani wailing. I groaned and kissed Sara, who's chest I was asleep on to let her know that I had her. I dragged myself out of bed and into Dani's room, heading to her crib.

_Mommy! Mama! I'm wet and uncomfortable! _

I picked her up and gave her a kiss. She stopped crying and I brought her over to the change table, laying her down.

"Okay baby girl, lets see how much poop you made for Mommy" I whisper to her as I take off her diaper. "Wow. Big one! Good job munchkin."

I get her clean and put a new diaper on, doing her PJs back up and picking her up.

"You still tired little one?" I ask.

_Warm and comfy and…._

I heard her sigh and smiled, putting her back in her crib. Easiest baby ever. I left her room and tiptoed back into ours, crawling back into bed and snuggling into Sara. She groaned, starting to wake up. I put my hand between her breasts and slowly pressed her back into the bed.

"Just a diaper change. She's asleep. Go back to bed, love" I whisper to her and give her a kiss.

Sara sighs, taking hold of me and turning me into the little spoon. I smiled and intertwined our fingers, placing our hands on my stomach as I felt her lips kiss my bare shoulder. I closed my eyes. I let out a tiny moan, then felt myself drift off in the safety of her arms.

I woke up and didn't feel Sara against me. I groaned and turned onto my back, immediately feeling her hand through my hair.

"Good morning, love" she whispered.

I opened my eyes to see her sitting up in bed, nursing Dani. I smiled.

"I didn't want you to wake up alone" she told me.

I smiled and rolled over, burying my face in her thigh. Her hand rubbed down my back and I smiled.

"You're the best" I said in a husky, crackly voice.

She leaned down and kissed the top of my head, enticing me to sit up and go for a real kiss. She smiled against my lips, and I mirrored her smile. We broke apart and I let my head rest on her shoulder, watching Dani. Dani made eye contact with me.

_Mommy Ocean song. _

"You and that song. Okay" I whispered to my daughter, running a hand over her head.

I started singing The Ocean softly. This kid loves this song. Dani finished eating as I finished the song and Sara pulled her up for a burp. I grabbed the nipple cream from the nightstand and started gently rubbing it into both of her nipples. I looked up and met her eyes, which were closed and she was moaning. I gulped and felt myself moisten.

"Mmmm Tegan" she moaned into the early morning.

"Yeah? That feel good baby?" I asked.

She nodded and I watched her hips buck. I looked up to see Dani drifting to sleep. I grabbed her from Sara and brought her back to her room to sleep. I closed the door to our room and kicked off my boxers, getting into bed, naked with Sara. She giggled and wrapped her arms around my neck, kissing me. I wrapped my legs around her hip and flipped so she was on top of me. I felt her grind herself down, into me. My body responded immediately as I soaked onto Sara's thigh.

"Fuck, Tegan. That's so sexy" she whispered into my ear.

I felt her tongue in my ear and it made my whole body shiver. My body kicked into overdrive and I ran my hands down her back, right under the waistband of her boxers to squeeze her ass. I pulled her crotch deeper into me and moaned when I felt her pubic bone against my clit. Her hands took hold of my breasts and I couldn't help but arch my back. I felt lips kiss down my stomach and clued into what was about to happen. My eyes rolled back in my head and I tangled my fingers in Sara's hair.

"Oh, fuck Sara. Please" I begged.

I felt her tongue lick up my folds, and jumped as it went over my clit. I took in a gasping breath as she did it again.

"Oh baby you taste so good right now" she moaned.

I spread my legs wider to accommodate her and she happily hooked her hands on both of my thighs, diving in to focus on my clit, running her hot, wet, strong tongue over my most sensitive area. I felt myself pour out and my body tighten. She moved a hand to my stomach, holding me down. I took a firm hold on the sheets and rolled my hips into her eager mouth, feeling two of her fingers press against my entrance. I let out a whimper, needing her inside of me so badly. She stopped with her tongue for a moment and looked up at me.

"Please don't stop, Sara" I beg.

"Do you want me inside of you?" she asks.

I nod and feel her tongue back on me, making me arch again, but this time she pushes two fingers into me and I gasp and moan at the same time. It's the sweetest sensation. I feel her push against my walls, deeper into me. I squirm under her and breathe heavily. She curls her fingers to meet my g-spot and I cry out, getting lost in the sensations. I feel her suck my clit into her mouth as her fingers work inside of me.

"Baby I'm so close. Oh fuck. Oh fucking fuck" I call out.

I feel her move a bit faster, fucking me with hooked fingers, and rolling my clit in her mouth. I squeezed my whole body and felt myself teetering on the edge of the cliff. Sara changed strategies and aimed for that place deep inside of me, finding it on the first try and sending me over the edge. The first few shockwaves clued her into what was happening and she climbed my body, wrapping her free arm around me and kissing me deeply. I let the warmed waved roll over me and held her tightly against me. I buried my face in her neck, my body out of my control as the orgasm took me over. I moaned loudly into her and she never let up, moving those fingers deep inside of me, keeping me going.

"Does that feel good baby? Do you like it when I fuck your pussy like this?" Sara whispered to me.

Fuck yes, dirty talk. Holy shit Sara. All I can do is nod against her.

"I can feel your cunt squeeze me, pulling me deeper" she whispered.

I moaned loudly and bucked my hips, my body still responding to her touch. She picked up the pace and I felt the intensity skyrocket. I bucked and thrashed, moaning like a banshee. But then I hit this point, were it teetered on the edge of too much.

"Stop!" I called out.

Sara stopped immediately, and I hugged her tight, my body finally winding down as I tried to catch my breath. I felt Sara gently pull out and hold me tight. She gave me a few moments to recuperate.

"Babe, are you okay?" she asked.

I nodded "It just got too intense."

She nodded back and kissed my head, hugging me as I moaned, the aftershocks still in my body. I finally fell limp and spent into the embrace and she kissed all over my face.

"You" she kissed my cheek "are" she kissed my temple "so" she kissed my forehead "sexy."

I smiled and nuzzled my head into her. I let out a happy little sigh as I felt her tangle her legs in mine and wind some of my hair around her finger.

"Cloud Nine" I whispered.

Sara just tangled us into each other more. I took in a breath that filled my lungs with all things Sara. I felt the butterflies and smiled. These moments are perfect. I want to spend my life in these moments with her. I slowly lifted my head and connected our lips, pouring my soul into her. I felt her moan into my mouth and I hugged her close to me, my hands running slowly down the skin of her back as we both hung our jaws opened and shuddered at the sensation.

I looked up and met her eyes. Holding the gaze, one hand circled the side of her hip, around to between up and rubbed up along her slit. She moaned, never breaking eyes contact. I leaned in and kissed her again, taking us to that place of utter connection. I took in another inhale and felt the tears spill down my face. She reached up and wiped them away, breaking the kiss and locking her gaze on me as I slowly entered her. I watched as she bit her bottom lip and let out a tiny grunt.

"I love you" she whispered.

"I know, I can feel it. Can you feel me?' I asked

She nodded and hugged me tightly to her, pushing her face into my shoulder as I found Sara's special spot deep inside of her. Her hips rolled into me and I gasped at my emotion to making love to her. I felt hands through my hair as she pulled me in for another kiss. My fingers started to move inside of her and I felt her face scrunch in response. I kiss her slowly, making all my movements match the rhythm of the kiss. My breath came heavy and laboured. Sara's body was responding to mine as it always does: her heart was racing, I could feel it in the pulse inside of her, and her beating clit against my palm. Her walls were warm and slick, gripping me with every movement, sucking me in. Her body want me there. She wants me there. Sara. Even just the idea of her gives me chills. I open my eyes and she's looking at me again. Tears now cover her face and I kiss each one as it falls.

"Do you want me to stop?" I ask in a hushed tone.

She shakes her head "No. Just stay close. Please keep kissing me. I need to feel all of you" she asked of me.

I nod and comply, leaning in to run my lips over hers again, to taste Sara. Just then, the phone rang. Sara groaned.

"You should get that, it's probably about today" she told me.

I nodded and started to pull out, but felt her hand on my forearm

"No, keep going" she asked of me.

I smiled and she nodded with an equal smile on her face. I pushed back into her and she threw her head back. I picked up the phone as she stifled a moan.

"Hello?" I said, thrusting into Sara gently and slowly, feeling her walls swell and accept me.

"Hi honey" I heard my mum say on the other line.

"Mum! How are you? Sara and I were just getting up" I told my mum, feeling Sara pull me close again and bury her face into my neck.

"How do you manage to sleep in this late with a newborn? Are you drugging the child?" She asked.

"No, she's just…easy I guess. You ready for Christmas today?" I asked.

Sara let out a high pitched cry, and bit into my shoulder, as I continued to move in and out of her agonizingly slowly.

"About that, Tegan: I've got the flu. Dallas and Leah called and they've come down with it too. We really don't want to get Dani sick" Mum told me.

"Are you okay? Do you need us to bring you anything?" I asked.

"No, no, I'm fine, I just want to stay away from the baby. It looks like it'll just be you, Sara, Dani, Emy, Lindsey and Kaki though" Mum told me. "I'm so sorry honey."

"It's okay Mum, just get some rest and feel better. We'll celebrate another time" I tell her.

"Thanks honey. Merry Christmas. I'll call you later" Mum told me.

"Okay Mum, bye."

I hung up the phone then crushed Sara's lips with mine. She rolled me on top of her and wrapped her legs around my midsection. We both giggled, but hers quickly turned into a moan as her back arched and I found that spot again. I kissed up her neck, rolling my tongue over the veins and tendons, before meeting her lips again. I could feel the tension in her body escalating quickly. The way she feels, it fills me up with happiness. I curl my fingers, bringing a different sensation to the table, and she clings to me, moaning deeply. I squeeze my eyes tightly. It feels so good to be with her like this, it almost hurts. My entire chest swells and comes alive with the butterflies that she brings. We share the air between us, both breathing I shakily.

I open my eyes at the same time that she opens hers. I see constellations in her eyes the sky can only fathom. I see depths the sea would be jealous of. I see warmth that a fire could never attain. I see love that every soul is wishing for, only mine has it. I have her. I'm the only one on this planet who has her. With that, I hear one last gasp as she squeezes me tightly and erupts around me, her body vibrating in pure ecstasy as her eyes roll back. I kiss her quickly and let her hold me as tightly as she wishes. She whimpers into the night one word.

"Tegan" trembles off her lips.

"I love you Sara" is my response.

She slowly comes down, and sinks into the bed. When I feel her slump, I lay next to her and pull her to my chest, running my fingers through her hair and kissing her forehead.

"I think I'd forgotten how amazing it is to go slow and make love to you" I tell her.

She slowly looks up at me and gives me a gentle, soft kiss.

"I'll never forget how that feels. Never" she responds in a whisper.

She kisses the skin between my breasts as a tiny cry permeates the air. She looks up at me and smiles. Our creation. We both quickly get up and pull on boxers and t-shirts, heading into Dani's room hand in hand. We get to her crib and Sara leans over, picking her up.

_Mommy. Mama. I want snuggles. Bed is lonely. I don't feel good._

I feel my heart melt and Sara holds her close, giving me a worried look. She mouths "thermometer" to me and I nod, running off, and quickly coming back with the baby thermometer. Sara's got her hand on the back of Dani's little neck and is whispering to her.

"It's okay baby girl, mama's got you. Mommy's right here too. You're okay" she finishes as I move around behind her, to where Dani is resting on her shoulder.

I run my hand over Dani's little head and can feel the heat. I press the forehead thermometer against her head, and it beeps. I look at it and nod.

"101" I tell her. "I'm gonna give Emy a call."

Sara nods.

_Mama, I'm cold. My tummy hurts._

I felt my heart break, as I walked out the bedroom door to grab my phone. I walked back in, the phone ringing. Sara now had Dani on her back, laying against Sara's forearm as Sara rubbed her tummy. She looked over at me with that worried face. I walked over and rubbed her back as I talked to Emy.

"She probably got the flu. It's been going around" Emy tells me.

"Yeah. Mum, Dallas, and Leah all have it" I tell her.

"Pay attention to her behaviour. If she refuses to eat or starts acting really odd, or if she hits 103 then get her to the ER and call me, but she should be okay" Emy tells me.

"Thanks Emy. I'm guessing we're cancelling Christmas though. I wouldn't want Lindsey to get sick" I tell her.

"Yeah, that's probably for the best. Merry Christmas. Keep me updated you guys."

"We will, thanks Emy" I tell her.

"Bye." Emy hung up.

I hung up and ran my hands up and down Sara's shoulders.

"Looks like a Christmas on our own. Just the Quins" I tell her.

She nods and leans back into me.

_Mama, I don't feel good._

"I know baby girl, I know" Sara tells her, pulling her back up to her shoulder and hugging her.

Dani vomited down her back and Sara just rubbed Dani's back as she cried. I took the crying baby from Sara and held her, kissing her forehead as she cried.

"I'm gonna go change" Sara said.

I nodded and grabbed a receiving blanket from the dresser, putting it over my shoulder, and walking Dani into the living room.

_Mommy, I don't yike this. It hurts. _

My heart shattered and I hugged her closer, resting my cheek on her head.

"Oh baby, I wish I could help. Do you want a tummy rub?"

_Mmhmm._

She whimpered as I sat down on the couch, bending my knees and laying her against my thighs. I lifted her shirt and pressed my palm against her skin, rubbing her tummy. I watched her eyes close and blink open.

"Dani, go to sleep. It'll help. Mama and I will be here when you wake up, I promise. You can hang on us all day if you want" I tell her.

I ran my thumb over her tiny forehead and her eyes closed.

_Okay Mommy._

I watched her as she fell asleep. I kept rubbing her tummy and her forehead. Sara came back in the room and dropped a kiss on top of my head.

"I'll make us some breakfast" she told me.

I smiled "Thanks. Way to take the baby puke like a champ, by the way hon."

She beamed a smile "Mother of the year, right here."

I chuckled and Dani sighed in her sleep. Sara moved to the kitchen, and I listened as she got breakfast ready. I kept a watchful eye on my baby girl and sang her favourite song to her softly. My eyes slowly wandered to the Christmas tree. This is Dani's first Christmas. I watched her sleep soundly in my lap. I finished the song and sighed. I love her so much. How could I ever love anything or anyone more than this? I hate that she's sick. A solid 20 minutes later, Sara came by and handed me the baby sling.

"I know you don't want to let her go, but you've gotta eat, love" she whispered into my ear.

Sara rubbed down my chest and kissed my cheek.

"Strawberry stuffed French Toast is on the table" she whispered.

She gave my chest a pat, then got up and walked to the table. That sounds so good. I put the sling on and gently positioned Dani in it so that she was snug against my chest. I got up and headed to the table, feeling her breathing against me. I sat down and Sara smiled at me, reaching over the table to feed me a forkful of her French toast. I gladly accepted it and moaned as it hit my tongue.

"Oh my god, babe. Where did you learn how to make this?" I asked, chewing.

"Television" she said in her sly voice.

I smiled at her and patted Dani's bum, tucking into my breakfast. Sara was looking out the patio door longingly.

"What's up, honey?" I asked.

"Nothing, just thinking about the fun we're gonna have out there when Dani gets older" she tells me.

"Think we'll have a hockey player or a figure skater?" I asked, looking down at our dozing daughter.

"Maybe. She'll have one heck of a playground though" Sara said.

My wife all of a sudden became distraught.

"Sara, what's wrong?"

"I was just thinking about how amazing growing up with you was. I mean ya, at times you tortured me and we fought well…like an old married couple. But I always had a buddy with me. I always had a playmate. Dani won't have that. What do we know about raising an only child, when we've spent at most 6 months apart our entire lives? I just…I don't want her to miss out on having a childhood like ours" She told me, shrugging.

I thought about that for a moment. She was right. Would Dani be lonely? Then a thought occurred to me.

"You know, it's about time Emy and Lindsey move out of that apartment. You know, they've got a little one on the way and will need more space. Emy's always talked about wanting to move up here and open her own practice" I suggested.

"Tegan, you're a genius!" Sara's face lit up.

"Well, we've got all these houses. We might as well. Can you think of better neighbours?" I asked.

Sara shook her head "Lets give them two houses. Emy can use one as a practice" She suggested.

I smiled and nodded.

"See, problem solved!" I exclaimed.

We continued with breakfast until Dani woke up and I passed her over to Sara for a feeding.

We hung out like this for most of the day, just lounging around, taking care of Dani. We watched some Christmas movies and snacked all day. After dinner, Dani's fever had come down a bit and Sara and I had decided to bring her into the shower to help ease some of her discomfort.

Sara stripped Dani down as I ditched my clothes, then she handed her to me.

_Mommy, what's happening?_

"Don't worry champ, we're gonna take a shower. It's gonna feel nice and cool and get rid of the yuck feeling from being sick" I whisper to her as Sara undresses.

_Mama?_

"I'm coming in too Dani. Don't worry. We're both here" Sara sooths her.

Dani lays her head back down on my shoulder as I turn on the water, and let it run until the thermometer reads a temperature cool enough for Dani. I step in, holding her close to my chest. The spray hits my back and cascades down to her. Sara's hand is on my back as I wait for Dani's reaction.

She laughed. Not just in our heads, but out loud. My face lit up and I turned to Sara as Dani splashed in the water on my chest. We quickly got her clean and let her play for a bit longer.

_I yike showers. Mommy's skin is nice. I'm Naaaaaakeeeee._

I laughed so loudly as Dani's happy little voice ran a million miles an hour in my head. Sara was snorting behind me, hiding her face in my shoulder as our daughter just kept on going.

_We're nakee in the showa! Nakeee in the showa. Tismas time. Nakeee in the showaa._

Is she…singing?

"Please remember this so we write it down when we get out. Her first song" I laughed at Sara.

"She's going to kill us when she gets older. Plus, this is totally going to get added to stage banter" Sara tells me.

_Nakeee in the showa. Mommy and Mama. Tismas time. _

I turned back to Dani and kissed her forehead.

"That's a really nice song, munchkin. It's time to get out though. I'm gonna hand you to Mama so I can dry off then get you warm and dry" I tell her.

_Nakeee in the showa._

I shake my head, still laughing as I hand her to Sara. I start drying off as Sara joins her by singing the song out loud. As I dry off, I add in some harmonies and hear Dani laugh from my partner's arms in the shower. Once I'm dry, I grab a super soft towel and open it up.

"Alright. Time to get dry and warm" I call out.

The song ends and I open the shower door. Sara hands me Dani.

_Mommy do you like my song?_

"I love your song little one. It's gonna be stuck in my head now" I tell her, taking her from Sara and drying off her tiny body, then wrapping her in the towel.

_Mama, I'm hungry. _

"Alright little Dan. Just let me dry off and Mommy's gonna get you dressed. Then we'll fill your tummy" Sara responds

_Otay._

I smile and bring her into her room, putting her down on the changing table.

_Nakeee in my oom. Nakee in my oom. _

I laugh and rub her down with baby lotion, making sure her skin doesn't dry out.

_Tismas time. Mommy and Mama. Nakee in my oom. _

"I think you just might get that Proclaimers song out of your Mama's head if you keep singing that" I inform her. "Lets get you all snug and ready for bed."

I get her into some PJs and pick her back up as Sara came back in. I handed her off and gave Sara a peck on the lips.

"Alright little one, mama's here" she told Dani, not having bothered to put a shirt on.

Sara held Dani to her chest and Dani latched on, sighing happily. I walked into our room and pulled on some PJ bottoms, opting to go bare chested too. I walked back out and heard the fireplace on in the living room. I headed out there to see Sara seated on the ground, by the fire, feeding Dani. I smiled and walked over to the kitchen, making us each a hot cocoa. I brough them over to her, and handed her one, slipping in behind her and resting my back on the couch. Sara leaned into me and sighed.

"Thanks for the cocoa" she told me with a kiss.

"My pleasure. Merry Christmas, Sara" I whispered into her ear.

"Merry Christmas, Tegan" she whispered back.

We both looked down at Dani.

"Merry Christmas little Dani" I told her.

"We love you very, very, very, very, very much" Sara added.

_Tismas Time. Mommy and Mama. _


	35. Thank God for That

Chapter contains a homosexual incestual relationship and sexual content between two women. If you don't like it, don't read it.

**Rating:** M

**Summary:** What happens when she gets her wish and Tegan finds herself in an alternate reality where Sara is her girlfriend, and not her sister? Will be a LONG fic, updated often.

**A/N**: I took a break. The break I thought I was going to take after the big chapter. There's more to this one, but since y'all are going kinda nutty without an update, I thought I'd cut it in half and put this up. The next chapter's gonna continue right where this one leaves off. Also, I've been planning this since square one so I thought it was hilarious when you all thought I was going to turn Tegan into a man. Hope you don't hate me. Lastly, I've been doing a lot of fanfic reading over my break and am OBSESSED with First Love and Drive Me Crazy by ComeOnJustifyMyLove. Seriously. Check those out. Anyways: Read. Enjoy. Review.

P.S. I will be doing another chat at chat starting at midnight (EST) the 29th/30th. Meet me there and we can chat about the fic, the quins, anything really.

**Disclaimer:** COMPLETELY FICTIONAL!

**Chapter 35 – Thank God for That**

**Sara's POV**

I pushed in deeper, hearing Tegan moan. I let out a moan of my own as the feeldoe pressed against my G-Spot. I leaned in and kissed her softly, the water from the shower cascading down us in a warmed waterfall. I felt her hands on my back and squeezed my eyes shut.

"I love having you inside of me" she whispered to me through the moans.

I eased out of her, to the tip, then pushed back in. We both dropped our heads to the other's shoulder, breathing heavy and moaning.

"Making love to you is amazing" I whispered back. "Sometimes I wish that I could really feel you from the inside like this."

Tegan nodded and kissed me, as I took hold of her hips and thrust slowly into her again. Her hands splayed across the shower door and her chest heaved. I leaned in, kissing her collarbone, before pushing all the way into her, as far as I could go. She gasped and took hold of me. My eyes shot open as my walls tightened and my stomach quivered. I could hear Tegan's heavy, uneven breath in my ear and felt my knees weaken. When she wrapped her arms around my neck, I took steady hold of her and brought us to the ground. I sat and kept inside of her as she straddled my lap. I looked up, kissing her just before she let out a loud moan. Her hair was wet and plastered to her face, the water still coming down. Her body glistened with the wetness and I gulped, getting an eyeful of her breasts. I thrust into her deeper, pulsing at the very back of her cunt. I got another gasp and she fell onto me, her entire body rolling into mine.

"Oh my god Sara. That's the spot" she purred into my ear.

I bit my bottom lip as the intensity was building inside of me, a fire starting in my stomach. I could feel the resistance of Tegan's walls and it was driving me insane. If only I really could feel how hot and tight and wet she is. She shuddered on me and my toes curled. She was gasping for breath, making tiny screeching noises, starting to ride me. With her added weight against the toy, the on and off pressure on my g-spot was making my head spin. I held tightly to her and met her thrusts with tiny pulses of my hips. I held my breath as I felt it start, then I took in a loud breath as my body exploded, my mind shattering into a million pieces. Tegan hit her orgasm not moments after me, falling onto me, a pile of tight, defined muscles. Her body jumped with each contraction, and her pussy twitched. I could feel the tiny vibrations up the shaft and into the part inside of me. I felt like I couldn't catch my breath. I slumped back in the shower, laying down. Tegan fell on top of me and we both tried to catch our breath. As Tegan caught hers, I noticed that I was still having a hard time breathing. I was gasping for air.

"Oh shit. Sara, are you?" she asked

I nodded. Tegan got to her feet and sped out of the bathroom at a run, heading to my nightstand. I tried to stay calm and level out my breathing, until she pressed the plastic to my lips. I took the inhaler from her and medicated myself. After my second puff, I took a crisp, clear breath and sighed. I leaned my head back against the tiled floor of the shower, the water still pounding down. Tegan giggled and I turned my head, looking over at her. She was drying her hair with the towel and had a giant smile on her face.

"Better?" she asked.

I nodded.

"I fucked you into an asthma attack. That's a first" she told me.

I chuckled and put a hand over my stomach.

"I've got butterflies" I replied.

She flashed me another smile, then came over and turned the shower off. Tegan opened a towel to me and I eagerly walked into it. Once I was all wrapped up, she leaned in and kissed me, before stooping down and putting a forearm behind my knees.

"What are you…?" I asked

I was answered by her picking me up and giving me a kiss.

"Might as well use 'em while I've got 'em" she said with a smile and another kiss.

I giggled and wrapped my arms around her neck. She laid me on our bed and kissed me deeply, grinding into me. I moaned as it rocked the toy into me again. She broke the kiss and I looked up at her, stunned.

"Again?" I asked.

She sucked her bottom lip back into her mouth and nodded. A smile crept over my face and I wrapped one arm around her shoulder, spinning us so that I was on top of her. She immediately spread her legs and I pressed myself down onto her, kissing those full Tegan lips. I ran the tip up her slit, making sure to flick it over her clit. She moaned and pressed her hips deeper into the bed.

"I'm going to make love to you" I tell her.

She smiles at me and nods, tangling her hand in my hair and brushing my cheek with her thumb as I pressed the tip to her entrance.

"Don't pass out on me" she whispered, jokingly.

I chuckled and she pulled me down for a kiss. I pushed into her gently and grit my teeth. How can she still be tight after just having had me inside of her? Maybe Tegan has a magical cunt. I don't really care right now. She feels so good. I can smell her drool from here and it's intoxicating, especially when it's mixed with the taste of her lips. I could get high off of her. I pressed all the way inside of her and her back arched, but her eyes didn't leave mine as we broke the kiss.

I watched her face contort in pleasure as the tips of her fingers dug into the skin on my back. Her mouth hung open as I moved slowly and gently in and out of her. I took deep, careful breaths as I felt the intensity mount.

"Oh my god Sare" she moaned, her head arching back now.

"Is this a good rhythm love?" I ask

She nods and I take a nipple into my mouth, running my tongue over it. She gasps and pushes her chest into my face. I keep my pace nice and slow, torturing myself in the divinity of my wife. I move on to the other breast, circling the nipple before taking it in.

"Sara" she moans into the night.

I finish with her breast and cover her mouth with mine, letting it capture her moans. The kiss is slow and loving, lips lingering against each other as we both take in air. I run my bottom lip over her top one, then lick around their circumference, only to feel Tegan's tongue meet mine. I let my organ slide over hers, creating a mesh of hot, wet tongues dancing, and causing my spine to tingle. I break the kiss and lean my forehead against hers, smoothing her hair back and pushing into her to the hilt. She clung to me. She loves it when I fill her to the max. When she gets all of me. Her mouth is right next to my ear and I can hear her tiny moans of pleasure, as my hips move just slightly in and out, creating the slightest pulsation right at the back of her. She loves this and wraps her legs around my midsection, moving in synch with me. My G-spot was tapped out at this point. It was numb, but watching, feeling, and hearing Tegan respond is doing it for me. I ran a hand from her cheek, down her neck, her breast, down her side, and grabbed an ass cheek. Her body squirmed and her mouth fell open again, steamy breaths being taken in. I gulped, feeling myself drip out from around the toy. I had to readjust it so it wouldn't fall out, and I got a different kind of sound from Tegan.

"Right there" she said.

"Here babe?" I asked, directing the toy back into her at the same angle as I just had.

Her shoulders rolled back and she inhaled a deep breath and nodded. Pulling just slightly away I moved forward to hit that spot again and I got a nasally, muffled noise.

"You okay?" I asked.

"I'm trying not to scream. Keep going" she responded.

I squeezed my thighs tighter, my clit throbbing at the tone in her voice. I moved back in the hit the new spot again and felt nails in my back this time. Her heels dug deeper into my lower back and I exhaled deeply, moving in closer, and pulling her head to my shoulder.

"Bite down" I instructed.

As I moved back in, she did. My body was crawling with so many endorphins, I didn't feel the pain. All I could feel was my trembling-self in light of Tegan's intense reaction to my actions. When I moved back in to hit it again, she screamed into my shoulder, as I felt her body spasm and jump. Oh fuck, I'm gonna…I felt myself tighten, then my release hit me. Tegan kept on going. I held her close and just gently pulsed. Her nails were hooked into my skin, slowly dragging down my back and her teeth were locked on my shoulder. I could feel the sweat between us and the mixing of our cum on our thighs. Then there was a final sigh from her, oddly similar to the baby sigh Dani gave when she was done nursing. It made me smile. I held her limp body tightly to mine, staying inside of her. Her nails and teeth exited my body and fell limp also. My lips kissed her cheek softly, but lingered.

"Still with me?" I whispered.

"Unggg" was the response.

I chuckled and flipped us, getting Tegan situated right ontop of me. She laid against my bare chest, limp, breathing heavily. I kissed the top of her head and gently rubbed her back. With a deep breath she moved to prop herself up on an elbow and look me in the eye, but her eye caught something else.

"Oh my god, Sara!" she exclaimed

"What?" I asked, twirling a strand of her hair in my finger.

"You're bleeding. Oh fuck. Babe, I'm so sorry" she said.

I looked down to where her mouth had been. She'd broken the skin and tiny droplets of blood were starting to dry there.

"I'm fine, Teegs. Less damage than if you'd woken Dani" I joked.

I gave a small chuckle and ran my hand through her hair. She smiled and laid back down on her side. I turned on mine to face her.

"Are you sure you're okay?" she asked.

I nodded and leaned in, kissing her. I smiled against her lips and fully tangled my hand in her hair as hers trailed down my back. Another gasp. She turned me onto my stomach.

"Fuck! I can't believe I did this. How are you not feeling this right now? Sara, these are deep" She said, starting to feel guilty.

I reached out and touched her face.

"Tegan, I'm okay. Really. I've got so many feel good hormones running through me right now, I don't feel it. Is it that bad, though?" I asked.

She nodded.

"I'm going to bandage these up for you" She said, getting out of bed.

I sighed and nodded "Alright. But then can we sleep?"

"Sure" she replied, getting up and heading into the bathroom.

I laid on my stomach and took the toy out, casting it aside. I yawned and curled up to a pillow. I was already drifting when I felt warm, loving fingers on my back. I winced as she cleaned the scratches.

"I know love, I'm sorry. I promise I'll kiss the pain away in just a moment" she whispered.

I closed my eyes and endured the stinging, wrapping my legs around her from my face-down position on the bed. I just needed to know that she was here. She finished with them then leaned in and kissed up my back. I turned around and hugged her.

"Sara, I'm so sorry" she said.

"I'm okay Tegan. I was sexy, just don't do it again" I told her.

She nodded and I felt the tears on my skin. I held her tighter.

"Hey, babe, I'm okay. It's alright" I reassured.

She nodded and whimpered "I hate that I hurt you."

I sighed and held her even tighter, letting her cry into me. I rubbed her back.

"I thought you promised me kisses?" I asked

She lifted her head and immediately gave me a sloppy tear-filled kiss. I took it and enjoyed it, feeling her tears slowly stop as she lost herself in me. Knowing that your partner was losing themselves in a kiss with you is an amazing feeling. I sighed and ran my hands down her back, but had to break the kiss.

"I love you" I told her.

"I love you too Sasa" she replied, putting her head on my chest.

"But we should get to sleep. Dani'll be up in like 6 hours and need to be fed" I explained.

She nodded and leaned over, hitting the button on the remote that turned off the light, then snuggling right back up to my chest.

"Babe, can we spoon tonight?" I asked.

She nodded and turned to spoon me. I kissed her cheek.

"I want to be big spoon" I told her.

She grinned and nodded, giving me a quick kiss, then turning around. I wrapped my arms around her and laced our fingers together, snuggling in. I always fall asleep quickly when I'm curled up with her. Not to mention the sexcapades from earlier. That took a lot out of me. I sigh and kiss her shoulder, yawning and getting a squeeze of the hand from her. I smiled and drifted off.

It wasn't long until I heard Dani's cries, and felt the tightness in my chest that signaled that my breasts were full. I looked at the clock and groaned then yawned, sitting up and kissing Tegan's head. I headed out of the room and into Dani's bare chested. I reached down and grabbed her, her crying stopping.

"Hey baby girl. Mama's here. You're hungry, huh?" I asked.

_Mama. Mama. Nums. I'm hungy. _

I smiled at her adorable baby voice and kissed her forehead, taking a seat in the rocking chair and letting her latch on. I yawned and leaned back, closing my eyes and singing to her softly. Tiny happy moans, were running through my mind and they were making me smile.

"You're the cutest little bundle, do you know that Dan?" I inquire.

She's busy eating, and I see her eyes slowly drift as she nurses. I cock my head to the side and watch her tiny face. My free hand sweeps her hair to one side, the baby down running through my fingers. She looks so much like Tegan. It makes me smile.

"I love you so much little one" I whisper to her.

I hear her audible sigh as she unlatches and yawns. I bring her up to my shoulder and burp her, snugging my cheek into her back. I yawn as well, thinking about the bed, and the warm, soft body waiting for me. Dani falls asleep on my shoulder and I give her a quick hug and kiss before putting her back in her crib and heading back to bed. I curl back up to Tegan.

"She okay?" Tegan's husky, deep voice asks.

I nod and place a soft kiss on the skin just below her neck.

"Just a feeding. She's fast asleep" I tell her.

Tegan nods and turns into me, burying her face in my neck and flinging a leg over my hip. I smile and tub her back as we both doze off.

The next time I wake up, I feel an odd tightness between my legs. My clit's throbbing. I groan at the light coming through the curtains. I look at the clock and see that it's 8am.I turn my attention to the baby monitor and I can hear Dani's slow and even breathing. Good job baby girl. I look to Tegan who's shoulder-length hair is messed up and sprawled all over her face. She's tangled in the sheets, mouth agape and drooling. I chuckle and feel my heart smile. I get out of bed and pad over to the bathroom. Yawning, I started the shower. I grunt and move my hips, turning on the special jets in the shower to help alleviate the throbbing. I really want to wake Tegan, but I really should let her sleep in. I step in the shower and something's off and I start looking down. Why am I feeling a steady stream coming DOWN onto my…OH SHIT!

My eyes go wide and my mouth hangs open. I forget to breathe for a moment. This doesn't belong here. What the fuck? I'm looking at my…my...my penis? I poke it and jump, as I feel it through my body. I start to breathe hard. I put my hands on the erection and immediately let go, holding my hands up like I'm under arrest. I'm freaking out. My hands go to my chest. Okay, breasts. That's good. That's very good. I get out of the shower and run back into our room. I start shaking Tegan.

"Tegan, get up!" I call out.

She groans and turns around.

"Tegan I'm serious, get your fucking ass out of bed" I yell at her.

I take away her pillow and she growls at me, taking mine and curling up with it.

"Tegan, I WILL squirt you. Get the FUCK UP!" I urge.

She's not moving, so I take hold of my nipple, aim it at her, and squeeze. I shoot breast milk right at her forehead and her eyes open.

"What the…?" she looks at me "Did you just titty squirt me?" she asks.

"Tegan, I…I…" I run over to my nightstand and take a couple hits off my inhaler. I feel hands on my back as I take a few breaths.

"Sara? What's going on? Why are you soaking wet?" she asks, worried now.

I gulp and turn around slowly. She doesn't notice, her eyes are locked on mine, waiting for an answer. I slowly drop my gaze, knowing that she'll follow. Rock hard, about 8 inches, purple head. That's a cock alright. I hear her gasp.

"What the..?" she questions.

"I just woke up with it and it was…up" I told her, starting to get self-conscious.

"Is it…attached?" she inquires.

I bite my bottom lip and nod, trying to hide myself now. My cheeks flush and I start to feel embarrassed. She rolls her eyes and moves my hand away from my new member.

"Come on Sara, no need to be embarrassed. It's me. I'm just…shocked, and a little…" She trails off.

"Disgusted" I finish for her, dropping my head.

"No. Not the word I was going to use at all. I'd say…intrigued. I'm intrigued" she says.

I look up and meet her eyes. They've softened. She reaches out and rubs my arm.

"Where's Dani?" she asks.

"Still asleep. I fed her three hours ago. She's starting to sleep for longer" I tell her.

"I know. It's nice" she sighs, pausing and running a hand through her hair.

I breathe harder. As she brings her arm up, her bare breast shifts up as well. I gulp, looking down her body, feeling the pressure in crotch increase. I look back at her face and she's chuckling.

"Like what you see?" she asks.

I nod, my eyebrows knit together, trying to contain myself. I want her so badly. I watch as she bites the inside of her lip, processing. It ends with a smile and that look of adoration she gives me.

"Come here" she whispers.

I take a step closer and she hugs me, my erection now pressing against her stomach. My knees weaken at the contact of her warm skin and the spark that happens when we touch. She kisses me deeply, then wraps her hand around the new arrival. I gasp and feel my stomach tighten. She slowly breaks the kiss and moves her lips to my ear.

"You're still you. I love you. I don't care what body you're in or what "equipment" you've got. I'll bat left handed if it means I get to be on your team" she whispers.

Her words tickle my ear and sit in my soul.

"Lets take care of this, then call Kaki. This has fairy written all over it" she tells me.

I nod and she covers her mouth with mine, starting to move her hand over me. I feel my nerves spark to life.

**Tegan's POV**

I have to keep remind myself that this is Sara. I know she probably wants to feel my mouth, but I'm really not ready for that. I've never touched a penis before. It's odd. She's really hard. She's dripping pre-cum too. This is Sara, Tegan. This is Sara. I keep telling myself over and over. Despite it all, I feel myself moisten and my clit throb. Is this turning me on? Well no Duh! It's Sara, and she's moaning right next to my ear.

"Too much friction Tegan. It's starting to hurt" she whispers back.

I nod and kiss her "Hold on."

I let go and she groans. I reach into the bedside table and see the lube, but then a thought crosses my mind and I smile, closing the drawer.

"Where's the lube?" she asks when I come back.

I give her a sly smile "Right here" I tell her, reaching my hand down to my core and scooping up some of the cum that was preparing me for her. Sara lets out a very audible breath and her hips are bucking. I smear myself along her shaft and her eyes roll back.

"Holy fuck Tegan" she moans, throwing her head back.

I lean in and take one of her nipples into my mouth. Her back arches and I feel her twitch in my hand, as I continue to stroke her. Her forehead falls to the top of my head and her hands are in my hair.

"I'm gonna cum" she moans, starting to breathe heavy.

Her hips thrust the cock into my hands, and back out. I kiss her deeply and look around. Right. Cumming means…cum. I don't want it on me. I grab one of my discarded white t-shirts and press it to the tip of her cock, just as she moans and I feel her shaft twitch. It's short. Very short. I roll the shirt up and toss it into the hamper, then look back at her and kiss her. Her eyes are closed and she leans against me.

"Better?" I ask

She nods "Thanks."

I smile and kiss her, feeling her go flaccid, and removing my hand. I ignore my own horniness, feeling odd about it.

"Hope in the shower. I'll start breakfast and call Kaki" I tell her.

She nods and I kiss her again.

"I love you, Sara" I reassure her.

I feel her let out a tiny, half-distraught sigh, then turn and head back into the bathroom. I get dressed, then peek into Dani's room. I walk over to the crib. She's fast asleep, but I can hear her thinking as she dreams.

_Nakeee in da showaaaaa. _

I supress a giggle at the cuteness and walk out towards the kitchen. I wash my hands and get started. It's not long until I feel Sara hug me from behind. I lean back into her.

"You smell nice" I tell her.

"Well, I'm all clean, I should" she replies.

"I haven't called Kaki yet, but breakfast's almost done" I inform her.

She nods and heads over to the coffee maker, pouring herself a cup of the decaf I put on. I get a kiss on the cheek, then listen as she sachets over to the table, looking through her phone. I hear her start up a conversation with Kaki as I plate our breakfast.

"What do you mean I wished for this? I did NOT wish for a cock!" I insist. "Well the settlers of Alfard can suck my huge cock and take it back. It's…" she trails off and I realize it's because she's staring at my cleavage as I get seated. I bite my lip and chuckle, reaching under the table and feeling her erection through her boxers. She squeaks. "Kaki, I'll call you back." Sara hangs up and looks at me. That look sends shivers through my spine and I bite my labaret into my mouth.

"Tegan…" she moans as I start moving my hand on her.

I feel my clit pulse. This is turning me on. I know Sara thinks I'm sexy, but this way, I get to see just how sexy she thinks I am. There's visual proof. I'm getting really wet now, starting to recount all the times Sara's made love to me with the feeldoe. How amazing that felt. This is the same Tegan, only she can feel everything. I look back at her eyes burning holes in my head, and am in her lap so fast she doesn't know what's happening.

I crash my lips against hers, feeling the fire inside of me grow. I need her. I need her to fill me.

"Tegan…" she maons into my mouth, pushing me away slightly.

I shake my head "It's okay. I want you inside of me. I want it. So badly".

Sara kisses me back, hard, moving a hand under my tank top to massage one full breast in her hand. I moan and roll my hips into her stomach, feeling the newest part of our love life jump beneath my bum. I grind on it and get rewarded with a moan from Sara.

**Sara's POV**

She wants me inside of her. Just the idea is making me tremble. Feeling her for real. Holy shit. I'm bigger than the toy though…much bigger. I really don't want to hurt her. I take hold of her hips as she continues to grind into me and I feel the blood rush more readily to my nether-regions. Her lips feel so good on mine, and her breast is divine under my palm. She's warm and soft: like she always is. Best of all, she's Tegan. Tegan starts to take off her shirt, and it's tossed across the room, I gulp and look up at her body.

"You think I'm sexy" she whispers to me, leaning in and giving me a kiss.

I nod "Was that ever in question? We own multiple mirrors" I tell her.

She laughs and I run my hands over her ass, leaning in and capturing her lips. Tegan kisses me back, running her hands up under my t-shirt, making me shiver. In that moment, Dani lets out a cry and she drops her head to my shoulder. I sigh and rub her back. She leans back up and pecks my lips.

"I'll go get her" she says, kissing me again.

"I'm gonna go take care of this" I tell her.

She nods and kisses me again, then gets out of my lap and grabs her discarded shirt, pulling it on and disappearing down the hallway. I sit back in the chair and sigh, but quickly get to my feet and head to our bathroom. I lift the waistband of my boxers and look down at my erection curiously. It's very veiny. I do have to say that it's pretty…for a penis. I sigh and look over at the counter, finding some hand lotion and putting some in my hand. I close my eyes and take hold of myself. I see Tegan's perfect breasts, bouncing and I smile, starting to stroke myself as I recount her body against me in the kitchen. Her hips were grinding against me and I could smell her excitement. The feel of her breasts under my hands, and her warm skin in the light of the kitchen. I bring my mind back to bending her over a month ago. Her crying out my name. Then, last night when she scratched down my back and took a bite out of my shoulder as she tried not to scream. That's all it takes, as I feel my body tense and a tiny explosion happen as I cum into the toilet. I sigh and grab a wash cloth, cleaning myself up. I pull my boxers up, wash my hands, then head back out to the kitchen. Dani's dressed and in her seat in the middle of the table. Tegan's eating her oatmeal. I walk over and drop a kiss on her head and sit down, taking a spoonful of my own breakfast. My eyes go to my daughter and I stand up, leaning over and giving her a kiss.

"Good morning little one. You slept so well" I told her.

She giggled and kicked her feet.

_Mama! Mama hug!_

I smiled and picked her up, giving her a hug and hear her sigh on my shoulder. I turn my head and give her another kiss, my eyes meeting Tegan's. She's melting over the scene. I lean in and give her a quick kiss as her hand rubs Dani's back.

_Mmmm. Nice. Mama warm. _

I smile and give her another kiss, but put her down in the chair.

"More snuggles after I eat. Mama's really hungry baby girl" I tell her.

Tegan hands her a pair of toy keys and she grasps them, watching us.

"We should probably call Kaki back" Tegan tells me.

I nod and eat a spoonful "As fun and novel as this is, it's going to get old fast. I miss my anatomy."

"YOU miss your anatomy? Like you said, new and novel, but I'm a BIG fan of your anatomy. Although probably not the biggest, which kind of scares me" she says.

"What do you mean?" I ask, confused.

"You, my dear have not spent enough time reading fan mail. Some of it is very…graphic. Almost like we should publish a book called 50 Shades of Quin: a compilation of pornographic fan mail" she jokes.

I laugh "Well, you're the only one who gets to enjoy it. They can dream all they want…unless I decide to put out a pocket pussy."

Tegan laughs "We'd make millions. Could you imagine? Lesbians everywhere would buy it just to say that they have a mold of your vagina."

I laughed, almost snorting my coffee out of my nose.

_Keys. Keys. Keys._

I look at Tegan and we laugh. Dani looks up at us, looking between both of us. She's trying to figure out what's so funny.

I let my laughter die out and take the last bite of my breakfast.

"We should go grocery shopping today" I tell Tegan.

"We need diapers too" she adds in.

I nod, and open my mouth to say something.

"I'll add it to the list" she chimes in.

I smile "Thank you."

She leans in and gives me a quick kiss.

"I'm gonna get started on the laundry. I want to wash that t-shirt form earlier before it gets…too crusty" I shiver in disgust.

She nods "I'll clean up breakfast and hang out with the munchkin."

I put my dish in the dishwasher, then give Dani a kiss and head into the bedroom to grab the hamper. While I'm on my way, I dial Kaki back. She laughs on the other line.

"Putting it to good use?" she answers.

"Shut up. How do I get rid of it?" I ask.

"I'll talk to the Settlers of Alfard, but it won't be until tomorrow. Their world is closed to visitors today for Ashka. It's almost like…a religious holiday, but not. It's hard to describe" she tells me.

"As long as I know it's not permanent" I tell her, walking out of the hallway and seeing Tegan and Dani having some tummy time.

"I promise you it's not" she tells me.

I sigh in relief "Okay. Thanks Kaki."

"I'll get this cleared up first thing tomorrow, but for now: enjoy it. Sounds like you have been too" she instructs.

I smile "Maybe."

She laughs "Alright well, I've gotta run. But I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"Okay. Bye Kaki. Have a good day."

"You too Sara."

I hang up and toss the laundry in the washing machine, then head back up stairs. Dani's at the beginnings of a cry and Tegan scoops her up.

_Hungy. Mommy! Mama! Hungy._

I smile and walk over.

"I'm right here, handsome" I reassure Dani and take my shirt off, reaching out for her.

Tegan hands her over and kisses my cheek. Dani calms as I hold her and sit on the couch. Propping my elbow up by a pillow and turning on the TV. She latches on and I sigh, flipping through the channels. Dani starts to fuss and I look down at her, patting her bum.

"Baby girl, what's wrong?" I ask.

_Mama, I'm too hot._

I nod and unzip her jumper, stripping her down to just her onesie. I place her back against my breast and she continues eating.

"You're just like your mommy. She runs hot too" I tell her. "It's nice because Mama's always cold."

I run my fingers through her hair and put the jumper down on the couch. Little Tegan for sure. I can't help but smile and pat Dani's bum as my eyes go back to the TV, watching the news. Absentmindedly, I start to hum Dani a song. Tegan flops down on the couch, next to me. I look over at her and smile. She smells nice and clean. I lean over and kiss her cheek, then see her play with Dani's foot.

"We've got her 2 month appointment today too, eh?" she reminds me.

I nod "I'm excited to see how big she is."

Tegan smiles and I feel her unlatch with a sigh. I pass her over to Tegan who brings her up for a burp. I love how Tegan smiles in response to her. It's a super special smile. She's got one for me, but hers for Dani is different. She's more focused. I lean in and curl up to her shoulder and kiss Dani's temple.

_Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. _

"What's up Dan?" Tegan asks.

_Comfy._

I giggle and rub Dani's back. She turns her head to face me and I kiss her nose.

"I love you baby girl" I tell her.

_Mama!_

She smiles at me and kicks her legs against Tegan. I smile back at her and kiss her nose again, making her giggle. Tegan leans down and blows a raspberry on her back and she laughs harder. I give Dani one last kiss on the cheek, then stand up.

"I'll get the diaper bag ready if you get her dressed" I propose.

Tegan nods.

An hour later, we're at Emy's office, waiting in the room for her. I've got Dani on my shoulder while Tegan sings her The Ocean. Emy walks in, looking stressed out.

"Hi Emy!" I greet her.

She huffs "Hey guys."

"Uh oh. Looks like you need this" Tegan says, handing her the coffee we got her on the way.

Emy gladly accepts it and takes a long drink.

"Thanks. I needed this" she sighs.

"Okay Emy, what's up?" I ask.

_Aunt Emy? Where?_

Tegan smiles and looks down at Dani. She gives her a kiss and takes her from me.

"She wants you, Em" Tegan says.

Emy smiles and extends her arms, taking Dani and snuggling her. A few tears fall from her eyes and Tegan and I look at each other. Emy sits down in her rolling chair and looks at us.

"Lindsey and I are having problems" Emy admits in a breath. "She's been getting really stressed about a big pharma case and I keep trying to get her to relax. Stress isn't good for the baby. But she keeps getting angry and says that I'm coddling her. But I'm really not. I'm just trying to get her to let go a bit. She'll get home from work and I'll offer a massage or a bath, and she'll just yell at me. Whenever I try to…get close she just pushes me away and says she's tired. We don't snuggle anymore." Emy's looking visibly upset and the tears continue. "And I haven't slept in two days. It seems like every pregnant woman on my bill who's in their 8th or later month is going into labour. I'm trying so hard just not to snap."

I sigh and walk over to her, putting my hand on her back "Emy, that's a lot. We can reschedule. You really should take the day off and sleep."

Tegan nods and scoots her chair closer so she's in front of Emy. She puts a hand on her knee as Emy turns her face and kisses Dani's little head.

"What if I got Lindsey out for a bit? Talk to her, maybe bring her for a manicure and some dinner. I could slip in some sexy stories about Sara and I, maybe entice her. Get her all hot and bothered then send her home to you" Tegan suggested.

Tegan, you're so clever. It really is no wonder I had a fairly simple pregnancy emotion-wise. I had that mind in my corner to help me out. Emy looked up at her slowly.

"You'd do that?" Emy asked.

"Of course, Emy! You're family. Sara and I would do anything for you and Lindsey. Just please take the day off Emy. Don't wear yourself into the ground" Tegan says.

Emy nods.

"It's gonna be okay Emy. Tegan and I are gonna take care of everything."

Emy cracks a smile and nods again. Tegan leans in and gives her a hug, being careful not to squish Dani. Emy sobs into her and she looks at me, worried. I return the look. Emy's hanging by a thread right now.

"Sleep'll do you a world of good" I tell Emy. "A solid sleep'll make the biggest problems seem even just a bit smaller."

Emy nods and hands Dani to Tegan, then turns to hug me. I gladly accept her into my arms and rub her back. I leave a small kiss on her cheek and squeeze her tightly.

"We're always here for you, Emy. Always" I make clear.

She nods against my neck.

"You really probably shouldn't drive. I'll take you home, and Tegan'll follow with your car" I tell her.

She nods "Thanks guys."

I squeeze her tighter "Of course."

_Aunt Emy sad. I don yike it._

Tegan gives Dani a hug.

"It's okay baby. Mommy and Mama are gonna help her feel better" Tegan whispers to her.

"C'mon Em, clock out, call the patients you need to. Lets get you home" I tell her.

I let go of her and she takes a deep breath, her shoulders slumping.

Twenty minutes later, I've got Dani in her car seat in the back and Emy next to me up front. I fire up the car.

_Ocean Song Mama!_

"Alright Dan. Hold on" I tell her.

I chuckle and shake my head, turning on the CD player and putting Sainthood in, making sure to go straight to The Ocean and hitting repeat.

"You can really hear her thoughts?" Emy asks.

I nod "She's obsessed with this song. She makes Tegan sing it all the time. She's worried about you, you know."

Emy nods and hangs her head. I extend my hand and rub across her shoulders.

"Don't worry about a thing Em, just sleep when you get home. If you want company when you get up, give me a call and I'll come by with the little one until Lindsey gets home" I let her know.

She nods and I pull up to her house, just behind Tegan. I lean over and give her a hug.

"Call if you need anything, we'll be in the city" I tell her.

"Thanks Sara" she replies, rubbing her swollen and puffy eyes.

"Anytime."

"Bye Dani. I'll see you soon."

_Bye bye Auny Emy_

"She says bye" I let her know.

Emy smiles and gets out of the door. Tegan gives her a hug, then she heads into her house and Tegan gets into the car.

"Poor Emy. She's exhausted" Tegan says.

I nod "Nice thinking there, gorgeous. I'm glad I get you."

She smiles wide and leans in, kissing me. I kiss her back quickly, then put the car in reverse and back out as Tegan puts her feet up on the dash and drums on her knees.

"Tegan! Put your feet down. You're getting the dash dirty" I scold.

She chuckles and puts her feet down.

"How you doin' back there, Dan?" Tegan asks.

_No Cwyyyyy. OOooocean. Meeeeee. Nuuuuuuuthin. Meeeee._

I laugh loudly at that adorable voice singing along. Tegan's body' shaking uncontrollably with laughter.

"When you wrote this song, did you ever imagine this?" I ask

She shakes her head.

"I was still in my Jenn depression" I said.

I laugh "I forgot about that."

"Thank god for that. We probably wouldn't be here with that gorgeous kid in the back had she not broken my heart" she tells me.

I smile and look at her adoringly, then turn back to the road.


	36. The Perfect Way to Fall Asleep

Chapter contains a homosexual incestual relationship and sexual content between two women. If you don't like it, don't read it.

**Rating:** M

**Summary:** What happens when she gets her wish and Tegan finds herself in an alternate reality where Sara is her girlfriend, and not her sister? Will be a LONG fic, updated often.

**A/N**: Okay. Here it is: Part 2. Almost exactly 24 hours after the 1st. I'm loving all of the messages I've been getting lately about how much you all love this story. It means a lot and really motivates me to keep on writing. If you have questions, or comments don't hesitate to message me or sign up and review so I can answer you directly. There's a reason for nearly everything I write in, so if you're confused or don't understand something, let me know if a way that I can reply. Guest Reviews are awesome, I love them, but there's no way for me to reply to you directly. Anyways, have fun reading. Here's some more fluff. Read. Enjoy. Review.

**Disclaimer:** COMPLETELY FICTIONAL!

**Chapter 35, Part 2 – The Perfect Way to Fall Asleep**

**Tegan's POV**

I got into the car at around 4:30 to make sure that I was there when Lindsey got home from work. We had an appointment at the salon for 5:30 and dinner reservations at 6:30. Dani put up a bit of a fight with me leaving for the night, but I got her to fall asleep on me before I left and she'll be out for a few hours. I reach over and hit the button for the hands free dialing in my truck.

"Good evening Mrs. Quin. Are you calling for a reservation or delivery?"

"Delivery please."

"Very well, what can we get you?" the gentleman asks.

I order Sara's favourite Ravioli and Kale salad to our door, and a piece of chocolate lava cake. It should get there for 5, so she doesn't have to worry about cooking tonight. I let him know I'll come by and pay for it in 15 minutes. I hang up and pull into the drug store parking lot, getting out and heading in to grab Sara a few goodies. This was our first night apart since Dani was born and I just felt like I wanted to do something special for her. I grabbed some Smarties, and a coffee crisp bar, along with package of dill pickle chips and some big foot candy. I made sure to grab an I Miss You card, then paid for it and headed to the restaurant. I signed the card in the car, then put it in the bag and headed in.

John, the delivery boy was sitting at the take out counter and he smiled when he saw me.

"Mrs. Quin. I thought we were delivering for you?" he asked.

I smiled and nodded "Please, call me Tegan. Sara's at home tonight, I was ordering for her. I was just wondering if you could bring something extra to her when you go?"

He nodded "Of course. What would you like me to deliver?"

I smile and put the drug store bag on the counter. He smiled and nodded at me.

"Thanks, John. I'd love to stay and chat, but I've gotta pick up a friend" I tell him.

He nods "Let me cash you out then."

I nod back and we head over to the cash register. Sara's dinner comes out to $13.50, and I hand him a $50. He goes to give me change and I shake my head.

"Keep it." I tell him.

"I couldn't" he says.

I shake my head again "I'm serious John, keep it. You've been great to us. It's the least I can do."

He drops his head and nods. I smile and turn to walk out, but I hear his voice "Mrs. Quin!"

I turn back around "Please, Tegan."

"Tegan, um…I was just wondering if you'd umm….like to take a listen to my umm….some of my demos? I've only gotten feedback from my ma, and well…I can hardly trust that, but."

My smile spread and I nodded "Do you have 'em here with you?" I asked.

He nodded and reached under the counter, handing me a cassette tape. I smiled, remembering our own.

"My dad has an ummm….an old recorder and I'm sorry it's not…" he continued, rambling.

I put a hand on his shoulder "John, it's fine. You know Sara and I had our first demos on cassettes. I've got a deck in my truck too, so I'll listen to it on my way to pick up my friend."

His eyes lit up "Thank you so much Tegan!"

I nodded "No problem. Thank you for the many speedy deliveries, and for feeding my wife tonight. I'll talk to you soon John."

He nods and I walk out of the place, looking down at the tape in my hands. I smile and hop back into my truck, and popping it in the tape player as I head to Lindsey's. A haunting chord is struck on piano keys and my heart's already his. I pull up in the driveway just as his voice starts and I'm sold. I turn off the car and just listen. I sigh and make a mental note to play this for Sara later. Right now, I get out of the car and knock on the door. I hear yelling in the house and wince. Lindsey opens the door, looking pissed.

"Tegan! What are you doing here" she asks, seeming flustered.

"Taking you out. Come on" I tell her.

"Oh umm…I'm kind of, in the middle of something with Emy" She says.

I sigh and turn my head sideways "She's exhausted, Lindsey."

"Well she shouldn't be, all she ever does is come home and sleep, and I'm expected to cook dinner, and…"

"Well, I'm taking you out for dinner. No need to cook. There's a manicure in it for you" I tell her.

I see her attitude change when I mention the manicure. Lindsey's weakness. She loves a good manicure.

"YOU'RE bringing me for a manicure?" she asks, stunned.

I nod "Yup. And dinner at Gerry's, so put on your jacket and shoes, kiss your wife, and lets go!"

I see a smile spread across her face and she nods, opening the door and letting me in. I see Emy, her head in her hands on the couch.

"Just let me get changed" she says.

"Take your time" I tell her, sitting on the couch next to Emy as Lindsey walks into their bedroom.

"How you doin there, champ?" I ask her.

Emy shakes her head "I can't win, Tegan."

She's crying. I hug her to me and sigh "I'm going to get her in a good headspace and you'll not only win tonight, but hit a grand slam. I think she needs to be reminded that sometimes these emotions aren't really her own. And you, my friend. You really need to sleep. Did you get any?" I ask

She nods "I'd been asleep maybe an hour when she came home, yelling at me."

Lindsey stumbled out of the room "I'm ready."

I nod and pat Emy on the back, then stand. "Night Emy."

Emy nods at me and I walk Lindsey to my truck. She gets in and I fire it up. The tape plays.

"Wow, who is this?" she asks.

"The delivery boy from Piccolo's" I tell her.

She laughs.

"I'm being serious. I sent Sara some delivery before I got here and he gave it to me. I think we're gonna invite him over to record some high quality demos" I tell her.

"Wow. The amount of talent that sometimes goes unnoticed. So, manicures?" she asked

I nod "Sandra's Salon."

"My favourite. Emy never does this for me" she says.

I sigh "When does she have time? Poor girl hasn't slept in 2 days."

"I know, she never spends any time with me" Lindsey adds.

"She's the best at what she does, and form the sounds of it, has had a lot of patients who need her lately" I reason.

"I need her" she says. "I miss her. All she does is work and sleep, but then wants to have sex. She tries to disguise it as a massage, but I know what it is."

"Have you told her this?" I ask

She gulps and shakes her head "She knows."

"I don't think she does. I think there's a lot of miscommunication there Lindsey. She misses you too. She's been super busy with work, and sees how stressed you are and has been trying to find a way to relax you. She's pretty upset at the relationship right now. I don't think it's all an attempt to sleep with you. I think she genuinely just wants to help you unwind."

"Maybe" she sighs.

"I also think that your brain is running a million miles an hour and your body is on hormone overload. You need to talk to her. Tell her how you're feeling" I tell her.

We pull into the parking lot at the nail salon and I look at her.

"Just think about it" I tell her.

She nods and we hop out of the car.

"But right now, you get to watch me get a manicure" I laugh.

She giggles and nudges my shoulder as we walk in. The salon's empty as the esthetician recognizes her.

"Lindsey! So good to see you again" she says. "I wish I could do you tonight, but I've got an appointment with Mrs. Quin."

I smile and wave "That'd be me. And it's Tegan, please."

She smiles and nods.

"Come, come" the esthetician waves us over.

We follow and sit down at the tiny tables. Another woman walks up and sits in front of me.

"What colour do you want?" she asks.

"Clear" I say.

"Are you sure? We just got this new Sparkly Rose Garden in" she tells me.

I look at Lindsey who's laughing. I shrug.

"What the hell, give me the sparkly rose garden. I'm sure Sara'll get a good laugh out of it."

Lindsey's jaw drops and I chuckle.

"Cat got your tongue?" I ask.

She shakes her head at me and laughs.

"Can I take a picture of this for you to tweet to the fans? They'll lose their shit" she says.

I nod eagerly "Don't tell Sara, but I've secretly been tweeting pictures of her falling asleep in random places."

Lindsey snorts "She's going to kill you."

"Naw, she'll laugh and I'll get a TEeeeeegan! Then we'll laugh at them and she'll tweet out some embarrassing pictures of me."

"Do you guys ever…fight?" she asks.

I sigh and shake my head "Not really. I mean we've had arguments, but they're usually short and about stupid stuff. Mainly me not using lists. She hates it when I don't use lists" I tell her.

"How do you not fight? Doesn't she ever just do stuff that makes you so angry?" she asks.

I nod "Yeah, but I tell her. Usually right away. And she apologizes, kisses me, and does her best not to do it again. We don't let it eat away at us. My main focus in life is just to have fun with her and Dani. I find that as long as I concentrate on that, everything else just doesn't matter all that much. I think that both of us waking up every morning in that headspace really helps. I also make sure to do nice things for her and take care of her, while also allowing her to do the same for me."

Lindsey sighs and I can see it all turning inside of her brain.

"Emy loves you. She's just trying to do nice things for you. Maybe you should let her" I propose.

I watch as a smile forms on Lindsey's lips.

"Thanks Tegan. That makes a lot of sense" she sighs and shakes her head. "Now I feel super guilty, and dumb."

"Don't be too hard on yourself. Enjoy your manicure" I suggest.

She smiles and nods.

"How is Dani?" she asks.

"Adorable. I think I fall more in love with her every day. She's just so…so… huggable and I always want to kiss her tiny nose and she has the most adorable giggle."

"So she's got you wrapped around her finger" Lindsey jokes.

I chuckle and nod "OH yeah!"

She laughed with me. The lady was blow drying my nails and I looked down at them, unable to contain the giggle.

"I feel like such a girl" I say.

"Sara's gonna die" Lindsey says.

I nod "I think she'll be laughing for the rest of the night. I sure hope not though" I say, biting my lip.

Lindsey gives me an eye and the lady finishes my nails. We get up and head to the cash register.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Lindsey asks.

I raise my eyebrows and feel myself get wet at just the thought.

"I'll tell you at dinner" I tell her.

I pay for our nails and we walk over to Gerry's, where a table is waiting for us. I order a bottle of sparkling grape juice and we both mull over the menu.

"Anything you want. On me" I tell her.

"Tegan…" she protests.

"I insist" I told her.

She sighed and we ordered our meals, then she turned to me.

"So what about Sara?" she asks.

I let out a low growl "Lately, we've been having this…mind blowing sex. Like, ultimate. Yesterday, Sara had an asthma attack."

Lindsey bit her lip, listening.

"She loves that feeldoe. Do you guys have one?" I question.

She shakes her head. "What's a feeldoe?" Lindsey asks.

I gasp "Seriously?"

She shrugs.

"Oh, Lindsey. We are going to get you one on the way home. It's…" I exhale loudly "incredible. Do you and Emy like strap-on sex?"

She smiles and nods "Oh yeah."

"This is going to blow your mind. I can't believe you've never heard of it" I tell her. I lean forward and whisper to her "I've passed out before."

She gasps and looks at me "Really?"

"Passed out, asthma attacks, so much squirting. Like SO MUCH."

"Where do I get one of these?" she asks.

"Don't worry LB, I've got you covered. We'll pick one up on the way home."

I wink at her.

And we do. After dinner, we end up at the sex toy store and I put on my sun glasses. No doubt there's some kind of unruly fan in a sex toy store in Vancouver. I bring Lindsey to the area with the feeldoes and she's intrigued.

"So that part…?" she asks

I nod and smile, as I see a wicked grin cover her face. You're welcome Emy. But all this reminiscing is making me want Sara so badly. As if on cue, my phone rings. I pull it out and see the picture of my kissing Sara's cheek on my phone and smile. I answer it.

"Hey babe" I say.

I start looking around, leaving Lindsey to look over the packaging. I'm starting to get ideas.

"Tegan!" she calls out.

I can hear Dani crying in the background.

"What's wrong, Sare?" I asked

"She's fussy. She wants you. Think you can sing her The Ocean?" she asks

I look around and am careful to keep my voice low.

"Put her on the phone" I say.

I hear the phone being moved and I start the song, hearing her calm. I look over and Lindsey's giving me a weird look.

"Dani, mommy'll be home soon and we can have shower time. Okay champ?" I reassure her.

"She's calming down" Sara tells me.

Sara sighs "I miss you. I thought you'd be home by now."

"I miss you too love. We just stopped one more place so I can pick you up a surprise" I tell her.

"Tegan, you spoil me. First dinner, and now another surprise?" she asks

I smile and nod "I love you. I'll be home soon."

"Love you too. Bye. Drive safe" she says.

I hang up and Lindsey raises an eyebrow at me.

"Shut up. Just wait until you have a kid" I tell her.

She chuckles and I turn back to what I was looking at before. I'm feeling kind of lost. I'd never even thought about any of this before, but here I am: thinking about it.

"You alright?" Lindsey asks.

I shake my head "I feel really lost in this stuff."

She has a look at the section I'm in and laughs.

"Well, no duh! It's not like you're ever going to need any of this stuff."

I turn and give her a look and her eyes go wide. She turns over the feeldoe package, reviewing the item, but when she doesn't see the use for any of these products she looks back at me.

"Okay, I'm confused" she says.

I blush "Remember how we were getting…gifts?" I ask.

Her eyes go wide and she reaches between my legs, feeling around and finding nothing.

"Not me, Linds" I tell her.

"Sara?" she asks.

I nod and look back at the wall.

"Oh wow. Have you…?"

"Not yet. It…scared me at first. I gave her a handjob because it wouldn't…deflate. Then, we were gonna, but Dani needed us" I tell her.

She chuckles and pats my shoulder "Tonight, eh? Looks like we're both gonna have a good time."

I smile "I don't know how long it's going to last, and I want to make up for my…thoughts about it earlier. Really get her riled up. You've got experience with…" I whisper "penises. Any advice?"

"Don't neglect the balls" she says.

I want to vomit. She laughs and walks over to the wall, having a look. She grabs a couple things and comes back.

"My ex boyfriend really loved using these pumps. You just lube her up, stick it in, and pump. It'll make her…sensitive. And bigger" she says.

"Oh, she doesn't need to be bigger" I tell her.

"How big?" she asks

She puts her hands up, insinuating Sara's penile size. I bite in my labaret, take hold of her wrists and spread her hands. She gasps.

"Really?" she asks.

I nod.

"Oh wow. Tegan…"

"I know."

"You must be itching to get home" Lindsey says.

I just bite my lip and look back at the wall.

"I'm sorry, I couldn't help but overhear. Might I make a suggestion?" the sales lady interrupts.

I gulp and nod at her. She directs us over to the vibrators and grabs a c-shaped, sleek looking toy.

"The female partner wears one end in her vagina and the other end sits over her clitoris. During penetration, both partners feel the vibrations" she says.

I look over the toy. We can use it even when we're back with our feeldoe. I smile and nod.

"It's perfect" I say.

She smiles "Might I also interest you in couples lube?"

I laugh "We rarely ever need lube."

She smiles and Lindsey bumps my shoulder.

"What? It's the truth" I say.

She shakes her head and I pay for the toys, then drive her home. In the car, I can't help but squeeze my thighs, thinking about Sara waiting for me. I look over and Lindsey's shifting similarly.

"Look at us, squirming for them" I say.

"They're a lucky bunch of girls" she says.

I chuckle and nod.

"What are you gonna do to Sara when you get home?" she asks.

"Well, first I promised my daughter some shower time, then we'll put her to bed. THEN I'm going to slam Sara against a wall and just go nuts. I've been waiting since breakfast. I was such an idiot! I can't wait to feel her heat slide into me. And Emy?"

Lindsey bites her lip.

"I want to surprise her" she says.

I smile "Want to put it on now?"

Her eyes go wide "You're a genius!"

I shrug "I try. Here, I'll slow down a bit."

Lindsey opens the package and I can't help but chuckle. I can just imagine Emy waking up to Lindsey tonight. I kind of wish I could be there and watch her expression. But I've got Sara's mind to blow tonight. Pun completely intended. The next time I look over, Lindsey's got it in and moans, pulling her pants back up. I chuckle at the look on her face.

"Like it?" I ask

She nods and licks her lips as we go over a bump.

"Oh sweet baby jesus!" she calls out.

I laugh and pull into her driveway.

"Bye Lindsey, have a good night" I say.

"Thanks. You too. Bye. I need to…"

"GO!" I tell her.

She hops out of the truck and practically runs to the house. I laugh and pull out of the driveway, starting to head home. I keep rubbing my thighs together. I don't remember ever being this horny. I dial the home number.

"Hello?" Sara's voice answers.

"What are you wearing?" I ask in a sultry voice.

"Sweatpants and a t-shirt Dani just spit up on" she answers.

I moan "So sexy."

"Tegan, where are you?" she asks

"I just dropped off Lindsey and am driving home. Sara, I want you so badly right now. You have no idea. My clit is throbbing" I tell her.

"Oh really? Well do you want to know what I'm going to do to you get home?" she asks.

I groan "Yes. So badly."

"Hold on, let me put Dani to bed" she says.

I hear her say goodnight and give Dani a kiss, then the door close. I imagine her bare footed, shuffling to the couch to wait for me.

"I'm going to take your breasts into my hands and massage them in my palms, running my fingers over your perky little nipples. Then I'm going to kiss your neck and slowly undress you until you're completely naked in front of me…"

I moan as I get out of the car and close the garage door, walking up to the house.

"Then I'm going to dip my head down and run my tongue over your nipples until your knees shake and you beg me for more. I'll rub up your cunt, playing in your juices, and take hold of your clit…"

I open the front door and walk in, seeing her look up from the couch. We made eye contact, my mouth on the floor and I slowly pulled the phone away from my ear and hung up. She did the same and I ran over to her, pulling my shirt over my head on the way over. I tossed it aside. I felt her hands on my bare stomach and shuddered, goosebumps instantly coating my skin. I gasp and lower myself onto her lap. She's already hard. I can feel it through my jeans and her sweat pants. I kiss her hard, and she responds, her hands wrapping around me as her lips glide against mine. A hand unsnaps my bra and I move my arms out of it, letting Sara toss it aside. My naked breasts fall heavy against her and I moan loudly as her hands cover them. I brake the kiss and whisper in her ear.

"I'm so fucking hot right now" I whisper.

"I know, I can smell you, it's making me so fucking hard" she whispers back.

"I want you, inside of me" I moan into her ear, attaching my lips to her neck and grinding my hips on her erection.

"Not like this" Sara responds.

I stop and pull back, confused.

"Bedroom" she responds, leaning in and kissing me.

I smile against her lips and stand up, never breaking the kiss. She stands as well, and we lock hands. I suck in her bottom lip and run my tongue over it as we crash into the wall at the opening of the hallway. She takes the hit and moan as she rolls me, onto the adjacent wall in the hall, pressing me to it. I moan and her hands run down my torso, mine clutching the hem of her shirt. Her hands are fumbling with the button on my jeans as our lips part momentarily for her shirt to come off. I love when she doesn't wear a bra, and I'm craving the feel of her chest on mine, but we pause, making eye contact, both our chests heaving. There's a mutual smile, then she's kissing me and I back her up onto the opposite wall. She moans and I grind my crotch into hers, causing me to soak my boyshorts. She gets my jeans undone and pulls them down. I kick them off, pressing myself up her length against the wall. She breaks the kiss, her head shooting back at the sensation. I take the moment to ravish her chest, licking both nipples, then gently nipping her clavicle.

"Ohhh!" she moans. "Tegan!"

I smile and cover her lips with mine again. She can't get enough of this kiss, and grabs my underwear-clad bum, backing me up towards our room. She fumbles with the door handle, but eventually gets it open. My back crashes into the bed and she's ontop of me. Her hand go to the spot between my legs and I moan upon contact. Sara breaks the kiss and moans into my ear.

"You soaked through your underwear" she notifies me.

I bite my lip and nod, desperate for her touch.

"That's so fucking hot" she says.

I kiss her hard and she uses the heel of her palm to rub my clit through the drenched fabric. I moan and buck my hips. She's driving me crazy.

**Sara's POV**

I feel my raging hard on twitch when I feel how wet Tegan is. I can probably squeeze these panties out into the sink. I already know that this is going to be fantastic. I loop my thumbs in the waistband of her underwear and reveal my prize. It's glistening, and gorgeous. She smells delicious. A finger slides up the slick lips and I moan, imagining how good she feels on the inside. I deepen the kiss as she moans into my mouth. I feel my sweatpants leave my ass, and hit the floor, I step out of them as her hand wraps around me, sending shocks through my spine, up to my brain. I hook my arms under hers and shimmy her up to the pillows, making sure she's comfortable. I grab a few from my side of the bed and gently lift her hips, sliding them underneath. I read online today that this will help me make her comfortable. I pull away and look into her eyes.

"Tegan, we can stop. I mean, we don't have to. I can just use my fingers and tongue" I tell her.

She looks over my face and tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. Tegan shakes her head and rests her wrists on my shoulders.

"I want to feel you inside of me, Sara. Please" she pleads.

I nod and lower myself to give her a quick kiss.

"Are you comfortable?" I ask.

She nods and pulls me back down for a deeper kiss. I feel myself getting lost in the kiss, as my hand lowers to my erection. The tip touches her dripping lips and I gasp at the sensation. She's so warm and wet.

"Holy fuck" I say into her mouth, as I rub my tip up her length.

I hit her clit and she shudders. I kiss her deeply again and put myself at her entry.

"Are you…?" I go to ask.

"Sara, shut up" she cuts me off.

I nod and focus on her. I press gently into her and feel her squirm. The outer ring of her entrance stretched around me and lets me into the burning heat inside of her. I grit my teeth and beg my body to hang in there. I get the head inside and my toes curl, my hands clenching into fists as her hands dig into my back. She's being careful not to use her nails this time. I feel her continue to stretch to accommodate me. I'm going super slowly, but the sensations are so intense. It's like… it's like the warm honey that usually courses through my veins during an orgasm, all collected and confined within her walls. And I'm pushing my clit through it. Only, it's got all these spongy ridges and is super tight. I have to stop and drop my body to hers.

"Fuck, Tegan" I say, squeezing my eyes shut.

"Sara?" she asks, worried.

"I'm trying so hard not to cum but you feel so fucking good."

She rubs my back and kisses me gently.

"Take your time. No rush, Sare" she says.

I nod and look at her "How are you?"

She smiles "This is fantastic."

"Am I hurting you?" I ask

"A little, but it feels so good" she says.

I nod. "Let me know…"

"If I want you to stop, I know, love. I don't" she says.

Her arms warm around my neck and she pulls me down to give me an eskimo kiss. I take a deep breath and push further into her, running my tongue over her teeth as her jaw opens. I feel her cervix at the tip of my cock, and am careful to aim beneath it. She's completely wrapped around me. All of her sweet, warm, wetness is squeezing my entire member exquisitely. I'm already breathing heavy and I drop my forehead to the bed, next to her head. I take another breather, feeling hands between my shoulder blades.

So, here I am: on top of Tegan, her legs spread for me, completely inside of her, skin on skin. This is my idea of heaven. I lift my head and gently kiss her lips.

"You okay?" I ask

She nods and runs her hands through my hair.

"Do you want to stop?" I ask.

She shakes her head and locks her eyes on mine. I kiss her tenderly.

"Do you want me to shut up?" I ask.

She smiles and nods. I smile back and kiss her again, slowly pulling out of her. I feel every single ripple in her grip onto me as I tug out and I take a deep breath to try and counteract the feeling of going over the edge.

"Fuck! Tegan!" I call out.

My chest is sinking and I feel her arms around my shoulder, holding me tightly to her. She is perfect. This moment is perfect. How can someone feel so fucking good? I slowly push back in and reach the end of her. Her hips buck and I feel the rings of muscles inside of her clamp down on me. I exhale through gritted teeth and tightly squeezed eyelids. This is such a sweet torture. I feel lips on my jaw and slowly pull out again. She tightens even more. She's got a vice grip on me and her moans fill the air. Enough to make anyone die, and I think I might.

"You feel so good, I think I might die" I whisper to her as tears fill my eyes.

My head falls to her shoulder again as her hands run up my back and through my hair and her lips connect to my cheek.

"I feel so full with you inside of me" she whispers.

I pull back and look into her eyes again "I love you."

Her tongue wets her lips and she lets out a shaky breath "I love you too. Now please Sara, make love to me."

"Okay baby. Okay" I whisper back, kissing her and dragging out a bit faster.

Am I worried I'm not going to last? Yes. But I'm going to do my best to wait to cum with her. I want to feel that connection with Tegan. I push into her and she moans as I hit the very back. Her head flies back and I grit my teeth, committing myself to lasting. My hips move a little faster, each thrust being graced with the eye opening pull and drag of Tegan's fucking sexy walls. I feel her wetness accumulate at her opening, around the base of me, and drip down.

"Fuck! Sara! Just like that. Oh My fucking God!" she exclaims, her body rising off the bed a bit.

I hit a good spot. I kiss her jaw and move into that spot again, she tightens around me even more and I'm about to lose it. My stomach tightens and I strain my neck.

"Oh shit! Sara! Fuck yes!" she calls out.

She reaches up and attacks my lips with her own. Her lower body thrashes and she grinds herself on me. Normally, this is how I know she's cumming, but now, now I feel those rings inside of her spasming around me. I stop entirely and put my finger to her clit, running circles to keep her going. I don't want this to end yet. She feels too good. Tegan's panting and grabbing at me, as I feel her entire core suck on me. She's got tears I her eyes and all I can do is kiss her, until she calms. I wait patiently, kissing her jaw until I feel her moving on me again.

"More" she asks of me. "Please Sara. Please."

I kiss her and start to move in and out of her again, as she sucks in air. I take a breast in my hand and enjoy it's heavy, warm fleshiness. She sits up, sitting in my lap. I wrap my arms around her midsection and move deep inside of her. I'm deeper than before. I get even more of that Tegan utopia wrapped around me. She's got all of me inside of her now. I think this alone is enough to cause the gasping moans she's making. But my resistance is growing harder to maintain. She feels too good. I'm too in love with her. She's too fucking gorgeous.

"Tegan, I'm gonna pull…"

"No, stay inside."

"Baby, I'm gonna…"

She hugs me tighter, dropping her head to my shoulder and I feel the tears.

"Please don't leave me" she calls out.

I feel her face bury in my neck. I know she didn't just mean physically. Suddenly, I don't want to cum. I stop completely and hug her to me tightly.

"Oh Tegan, I'm never leaving you. Hear me? Never" I reassure her.

My hands run down her hair as I hold her head to me.

"I love you. I love you so much. No one makes me smile like you do. No one could ever make me this happy. You're it for me, Teegs. You've always been it. You'll always be it. I never want to fall asleep without you, and I want to wake up to you every single morning of my life. Fuck, I love you so much" I tell her.

She just nods into me. I kiss her shoulder and hold her through the emotionally insecure moment. It's just one of the many wonders of being with Tegan. Most of her past partners never understood this, or how to deal with it. It really is just a moment where you need to stop what you're doing, hold her, and be honest about your feelings. That's all it took.

I feel her unstick her face from my neck and face me. I wipe the tears from her face with my thumbs. She sniffles.

"Thanks" she whispers.

"Always. Whenever you need that, I'm right here. Better?" I ask

She nods and leans in, kissing me. I moan against her lips and feel her gently lift herself, then sink down on me. My body lights on fire and the sensations come rushing back.

"I want you to cum inside of me" she whispers.

I gulp and intake a breath. The idea is turning me on.

"Tegan…" I say.

"Sara." She states.

I nod and lay my hands flat on her back, supporting her. I get a flashback to the first time. The only first time worth remembering. We were just like this. Exactly like this.

"Kiss me" I ask of her.

No sooner than I ask for it, her lips are on mine, burning a path to my heart.

"Tegan" I moaned, breaking the kiss.

Her body moved on mine, rocking me in and out of her.

"Cum for me, baby" she asked.

I bit my bottom lip, feeling myself hit that point again. I breathed heavily. Tegan kissed me again and moaned into my mouth. She was close again. I quickly adjusted us so I could get at her from her favourite angle. This caused her to throw her head back, and my palms to feel her back arch. I inhaled sharply and pushed her to her limit. Her hands gripped my shoulder tightly.

"Fuck, Sara, I'm gonna cum again" she moaned.

I look down and see her perfect breasts bouncing freely and gulp.

"I'm with you" I gasp.

I feel her tighten and explode around me and I call out her name as I start to feel myself teeter on the edge.

"TEEeeeGAN!" I cry out.

She moans so loudly in my ear and we just rock together, holding on for dear life as I feel myself pump into her. I gasp at each contraction, sparks flying as our orgasms fall in synch. As I pump out, she sucks in. My eyes roll back in my head and I fall backwards, limp, Tegan landing ontop of me. A few moments later, we're both spent, breathing heavily. She kisses my chest, then collapses completely, panting. I close my eyes and let out a satisfied moan. My whole body is tingling and I feel Tegan's even breathing. She's asleep. I smile and pull the blankets up, over us, dropping a kiss on her head and wrapping my arms around her. I rub down her soft, gorgeous back and revel in the warmth and safety of her on me. I feel myself going limp, but am still inside of her. I close my eyes. All I can hear is Tegan's breathing, and Dani's over the monitor.

There was never a more perfect way to fall asleep.


	37. Perfect Wife

Chapter contains a homosexual incestual relationship and sexual content between two women. If you don't like it, don't read it.

**Rating:** M

**Summary:** What happens when she gets her wish and Tegan finds herself in an alternate reality where Sara is her girlfriend, and not her sister? Will be a LONG fic, updated often.

**A/N**: Just a short, fluffy chapter. Happy New Years.

**Disclaimer:** COMPLETELY FICTIONAL!

**Chapter 36 – Perfect Wife**

**Tegan's POV**

I woke up in Sara's firm embrace. I was still on top of her. A smile crossed my face when I remembered why I fell asleep like this. I looked over at the clock and nuzzled back into Sara's chest. We'd only been asleep for a few hours. Dani still hadn't even woken up. I smiled when I realized that she was still inside of me. I sigh against her skin and bury my face in her neck. Sara's arms come to life and rub my back. I turn my head and kiss her cheek, letting out a moan. Her face turns to meet mine and she smiles. I smile back and reach out, brushing back her bangs.

"I think I maybe, quite possibly, might just be in love with you" she whispers to me.

I smile "Just maybe."

She giggles and nods, leaning in and dropping sleepy, chapped kiss on my lips.

"So, what do I feel like from the inside?" I ask, curious.

A giant smile takes over her face.

"It's probably the third best sensation ever" Sara responds.

"The third? Well, what are the first and second then?" I ask

She kisses my cheek and rubs down my back again.

"The second would have to behaving YOU inside of ME. And first, the feeling I get when we're close like this. That's the greatest feeling of all time: being so close I can hear your heart beat, when I wake up and hear your soft breathing, and when you hold me when something goes terribly right or wrong. Holding you while you cry. That's my favourite sensation: just having you near and knowing that you love me"

I close my eyes and take a deep breath, snuggling deeper into her.

"I can't believe that I almost missed out on this. On you. I love Lindsey, but I can't imagine how empty I'd feel if I tried to trick myself into believing that I had this with her" I tell her.

"Well you don't have to worry about that. You get me. You get all of me. Forever" Sara reassures, kissing my shoulder.

I smile and find her lips in the darkness, taking my time and kissing her slowly. She lifted her hands and tangled them in my hair, as our lips sucked at each other's. Her lips are always soft and oh so kissable. I quickly feel the fire in my stomach ignite, despite the sweet tenderness of the kiss. It grows, it grows with the fire until I feel Sara twitch inside of me and moan. I felt myself lubricate and her hand move to my clit. I moaned into her mouth, taking her other hand and placing it on my breast. She squeezed and I moaned loudly, bucking my hips back into her, feeling her grow inside of me.

"Tegan…" she whispers to me, asking.

I kiss her and cut her off, but pull back a bit and answer her.

"I want you again, Sara" I whisper back.

She pulls me down for a bruisingly sexy kiss and flips us, pushing her newly hard self deep into me. I gasp and feel her stretch me again. When she's this deep, she hits that spot at the very back of me that makes my eyes roll back in my head. She's warmer than the feeldoe, and softer. And it's Sara. She pushes into me again and I bite down lightly on her lip, my hands moving from her back to her breasts, running her nipples through my fingers. She's ready to go, but I'm done being on my back. I kiss her and slowly pull off, laying down next to her on my side. I can tell she's confused, so I take her hand and wrap it around me, so she's spooning me only I throw my leg back, over her hip, giving her access to me. I lean back and kiss her, feeling her hold me tightly and push back into me. I moan and she starts a steady rhythm of thrusts. I slump back into her and moan with every thrust into me. I can feel the skin of her cock moving inside of me, and her hard head plowing through my walls. The friction is fantastic. Sara's fucking good at this.

Just when I think it can't get any better, she reaches around and puts two fingers to my clit. I double over from the intensity, almost moving away from her, but she pulls me tighter to her.

"Tegan?" she inquires.

I pant and moan "So fucking good. Please don't stop."

I feel her thrust more readily into me and her fingers roll perfectly over my clit. She knows me too well. Lips kiss right between my shoulder blades and I lose it, cumming all around her. My body twitches and jumps as the sweetest orgasm takes me over. Sara stops and wraps both arms around me securely, as my body is overtaken. Kisses cover my shoulders and neck. I intake a sharp breath as my body starts to tingle and calm. I know what I want now. I know what I need to cum again.

"Sara, bend me over" I ask

"What?" she asks, rubbing my tummy.

"Like you did before. Bend me over and fuck me."

She doesn't need to be asked again, as she slowly pulls out of me, takes hold of my hips, and guides me to the end of the bed. She stands behind me, taking my ass in her hands and spreading my cheeks. I feel my clit twitch and her tip push into me. I moan and my legs shake. One of her hands slides up my back, out to my shoulders. I feel her push the rest into me and I push my face into the bed. She takes hold of my hips and we're off. She's hitting my g-spot and moving a break neck speed.

"Oh god! Oh God! Oh God!" I moan into the sheets, feeling all the nerves in my body seize up.

"Fuck Tegan. Where do you want me to cum?" she asks, frantically.

"Inisde, baby. Inside" I beg.

My body raises to my tip toes, then falls in a crash of waves. I feel her entire shaft throb inside of me as she stops thrusting and her hands caress my back. I feel the hot spurts against my cervix and moan, it increasing my orgasm. Sara falls forward, her chest against my back. I'm still cumming, and she lovingly takes hold of me and moves us back to our spooning position, pulling the covers up. She holds me tightly as my pussy continues to clench around her, my stomach and thighs shaking, my hands taking hold of hers. I don't think the orgasm will ever end. I need to wrap my legs around her, need to feel her chest on mine. I turn around to face her, never pulling her out of me and do just that. My legs wrap tightly around her waist, my hips bucking helplessly into her, as I moan into her neck. I feel every muscle in my body rip from the tension. Her hands hold me closely, running up and down the bare skin of my back and her lips kiss any part of me they can. Finally, I start to come down, but am shaking uncontrollably.

"Are you okay?" Sara asks.

I nod, shivering "Just..so intense and long. Fuck that felt so fucking good." I can't stop shaking, despite being wrapped in Sara's arms and under our winter duvet. "I think my nerves are shot."

She chuckles and kisses my forehead. She sighs happily, drawing lazy circles on my back. I push my face further into her, surrounding myself with her.

"Sex has never, ever felt as good with anyone else as it does with you. Every single time" she whispers to me.

I nod and pull away from her, shivering but looking into her eyes. She chuckles.

"You look so sad and cold, love. C'mere. Stay close" she tells me, pulling me back to her. I let her wrap me up and she whispers to me "No one's ever satisfied me like you."

"No one's ever made me shake uncontrollably just because I fried all my nerves" I tell her. "Let alone the multiple orgasms."

She chuckles into the top of my head.

"Fuck, I love you" she whispers to me. "So fucking much."

I kiss her chest, and sigh happily, the shaking finally stopping.

"I love you too, Sara."

"There we go. How was your night with Lindsey?" she asks

I chuckle "Good. When you called, we were in the sex toy store. I got her and Emy a feeldoe. She'd never heard of it."

"Oh man. They're going to be thanking you until the day we die. Think they used it?" She asks.

I nod "Lindsey put it on in the car. Surprised Emy with it. I think they're gonna be okay. Seems like a lot of miscommunication."

Sara nods and yawns.

"How was Dani?" I ask

"Good. She had a really big poop, and we had some tummy time. She missed you though. Finally fell asleep in my arms. Thank you so much for dinner too, Tegan. That was…so thoughtful. And the candy. It was nice to be in the middle of wondering what I should make, only to have your favourite meal delivered to your door with a bunch of your favourite candy."

"I thought you'd like that. Do you know that you're always on my mind. There's not a minute of the day where I'm not thinking about you." I tell her.

She smiles and nods "I figured as much, because it's the same way with you. No joke, I sit on the toilet and am thinking about kissing you."

"Well then I might just have to make more bathroom visits to you" I joke.

"Like when we were kids and you would sit outside of the door whenever I went to the bathroom?" she asks, jokingly.

I laugh, remembering that and nodding.

"That would be wonderful" I tell her.

We both sigh at the same time.

"TWINNnNs" I call out.

We laugh and then Sara leans in and kisses me.

"Wives" she adds.

I smile and nod, our foreheads connecting. I wrap my arms around her shoulders tightly and pull her into a big bear hug. We sigh in unison again and I snuggle right into Sara.

"I'm sleepy" I tell her.

"Then sleep, love. Go right to sleep" she answers.

I nod and close my eyes against her.

I wake up at around 4am, to Dani crying over the monitor. Sara kisses my cheek, letting me know she's got her and I drift back into oblivion, laying on my stomach. I'm barely conscious when I feel Sara curl up to me again, but am quickly back to sleep. The next time I wake up, I feel Sara's warm breath on my bare back, and her slight weigh on me. I look over at the clock, squinting at the light coming through the window. Dani's really getting good at sleeping through the night. It's 8:30am. I sigh and close my eyes again, just relaxing and enjoying Sara's closeness, until my bladder screams at me. I gently scoot out from under Sara who was using my back as a pillow, and make sure she's covered and comfortable. I stand up and feel her run down my leg. It kind of makes me smile, but is still kind of gross.

I go and do my business, then hop in the shower, Dani's song stuck in my head. I hop out of the shower, and get dressed. I head into Dani's room and see that she's awake, just hanging out in her crib.

"Hey baby girl. You're awake. What are you doing?" I ask

_Mommy! I'm tired but I can't sleep. _

"Just lazing around little one?" I ask, picking her up.

I snuggle her close and kiss her tiny forehead.

"Wanna nap against mommy? I was gonna make Mama some breakfast" I ask.

She sighs against my chest and I smile, grabbing the wrap and getting her snuggly and secure on my chest like they taught us in the store when we bought it. I make sure her face isn't covered, her head is supported, and that her chin isn't in her chest. She smiles up at me, and I return the sentiment, patting her bum through the wrap.

_Comfy and warm._

"Good" I smile.

I raise the wrap to raise her up so her ear is pressed right above my heart.

_Boom. Boom. Boom. _

"That's my heart baby girl. Can you hear it?" I ask

She laughs and I lean down give her another kiss, running my thumb over her forehead and making her close her eyes. She yawns and cuddles up, her body curling perfectly around the curve of my breast. Years from now, when she's as tall as I am, I'm going to miss this so much. I wonder what she's going to look like when she's older. She does look a lot like me when I was a baby. It's kind of funny.

I give her another kiss, then we make our way into the kitchen to fire up the oven. Muffins, eggs, and bacon sounds good this morning. I hum Dani's shower song. Shit this is catchy, as I get together all the ingredients and start up on breakfast. Checking occasionally on the sleeping baby curled up to me, I cook up a storm. Eventually I've got two plates full of food and Sara hasn't shown her face. I smile and Bring the plates with me down the hallway. I squeak open our door and peek in to see her fast asleep, tangled in the blankets and sheets. I smiled and put the plates carefully down on my nightstand, heading back out to grab us each a glass of water. I add those to the nightstand, then carefully crawl back into bed, pulling Sara's sleeping form onto my chest so she's snuggled up right next to Dani. I sigh happily and kiss each of their heads. My girls.

Have you ever held the entire world in your arms? It's a humbling experience: knowing that all you'll ever need is right here, you've got it. Sara starts to stir and I smile down at her, kissing her forehead again.

"Morning" I whisper.

"Hey" she mumbles in a sleepy, crackly voice.

I hear her sigh and watch as she looks over at sleeping Dani, putting a hand on her back and gently rubbing her.

"When did she get up?" she asks

"I don't really know. I woke up and checked on her around 8:30. She was awake, just hanging out in her crib, relaxing. Apparently she was still sleepy but couldn't fall back to sleep. I figured some mommy cuddles would be just what she needed" I told Sara, sweeping back her bangs.

She smiled and nodded, nuzzling into me.

"Mommy cuddles are the best" she moaned into my chest.

"I made breakfast" I told her. "Brought it to you in bed.

I reach over and grab her a plate, handing it to her and watching her face light up. She turned to me and gushed.

"You somehow manage to make me feel like every day is my birthday" she swoons.

I smile "Good. That means I'm doing this whole married thing right."

Sara chuckles and nods, leaning in and giving me a quick kiss, our lips sticking together gently as she pulls away.

"You do this whole married thing amazingly well" she answers, with another kiss. "Like no one else."

I smile and melt into her kisses. We broke them off to eat.


	38. Back

Chapter contains a homosexual incestual relationship and sexual content between two women. If you don't like it, don't read it.

**Rating:** M

**Summary:** What happens when she gets her wish and Tegan finds herself in an alternate reality where Sara is her girlfriend, and not her sister? Will be a LONG fic, updated often.

**A/N**: I'm sorry guys, I've got major writer's block. I'm trying. I really am. I know it's super short, but at least it's something.

**Disclaimer:** COMPLETELY FICTIONAL!

**Chapter 37 – Back**

**Sara's POV**

I groaned, hitting stop on the console. Why couldn't I get that vocal line right? I sigh and try it again, hitting another sour note, and hearing a tiny whimper and a small voice in her head.

_Mama. You're hurting my ears._

I bit my bottom lip. Well now there was no doubt it was bad. I reached out and picked Dani up, giving her a hug.

"I'm sorry, little one. Mama's done for now. Wanna go find mommy?" I asked.

_Mommy._

I giggled as Dani kicked her little legs.

"Okay. Lets go" I cooed back.

I stood up and headed into the bathroom connecting our studies, opening the door to Tegan's study. She was at her desk, glasses on, on her computer. She looked up and smiled as we walked in.

"Now isn't that a sight for sore eyes!" She said with a smile

I grinned then walked over and handed Dani to her.

"Someone was missing Mommy" I informed her, then stooped down for a quick kiss.

Tegan took Dani and returned my kiss, before giving Dani one.

"Oh really? Well I missed you too munchkin!" Tegan said, while tickling Dani's belly, making her giggle. She looked back up at me "Get some work done?"

I shook my head "Not really. I can't seem to get passed this block. Everything I do just…is off" I responded with a sigh "You?"

Tegan nodded "I've been in meetings with our label. They're dropping us. I've decided that I don't really care anyways."

I let out a heavier sigh "And why's that?"

Tegan smiled wide "Because we don't really need them. We've got hordes of loyal fans, a fully equipped studio, and tons of connections. We know how to do this, and we can do this alone."

I couldn't help but crack a smile "You're right."

Tegan chuckled, bending her already bent hear "Sorry, what was that? I didn't quite hear you" she teased.

I giggled "You're right!" I repeated. "Do you wanna go out for lunch?"

Tegan nodded and leaned up to kiss me "That sounds great."

I met her soft kiss, and moaned into her lips. "I'll go get ready first, okay?" I asked.

Tegan nodded, reaching up for another quick kiss, then kissed my nose, making me giggle. She patted my bum, and I walked out to shower and get dressed. I started to strip, and noticed something different. I looked down and smiled. I was back to my old anatomy. I sighed in relief, and hopped into the shower, my hands immediately running through my folds, happy they were back.


	39. Just Watching Her

Chapter contains a homosexual incestual relationship and sexual content between two women. If you don't like it, don't read it.

**Rating:** M

**Summary:** What happens when she gets her wish and Tegan finds herself in an alternate reality where Sara is her girlfriend, and not her sister? Will be a LONG fic, updated often.

**A/N**: Look who's back! I promise it's not over. I promise I haven't given up. I've just been super, super, super busy. The writer's block was never about not having plot twists or ideas. The problem is that I've gotten to the place where it's played out in my head so much it FEELS like I've already written it. So what I'm lacking is motivation. I have a super heavy course load this semester too and have taken on a job. So much going on. I'm going to do my best to get you guys updates. I thought I'd update with a nice, fluffy chapter. Stuff goes down in the next one. Also, isn't it kind of funny how in this story, they're mainstream and *cough* Grammy award nominated, and then POOF in real life all of a sudden they break into the mainstream. Not saying I'm a psychic or force of the universe but…freaky. Also umm…Ellen? Too many coincidences! Anyways, most authors are doing this now, adding a music selection. So while writing I was listening to:

Love They Say-Tegan and Sara

Not Tonight-Tegan and Sara

Fluffy-Bolt

Enjoy! Read, Review! I love you all! Thanks for sticking with me!

**Disclaimer:** COMPLETELY FICTIONAL!

** Chapter 38-Just Watching Her**

**Sara's POV**

I strummed the guitar, putting all the emotion I had into it. I kept fumbling over my own fingers, hitting the wrong frets, the wrong strings. It was a mess and despite my best efforts to save it with emotion, I stopped midway and sighed, vowing to not have a breakdown in the studio. I put my guitar down and just laid on my back on the hardwood floors. I used to be able to hear the music in my head before I played it, and now I just couldn't. I closed my eyes and just listened. I listened to the hum of the amp, the pitter patter of feet upstairs that I knew belonged to my wife, my own heartbeat and breathing.

As I kept listening, I started hearing a pattern of heartbeats and footsteps, falling into sync to create a beat. I jumped to my feet and grabbed the drum machine, running into the control room and hooking it up. I started to electronically get the beat down. Once I had it, a smile spread over my face. My head and heart lit up with the music. I could hear the chords and strumming, I could hear the melody. I looped the beat and played it over the headphones, putting them on and running back to grab my guitar.

Tapping my foot to the inspired beat, I put on my guitar and grabbed my pick form between my lips, waiting for my in. And when it came, magic happened. It just all happened. It just all came out and came together. I hit the final chord and smiled.

**Tegan's POV**

_Nom Nom Nom. Mommy. Nom. _

I chuckled. We'd started Dani on solids just a day ago and she couldn't get enough. This kid was an eater. She'd suck back Sara's milk, then scarf down her cereal.

"Okay champ, okay. Mommy's gonna make you some nom nom" I told her, kissing her forehead. Dani kicked against me and giggled, sucking on the skin of my shoulder as I got the infant cereal ready. I kissed Dani's little head and smiled, whispering The Ocean to her as I grabbed the bottle of Sara's pumped milk out of the fridge. I finished humming the song as I mixed in some apple sauce and heated up the meal. I sat on an island stool and seated Dani on the counter.

"Wuddup little one?" I asked my daughter.

Dani giggled and reached for my nose. I laughed as she got a grip on it and tugged. I responded by making an elephant noise. Dani laughed hard, kicking her little feet.

_Mommy funny._

I laughed "You think so, eh?"

Out of nowhere, Sara scooped Dani up. I smiled as Dani recognized her Mama and giggled as Sara brought her into a hug.

_MAMA!_

"How's my little buddy?" Sara asked, rubbing her back.

_Mommy nom nom nom. _

"Oh, mommy's getting you some yummies, eh? What a good mommy" Sara said as the microwave beeped.

I went and got the food, stirring it.

"How was your session, love?" I asked, setting the bowl on the counter to cool.

"Good" Sara replied "I totally got over that block! New track's on the computer if you want to have a listen" she said, kissing Dani and lifting her to blow a raspberry on her tummy, making the baby giggle.

"Did you put it in the…?" I started asking but was cut off.

"Yes, I put it in the new album folder. Don't worry babe" Sara reassured her.

Isighed and smiled. "I'm just trying to get a good system down since it's just us now."

"And that's all we need" Sara said, leaning over the counter and kissing me softly.

_Me! Me!_

Sara and I both laughed as we leaned in and gave Dani tandem kisses. Dani giggled and squirmed.

"Alrighty squirt, I'm gonna get you your nom nom. It should be cool" I told her.

She bounced in Sara's grip.

"Oh look who's got food? Does Mommy have food?" Sara taunted as Dani started reaching for me.

I chuckled and took her, sitting her in my lap at the table and bringing a spoon of cereal to her mouth she ate it with a big smile.

_Yum._

Sara laughed "That has to be the most adorable thing I've ever seen!"

I smiled and fed Dani another spoonful.

"She is a cutie. I swear this kid never stops eating!" I said with a chuckle.

Dani took hold of her own feet and rocked in my lap. Sara came over and kissed the top of my head.

"I wasn't just talking about her. You know what it means when she gets a good meal, eh?" Sara asked in a sexy voice.

I smiled and nodded "Dani gets tired. Which means nap time"

"Which means Mommy and Mama get…nap time" she purred into my ear, making my clit twitch.

I bit my lip and nodded, feeding my daughter another bite. She gobbled it down happily. Sara rolled her tongue into my ear.

"The things I'm gonna do to you Tegan, will make your toes curl" she whispered into my ear.

I gulped and fed Dani the last spoon.

"I'll be waiting for you" Sara finished and walked off.

I picked Dani up and wiped her mouth, snuggling her.

_Tiwed Mommy. Nap nap. _

She yawned and I rubbed her back "Yeah, nom noms always make you tired. Go to sleep baby girl. Mommy loves you" I reassure.

_Seep. Mommy. _

I keep rubbing her back and rocking her in my arms, until I feel her go limp and her breathing deepen. She really is too cute for words. Smiling, I kiss her head and walk her to her room, where I put her in her crib and make sure the monitor's on. Tiptoeing out, I close the door and make my way to our room. I'm expecting to see Sara on the bed. When I don't, panic rises in me.

"Sara?" I call out, worried.

"In here Tee!" I hear her call out.

I walk into the bathroom, where the voice was calling from to find her on the toilet, tears streaming down her face. I crouch in front of her and rub her shoulders.

"Baby, what's wrong?" I ask, running a hand through her hair.

"I don't feel good" she whimpers.

I nod and rub her back "Is it your stomach?"

She nods silently and leans her head on my shoulder. I kiss my wife's temple and continue to rub along her spine.

"Want me to get you the heating pad?" I asked.

Sara nodded again and I stood up.

"Should I call Emy?" I asked

"No, it's not that bad. Could I get some snuggles in a bit though?" she asks, looking up at me.

My face softened and I nodded "AND a tummy rub."

"I love you Tegan" she whimpered.

"Love you too, honey. I'm gonna go grab you that heating pad" I say before walking out of the bathroom.

I head into the kitchen where I grab the pad out of one of the cabinets in the island and put it in the microwave. I sigh. Well, no sex for me tonight. Maybe I should bring Dani in with us. I bet she can make Sara feel better. She'll want to nurse when she wakes up anyways. Besides, she's so cute when she's asleep and we love t snuggle her. Nothing like baby snuggles. I smile to myself thinking of my daughter as the microwave beeps and I grab the moose-decorated pad out of the maching.

My feet carry me to Dani's bedroom where I pick her up out of the crib and put her on my shoulder, carrying both her and the pad into our room where Sara was in bed.

"Oh, baby!" Sara said, excited when she saw Dani "Just what I need!"

I smiled and handed her our sleeping daughter "I thought you might want double the snuggles"

"You thought right" She said, hugging Dani close.

I smiled and got into bed behind her, wrapping the heating pad around her midsection and placing my hands over it as I scooted in close to press my front against her back. She let out a low growl of a moan.

"Oh my god. This is perfect. You're the best" Sara mumbled.

"Just close your eyes and go to sleep, gorgeous. You'll feel better when you wake up" I whispered to her, kissing her ear and slipping a leg between her two.

Sara nodded and let out another little moan, locking her ankles around mine and getting comfortable against me. I waited patiently for her to fall asleep, just watching her and our daughter.


	40. The Fans Are Coming!

Chapter contains a homosexual incestual relationship and sexual content between two women. If you don't like it, don't read it.

**Rating:** M

**Summary:** What happens when she gets her wish and Tegan finds herself in an alternate reality where Sara is her girlfriend, and not her sister? Will be a LONG fic, updated often.

**A/N**: Alright, alright. I know you're excited. Here it FINALLY is! I'm sorry I made you wait so long. I got so busy this semester. Hopefully this'll put me back in the swing of things. To all my old followers who are still with me: thank you. To all the new followers: welcome. Three issues of housekeeping before I get to the newest chapter:

1-I want art. I want is sooooo badly. I feel like all of the Quicnest fics have art, comics even, but not mine. Maybe I just haven't seen it, maybe it's weaseled it's way through the cracks of Tumblr without my knowledge. I dunno. If it's out there, let me know about it, if it's not can What If? PLEAAASSE get some art? If I held some sort of contest that let you request a scene or co-write a chapter with me, would any of you be interested?

2-HUGE debate going on between you all about Tegan being pregnant or not. Was NOT expecting that big of a response. So, to decide I'll be holding a poll. You can PM me on here, or message me on Tumblr Pregnant or Not Pregnant. I will only count votes that have accounts (guest votes will not count as to make it fair so people don't vote more than once, unless of course they make or have multiple accounts. I can't regulate that, so you msut have a username). Next chapter will reveal what you all decided. Happy voting and may the pee stick be ever in your favour.

3-There's this musician I'm in love with and I'm convinced that she's the long lost Quin. I need you guys to check her out because she's just amazing and is still under the radar so is super fan-friendly. Not to mention absolutely drop dead adorable and has the voice of an angel. She covers T+S a lot and loves the girls (not a quincester though, which super sucks). You need to check her out. Just facebook Bolt. She's also got an all girl band Where's Amy? They're good but her solo stuff is fantastic. Reminds me so much of early T+S. Anyways, please go and give her some attention and likes. She really does deserve it.

Enjoy! Read, Review! I love you all! Thanks for sticking with me!

**Disclaimer:** COMPLETELY FICTIONAL!

** Chapter 40- The Fans Are Coming!**

**Sara's POV**

I was sitting in the rocking chair in Dani's room, breastfeeding the little 6 month old nugget and enjoying my time with my daughter when I heard Tegan call out.

"Sara, get in here" she cried from her study.

I stood up and carried Dani out, into the room.

"What is it?" I asked, bouncing or daughter slightly.

Tegan looked up from her laptop.

"Come read this" she insisted.

I nodded and walked over, looking over her shoulder and reading the e-mail.

_Dear Tegan,_

_I have been a fan for so long and I can't believe you would do this to me. How dare you stop making music! How dare you just quit! You're ruining my life. You and Sara are horrible people. I feel like I've wasted so much time and money on you and I regret all of it. You deserve the worst to happen. I hope your kid gets an awful, uncurable disease. She'll be ashamed to grow up knowing who her parents are. _

_Signed,_

_A pissed off fan._

I sighed and kissed Tegan's cheek "Let it go, Teegs. We've gotten hate mail before" I told her.

"How did they get my personal e-mail?" she asked.

I looked at it again, and did notice that it was her e-mail and not the band's.

"I don't know babe, but let's not worry about it. Just delete it and let it go. The label must have announced the news" I hypothesised.

She nodded and deleted the e-mail, rubbing her face with her hands.

"Should we release a statement or something that we're not quitting, we're still making music?" She asked

I nodded "But not right now. We'll worry about that Monday" I told her, patting Dani's bum.

Tegan sighed and looked up at me "Maybe we should just run away. Sell everything and start over somewhere new. We could busk on the streets."

I chuckled "Is that really what you want?" I asked her.

She smiled "No. We worked hard for our success, I want to bask in it. I just want all of the bullshit to be done."

Dani liked the sound of that word. _Bewshi, Bewshi, Bewshi!_ She repeated in a sing song voice in her head.

Tegan's eyes went wide as I did my best not to laugh. My partner got up and kissed Dani's head as she fed from me, then placed her hand on it, rubbing her forehead with a thumb.

"Dani, Mommy didn't mean to say that. That's a bad word" she told our daughter.

I was still trying to hold back the laughter.

"And you" she said to me. "Don't encourage her" she said with a wink.

_Couwage! Couwage! Couwage!_

Tegan chuckled "Much better Dan. How's lunch?" she joked.

_Nom nom. _

I giggled and kissed her nose, feeling her start to slow "Nap time after this? Maybe mommy will read you a story before nap" I suggested.

_Stowy! Ook!_

Tegan giggled "Just like your Mama!"

I smiled at Tegan and Dani slowed right down, giving lazy sucks here and there before popping off.

"All done baby girl?" I asked.

I was answered with a tiny burp. "That's my girl!" Tegan called out.

Dani giggled and I sat her on my thigh, handing her a toy. She grabbed it and starting turning it over in her hands. I looked up at Tegan and smiled when I saw that look of pride in her eyes.

"Wanna come record me once she's asleep?" I ask her.

Tegan nods "Sure. But after lunch. I'm starving" she tells me.

I pout "Did TeeTee not get breakfast?" I ask

She shook her head. "I was dealing with the…the..B.S." she said carefully whispering the last two letters.

I chuckled and nodded, lowering my shirt to cover my chest. She reached out and ran a hand through Dani's hair. I smiled.

"You wanna take her? I'll get started on some lunch for us. Grilled Cheese sound good?" I ask.

Tegan nods "That baby is mine!" Tegan said in her mastermind voice, making Dani look up and giggle, kicking her feet.

_Mommy funny!_

I chuckled. "Uh Oh Dan, I think the Mommy monster is coming to get you!" I joke.

_Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!_

Dani giggles harder and starts to squeal as Tegan's hands get closer just before taking hold of her and snatching her up.

"Mommy Monster attacks with a shower of kisses!" Tegan calls out in the voice, kissing Dani's face over and over, making the baby squeal in delight before hugging her and turning to me "Grilled cheese sounds great, love!" she says with a smile.

I nod and stand up, dropping a kiss on her lips, then one on Dani's head "Goodnight baby, Mama loves you. Sleep well" I tell her.

She snuggles into Tegan's shoulder and gently kicked her legs, turning to face me. I kiss her forehead, then her nose.

_Night Night Mama. _

I smile at her and she turns back in to Tegan, sticking her fist in her mouth and sucking on it.

**Tegan's POV**

I give Sara one last kiss and pat Dani's bum, walking out to her room and pushing the door open. I went to the bookshelf and examined the titles.

"We've got some Clifford, Arthur, Berenstain Bears…" I listed.

_Hockey!_

"Again?" I chuckled.

_Hockey, Mommy!_

"Okay Dan" I told her.

I sat in the rocking chair and get her situated on my lap, grabbing the tattered book. No matter how many other books we bought her, she loved this one. She made us read it to her over and over and over. I opened it and she reached for the pictures, staring at them intently as I started to read. I tightened my grip on her as I felt her relax, and start to drift. I finished and picked her up, kissing her softly and rubbing her back.

"Goodnight Dani. I love you." I told her.

_Wuv…Mommy. Nappy._

I smile and lay her in her crib "It's okay baby, go to sleep. Mama and I are just gonna be downstairs" I tell her, as I turn the monitor up and close the black-out curtains.

I peer over the crib and see her fast asleep on her back. I smile and watch her for a minute before walking out and closing the door. I walk down the hallway, into the kitchen where Sara's standing in front of the stove. I come up behind her and wrap my arms around her, kissing her neck.

"Did you really want to record while she naps, or do you want to have some grown up time?" I ask, moving my hands down to her hips.

I feel her lean back into me and grind her ass into my front. "Well, if you're offering" she says.

"Oh baby, I'm always offering" I tell her, sucking her pulse point.

She gasps and pulses her hips "We can always record when she wakes up" she mumbles. I smile and nod as she turns around and kisses me sweetly. "Let me finish cooking, then we'll take lunch to the bedroom" she suggests.

I nod "Meet you in there?" I ask.

Sara smiles "Perfect" she says, kissing me quickly.

I smack her bum, and head down the hall to our bedroom. I stripped quickly, and got into bed, pulling the covers up. I reached down and ran my fingers through my folds. God was I wet. I played in my own cum for a bit, before rubbing my clit and letting out a tiny whimper. My mind traced back to last night, and Sara filling me with her fingers. I imagined my wife's mouth on me, hot and wet, and soft. My core poured out more, leaking down my ass and onto the sheets.

I heard her come in and I kept my eyes closed. Then the bed sunk and lips kissed mine. Her hand slid down my arm and moved my fingers away, taking their place and rubbing my clit. I arched my back and moaned, biting on Sara's lower lip. She smelt different. She felt different. I opened my eyes and they went wide, as I let out a scream, shoving away from the strange woman in my bed and grabbing the sheet.

There was a rattling in the kitchen as Sara dropped what she was doing and came running in as Dani started crying over the monitor.

"Tegan? What hap…" she called as she ran in, trailing off when she saw the intruder. "Who the fuck are you?" Sara screamed, reaching for me.

She took my arm and pulled me behind her, hiding me as I put my clothes back on.

"A fan" the woman said. She was really more of a girl.

"What the fuck are you doing in my house?" Sara bellowed, fuming with anger as Dani continued to cry in the background.

I wanted to go get Dan, but was afraid to leave Sara alone. She turned to me. "Go get her" she whispered. I nodded and walked out, running into Dani's room. I heard her tiny, trembling voice the moment I opened the door. She sounded terrified.

_Mommy! Mama! Sawed! Elp!_

I got to her crib quickly and picked her up, hugging her close. "It's okay baby girl, it's okay. Mommy's okay" I told her, kissing her forehead and trying to calm her down as I made my way back to our room.

I walked in and saw the gun to Sara's head. She had her hands up. I immediately shielded Dani's eyes, and tucked her into my chest.

"Tegan!" Sara whimpered.

"DON'T make a move!" the girl yelled. She was shaking. "I know you want me, Tegan. I felt it at that show in Tampa last year. I saw you look at me. When I saw you in bed like that, I knew you were thinking about me. So imagine my anger when I heard you were quitting your job and hadn't even told me? How are we going to support our kids?" she asked, crying.

I gulped, bouncing Dani, trying to keep her calm. I kissed her head as I looked between Sara and the intruder. Sara's eyes were shut and she was crying, terrified.

"I…I'm sorry…I…please put the gun down" I pleaded. "My daughter doesn't need to see this. We can talk about this. No doubt you feel a…connection to me" I tell her.

"What we have is special. You're my soulmate" she says, her face softening.

"And I don't doubt that, but right now you've got your gun pointed at mine. How would you feel if someone walked into our house and pointed a gun at me?" Tegan asked, hoping for empathy.

The girl breathed heavily and the gun shook.

"Please" I begged her "Please put the gun down"

"No! I had to get here first! I knew this place would be crawling after the announcement. You need to come with me" she says. "You come with me or I kill her."

"No!" I say, tears falling. "Don't…I'll go with you. I promise…I promise. Just let me give her our daughter."

She contemplates it and nods, waving the gun to indicate that I can move. I rush over and kiss Dani's head.

_Mommy!_ Dani's tiny voice cries and she lets out a screech, before crying loudly. I kiss her forehead, knowing it may be the last time I see her.

"Mommy loves you Dani. Never forget that. You're gonna go read a story with Mama now. Have some Mama time" I tell her, staring at Sara, both of our eyes full of tears.

There's this knot in my stomach. I may never see Sara again. Sara's thinking the same thing, I can see it in her eyes. I mouth to her 'I love you'. She nods and mouths it back before I feel a sickening hand on my waist, pulling me away from my family. I keep eye contact with Sara, who's trying to calm Dani. She stares right back. If the girl has one hand on my waist, then she's only holding the gun with one hand. I know I can overpower her, but this close to Dani, I don't want to risk that gun going off.

She keeps leading me out of the house "What announcement?" I ask when we get to the kitchen and I smell the food burning.

"What, sweetheart?" she asks.

"You said this place would be crawling after the announcement" I said.

"Of your address" she told me. "It was posted all over the internet"

My eyes went wide. I couldn't leave Dani and Sara here, they were in danger. We were far enough away now that I could make a move.

"Hey, I never did get your name" I tell the girl, acting cool as I calculate the move.

"Felicia" she says.

'That name will sound perfect…" I tell her.

She smiles and chuckles "Oh yeah, next to Quin?" she asks.

I shake my head, eyeing the gun. I throw an arm out that wraps around the girl's hand, and turns the gun away from us, and into my hand. As I pull back, I elbow her in the face. She topples back. She's nothing compared to Ivanov.

"On the police report" I finish.

Her nose is bleeding liberally and she's whimpering. I hit her over the face with gun and she goes out.

"Sara! Call the cops!" I yell.

Sara comes barrelling out and hugs me, crying. I hold her closely and kiss her head.

"I know baby, I know. I'm okay. It was close. But we're in big trouble here, our address got released to the internet. I'm gonna lock this one up and start locking everything. I need you to call the cops and get things locked up here" I tell her, before kissing her softly, then kissing Dani's head.

_Mommy, Mama. I'm Scawed. _

"I know baby girl, but you're with Mama. We're gonna protect you. Everything's gonna be okay" I reassure her, kissing her head before pulling away and picking up the bleeding girl. I'm trying to think where I can lock her up that she'll do the least amount of damage, but will hold her. A sickening reminder races through my mind. The laundry room. I take hold of her by the back of her shirt, picking her up like a dog with its pup. I drag her legs down the stairs and open the door to the laundry room. I sit her against the pole and find some rope, tying her up before grabbing some long pieces of shelving and the tool box. Making sure I lock the laundry room door, I run around the basement, boarding everything up tight.

**Sara's POV**

That was too close for comfort. I almost lost Tegan. But I can't think of that now. I snuggle Dani to me, kissing her.

"Shh, it's okay baby girl. We're all okay" I reassure, lifting my shirt "Come on, drink from Mama" I tell her, knowing it'll calm us both down.

Dani latches on and the relief washes over me. I run for her room, where I find the wrap, wrapping her snuggly to my chest. I make sure the monitor's mic volume is all the way up before I start gathering supplies she'll need. Who knows how long it'll be before the cops can get up here and get everything under control. I make sure all the windows are closed and turn off the stove as Tegan runs up.

"Everything's boarded up downstairs. I think the storage room'll be the safest place. No windows, just a door. We can hide easily. I'm gonna get everything up here boarded up. Start collecting supplies? Who knows how long we'll be down there" she told me and I nodded, smiling inside my head at how similar our ways of thinking were.

"I turned the baby monitor up. If we keep a monitor with us, we should be able to hear most of what's happening." I tell her.

Tegan nods "Good thinking smartypants"

I smiled and she kisses me quickly before we go our separate ways. That's when I started hearing the knocks and the screaming. Tegan moved quicker, starting at the front of the house as I rummaged from room to room, shoving things in bags and tossing them into the living room.

**Tegan's POV**

I pulled the drapes on four faces in the front window and quickly boarded it up. I could feel the glass bending with the pounding, that screaming filled my ears, making me feel dizzy. I used to long for those screams, now I'm just praying that they'll go away. I start to feel nauseous as I move to the next window.

"Sara! Hurry up! This front window's gonna break any moment now" I yell, moving to the sliding glass door.

It's a good thing they hadn't gotten into the yard yet. This door would have been a great in. I make sure to put more wood across this one than the others, and add the stopper stick to the track. I see Sara tossing bags into the living room and go for the pantry. Good girl.

**Sara's POV**

When Tegan says that they're almost through the front window, I know I need to move faster. I go right for the food next, filling a bag with first a can opener, then all the canned good we had, making sure to add in utensils and lots of baby food. I grab all of Dani's snacks and some fruit, before kissing her head and grabbing two other bags, bringing them downstairs. I come up and am met with Tegan who's got two more bags in her hands. I grab the last one as the glass to the front window Shatters.

I thought the screaming was loud before, but now without the glass to barrier the sound, it's deafening. Dani starts crying.

_Ow! Eaws! Yowd! Yowd! Ow!_

Tegan tosses all 3 bags down, then covers Dani's ears, getting the two of us down the stairs, then locking the door to the basement, boarding it up.

"In the storage room!" Tegan calls.

I grab a bag and put a hand on Dani's back, securing her as I run towards the room. Tegan's right behind me, closing and boarding doors in our wake, until we're both in the storage room with all of our bags. It's not very big, but the shelves are huge. They're made to hold all of our road cases and equipment.

Tegan and I both catch our breath and she immediately pulls one of my spare puffers from her pocket, holding it to my lips. My heart melts, and eventhough I grabbed my main one, I'm thankful she thought of me like this. I took two hits and my breathing went to normal.

"You remembered" I coo at her.

She smiled "Like I'd forget" she says rubbing my back "Come on, let's clear off the bottom shelf and get set up on it. We can use the cases to hide us. Even if they manage to get this far, they might not find us" she explains.

_Mommy! Mama! Scawed! Scawed!_

Tegan takes her from me and cradles her close as I start to move the gear off the shelf, and onto the floor. This is actually a really good idea. And she says that I'm the genius!

"It's okay Dan. We're gonna keep you safe. And I'm gonna keep Mama safe and Mama's gonna keep me safe so we'll all be safe. We're just gonna build a super cool fort." Tegan explains.

_A fowt?_

"Yeah. And we're gonna go camping in our fort just you, me and Mama. Doesn't that sound like fun?" Tegan asked.

Dani smiled and clapped. Tegan chuckled.

"I know, right? But you've gotta be really quiet because it's a quiet fort. Whoever's too loud loses. You already have a bonus because you can talk in your head to me and Mama" Tegan said, trying to convince her kid.

_A quiet fowt. Otay Mommy._

I sighed in relief. Tegan is seriously the best mom ever. I'd gotten all of the smaller stuff off the shelf and turned to Tegan.

"I'm gonna need your help with the big stuff" I told her.

There were then footsteps upstairs and my cell phone rang.

"I've got them. Take Dani and answer that" Tegan said, handing me the baby.

I nodded and answered the phone, taking my kid in my arms.

"Hello?" I asked

"Mrs. Quin. This is officer Brady from the North Vancouver police department. We're trying to get down your street, but the road's blocked. Is there any other way to get to your residence?" The officer asked.

Sara froze "Umm…yeah. You can get here..."

"By boat" Tegan said, freezing and shaking her head.

"Yeah, by boat officer. We're right on the water. You just leave out of Capilano and it's six hours southeast. We're the only house on the shoreline. There's an ummm…a house boat docked in our backyard" I explained, feeling stupid.

"Okay. We'll have to double back to Capilano. We should get there in 7 or 8 hours. I'll keep a squad here to see if they can get through before then. Where are you in the house?" he asked

"We're in a storage room in the basement. Tegan boarded every entrance and window up, including all the doors leading to where we are. We're pretty hidden and we've got supplies" I told him, trying to get some credibility back.

"Okay. Good. I'll see you soon. Stay safe" he said.

"Thank you officer" I replied.

I hung up and turned to Tegan who had a somber expression on her face.

"I know. The boat" I sighed.

"Sara, we're the dumb fucks in horror movies" she said.

_Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._

It was Tegan's turn to sigh as she pulled the last huge, heavy box off the shelf. It was big. A little bit bigger than our bed, with enough room to sit up in. She went to work on the shelf kiddy corner to it as I slid Dani into the sling, opening the bag I'd stuffed the sleeping bags, and pillows into, zipping them open and laying them on the shelf, adding pillows. Tegan smiled.

"You thought of everything" she said.

"Wait, it gets better" I told her, pulling our comforter out of another.

"Oh my god Sare! You're perfect!" She said, grabbing another box.

I smiled and laid it out, as the footsteps overhead increased.

"Does it make up for the fact that if we'd gotten on the boat we could be out of here?" I asked

"Almost. I can't believe I didn't think of that. It's already stocked. All we had to do was grab the diaper bag and get on" she growled at herself.

"I know baby, but we didn't. So now we have to figure shit out" I said. Tossing our gear onto the shelf she'd just cleared.

I could tell she was frustrated with herself. I was pretty frustrated with myself for not thinking about it. Everything was just happening so fast. I laid our comforter out on our makeshift bed and crawled in, holding Dani securely. Tegan started handing me the bags of supplies and I put them on the shelf she'd just cleared, making sure we could get to them from our "bed". Once that was done, she started to put things back on the shelf hiding the bags. She stepped back and admired her handy work as Dani started to wiggle.

"What's wrong baby?" I asked in a low whisper, the footsteps upstairs still alarming me.

_Scawed! Scawed! Mama! No fowt! _

I kissed her face "It's okay. I know it's scary. I'm scared too, but we're gonna be okay. Mommy's gonna hide us" I reassure and Tegan slides in next to me, starting to put things behind my head, braced against the mid-shelf joist at the edge of the shelf creating both a backrest and hiding us.

_Mommy!_

"Gimme a minute little one. I'm almost done. Sare, did you pack a flashlight?" she asked.

I nodded "The blue bag."

She moved to grab it and flicks it on, getting out and turning out the light in the storage area. Dani started to whimper.

"It's okay baby. Mama's here. Mommy's got the flashlight" I tell her as Tegan climbs in, lighting the area a bit.

Dani seems to calm against me as Tegan builds up the boxes next to her on the shelf, completely hiding us. It feels much safer like this. She sighs in relief and takes Dani from me, kissing her.

"That's my girl. Mommy's right here DanDan." Tegan tells her.

I dig out two apples and hand Tegan one.

"Thanks babe. How are you?" she asks

I bite my apple "Okay. Settling down" I whisper back.

Dani pulls at Tegan's arm, wanting a bite.

"No baby, this is too big for you. I think Mama packed you some Nanas though." Tegan said

_NANAS!_

Dani said excitedly in her head, a smile on her face. I giggled softly and pulled out the banana, peeling it and handing it to her. She took it in both her hands and brought it to her mouth, gnawing and sucking on it happily.

We both smiled. With us finally safe and Dani occupied, I leaned over and kissed my wife.

"I'm so thankful I've got you" I whisper against her lips.

She smiles and kisses me again "We make a pretty good B team" she said.

"Wait, why are we the B team?" I ask, confused.

"Because the A team is on the house boat 200 Kms away right now" she said with a slight smile in her tone.

I silently laughed, letting her feel my body vibrate from it "You're never gonna let that go, are you?"

"Nun un. No way. That was a really dumb move" she said.

I nodded. "Seriously."

She sighed and kissed me sweetly. I broke the kiss and had to ask the question that had been burning my brain the entire time.

"What do we do if they find us? What do you think they'll do?"

"Act like we're sleeping. It's what I do whenever I don't want attention from you" she said.

I playfully tap her shoulder in a mock-slap "Yeah right. Like you've ever done that! You love me and you love my attention. You always have and you probably always will"

Tegan smiled I could see her pearly whites clearly in the low light "It's true. I'd do anything for your attention."

"But seriously TeeTee, what do you think they'll do?" I ask, rubbing her arm gently.

"I dunno Sasa, probably fight over who gets us" She said, rubbing my tummy in return.

I bite my lip "That's an idea."

"What is?" She asks

"If they get to us we have them fight Gladiator style to determine who gets us. Maybe they'll kill each other before they get to us. It'll at least buy us some time" I suggest.

Tegan roars with laughter and I quickly clamp my palm over her open mouth. Her eyes go wide and I let go.

"Oops. You're too funny" she said

"I'm not joking" I tell her.

"Sara, we can't have fans fight to the death over us. That sounds like the caveman version of the bachelor" she says

"You mean it sound like The bachelor, no caveman version needed" I said with a smile.

That made her giggle.

"Hey, they'd do it. It might save us and Dani" I tell her.

"I'll never understand this notion of loving us so much that they want to hurt us" Tegan said.

I rubbed moved my hands to her back, knowing that she struggled with this everyday. She loved our fans. She loved our fans so much and wanted to give back to them, but sometimes they made it so difficult. And this is what she gets for it.

"Neither will I baby, neither will I" I tell her.


End file.
